Aragorn

Strip Club = Cheating, period. Matt

So typical for WOMEN to think it is what guys want and do. K, the 'boy' you have fecthed MAYBE that is his deal but it isn't what I would be doing. I am just fine doing my own pleasure when the hits the fan or sleeping someplace else (for a nights rest NOT sex BTW... Why do SOME do it? Because their brain hasn't matured far enough (no matter how old) and that is all their noses smell... Matt

Ahem, I LOVE my Drakkar Noir thank you, BEST stuff in thw World. I might buy a bottle of 'Ferrari' some day JUST as a occasional alternative. Matt

Haha, sooo tipical... what a gal wants and what a guy wants. My $.02 is how indeed broken up are you, and how broken up is he? Do you (or him) have any malice? When my first broke up with me I was detroyed, and it was sooo painful... but indeed FOR ME no contact was the best thing. I mean I got a few emails back and forth for the first 2 weeks or whatever, but after that it stopped. For me it is tuff to believe in friends after a relationship, I always just felt tooo out of place OR just completely hurt (I have only had 2 1/2, yes 1/2 I am in one right now and it is pending... : ( ) I would say friends sounds ok, in a while though. 3 years IS a long time to be with someone, it isn't a drop in the bucket. Just my opinion. Take care, Matt

Hey thanks man, I actually do tell her everything, and in some ways that can backfire... especially if I talk about sexual frustration, or girls that I though were cute and I wish she was here to keep me from thinking those things... She worries that I am lonely (and we both are really) and she insists on not being the one to MAKE me lonely... LDR are complicated, what can I say. They are indeed difficult, IMPOSSIBLE? YES to last AS A LDR forever. BOTTOM LINE, one person has to commit to move to where the other is in a certain time period, else it just won't work... IMO. I have been told that BOTH should move to a completely new place of origin, haha just to be fair... not a bad idea either... I guess. I would NOT have a problem moving to her, but I have 4 more YEARS of school left and I am taking a year off to work... out of money and the banks here SUCK! We technically "broke up" Sunday night (24 hours ago), and well I am not sure what to say. I guess she needs time to evaluate what she wants in life... for a 27 year old seems VERY teenagerish to me, I mean SUCH a SOAP OPERA move... In your case, I guess it like a regualr relationship in the respect that you are feeling regret over the things you didn't (and perhaps did) do... It is a cruel saying to plain out say 'learn from it" I HATED that, especially when I lost someone I loved... I mean you wanted (me in my regard) to work... But if it is over, it is perhaps the only contrsutive thing left to obatin. Matt

OK, another note... I have noticed quite a few posts that say "I am a virgin but not waiting for marriage, just the right person..." To me that is just saying the opputunity hasn't come up yet... I believe the right person IS your spouse, after the knot is tide the whole deal... The first girl I gave it too, I really did want to marry (at the time) and I guess that is EXTRA why I was sooo demolished when she broke up with me... (check my post history to see the thread) Matt

It WILL seem that way, and of COURSE when you are hurting and you want him back... My ex, well she did drugs after I asked he NOT too (Majauana or whatever the spelling is...) this is a HUGE no no for me... she thought there was NOTHING wrong with it, even AFTER I asked he not to. There is alot more, but it is funny how I am just drawing a blank. The point being is, it is TUFF to find the faults with someone you love ALOT and who has broke your heart... even after months of crying and reasoning I probally would have taken her back! Now? NO WAY. It takes healing it really does. You just don't wake up one day 'curred' or whatever. But each day you think and reflect, and BESTLY you still go out and have fun with OTHER people / friends and NEW people. So, my advice is to go out and have fun with friends and people who care and support you. Mind you, try NOT to do risky or other wise bad things like well criminal things, drugs, smoking, alcohol... Play games, watch movies, go exercise, take a martial arts class ect Matt

