poll: how many of you are staying friends with your ex?

[blueberrypie]

And why are you doing that?

Do you see it's possible to get back together with you ex? Or your emotion dried up?

[rose2summer]

How many of you are staying friends with your ex?

I am friends with all 3 of them.

 

And why are you doing that?

I really respect them and I don't see any reason not to. It took many months after our break-up to talk again and try a friendship, but now all is well.

 

Do you see it's possible to get back together with you ex? Or your emotion dried up?

I don't want to get back together with any of them, no interest whatsoever, my romantic emotions towards them did indeed dry up.

[bebecole]

i stay away from my Ex's as much as i can. i advoid contact at all cost

[ForAnother]

My 2, (now 3, but the latest one hasn't had enough time for me to tell if we will talk or not) I do not remain in contact with, and will never speak to them again.

 

-ForAnother

[PrincessJOA]

Nopes. And never will

[Q10]

And why are you doing that?

Do you see it's possible to get back together with you ex? Or your emotion dried up?

 

I'm staying friends.

 

Because they are memories & become a part of my life. And I don't regret being with them, no matter what the outcome is.

 

I don't see it's possible to get back with my exs, I wouldn't like that, if we broke up, we broke up for a reason. I usually start talking to them after my emotions are dried up to make sure I don't make a mistake.

[Daligal83]

I only have one ex and we don't talk. We tried that for awhile, but he remained very manipulative and I decided that it was in my best interest to stop communication. I don't regret it at all.

[laboheme]

Not sure right now. I think we're staying friends, but if it hurts too much, or if I feel like my friendship isn't valuable to him, I'll call it off.

 

And my emotions are far from dried up. I'm just hoping that I can show him the old, fun side of me...

[Daddy Bear]

one passed away at 22--i thank my lucky stars that we were on good terms at the time.

 

one i made small talk with last year at our son's wedding.

 

one is currently my roommate.

 

why would i remain on speaking terms with them despite all the dirty water under the bridge? because i'm a big boy, that's why.

[Dako]

How about this more logical question:

 

Why would you turn on someone you once loved so deeply and then despise them?

 

That's the truly weird behavior!

 

I'm a big boy as well, and just had an hour chat with my ex.

[dogheadma]

I have stayed friends with all except for one because they were all good people who I shared some beautiful and wonderful experiences with and we both cared for each others hearts for awhile to one degree or another. I will always have an affinity for each of them in that respect. The one mistake I made was just that; a mistake, an awful and soul-jarring experience at the time but all I feel about it now is ambivilance and a lesson learned. I figure that a lot of us end up having at least one bad experience at some point in our lives and I'm glad to know that mine is now far enough behind me to be gone completely.

[Baby Carrot]

I don´t know how you do that... I ended up in pretty bad terms.

 

Maybe if the ex is like a super mature person... which was so not in my case.

 

It´d be nice to have a relationship with a mature person actually...

 

Oh well.

[brando]

Sure why not?

I don't get the cut them out of your life perspective. I think it just convinces me none of use really know squat about love.

 

I remained in some contact with my ex wife, why? Because i spent nealry eleven years with her raising her children. How does one cut that out of their lives without cutting a piece of themselves out as well.???

 

I think it gives me an opportunity to see another side of myself, personal growth. I have no anger or hatred towards her, and why should I?

 

I read here on this forum that breakups happen for reasons... but it is always the negative side of a break up that is emphasized here and out in the world.

 

I have had exes i never spke to again, but that does not mean i will never see them again. Life is a big circle, and sometimes these people reneter our lives even if for a minute, while standing on line in some where USA. Are you going to ignore that person because they ended a relationship with you? Sort of silly from where i sit.

 

In hopes to get back together, well i don't think so. Then again one never knows what is put before us. From what i have seen it rarely happens, but that is all well and fine too. SO why not be friendly, or friends towards them. It costs me absolutely nothing.

