Strip Clubs- Cheating or Not?

[FCTex]

I've had this argument with my girlfriend a number of times..

 

I've never had a girlfriend deny me of doing something I wanted to do. As far as strip clubs are concerned, I've been to them. Nothing on a regular basis, but I've gone with friends, gone for parties, gone for business, and gone just because we were in another city..

 

However, I've never had a girlfriend tell me I couldn't go.. Most never saw it as a problem. I don't spend hundreds and thousands when I've gone, and don't make a habit of it. I do however, have the problem being told I can't go and issued a set of rules.

 

My girlfriend now, however- does.

 

She thinks they are nasty, and thinks that it's on a verge of cheating if I visit such a place. I don't see the problem with it. It's not a socially unacceptable thing. It's not a run down place that you see in movies. Most strip clubs require a strict dress code, drink/food minimums and don't let you do the raunchy lap dances- most that is.

 

But anyways.. She told me since I'm with her, I shouldn't need to see another woman dance naked for me. That I should be allowed to see another womans body in the nude..

 

She said if I went to one, and she found out, that she'd probably leave me, because she feels it's cheating...

 

So I guess that throws out the fact that my mom got me VIP access to a large strip club in town from a friend of hers.

 

Whats everyone elses tak on it? I don't see the harm in it, within moderation.

[BornToResist]

I think it doesn't matter what we think.

 

She has laid down the law. Her law. It's not the same as the whole "ultimatum" thing, but rather she just stated clearly "this is what I will draw the line" for whatever her personal reasons are.

 

You need to respect her boundaries in my opinion. Don't ask her to compromise what she believes in. If it really is a big deal, then maybe find someone whose judgments more closely reflect yours.

 

Note: I am not putting you down or saying that you are wrong in ANY way, it just doesn't sound like this is something that is up for discussion in your relationship.

 

This is a very touchy subject for some women and I think if you respect her and her feelings mean something to you, you just have to withhold the nudie bars.

 

Just my opinion anyways. For the record, I have absolutely no problem with strip clubs. I'm a woman and have been to them more often in my past relationship than my bf had. I think they can be all in good fun.

[nadine_3110]

I don't think it's cheating, but I would definitely not appreciate going to one, makes it seem like I'm not good enough or something. But your gf told you that she didn't want you to go, then you shouldn't, if you care about her. But I don't like the fact that she threatens to leave you if you go to one, a bit extreme.

[FCTex]

I wasn't really asking for what I should do in regards to my situation.

 

If I'm out with the guys, and we end up at a strip club, I just won't tell her if it's such a big deal to her.. It'll save a pointless fight. She's one of those girls that thinks I shouldn't masterbate because I have a girlfriend. Yeah, right.

 

I just wanted to know what people think of the situation at hand and what they think of strip clubs.

[vandgsmom]

To me (NOTE: this means my opinion lol) unless you happen to jump the strippers bones before you come home, this isn't cheating...

 

HOWEVER

 

there are societal rules and then there are "family" rules. Society as a whole does not frown on drinking in moderation. However as a Baptist, I was raised that drinking at all was wrong, and when my dad drank he let our family rules down and was thereforeee wrong. She may have a totally different set of "family" rules that she needs for you to compromise on if you want to keep her.

 

You have to ask yourself, which is worth more to you?

The girl or the freedom to visit the strip club if you want to....

[FCTex]

See, women do that all the time..

 

"Am I not good enough?"

 

If you weren't good enough in most cases I wouldn't be with you. Just because I grabbed a beer or two, and some appetizers with the guys after the football game at the strip club, or took a customer to a strip club to schmooze, doesn't mean your not good enough.

 

Just because you saw porn on my web history, or found some old magazines wadded up in the bottom on a box in the garage, doesn't mean your not good enough. Just because you caught me looking at another woman, who walked by, while I was waiting on you to try clothes on in the store.. Doesn't mean your not good enough.

 

It's human nature.. Most guys will probably pop Viagra in their old age, just to masterbate for crying out loud!

[melrich]

The problem with a question like this is there is no context.

 

I mean sleeping with another woman/man is not cheating if your partner knows about it and is perfectly OK with you doing it.

 

So on "strip clubs" or anything really, if you are lying about "it", hiding "it", sneaking around to do "it", you are cheating on the relationship.

[FCTex]

It's not so much the girl... or the strip clubs..

 

It's the fact she's so concrete on the idea that it's wrong, and immoral. More so, I just hate the fact that I'm being told I'm forbidden from doing something. Thats just something you don't do. Especially, when we haven't been together over a year, and we're young. Not that I'd threaten to leave if she didn't budge, because it's not worth a fight, but still.

