tara3720
-
Posts
56 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by tara3720
-
Thanks for the reply. I think he actually made the right choice and ended it. Well, no one really officially ended it, we just both stopped talking for a month after realizing what we were doing to each other. I could tell he was hurt, he really did want it to work, but as a guy, he didn't express it by crying and vocally expressing his hurt like I did. Yesterday was weird! We hung up after talking that afternoon, and I thought that was it. Then, around 5pm, he emails me he has my favorite yoga pants. I just email him back to say I'll mail a package so he can send them back.... Last night, around 10, he calls me. I pick up because I was dead asleep and didn't look who it was. He said he was lonely, wanted me to come over, etc.... I said I'd call him back in 15 min. He calls me back about 15 min later and says to not come now, he wants it to be right the next time he sees me, etc.... So, we talk till about midnight, and he says he misses cuddling with me, he still has my pictures up, etc... He sounded really sad, but didn't say anything about us working it out. He mentioned me coming over today, but I told him I couldn't (thanksgiving with my family.) So, this morning I emailed him and told him to have a happy thanksgiving, have fun on his upcoming snowboarding trip, and that was it. I haven't heard back yet. I want to see him SO bad, but I'm afraid he'll hurt me again. I'm doing the right thing right by letting him go by what you've all told me.
-
Finally blocked his emails
tara3720 replied to cherries's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Good for you. You did the right thing. I'm going through the same thing, and as you know, contact only reopens the wounds, (and pours salt in them!) when you have constant, or any contact for that matter. I was on a month of NC, and my ex contacted me yesterday. the contact REALLY hurt. when you don't talk/email/text him for a while, the pain gets less and less each day. I promise it does. You will make this, I promise you! Hang in there, because the rewards are great when you do. This will all seem right in the long run. -
Thank you so much for the reply! It really helped. He was the one who told me the exact date of his snowboarding trip, and he made it a point to say he was still going alone. He said it was strictly to learn how to snowboard, and that was it. I said, "it's ok, I don't care if you're going alone or not." I also told him, "have fun!" He said, "well, I'll talk to you before then." who knows. I can't read into anything, because I know he didn't treat me right, and going back to him isn't an option. I did many things to provoke him, but his actions weren't normal. With his verbal abuse and temper, I'm sure at 35 he'll do it to the next woman, and I'm so much better off without him.
-
Hi Everyone, I was at work today, and my ex called me. He thought I'd changed my number, so he called at work. He was so polite. He was that way when we were together at times, very polite, considerate, etc.... WHEN I wasn't pissing him off. LOL Anyways, he said if I couldn't talk he totally understood. I had the time, so we I said it was fine. we were very friendly, he told me he just called to say Happy Thanksgiving and see how I was doing. We chatted for about 20 min... He gave me some really good stock advice, and since he's done EXTENSIVE research, gave me tips that most people may not know. I truly believe with all the metal stocks and ETF's he's bought he'll be a millionare soon... So, that was it. The converstation was almost "professional." He was so sweet and helpful, but didn't ask ANYTHING of me. I told him to have fun on his snowboarding trip (Dec 3rd) and he said he'd probably talk to me before then, we said happy thanksgiving, and hung up. Why was he so nice? Now I feel so bad, like I don't know what do think or do from here? Just move on like nothing happened and think nothing of it? I'm hurting a lot again, and I'm just trying to find a way to forget this and smile again. Thanks guys.
-
should have called him back? He wrote the email asking how I was, I responded, then heard nothing back. He's ALWAYS been that way. No matter who's fault, he would send a text or email saying he missed me, or asking how I was. Not once in 3 years did he show up with flowers, come by my house, or call on the phone and genuinly apologize. Each time I did something to upset him, or even if it wasn't my fault (in my opinion) I'd show up with flowers, a card, or I'd call and leave messages saying how sorry I was. he's made no effort except that one email to ask how I've been, or even try to reconcile. I have to remember I'm so much better off without him. The hurt and pain of being ignored, thrown out of his home, cussed out, and beaten down with words is slowly going away. I'm mainly venting here, so thanks for listening, and replying.