[CamGuy]

I'm sorry. But some of you need to clear things up. If you have moved on, and have a new wife, or girlfriend you love, thats one thing. Be friends all you want, but if you are still single.....continuing to TALK TO THEM, and BE FRIENDS, does not make you a BIG BOY. It makes you a wuss! A completely, helpless, wuss.

 

THe Big BOY thing to do would be to cut off contact, learn from your past relationship, and and find someone worthy of your love. If thats indeed, what you are looking for. I know so many guys out there that are single, and remain friends with their exes while they (the ex) are off sleeping with their new boyfriends, enjoying life. It is truly sad.

[Daddy Bear]

Camguy, before you go throwing petty insults around like that, you'd better get your facts right. i wouldn't get back with either of my two survivng ex-wives on a bet, and by the way, i ended both relationships. i maintain cordiality with them because that's how mature people act. maybe when you're older you'll understand.

 

real men don't hold grudges, they suck it up and smile. they also don't call people "wusses" while hiding behind an anonymous username.

 

clear enough?

[CamGuy]

Camguy, before you go throwing petty insults around like that, you'd better get your facts right. i wouldn't get back with either of my two survivng ex-wives on a bet, and by the way, i ended both relationships. i maintain cordiality with them because that's how mature people act. maybe when you're older you'll understand.

 

real men don't hold grudges, they suck it up and smile. they also don't call people "wusses" while hiding behind an anonymous username.

 

clear enough?

 

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since you have a some years on me. HOWEVER, I am not speaking of holding grudges. I am emphasizing personal growth and reflection. I hold nothing but the utmost respect for my ex girlfriends, HOWEVER, I was not going to be "buddy-buddy" with them, as I watch them move on with their lives and mine remains stagnant. So many people do this. Some do it because they cant let go, others do it because they have hope of getting their ex back. Regardless of what the various reasons are, it's all a sign of weakness.

 

Part of breaking up is the act of BREAKING OFF CONTACT. Learning why you were not good together, and evaluating your needs and desires. Self Relfection. TO better oneself. Regardless of WHO ended the relationship, you cannot move on, and learn from your past if you don't let go of it.

 

Perhaps in time a friendship is possible, but unless all emotions, and feelings have dissolved, and the understanding of why the relationship ended is realized, and until the person has MOVED ON, I believe maintaining friendships with an ex is utterly pointless.

[finewhine]

Am I immature if I don't want to talk to my most recent ex? I would like to be friends with him in theory, but in practice I'm afraid it would give me an ulcer. We ended on horrible terms after 3.5 years and he started dating someone two weeks after we broke up (I dumped him). At this point, I figure it's best to forget he exists at all, although that's impossible.

 

See, that's the problem with calling people mature or im- depending on their status with their exes. I look like a whiny kid 'cause I don't want to talk to mine. He was a complete jerk to me and looks like the big man because he is so compassionate and awesome and can work past his emotions to friendship.

 

Thing is, I don't *want* to be friends with someone who was mean to me! He didn't even, like, have the decency to treat me, his long-long-term girlfriend, with any respect whilst we were breaking up. He treated me like a stranger.

 

Hence, I treat him like a stranger. Not that he knows any of this. To him, I "need time" before I can become his friend again. He thinks I want to be his friend someday. Ha! Joke's on him. This way, I look like a sane, mature person and don't ever have to talk to him again. I win! Sort of. Ugh. I just hope I don't run into him anytime soon.

[gnabna]

Yes i am "friends" with my "ex".

 

Why- he will always hold a place in my heart and be my family- we grew up together and have four amazing children that we will continue to raise together. We have both made mistakes but forgiveness had to occur in order for us to be healthy individuals. I want him to be successful and have a happy, abundant life. If we did not have a good relationship then we all suffer, the kids especially, there is just no sense inmaking someone miserable or pay for their transgressions. Life goes on and it is liberating to NOT be bitter.