[FCTex]

Melrich, I agree with that point.. Good point..

 

I just toss, strip clubs, porn, and adult entertainment in general, with the exception of prostitution, as not cheating or immoral..

 

Going to the strip club, even unknowingly, COULD be a form of cheating, however, I still find it a far fetched idea to be nailed to a wall because I drank a beer and watched a girl in skimpy clothes or topless dance to top hits music..

[melrich]

I think the point is, too many people associate "cheating" with a physical sexual act and it has come to mean that in the modern lexicon.

 

Which is sad really because you can cheat on a relationship in so many ways but the great defence becomes "But I did not cheat!".

 

I've been guilty of it myself. You know taht by telling someone where you have been or what you have done it will just upset them and spark a fight. So you don't tell them or you lie when asked.

 

I learnt those lessons and nowadays I won't be in a relationship with someone who does not like the answers I give. Because I think when you are lying, when you are hiding things, you are cheating on the relationship.

[vandgsmom]

Melrich: Would you have that last bit printed on a Tshirt for me to wear if I am ever brave enough to go on a date again??

 

Thanks.. I am a medium.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Maybe you two are just incompatible, then.

 

It's one thing if you enjoy paying to see women to strip in front of you (not to mention everyone else), and she also enjoys you paying to see women strip. Then, great! Everyone is happy.

 

But that is not the case here.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I truly do believe there are many many healthy, well adjusted men and women out there who would rather that their significant others not pay to watch other members of the opposite sex strip (not to mention rub against them and simulate (or not simulate) sexual acts with them).

 

So, it seems like the real issue here is neither whether you are right or wrong for wanting to go to strip clubs, nor whether your girlfriend is right or wrong for her desire that you not go.

 

She is certainly entitled to her preference, and I would submit that you should consider whether she deserves better than to settle for someone who sneaks around behind her back doing the very things that she has asked him not to do?

 

I propose that the solution is that you break up with her and find yourself a different girlfriend who is happy about the idea of her boyfriend going to strip clubs. Then you can both be happy. It's a win/win.

[TiredMan]

I don't think it is cheating. But it's good to tell the person you are with that you went/are going.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It's not so much the girl... or the strip clubs..

 

It's the fact she's so concrete on the idea that it's wrong, and immoral. More so, I just hate the fact that I'm being told I'm forbidden from doing something. Thats just something you don't do. Especially, when we haven't been together over a year, and we're young. Not that I'd threaten to leave if she didn't budge, because it's not worth a fight, but still.

She's standing up for what she believes in, those are her convictions and her feelings. Would you really want her to go against her own standards to be with you? She feels this way, its is her choice. Do you think that going to strip clubs is more important than her following her beliefs? Which is more precious a thing to you, that you watch naked women dance or being with someone you know has standards and integrity.

[doyathink]

The real question here ( and a few other threads) is why do ppl want relationships? I mean come on...with all the porn to watch, all the strip clubs to party at, all the women/men watching and masturbating 1-3 times a day..who has the time?

 

Why does one want to be in a relationship when all this is out there at our fingertips?

 

FCT...man, you dont have to be 'forbidden ' to do anything...you have the choice to leave so you don't get any friction on doing any of this.

[ForAnother]

My ex got really upset that I masturbated. She thought she wasn't good enough...

 

I don't know what to say to that... i view masturbation as like brushing my teeth. I just do it cuz it feels good and feels right at the moment. I have not emotional connection to the girls I look at.

 

Thats how I view strip clubs. I think its just something you are doing because its enjoyable. Should you have sexual desires/motives/thoughts with the particular woman, then maybe its wrong... but just looking and getting horny and just being like "wow she is hot" ain't bad imo.

 

-ForAnother

[arwen]

I think the fact that this hurts the feelings of your girlfriend is more important than debating the definition of cheating.

[Aragorn]

Strip Club = Cheating, period.

 

 

 

Matt

[heloladies21]

When you "strip" it down to it's core elements, it's all a trust issue. The issue came up with me and my gf recently and she said very much the exact same sentence as what your gf said to you, to which I replied "I don't care if I'm the only guy in a room full of 50 naked women trying to jump me, you should trust me to the point that I'm not going to do anything." Which she should, because I wouldn't have anything to do with them. It would just be looking with no intent behind it.

 

Nothing wrong with asking her "Do you trust me?"

[Helen67]

I think the fact that this hurts the feelings of your girlfriend is more important than debating the definition of cheating.

