Already on a Dating Sight

[tara3720]

Hello Everyone,

I just posted yesterday about my boyfriend/ex and the conflicts we've been having. Here's the link:

 

 

Basically, he was telling me how my age was preventing me from being the woman he wanted, then the next minute he would tell me I was great, and I will only grow, so age is NOT a problem. He messed with my head, and on top of that, every time I made a mistake through the course of the relationship, he would ignore me for days and punish me. Then he would call back and blame me...

 

I gave him a great bday last week, pampered him, and we got pretty close. I guess I messed up and wrote him an email regarding his issue with my age after that weekend, because I was confused as to why he was being SO nice. I know he appreciated what I did for him, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't temporary because he felt 'obligated'. He told me before his bday that if I upset him one more time i'm gone, and he will immediatley go find another woman. he said I should go look for someone else too. Who knows if he meant it, or just said it out of anger, but he is already on a dating sight! I'm so hurt. I just found out. I couldn't dream of doing that...

How do I move on from this. Im really hurting right now.

[annie24]

wow. it sounds like things are over if he's already on a dating site and he blames all the problems of the relationship on you. If I were you, I would move on from this man and join a dating site yourself.

[rose2summer]

This guy spells CREEP101!

 

I remember your last post tara and this man is a real piece of art.

 

You really deserve better hun and I know right now the pain is unbearable.

 

He is on a dating site, because he is really insecure.

 

Anyone who jumps into the dating scene immediately and looking for more than friends, just wants a quick fix to heal their wounds.

 

You are young and have so much to offer.

 

He switched his moods so quickly, he almost seemed to be bipolar.

 

Try to take on some hobbies, sports, spend time with friends/family, and keep a journal.

 

Hugs to you dear, Rose

[Scout]

I read your last thread, too. I'm not sure if you're really aware of this, but this guy is extremely manipulative. His behavior is not conducive to a healthy relationship, where both partners have their needs met and feel supported and loved by each other.

 

He complains about your age, but who forced him to date someone your age?

 

Anyway, it's not a matter of maturity, because he is behaving very immaturely. This man has deep-rooted emotional problems that have nothing to do with you and furthermore, that you can't fix.

 

I can tell you that if you two get back together, the "hot and cold" roller-coaster nature of this relationship will continue. The scary thing is this can actually become addictive for people. They condition themselves to accept the devastating lows, because they believe the happy "highs" are just around the corner. But the happy times are almost always very shortlived. There's more pain than happiness.

 

And that's the difference between roller-coaster and healthy relationships. Simply put, in a healthy relationship, times of happiness far outweigh the negative ones.

 

I know you love him, but I do hope you start to see that an end to this relationship would be the best thing that could happen to you. Somewhere out there is a decent, good guy, and the longer you stay with this schmuck, the longer it will take you to find yourself in a truly happy relationship. As for your current guy, I seriously doubt he'll ever find one to be in. He seems to be missing what it takes to contribute to and receive fulfillment from one.

[SarahRose]

Yes this guy is abusive and manipulative and you are better off without him.

 

Funny he harps on something you can't change, your age, and something he has known from the very beginning.

 

My bf tried the age thing with me and frankly I got sick of hearing about it and told him no one is forcing you to be with me and if you don't like the age thing then end it. Either he accepts it or he doesn't. He never brought it up again.

[Bethany]

Take it from one woman to another...This man doesn't give a **** about you.

 

If it's a WOMAN he wants, then give him one....Toughen up, learn from your mistakes, walk away and never look back.

[tara3720]

Thank you everyone. each post helped tremendously to clear up many questions and worries I still have. Was it me, could i have changed something and he would have been nice???? Those kind of questions. BUT, after hearing all of your responses, and friends' responses, I see it's him who has the deep issues.

 

I wrote him an email this morning saying how crazy it was that he KNOWS how much I love him, he just had a great bday, we got so close, and because of one email, he's had it. I also told him that I put up with his anger problems, his verbal abuse that had nothing to do with me, but I never left him or gave him ulitmatums.

 

Scout, and others were right on when you said he lacks the fundamentals of a healthy relationship, thereforeeee he most likely will never find a happy relationship. To prove it, he's already out there looking for new women, while blaming me and leaving me over something so dumb. Now im just angry, and ill use that anger to move on. He even had the nerve in his email to me this morning to say I need therapy and he hopes I find help.

[Scout]

Yeah, this guy does sound crazy, to be honest. Some mechanism in his thinking is just really screwed up. Try not to let him push your buttons anymore. Of course, he's going to turn around and call YOU the crazy one...that's what manipulative people do. He operates from an irrational level, you're never going to be able to connect to and relate with this guy, trust me. I'm just sorry you had to go through such a frustrating and terribly unsatisfying relationship. Give yourself the love that he withheld, and walk away.

[tara3720]

Thanks! I'm actually very angry and hurt because of him right now, and all of his actions.

Fine, he can go on dating sights, seek out girls where he lives, because there are plenty of cute girls in his city. but, I doubt he will ever be satisfied. Im really hurt right now, but as you've all said, I'm young, and there are MANY men out there that would not treat me like this. I have to believe it now

[Scout]

Tara, your relationship and subsequent feelings of hurt, frustration, and anger uncannily remind me of another member's situation. I strongly suggest you read her threads and the numerous posts she received. She too was with someone who was emotionally cruel and manipulative, and I am not sure if she got back together with him or not. I haven't heard from her in a while. But it was a terrible struggle for her to "de-condition" all the thoughts about herself that her ex made her believe. Here's a link to her first thread:

 

 

[tara3720]

wow, thanks for the link. Thats sounds very similar to my situation!

He has always called me back after each breakup we've had, but this time he sounded different. Maybe I did irritate him so much that he finally had it. If that's the case, EVERY woman he's with will bother him. my gosh.