-
Hi Everyone, I really don't have anything new to say, except that I'm doing a lot better, and becoming stronger each week of NC. It's now been a month since my ex and I have had any contact. At first, I was really bothered because I responded to a simple "are you ok, how are you?" email he sent me about 3-4 weeks ago. I didn't hear back for 2 days, so I blocked him from my email for 2 days. I started to worry myself that he may have said something nice, or asked to try again but I blocked the email. who was I joking. Even if he replied to the email I sent back to him he obviously hasn't followed up at all. I figured if he really cared, he would be calling me, regardless of an email or lack thereof. He probably jumped right into another relationship, but after all this time, I'm beginning to feel sorry for that woman. You have all told me that at 35 years old, my ex will NOT change. Other women (women his age) may elicit a different response, but he will still be him, with the capability to ignore, say VERY hurtful things, and have his temper rage at the poor woman. ANYWAY, I just wanted to share that I"m doing a lot better, and attest to how powerful the NC is. I'm hurt he just let us go so easily, and I feel sometimes that I could have tried harder to get back together, but do I really want to get back with this man?? I doubt that's a wise idea. =) time heals all wounds. I think I did the right thing by not pursuing him.
-
Sounds like he got back with his ex girlfriend. I'm not sure here, but you may want to wait till he calls to avoid being hurt
-
Raykay, Thank you so much for your reply. It really helped. My ex either has a new girlfriend ALREADY or is being stubborn and waiting for me to come crawling back. this time I won't. That's a promise. Who knows if after 3 years I'll ever hear from him again, but as you said Raykay, soon I will be so grateful that I am gone from a situation that most of the times, just made me hurt, sad, and miserable. Thank you for giving me all those great points about others' relationships. I can't compare myself to anyone else, great point. It's so true we have no clue what could be going on behind closed doors. The most important thing I just realized is to be comfortable with myself now, heal my heart, and as you said, the right man will come along at the perfect time. I feel good today. =)
-
Hi Everyone, First of all, thank you to everyone who has given me such great advice. I'm doing SO MUCH better. I'll be honest and say I feel pretty hurt and angry over everything that's happened, but I realize it's for the best. My ex focused on my faults, and not on how much I loved him and showed it too. He may be already off with a new girlfriend, I don't know, but you've all reassured me to be glad it's just not me. I have vivid memories of the times where I'd make him angry, and he'd make me leave his home, not care if it was midnight, if I was drunk, he'd just make me leave then ignore me. I remember sitting in my car, sobbing, texting him to let me back in, but he'd ignore me. I realize now that no matter what I did to annoy him, that his behavior was wrong and cruel. Anyways, I'm just venting about that. I came here to ask if what I'm feeling is normal right now- I see so many of my friends in happy relationships, and MANY are married or going to get married. At the moment, I just don't feel like going out and meeting people yet. Am I letting opportunities go to meet the right man when I don't go out and "explore what's out there"? I'm 23, and I know I have a lot of time, but it makes me feel down when I see so many people around me in happy relationships. Is it ok to just not be looking right now? I'm attractive, athletic, have great goal in life, but I feel discouraged sometimes. Will that time come when the right man will come into my life?
-
Good for you. You've stayed strong, and that's what helps. It gets hard to think of them with someone else, but as Juliana said, they will most likely end up in an unfortunate situation. We know what builds a healthy relationship, we are able and want to give that love which builds a strong bond, so I truly believe without a doubt we will be happy with the right man in time. I know the feeling of frustration and anger of giving it all, giving so much love, then having it just gone. It really does get easier with time though doesn't it? The key is to move ahead, and smile and be happy you didn't find this out later on. Stay strong, you are doing great!
-
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. All I can say is keep on doing what you are doing. Do not contact him, as that's the only way to get over someone who is SO not worthy of you. You are a wonderful woman, and deserve SO much better. I too am trying to get over how a man can be be so loved, have a wonderful girlfriend who treats him so well, yet leave that to be with someone else. I'm in my early 20's, and my ex is in his thirties, so it doesn't matter. It hurts, it hurts bad, but I believe that we will find the man of our dreams in time who will NEVER do this to us. It will take time, but he is out there. =) Please remember what a wonderful woman you are, and any man who doesn't see that is just not worth your time.
