Tired of Paying!!!!!

[CaliGirl77]

I feel horrible for speaking the truth, but if I place myself outside the box, this is what I see:

 

I am nothing but a doormat to this guy. Too trusting, too giving, too naive.

 

He has a lot of charm, he is very selfish and although he has a lot of good traits, he is financially draining me.

 

He needs to go.

 

I am telling him tonight. I know he will try to talk me out of it. I know his type now. I'm a little worried, because I do not know what will happen.

 

Wish me luck and thank you for all of your wonderful responses, I really needed outside opinions.

[CaliGirl77]

P.s. I Deserve Better!

[kellbell]

Hey Cali,

 

Just BE FIRM!! You know the kind of guy he is and what he will try to pull. Stick to your decision. He had plenty of chances to redeem himself and sent you that hidious email this morning.

 

When you give him the heave ho tonight, keep in mind the $400 dollars you did not have to keep a roof over your head that you had to borrow from your sister. Keep all of those things in mind. Sometimes anger is a powerful motivator. It is what you will need to get through this.

 

I know you can do this and YES, you deserve better. Good luck as I will be thinking of you tonight.

 

(((hugs)))

[RayKay]

Wow, my first response to that was "no wonder he is in a good financial place - he does not SPEND anything and has you doing it!".

 

Honestly, this is more than about money, he is either purposively manipulative, or just someone not prepared to take responsibility for anything and can NEVER see how HE himself could EVER be in the wrong. Either way, BIG red flags.

 

Honestly, it also scares me the way he is treating it like "our money". Trying to help you out is one thing, but there is something off about this, when you are really still dating him and your money is NOT his money!

 

Something just seems very off in that email, as if he is trying to convince you he will "save" you, and it seems manipulative based on the fact that he is ignoring that you are in this situation partly as he gets you to pay for everything by "forgetting his wallet"!

[rikka]

P.s. I Deserve Better!

 

Yes you do!

[caro33]

I feel horrible for speaking the truth, but if I place myself outside the box, this is what I see:

 

I am nothing but a doormat to this guy. Too trusting, too giving, too naive.

 

He has a lot of charm, he is very selfish and although he has a lot of good traits, he is financially draining me.

 

He needs to go.

 

I am telling him tonight. I know he will try to talk me out of it. I know his type now. I'm a little worried, because I do not know what will happen.

 

Wish me luck and thank you for all of your wonderful responses, I really needed outside opinions.

 

 

Good for you. Best of luck in this going smoothly for you, you will be fine. You are making a wise decision and I'm sure you will handle this well.

[nicolasa]

When you go somewhere, ask for the money up front, or say you won't go. Tell him you think he's great in most ways but the money thing is causing you to resent him and that you feel used. Tell him that his paying up front will help you not to feel these things. If he does not respond appropriately by complying with your request, you can safely assume he is using you and doesn't really care how you feel. I know it's hard, but if he doesn't value you, you should not give him the pleasure of your company.

[ZoeMatthews]

Well, did you break it off with Mr. Mooch?

 

I totally agreed with everyone here...

 

My ex boyfriend used to asked me out and I used to foot the bill...

 

Well, good luck with whatever you did!

 

Z.

[Rabican]

P.s. I Deserve Better!

 

Either that, or tell him that money talks and talk walks.

He can either start helping out, starting now, or hes gone. Dont compromise. From now on you go dutch, 50/50 He pays every other date, you pay every other. Or when you go out, you pay for yours, he pays for his.

 

So he either changes for real, starting now... or bye bye. Let us know how it went.

[arwen]

You say that this is the 'only' issue you have in the relationship, but in my eyes it is a symptom of an issue that is about much more than 'just' money. First of all, this is completely disrespectful. The most fair way to handle finances in a relationship is to split any cost that you decide to make together (such as deciding to go out for dinner, or do groceries). Then sometimes you treat each other.

 

Second of all, he is inconsiderate of YOUR financial situation. You had to borrow money to pay things for HIM? He is walking all over you, and I think he will do that until you stop him. If that means the end of the relationship, that's his loss and your gain I think.

 

So it's not just the money. He is treating you like some convenience to pay things that otherwise he would have to pay himself, like food. This is only ok if it is agreed upon (I know that I could borrow money from my bf if I needed to in difficult times, and vice versa, but that's different than making an implicit habit of it).

 

Ilse