Well words hardly ever take away pain, but at least you can read them and reflect as you wish... Readign your post takes me back to when I ifrst came here almost 3 years ago.. I'll breifly sum it up for you to be able to relate with your situation. I was 23 Years old, Male and I had my heart broken from my first ever girlfriend. Yes we did all the first time stuff, including sex which was a HUGE thing for me... (see my post reply on Virginity) I was destroyed and I find it almost kinda funny (in a CUTE way) to read your story. believe, I really do not find it funny, just that I know how you feel in some ways, because of simular circumstance. I know you are sad right now and I wouldn't really laugh in that way... I said ALL the same things, and I felt hopeless. The worst thoughts for me were thinkign of her with someone else, those really put me in the grave. I had much depression and severe too, I was indeed on meds for a little bit. I felt things were NEVER EVER going to get better, and continued to ask WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??? Sound familiar? Porbally. Here are some things that helped ME, which may help you. I tried not to contact her, I know sooo much how hard that was. I did call her once and it was terrible. COLD SHOULDER all the way. I emailed he time to time and that was no better. I found the best thing after many months of hurting that I just wanted to stop talking to her. It was weird. She wouldn;t email me for a long time, but she had heard how much I was hurting (cried EVERY SINGLE day for 3 months straight) and decided to try and offer answer in email. Again it just hurt, t hurt to hear the bad things and things she was up to now... So I axed the contact. A HUGE step, but is may help you. What to do now? I made new friends, infact one girl at work found me one day (I took over her shift, so as she was leaving I was coming in to take over) I totally broke down... and she showed me amazing kindness. She invited me to her Halloween party with friends that I had never met. I usually HATE these kind of functions as I DO NOT drink, but I found it SOOO nice to be able to get out of the house and just do something new. So yes, allow me to side comment, PLEASE do not start smoking and or dinking, these are bad esacpes. KEEP STRONG I found new hobbies a help. I found CONTUNING going to the gym and keeping my healthy lifestyle up a great help as well, physcially and mentally. One BAD mistake I did make was I started dating someone else FAR too soon, they call this a 'rebound' type of relationship. Just make sure your feelings are clear before considering dating someone else. Now I KNOW this sort of thing isn't on your mind, but it may be in time. It took me a VERY long time to get over my first, infact I JUST saw her driving (presumably with her boyfriend) last weekend, I hadn't seen a SITE of her in 2 YEARS! WOW, haha been a while... I do still think about her and recalling her memory always has a bit of a cut to it. Regardless I am with a great girl now, and am very happy. The only thing is we (me and my gal) are in a Long Distance Relationship and things have been very difficult lately as we miss each other very much. If there is ANYTHING you would like to ask me further, please feel free to PM me anytime, ok? Take care, *blessing*, Matt

He is my $.02 I am a Christian male, 26 now. I always swore that I would keep such a thing till indeed I was married. It was with my first girlfriend (22, who ended up breaking my heart) that I gave it too, and it happens. I can say I wish things were different or that heated moments didn't consume me at the time. So I would say those who are waiting, continue to do so. NOT saying it isn't tuff, especially when you may have known someone for a while (if not years) and you do love them for sure... Matt

Ah, well it is a case of a long distance relationship. How far away will he be? I met my gal online and she in the USA and I am in Canada, have been since we 'met'. That was 1 3/4 years ago and we have been dating sort of speak for over a year now. It is tuff, I'll say that... though especially because we haven't had the chance of being together to build up our relationship... So you have the strength of building that and now at least you can work on things as you are apart, but you knwo who is is in a deeper sense bacause you have BEEN together already for four years. Are you still in shcool? Are you lanning on Colledge? Is he planning, and or does he work? HOW hard would it be to get a job and move ot where he is? Could you afford your own place there? Would he be willign to move back and get a job where you are at now? You might have to answer some of these questions in your game plan if you it turns out that the both of you cannot bare being apart. Sounds like he cares alot about you and you to him, I think you guys will be able to work out a solution to your dilema at hand. Be sure to talk about your concerns with him, I think it is important. So don't bottle stuff up as to blow up on day. My gal sometimes does that to me ](*,) Hope this helps, *blessings* Matt

Wow, long yes, and very detailed. I saw Canadian male 23 and HAD to respond... Sounds just liek me when I first go there. I truhfully didn't read the whole thing, but a chunk at any rate. Sounds like we have simular issues in some regards. I found no matter how awesome the gal I was with, I was and have been lookign at others. I don't go to bars, but I still see the gals. It also creates a guilt in me, I guess it makes you question weather you are with the right gal and feeling against yourself of betrayal and what you hope to be yourself. What help can I say having the same issues sometimes? Well I have been told that everyone still 'looks' I guess it is just in us to be attracted to other people. Grass is greener and all that yarn...There is a fair amount of possible combining reasons why you did and do. I guess be careful not to let the 'one' get away... I guess I am in a bit of a rush, so I hope I don't sound liek I am talking out of my * * * * *... I repost again... Matt

I do a full body work out routine, are you familiar with some workout terms? If not you can PM me and I can send you over a great 3 day full body workout. Sets of reps should be in the zone of 10-14 reps. I also recommend cardio (Pilates also as an additon sub or for a change is alright as well I think, though I have never tried it myself). *CARDIO AFTER you work out yields better results. Of course, a bgood healthy balanced diet is ideal above all. You generally want to consume addition protien if you don't eat that much currently. PM me if you'd like more details, Matt