-
Great way to look at it Kellbell. No amount of money is worth my peace of mind. I'm figuring contacting him would either bring me back into a vicious cycle, and I'd be hurt one way or another. Who knows why he isn't contacting me, he may have a new girlfriend knowing him, or he may not. Either way, I don't want to know, nor be sucked into another downhill situation. I know deep down, even though I may not be thinking logically yet, that he is a bad person to be in a relationship with, and he will treat ANYONE this way. Thank you guys. You have helped me think in a clearer way during a time where I need to be strong the most. I'm really looking forward to the days ahead. =)
-
Hi Everyone, I'm doing better overall. Staying strong, haven't called my ex at all. The last time we physically talked was about 2 weeks ago. We haven't seen each other in almost a month. He wrote me an email about 2 weeks ago, asking if I was ok, I responded, but didn't hear from him all that day. So, I blocked him from my email for 2 days so I wouldn't know either way. He may have emailed me back saying something, but since then, he hasn't contacted me. I wonder if he's moved on already with a new woman, while I'm still missing him. You've all told me he isn't normal, nor does he go about relationships in a normal way, so I'm believing that. It's still hard to think he may already be happy with someone older, wiser, etc.... That may only last for a short time once his true colors come out though. One question, before we broke up, he had really been helping me with my finances, investing, etc.. He is VERY smart and has done his homework in the right areas of the market to invest. I opened an investment account, and he was going to help me build it. We broke up before that happened... I have hardly any extra money for a financial advisor as I"m in college, so would it be the worst idea to email him and ask him what he suggest?? Those of you I trust on here have told me to not contact him, but I don't know where else to go without paying. Deep down I know that's wrong, but I feel that he could make me so much money, but I could be just missing him and using this as an excuse. Thanks everyone, and sorry if I sound repetitive..
-
Hello Everyone, I will make this short, but I feel like contacting my ex. You've all said to come here before I do something stupid. When I get weak, I feel I could've tried harder. maybe he did contact me to apologize or make things right when I blocked him from my email. He'd emailed me about 2 weeks ago asking how I was and if I was ok. I responded with "im ok, thank you." He didnt respond that whole day or next morning, so I blocked him from my email for 2 days so I wouldn't know if he responded or not. Since then, I've heard nothing. I know that's good, and I know he doesn't deserve anything from me, but I just feel I gave up so easily. I have to realize that if he really wanted to try, regardless if i've contacted him, he would be trying on his end. As you've all said, regardless of my mistakes or what I did to make him mad, I didn't deserve to be verbally abused or ignored for days because of my "mistakes." I'm getting stronger and stronger, I just feel an urge to contact him and tell him I'm fine, tell him I still think about him, but I know that would be SO WRONG. I won't do it, but I'm just having a hard night tonight. Why do I care so much about him??? I"m almost embarrassed.. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has really helped me out. I'm feeling A LOT better.
-
I should be over him already and jumping for joy. LOL Maybe I'm dwelling on this too much and just need to give it up. I will starting this weekend. I can't be sad or think of someone who isn't doing the same over me. I'll be ok now.
-
Thank you. i just get frustrated at myself sometimes for still caring for someone who hasn't called in 2 weeks. I blocked him from my email for a few days a weeka ago, so he could have emailed me, but I won't know. If he really cared, he would have done more than email me though. Who knows if he will be happy with his new girl if he's already met one. I doubt it given what you've all said, but I can't care anymore. I'll get over it. Thanks everyone.
-
I care because I gave so much, and I feel it was for nothing. I care because I loved him very much and don't understand how he could act this way. I care because I don't want to do this in my next relationship if in fact it was me who set him off. It's confusing, it really is, sorry if I sound repetitive or have posted too much, it's just that I know he hasn't called now for 2 weeks (which IS GREAT for me) but it's just weird how this all happens.