[Dako]

As a guy with a clear and well-considered viewpoint on this subject at the age of 54, I'm in absolute and complete agreement with Bently on this matter, and the real men I've known who abandon the all-or-nothing approach to the opposite sex impress the hell out of me. I've had real men as role models who've stayed loyal to ex wives for years after the marriage ended. They've been better fathers than the guys who run off to live in a cave with the new squeeze, and have the maturity to realize the difference between love, sex and friendship.

 

I spent an hour talking to my ex today, and had a wonderful time.

The way we see it, so the marriage ended...let's enjoy life as friends.

 

Yes, I'm a Big Boy, and I'm quite proud of myself.

 

Not everyone's relationship ends in a trajectory that allows them to stay close, and that's a sad fact.

[CamGuy]

Also keep in my mind, not all relationships follow the same pattern. And not all end in marriage. If you were married, and had kids, and it ended peacefully, I see no reason why eventually ex husband and wife could not be friends. You did have kids together. But to hint or stress that a REAL MAN has the courage to be friends with his ex..... it kinda implies that if you arent FRIENDS with your ex, than you aren't a real man. Different strokes for different folks. Before marriage, when you are young, you go through many relationships I imagine. My point is that holding on to your exes as friends, when you yoursel f remain in limbo is unhealthy. It is important to let go of that relationship and move forward.

[Daddy Bear]

it doesn't matter who finds somebody new first. a real man lets go with his heart when it's time to, and he keeps away from those proverbial sour grapes on which the pettier among us can't help but suck.

 

forgiveness is NEVER the wrong choice. knowing this is one of the things separating the true men from the boys with facial hair growth.

[LONESOUL]

I'm not sure I would call it friends, but I do not keep in touch with my ex.

It's not a daily thing~and she gets on my nerves most of the time...

it actaully helps me to remember why I left. No contact, although needed

and helpful in the beginning, became painful after my healing began, so

now we speak from time to time.

[rocio]

I always stay in touch. Then they can see how much cooler, better looking, and more successful you've become than them.

[shikashika]

I hate the fact that he is out of my life, up until the day of the breakup i would have said he was a beautiful person... a great guy... and because the breakup came as such a shock to me, when he broke up with me i told him this

 

 

but he never gave me any reason, said he still likes me... but he hasn't made any effort to talk to me.... why should i when he did that to me

 

Other exes... no we have drifted apart

[Juliana]

Of the ten relationships I can remember after 14 years of marriage, I am still friends with six of them. Of the six, drifted apart from three, and three make a point renewing contact on a regular basis. Of those three, only one lives close enough to go out drinking with me...too bad...

 

Alot, and I stress, alot of guys think their ex-lovers retain some kind of wish or desire to get back together with them, even when they have moved onto other relationships, if they stay in contact. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever of any kind to get back together with any of my ex-lovers. I congratulate them on their marriages, console them for their divorces, receive pictures of their children (gorgeous, every one), cheer them on through their careers. We're friends; friendship is a very rich relationship in it's own right.

 

Of the four I lost touch with purposefully, one lied, one cheated, one beat me up, and one went a.w.o.l. Of those four, every one contacted me later, to get some kind of closure or something, but they had so severely devalued the connection between us by going into no contact, I just couldn't see any reason to try to work through what were obviously strong emotions,years after the fact. I don't wish them harm at all, but if they didn't like me well enough to try to stay in contact after the breakup (even if it's a phone call, even if it's a Christmas card), especially if they mistreated me or broke up with me themselves, then they must have only been in the relationship for themselves, and there's no reason to talk to them.

 

I don't see it as a maturity issue if there are people you just don't want to be close to anymore. Interests diverge; people change. I see it as a maturity issue if there's no reason for that other than that "we broke up." Of course you broke up; every relationship prior to my marriage ended broken up; what's the option? You marry the first person you date? I prefer to have a long list of friends to cheer me up on rainy days, than a long list of people I used to love....But that's just me.