Do guys lose respect after sleeping with a girl?

[skyblue1]

Hello,

 

I've been doing this online dating thing. I met this guy a couple of months ago our first date we kissed and spoke and recently we made arrangements to meet. I actually slept with him 2nd time i met him.

 

Does that make me look like a tart? Has he lost respect for me?

 

Thanks

[DN]

Some do - but a good guy does not.

[_Tiki_]

I'm glad you raised this question because I did the exactly the same thing!

[Clementine orange]

Some guys really enjoy the chase though....and some women enjoy being chased.

Respect notwithstanding. The question is "do you respect yourself"?

It's all subjective really, doesn't really matter what he thinks, does it.

[melrich]

If he does it says more about him than you. Most men would realise it was something you both wanted and that you are mature consenting adults.

[scarew]

As said above, if he DOES lose respect for you, he SHOULD be losing respect for himself which makes him not worth it anyways. Don't be needy and expect a big commitment now that you have slept with him. Is sleeping with him after the second date too early? Maybe, but only if you make it into a big deal. Act the same way you did before you slept with him. He will come a chasin'.

[skyblue1]

Thanks girls and boys. I have noticed that he doesn't keep in touch with me as much as he did before. Do you think his got what he wants and now his gone to the next person?

[Budman]

quite possible skyblue

 

Honestly, it depends on the guy, there is no defining answer.

 

You have your answer from your "answers"

 

so to speak.

[scarew]

Maybe. He might just be doing the mind game thing though. See, men play mind games as much as women do, they just don't know they're doing it. He is probably just testing to see if you are going to get all needy. Its hard not to, but just don't bother him. If you say anything at all, say "you're not going to get all weird and clingy now that we had sex are you?"

 

You kind of sound like you are over thinking this. If you had sex on the second date then it must not mean that much to you, or does it? Did you sleep with him for the wrong reasons, like maybe you thought it would bring him closer?

[Survictor]

At the beginning, the fun is the chase! They are hunting for a mate and they found one. There was no work involved in this really and the ultimate aim of mating was fulfilled. He may want to have sex with you again and now he knows you are open to that, he may keep you along for the ride. You may form a deep, attached love or you may not. You can see where it goes and if it goes nowhere, don't beat yourself up over it but I do think that it is better to know your bed partner a little better in order for a bond and mutual respect to develop better.

[skyblue1]

We might be meeting in the weekend for more fun. I just don't want to get attached to him and ask thinking silly things like oh my hasn't he called and so on. I'm his speaking to plenty of other ladies on the site. I haven't been bothering him at all. He might say hello then small talk. I do like him but i really don't want him to fob me off. Can this really turn into something more? or will is stay just as fun?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think some people still have a double standard when it comes to sleeping together early on... ok for guys, not for girls, but then that's not really fair.

 

but i think it's usually best to wait a while first so that you can weed out guys just cruising for sex. sometimes men will put a big rush on a woman they have no real intention of dating seriously or for very long (maybe a steady girlfriend already?), but are just looking for sex.

 

but sometimes it just happens, and if he really decides he likes you, he'll keep dating you, and if he doesn't, he won't. probably doesn't even have anything to do with when you had sex, unless he is either a dinosaur with a double standard, or never really wanted to date seriously anyway.

 

but i'd do whatever feels best for you, and maybe even ask him about it directly. it's never to late to slow down, and get to know each other a little better first, then pick up where you left off.

[Jonboy582]

What you have to remember is all men are different. And alot of this thing about men loosing respect would be to do with your track record. If you have and if he knows of you doing similar things with other guys that will obviousely bias his decision. But there is no way for sure to know.

[Caterina]

If he loses respect, like a previous poster said, that says more about him then you.

Although, I personally recommend waiting a while to really get to know someone before sleeping with them if you want something deeper then a fling. Not everyone would agree with that,and I could be wrong. But I think its safer.

[RayKay]

As you can probably garner by the replies, it depends.

 

This is why ultimately if you DO choose to sleep with someone, it should be either (if you do want more) after you have established a relationship or it should be (if you don't want more) with the knowledge that it may not lead to anything, and sex in itself won't make it anything.

 

It all depends on the persons involved, the dynamics, and what they both want to be honest.