-
thanks for the reply... so he will basically feel the same way with her, and treat her the same way, even if she is his age, etc.... i thank god more and more each day now for saving me from that relationship, but it's so crazy how i'm just wondering if I didn't do enough, if I was too young and just set him off... from what you've all told me, no matter WHO he's with, it will be miserable for the both of them since he doesn't know how to "do" relationships. i'm not wishing him bad, nor glad to hear he will treat the next girl the same, i just want to make sure I didn't do anything that another woman wouldn't to set him off. thank you for the responses.
-
Hi Everyone, I just have one more question, and i hope to slowly stop posting since I post so much. I'm 10 years younger than my ex, but I tried so hard for him, even though we were in different stages of life. He taught me SO much too. A healthier lifestyle, economic awareness, etc... In return, I gave him loyalty, and he obviously knew I loved him with all my heart. I stuck with him through verbal abuse, and MANY hurtful things that most people would have left long ago over. he knew I had A LOT less experience with dating, but I showed him how special he was to me in many ways. I never cussed at him or put him down, and when he messed up, I would tell him "it's ok, we all do that sometimes." He would just focus on my mistakes so much. I'm a sensitive person, and I think when he hurt me, I reacted in a way he hated. So many things I did bothered him, from not taking initiative, to not doing enough. QUESTION: DO you think he will see how much I loved him. I was raised in a great family, have good morals and values, and feel i gave so many things that are rare today (maybe not), yet he didn't seem to appreciate it. He lives in Hollywood, a town full of single people and broken relationships, so.... I'm sure he's jumped into another relationship already, who knows. Just shows even more what kind of man he is. If he;s already started to date someone else, can it last?? Sorry guys for posting so much, I'm doing much better, I'm just getting out my last thoughts. Thank you for letting me post here.
-
Thanks everyone!! I feel much better and stronger.
-
wow. thanks for the great insight and advice. it's funny that you say he's actually rare, because i've told a lot of people (people I trust) what he's said and done, and they are shocked. there are some people I've told that have been through a lot with an ex, but they said their ex NEVER did some of the things mine did. That's scary.... He is abusive in so many ways, and I see that more and more now. it just gets hard sometimes, but coming here has REALLY helped. Thank you all again. I'm greatful for the friends I have on here. If he ever contacts me again, I'll know what to do.
-
You are both so right. He should be treating me good all the time, and the bad outweighed the good in my case. I think once I meet a good man who treats me right, I will be laughin at myself for staying so long and trying to love and be a good girlfriend to a man who chose to focus on my mistakes WAY too much. Thank you all. You've made some great points, and I will try to go on today with a smile. =)
-
Hi Everyone, I guess I'm just having a hard morning, and needed some encouragement to stay strong. My ex and I haven't spoken in a week and a half, and haven't seen each other for 2 weeks. Last Halloween we had such a fun time together, and I find myself thinking of those good times. I've told a lot of people about his good side and the good things he's done for me, as well as his bad side, and they still told me he is not "normal." That's helped me to hear an outside perspective from friends and you all here, but it's still hard. He emailed me Thurs asking if I was ok and how I am, but I haven't heard anything since. We did this one time where we broke up for 3 weeks, and got back together. That's not my intention, but I don't really know whether to still stay silent, or be friendly with him now. Anger is starting to build up too since I've told some people some of the cruel things he's said and done and realizing how cruel it was. He treated me so horribly sometimes, ignored me, locked me out, screamed cuss words at me, and it seems this time he just gave up on me. It just angers me. The last time we talked, he said he really missed me, and we could try counseling, but the conversation ended because I said something he didn't like and he hung up on me. I guess I just wanted to vent, and hopefully get over missing him today, because regardless of his "nice side" he isn't worth the grief.
-
Thank you. Yes, you have all reassured me that doubts are normal given a breakup, but it doesn't mean it's right to get back. Some people are meant to get back together, but I don't think that's true in my case. It's so tough because I gave so much love and time to him. I will be strong.
-
Thank you everyone for the help. In a way I'm so wanting to respond because I feel bad for "giving up." There is no other choice right? When someone verbally abuses you throughout the relationship, and once physical, I have to let this go. I hate all the doubts that arise when you break up, but from what you've all told me, I need to be strong and not go back to him, or talk to him for a while