gattsuga Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 First off, I don't want to come accross as a shallow guy. I love her to death, and will probably end up marrying her. however, i've noticed she's changed a lot in the past year. Before she was very feminine, wore pretty dresses, put makeup/did her hair etc. Nowadays, she dresses in baggy sweaters and sweat pants, and never does her hair or puts on makeup. and she acts very tomboy'ish like. i hate to say it, but i'm finding her less and less sexually attractive, and I don't really feel like initiating anything cuz I just don't find her sexual. Her breath stinks, and when she kisses me, my whole mouth gets wet with her saliva... and i don't really find that attractive. how can i approach her with these things without hurting her feelings. I don't expect her to wear dresses half the time or do her hair all the time... the thing is she never does! helppp.. i don't find my girl sexual anymore Link to comment
mokajava Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Indeed sexual attractiveness is a VERY important aspect of a love relationship, so I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do. I think you should try to bring up the subject very gently, and indirectly, so she doesn't feel threatened by it. You could tell her something like: "I was just thinking the night you put on this sexy dress, remember the one with spagehtti straps? You looked so yummy I wanted to eat you!" or something like that, and put on a big smile. Or if you shop together, and pass by a very sexy skirt, you can tell her: "oh my God, you'd look stunning in this skirt!" Get my idea? I think eventually she'll catch on, b/c all women love to hear positive stuff about them and that includes their body. When she finally puts on those sexy clothes and does her hair, puts make-up, whatever, ENCOURAGE HER to continue to do so....Good luck! Link to comment
rocio Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Bad breath is never good. Buy her a bottle of mouthwash maybe? But she shouldn't have to put on a skirt and do her hair for you to find her hot. If you don't think she's completely sexy in sweat pants, then there's a problem. What about when she has kids and gains 50 lbs? What about when she's a mom and doesn't have the time to match her socks, let alone wear makeup and skirts? And if you don't like her tomboyish personality, maybe you should leave her for some guy who thinks that's sexy. Lots of guys are turned on by a tomboy. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Do you know if she is depressed or feeling down about anything? Perhaps that could be a reason why she doesn't feel like dressing up, doing her hair, personal grooming etc. Perhaps you should talk to her and see if this is the problem. Sometimes when things are weighing heavily on someone's mind, they just don't feel motivated and in the mood to dress sexy etc. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 wow - so, she's feeling R E A L L Y comfortable around you, yeh? Maybe a little TOO comfortable for your liking? Don't feel shallow dude. You have a right to be sexually attracted to your girlfriend. Maybe just offer her some gum. I HATE it when people do that, even when they're just being generous, cos I get paranoid. If you do it right after a kiss, she'll take the hint. Then, take her out some where nice and ask her to dress up cos it's a fancy place. Then, compliment the heck out of her - like, "wow, I haven't seen you like this for a while. You look good." That'll probably make her feel good and WANT to dress up for you again. You could also ask her if she's feeling OK lately cos you've noticed she doesn't seem to care about how she looks so much. Ask her if she's depressed. Link to comment
BornToResist Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Couldn't have said it better. That would make me want to dress up more often for my man. Link to comment
kuhaaica Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Sorry i dont see how you can find someone less attractive over all just because they choose to be comfortable. When i met my spouse, he said from the start dont bother shaving if you dont want to, wear soemthing comfy "I think youlook the best in a dress shirt" and it was so refreshing and he was right, after some time you become comfortable and shaving everytime isnt a nessessity, and wearing uncomfortable lingerie so why play the "new" game and present yourself in the best light just for it to change 6 months later. In the beginning didnt you wake up beside her and kiss her good morning, or pick up where you left off the night before ??? Whats the difference now? My suggestion is to plan a nice night out or in, you yourself shave, primp, colonge the works, that way she has to spice it up a bit. Sorry i do find it shallow, old saying it NOT whats on the outside but whats within... Just my two cents worth.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I agree. I think if you tell her, "gosh, you look bad these days. how about hitting the gym, then to the dumpster to toss out those sweats!" it will just drive her away. positive reinforcement. say stuff like, "hey - you haven't worn that red dress in a while, you remember, the one you wore on our second date. you took my breath away when I saw you in that." good luck - I hope it all works out for you. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I feel for you, gattsuga. I know I would be unhappy, were that me. It's one thing to be "comfortable" but another to just stop caring about your appearance and let yourself go. I've never understood why someone will dress fancy, parade themselves around like they are the best thing since sliced bread before you're dating (and initially once you start dating) then just completely stop caring and walk around in old sweats and not even bother fixing their hair. The same could be said of men, too. It's one thing to be a tomboy (not my thing, but whatever...), but another to just go from being feminine and concerned with how she presents herself to the world to unconcerned and uninterested at all in such a thing. Maybe she is depressed? (People often lose sight of these kind of things when they become depressed.) Or maybe she figures, "Well, I've already got him, so why should I bother trying so hard now?" Complacency is quite common once people become involved in long-term relationships, sadly. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 What if this IS her as she truly is? Lots of young women start off with the dresses and make-up, even if it isn't how they want to be living. It can be an exploration period, or it can be because it is what they figure everyone else (especially men) expect them to do in order to be attractive. The older I get, the less I care what anyone else wants me to be. I wear dresses rarely - when I want to, or for appropriate occasions. I've become much more comfortable with my 'tomboyish' self as well. So my clothes and such reflect that - it's stupid to wear make-up during physical activities, i figure. I don't think you are superficial. Where you are coming from is valid. Good hygiene goes without saying - that is a real concern you can talk to her about. Her kissing - has it changed? I mean, I'm betting she kissed the same in dresses you simply didn't care because the dress turned you on enough. lol. My point is...could you live with this if hygiene was great? I strongly feel no one, no person should ever have to change and should not for anyone else. I know men who have found me sexy as hell in my sweats and a tank! Just be careful with this. If this is about clothes hair and make-up: yeah, I think there are bigger problems if you don't find her attractive any more just because of that. Is there something else in the equation.....maybe that she has become a lazy partner over all, or stopped catering to your desires as often, or changed as a person dramatically? Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 My first thought is that she's become depressed. It's one thing to not be so wound up over hair/makeup (I applaud women who don't give into that rubbish and make themselves into objects ETC ETC) but another to let your personal hygiene slip so much your breath stinks. THAT would concern me. If you can establish beyond reasonable doubt that she isn't depressed, then I'd say you have a right to hint to her to make sure she's CLEAN, but beyond that...havn't you heard of feminism? *Burns dresses in backyard* Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 If you can establish beyond reasonable doubt that she isn't depressed, then I'd say you have a right to hint to her to make sure she's CLEAN, but beyond that...havn't you heard of feminism? *Burns dresses in backyard* feminism is about making your own choices. I wear dresses and skirts because I LIKE them and feel comfortable in them, not because I feel I have to wear them. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I'm fully aware of that. Strictly tongue in cheek there. Not serious. humorously insinuating she might be making a stand against...etc? no? ok I apologise..it's been a long day. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 LOL - sorry, I don't always pick up on sarcasm over the internet glad to hear you aren't burning dresses in the backyard! Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Hey no, I HAVE wrecked clothes, books etc in fits of rage, but that's another thread and a half. I'll save those anecdotes for a slow day on ENA. (That wasn't a joke). Link to comment
gattsuga Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 haha.. i knew i'd bring up some heat with my topic.. firstly i don't mean any disrespect to women. you live however you want. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying I don't love her b/c she's letting herself loose. I am saying I'm not finding her sexually attractive because of that. thanks for all the pos response. i'll try to slip her more hints here and there and see how she reacts. She's in her last year of university right now, so she's super busy. i just wish she'd dress up when we go out or spend some quality time together. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 do you dress up for her? Link to comment
Kevin T Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Ah! Beautiful point, Annie! If you don't dress up (i.e. take care of yourself physically), then how can you possibly expect her to do the same for you? Of course, if you do, then it's a moot point, I suppose. Link to comment
gattsuga Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 yes of course i do. i work full-time in an office, so i always have to wear dress shirts/dress pants... and maintain good hygeine Link to comment
Kevin T Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Do you shave every day, wear cologne, brush your teeth, do your hair, wear deodorant, clip your finger and toe nails, clean your ears and shower daily? lol Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Is she still happy within your relationship? Link to comment
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