 

I fully agree with that.

 

I'm not saying it's morally wrong, but this subject obviously upsets your g/f. Have you tried to imagine what goes through your g/f's head at the thought of you leering and passing comments on a another woman's a** and t*ts, commenting on whether she would be a goer in the sack..etc?

 

Just because you had other g/fs who were okay with that (mind you they were probably out bonking someone else while you were at your strip joints), you should respect your g/f feelings here. And why are you not still with these fantastic women who would allow you to go? Answer..Cos they didn't give a toss about you!!

 

This woman obviously cares deeply about you, probably the first who ever has, and you won't even see her point of view.

 

Actually I hope she does dump you, then you can go back to your shallow love life that you had, and your strip clubs, and not ever meet anyone who can offer you love and tenderness, that I believe you have right in front of your t*ts and a** eyes!

 

Helen

[Clementine orange]

Dude, I'd be more worried about this whole "ultimatum" business if I were you. Relationships are give and take, if one person is saying "if you do XYZ then I'm walking" then that spells trouble. I mean, where does it end. There are of course some non-negotiables (like sleeping with other women) but not being "allowed" to look at other women???? That leash is gonna feel awfully short after a while.

[arwen]

The issue is not being allowed to look at other woman. There is a difference between just looking in a normal situation (say, on the street) and going to a place that is purposely designed to stare at half naked women and in addition pay money for their dances.

 

The fact that she feels like she should give an ultimatum is merely a reflection of her boundaries. For her, visiting a stripclub crosses her boundary. That is probably so because it really hurts her feelings. I think that everyone is allowed to have boundaries-- in a relationship you have to be able to live happily without crossing each others boundaries. If that means giving up too much (like if you feel that strip clubs are an essential part of your life), then this is something you should consider problematic.

 

The non-negotiables vary per person, and some are more general than others I think. For some people, kissing someone else is not cheating, for others it is. It also might help to put yourself in her shoes. Honestly, suppose she and her girlfriends would regularly go to stripclubs and put dollars in men's slips and have lapdances. Would you think that is ok? If not, then you should understand where she is coming from. If you would think that is ok, then the two of you simply have different views on what is appropriate in a relationship and what not. (I am not judging you, because there might be women that wouldn't mind their partners going to stripclubs-- I would but that is a PERSONAL feeling!)

 

Ilse

[Helen67]

Hear Hear...It is also my personal feeling, maybe that's why I'm getting wound up.

 

But still I find it unfair that the OP here cannot understand why his g/f should be so angry and upset from this. It makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall ](*,) ; out of frustration for her!

 

And planning on going and not telling her, is just damn right direspectful plus being a liar and a cheat to add.

 

If my b/f was on lets say a stag night with a group of *our* male friends, married, single whatever, I could handle that as a one off situation, cos I could trust them together as mates on the town. BUT you are talking about different guys, business aquaintences who your g/f does not know, and cannot vouch for.

 

Don't you get how she must feel? She hasn't the slightest idea how far you or others may go at these joints.

 

Okay must stop again, cos I want to slap something!

 

Helen

[Day_Walker]

Going to a strip club is not cheating. Personally i believe your gf's argument that "she isnt good enough for you, if you go to strip clubs" is just a sign of insecurity and to me is less than favorable. Odds are that if she feels this way about strip clubs then she has other issues with sex and I would also see as less than favorable. In all honesty if a girl told me that I could not go to a strip club, I would know that it is the beginning of the end of the relationship.

In my opinion because I believe that her opinion is irrational, I will not abide by the argument that going to a strip club will hurt her feelings. She is a big girl and if she has a problem with it then she is fully able to leave.

[TiredMan]

My ex got really upset that I masturbated. She thought she wasn't good enough...

 

I don't know what to say to that... i view masturbation as like brushing my teeth. I just do it cuz it feels good and feels right at the moment. I have not emotional connection to the girls I look at.

 

Thats how I view strip clubs. I think its just something you are doing because its enjoyable. Should you have sexual desires/motives/thoughts with the particular woman, then maybe its wrong... but just looking and getting horny and just being like "wow she is hot" ain't bad imo.

 

-ForAnother

 

Well said!

 

Some people want you to stop masterbating because they are so insecure. That is just plain sillyness. Maybe THEY shouldn't be the one in relationships. Someone suggested that "you have the choice to leave so you don't get any friction on doing any of this." I counter that with why should they leave? They aren't the one who has a problem with it? The person causing the friction does. They should be the one leaving, if anything.