 

I slept with my boyfriend of two years extremely early on. We were both adults, both wanted too, were NOT doing it to make a relationship but both felt it was a choice we wanted. It turned out that we did have a great dynamic together in other areas as well, and we did continue to see one another (and not just for sex!), moved in a while after that, bought a house this past spring and we like to poke fun at ourselves for that night as we NEVER expected all of this to happen from it at all.

 

But, I have also talked to men whom would not respect someone whom slept with them early on, though I fully agree that it is a double standard and they should take a good long look at themselves as well if they are going to lose respect for a girl whom slept with them early on for that fact alone.

[Caterina]

I agree with RayKay. You should be aware of consequences if you sleep with someone early on since you don't know them that well. My best friend slept with her bf after two weeks. They got married three years ago and still remain the happiest couple I know.

[skyblue1]

Guess whatever is for you wouldn't go pass you! If it's meant to be it will be. Thanks all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Batya33]

I don't agree with the "if it's meant to be it will be" - you make choices all along the way about the impression you want to make and you can make different choices that could change the outcome of any relationship. If I slept with a guy early on AND told him about my values (which is, I do not sleep with a man unless we have been dating exclusively for at least a few months, there is strong potential for the long term - marriage, etc. and he has abstained for the last 6 months and been tested) - and insisted that I was consistent in my values - then I could see him questioning whether I truly have those values I insisted I had and he might wonder why I would throw them out the window just for him. He might.

 

Typically I think it's a huge risk to sleep with a man early on. Sex can complicate things, move things along faster than either of you are ready to - based mostly on lust, make the woman (typically) have unrealistic expectations and get too attached, and the risk of disease is usually higher because you don't know this person well at all. And of course there is the risk of getting pregnant by a stranger.

 

I too know of happy marriages that started with very early sex. I know of far more unhappy women who now think men are "jerks" because they slept with the man early on, consensually, no promises are made but then right after they expect the man to want a relationship despite agreeing to sleep with him no strings attached. A few times of that happening and all of a sudden "all men" are "jerks." Glad I avoided that mindset! I've seen several posts like that on this forum and heard countless stories from friends like that over the years.

 

I agree that a man should not lose respect for a woman for agreeing to sleep with him early on. He might however assume she is fine with casual sex since she had casual sex with him and decide that that is the extent of the relationship he wants with her.

 

I do not think a woman should "test" a man by refusing to sleep with him until a certain amount of time has passed but there is a great benefit to letting a man get to know you as a person and develop an emotional connection and commitment to you prior to sharing that level of physical intimacy. At least there is to me.

[need2bme]

It is a shame that guys/girls feel like this:

 

At the beginning, the fun is the chase! They are hunting for a mate and they found one. There was no work involved in this really and the ultimate aim of mating was fulfilled.

 

but it happens. I know I was in a relationship with someone and she was going really fast. I then dedided I would let her catch me. I think that now that she had, she doesn't like it, cause the chase is not there.

 

My friend says to not live in the past and that all we had is still there. Well, if that is the case, why am I sitting here and she is not? Where are the texts and the phone calls. I have no idea what happened, but I wish I could have changed it.

 

She told me what was going on at her place and I left to give her space. She asked me to stay and I chose to leave. Dumb - "a" move. I should have stayed and showed her I get it (cause I do).

 

Damn it! Anyway, you got to do what it is you want. Don't wait around for him. Do what is good for you.

[charley]

As with nearly any question about men, it would depend on the guy.

[doyathink]

I would think that if you had sex with someone and you didn't hear from them again that they didn't have respect for you to begin with/in the first place. They wanted sex and only sex. OR....they didn't like the person with who they had sex with afterwards..and didn't consider having a relationship.

[Bellman23]

I had a recent experience similar to this. Sleeping with a girl on the 3rd date.

It caught me a little off guard. I even thought for a second, wait maybe we shouldn't do this so soon. And I am a GUY. Yes call me crazy, but when I really like the girl it seems more fun to wait to get to know her more. Part of the chase I guess you could say. With my last two girlfriends it took a month or two before they felt comfortable and I am glad we waited. I might have lost interest (and she might as well) if we just jumped into it.

 

Well did I loose respect for her? Honestly, NO. But it didn't leave me wondering if she does this with other men. Yes I know a double standard, but everyone likes to feel like they are the special one and not the 10th person they have slept with so soon.

 

In the end, I think you shouldn't be worried. If the guy cares for you he will continue contacting you. I wouldn't sleep with him again until you have gone on a few more formal dates. That way you can establish that both of you are not just into eachother for the the sex.