OK, PLEASE allow me to share my story... I am also in along distance relationship surrently. I live in Canada and she is in the USA. BY CAR it is 20 HOURS, I never have driven it. We have only been together 4 times in 1 3/4 years. An not for more than 2 weeks at a time. In the next fews days I am not sure what is going to happen, we definitely LOVE each other, but we are struggling with everything because neither of us can make a move right now. I am in school and she is in debt... So we might be breaking off... to which I'll proablly further post on here... But at any rate, I find that a * * * *ty strike to you, sounds like she didn't share some feelings of hard ships while you guys were together. That wasn;t fair of her to just drop like that, for that part of the story I am quite sorry to hear things like that actually happen. Why do you feel the way you do? She may have been a great catch other wise, and no doubt made sacrifices dude to be with this gal... I have found that with the FEW woman I have loved and lost (only one) I ALWAYS beated myself up for doing things wrong, and I said or did a bad thing that lead to the whole destruction... It is guilt of lost love, and by your feelings I guess you can sum up that you did love her. Love hurts, and I know that is * * * * to hear. Sounds like though there isn't much chance of it happening again. Move on? It'll be your move. As you have said sounds like ( * * * *ty enough) that she has hooked up woth someone else. IF my gal did that to me, I couldn't talk to her again either man. Is that my suggestion? I would say so as tuff as that may be. Best wishes man, from another guy who might be joining the club... *blessing*, Matt

ALLLL the guys fault huh!? OK, so that maybe the case, and I DO agree. Condoms suck, what can I say. However ON TOP of that possible problem, I also notice that if my gal ain't entirely 'wet' then there is no way it'll go in either. So yes the suggested pre hand fore play to loosen up and what not. My $.02 Matt

Haha- from a guys point of view... Yes, as much as I know a woman doesn't orgasim as easily as a guy. Fingers is the only way that my girlfriend will cum, and it is of course a different kind of sex. (duh, right?) Obviously with fingers you can achieve specific points of sensation and hopefully the 'talanted' person can keep this going longer, which of course helps for *you* orgasim. I make a point of making sure my gal cums and even a few times actually, Matt

From the guy's perspective... Yes unfortunately the worst punishment is time, you'll have to wait and see how your body functions in the next little bit. UNFORTUNATELY it is too late to suggest the 'day after / morning after Pill" I guess alot of us have been in this spot (haha, surprised you do not have more helpful responses) But just make plans to get checked out (soon) to find out yes or no. From there you can at least plan course of action, which is easier than being stuck in limbo right now. Hopefully to your wishing you'll have dodged fate and learned a HUGE lesson, but other wise you'll have to make some big descisions. Best of wishes, Matt

Ouch eh, I haven't been cheated on, but I have had my heart broken that is for certain. I found though that getting out (and yes not drinking) but just being around people is a great relief. SHE won't be at this party, will she? If she IS I would then say don't go... if she isn't then go for sure. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO socialize, but then again you don't HAVE to be anti social. Just try and not worry about the big stuff and flow with the little stuff if that makes sense? I made news friends and had a good time even around relativelty complete strangers way back when. NOT saying I was completely comfortable, but looking back I always had a much better time going than I figure if I did not... As for cheaters, well that is always the terrible slate. Not sure how to advise other than ANYONE who does such a thing IMO is shallow. I mean if someone NEEDS to be with another, then at least break things off first... and even wait a few days. Other wise, a 'tramp' is what I define such charaters as. Take care, Matt

Holy SMOKES... I feel like I started this thread!!! Here is my take ... I find I have been VERY exhausted lately... Getting no MORE than 6 hours of sleep, and between 4-6 usually. I stay up late, on the internet talkign with my girlfrined in Denver (I am in Canada and hour ahead of her too)... She doesn't have much time to talk except when she gets home late at night... It is a current problem because she goes out with friends and has little or NO time for me lately. SO... After a HARD A** day at work, I have dinner, and then I am TOO tired to stay awake and end up sleeping for 1- 1 1/2 hours in the evening... CREATING a vicious cylce... ASPARTAME and Diet soda pop I am TRYING to wean (spelling?) off of. Aspartame LOWERS serotonine in the brain which CONTROLS sleeping AND mode patterns!!! The lack of it can cause depression. 5-HTP (an amino acid AND avaliable as a vitamin supplement) helps INCREASE seratonin in the brain. I try and workout, but because I too have been tired which in turn makes me feel sluggish which in turn makes me feel out of shape (which I am becoming) it attacks my GOOD mod... I hate my job, it is production welding. I am hoping in the next year things will REALLY change around... It is either: 1) Get hired on with a GOOD company here in Canada (which I am half int he process of doing) 2) GO back to school 3) Start my OWN business 4) Move to Denver We'll see. Sorry to vent on my OWN feelings... just some things I notice too. A MAJOR added comment is that when I DID get into a HUGE depression, I was really deep... A reason PARTIAL to why my FIRST girlfirned (whom I loved, view my posts) left me. From there it was DISATEROUS... Friends, going out, exercising, praying, eating healthy... all these things help! Hope this helps some what! Take care! Matt

Well... I have never tried it nor would I personally engage in such actions, being against my beliefs. I am NOT here to judge or bash BY FAR... I am NOT perfect and I too have had sexual relations BEFORE marriage... (MUCH to my regret I might add) Which is why I also made the post IMO = In My Opinion Matt

OK, a follow up... Yes NO contact is best medicine indeed. TRUST ME. Going out with friends and NOT being alone is VERY good therapy too! TRUST ME. A comemnt to a suggestion, which was to talk to other chicks... well I would say YES do that, but be VERY VERY careful NOT to enter a relationship while you still feel feelings for this gal... Again... I fell into that. I started dating someone else 3 months after 'she' broke up with me and it was a BAD move... The WORST PART, the very worst part for ME that is... is picturing or thinking WHO she is with now... It is questions like: Is he stronger, better looking (well not than me ), better job, better off finacially ect... It does build up a very powerful hatred engine in you, so steer clear if you can... As for the extra 'poster people' well yes there are MANY people going through the same thing indeed. We have all our own situations unique to us of course, but yeah... I am sure there is alot of people who can relate. Hope this helps, This whole website and fourm is AMAZING... and too boot the membership is FREE! Count it as a FANTASTIC resource and a Blessing! Take care! Matt

K, IMO... Friend with benefits is just a BAD thing over all... I would simply say end things as best you can and look for a solid relationship if that is what you desire. Matt

Well... One month is still fresh indeed... The situation is only briefly explained, like WHY she left ect is missing... Not sure what to say, just that I have ben going through the SAME thing for the past 2 years... I loved my first girlfriend VERY much, though I fell into a depression state. She wanted to do things I as well did not apporve of (see my posts for more on this, they get pretty ugly with details as I recall)... Well, she ended up breaking up with me and there was not a SINGLE thing I could do about it... Reflecting back I believe that she had already another guy she was going (or DID) ask out, and the list goes on... I suppose the 'cure' is to move on, and over MONTHS, and even to this day I have shifted out stuff like: Emails, letters, pictures, CONSTANTLY thinking abot her ect... it takes time, believe me. I moved into another relationship FAR FAR too soon and it was disaterous! So do NOT rebound... SO nothign you porbally didn;t know already, but sometimes it is good to hear it again... AND to know that other people feel the same as you and have gone through this as well... Take care, Matt

Hello, here is my OLDER post: link removed The update IS that she hasn't emailed, thoguh I have emailed her. I sent off a HUGE pakage full of taped "BEAUTIFUL" music, about 15 HOURS worth, a CD and a CUSTOM lightsaber (the extra surprise! go to link removed ) Anyways, She says she has been REALLY busy but I don't know WHAT to do. I got into a car accident and sent her a email with some pics, NO COMMENTS OR RESPONSE!? Should I call her up over the weekend? OR should I wait till Tuesday when she GETS the pakage!? I am REALLY nevervous and would REALLY be happy and honored to keep what we have growing and going! Tips, HELP, WHAT TO DO!!!??? Matt

WOW, Gee you almost sound liek ME!!! Serious! I get VERY shy (BUT not nervous) with crowds I do NOT know. FOr instance when I go out cruzing in my car, and I meet up with other people I RARELY say ANYTHING. Indeed it MAY feel liek I don't fit in, and MOST of the tiem I don;t want to... SOME people are just pain ronchy! When I am around with friends it is ALL about being a GOOF, and I LOVE the attention. Though I DO get "anti-social" (so I have been told) when I go over to my ex-co-workers place when she has a party. I REALLY don;t say anything, UNLESS spoken too. SO, yeah it's common and NOT shameful. It is instinct or charateristic for most people. BEING YOURSELF I think is important, and NOT so nervous! Though I KNOW it has that kinda DARN snowball down a mountain effect, eh? Not the BEST advice, but hey dude just be cool! Matt