Sometimes bored with wife

[ender1]

I've been married about a year and a half, known my wife for about 3 years. We do not have a social life outside of family. We both don't have any friends we go out with, but we do go out and do things together.

 

I sometimes find myself uninterested in my wife. For example, the number of times I call her during the day has declined and she's gotten upset over that thinking I've fallen out of love with her (a bit over-reacting in my case).

 

Any other married people relate to this at all? I tend to think it's because we have spent so much time with each other that our relationship has gotten a little dull, and we need to spend more time apart so we can miss each other once in awhile and appreciate each othe rmore.

 

The odd thing here is that I find myself more talkative with other people than my wife. I might talk to a co-worker about a something, or family member with more enthusiasm than my wife. I don't feel like this is right, and it's a little scary.

[Scout]

When you two are together at home, do you watch a lot of TV, movies, surf the Internet, etc.? If so, these distractions have gotten you both out of the practice of actually talking to each other. So I would suggest you start leaving the TV off a few evenings a week, and just sit on the couch together, have a glass of wine, and get reaquainted with each other. It may feel a little awkward at first, but you'll quickly start to feel re-connected and stimulated by each other again.

 

I suggest doing this first, and then seeking out some other friends to add to your social life. It won't do much good to make friends first, because then they will be just another distraction. You want to reconnect first, and then add to the vitality of that by adding more friends.

[Dako]

What do you do with your wife that bores you?

If you find common intrests, classes, attend concerts, share books, craft projects, etc, there's no end to things to discuss. Being apart is good too, but not if you haven't established strong shared interests first.

 

Some folks find marriage difficult in the early years when lots of sex isn't the panacea it once was. Your wife might be more interesting if you both shared interesting times, away from the mundane stuff.

 

Just a thought.

[TheRedQueen]

Even the dullest person alive is still an incredibly complex being. A situaution, or person becomes boring not in and of themselves but only in how we choose to perceive them. For example, some may consider having to sit quietly alone with very little outside stimulus as an incredibly boring situation, whereas others may consider this as an exciting oppurtunity to think, observe or imagine. If you are bored with your wife, take it upon yourself to make your relationship with her more exciting.

[Scout]

Red Queen's post reminded me of some words in that song "Flagpole Sitter" by Harvey Danger.

 

If you're bored, then you're boring.

 

No offense. But it does make some sense if you think about it. Try not to project your own boredom on your wife, and instead, take the initiative here. That's the "work" part of being married, but this is fun work, if you approach it with a diligent and positive attitude.

[TheRedQueen]

 

If you're bored, then you're boring.

 

I couldn't remember the actual saying (thank you).

[tylercdurden2004]

I dont know if I buy that one. Sure you have to make your own fun and have a blast no matter what you do. But as an exciting outgoing guy I can definitely say some people I find boring. But again if its a perspective issue which it most likely is then its a bit of stretch to assume by being fun other will have fun.

 

Maybe you need to sit down and settle some sort of compromise where you do things she finds fun and in turn she does things you find fun. This can be a real challenge though as you will both have to be willing to compromise, you will both have to work at.

 

What is that bores you about her? Does she come up with new things to do? Is she passive? What is it?

[itsallgrand]

I've been married about a year and a half, known my wife for about 3 years. We do not have a social life outside of family. We both don't have any friends we go out with, but we do go out and do things together.

 

Why no social life outside of family? Every person needs their own outside interests, their own friends, their own space.

 

I'd be bored too. Maybe your wife is bored, as well.

 

Do one or both of you feel badly when you do something away from your partner? Does it feel like a betrayal?

 

I think setting aside some one-on-one time together is a lovely idea - and you could also talk about expectations and how much time away would be a good fit for the two of you.

 

Do you have kids? Does your wife work, or stay home all day, what does she do as a person?

[n83]

I agree with itsallagrand, it's really dangerous to NOT have any outside interaction, or your own activities.. Your wife cannot (and SHOULD not) be responsible for amusing you 24/7 and vice versa. You both need to keep yourselves amused and then enjoy your time together more.. There are many things you could do alone or with other friends to keep yourself occupied. Groups of some sort are a good way to meet people.. If you don't want to go at it alone, encourage your wife to come too, so you have things to plan for and talk about

[Scout]

For the most part, we get out of it pretty much what we put in.

 

And there you go. This pretty much sums it up!

[AwdreeHpburn]

wel.....I grow tired of my husband too occasionally. Naturally. I get bored of cheese if I have it every day too though.

 

So...I try to take some space. Hang out with friends, play on the internet, just be alone, whatever, or eat something else for a while. I LOVE cheese and probably always will. But I just CAN'T eat it every day.

[merenseth]

When you two are together at home, do you watch a lot of TV, movies, surf the Internet, etc.? If so, these distractions have gotten you both out of the practice of actually talking to each other. So I would suggest you start leaving the TV off a few evenings a week, and just sit on the couch together, have a glass of wine, and get reaquainted with each other. It may feel a little awkward at first, but you'll quickly start to feel re-connected and stimulated by each other again.

 

I suggest doing this first, and then seeking out some other friends to add to your social life. It won't do much good to make friends first, because then they will be just another distraction. You want to reconnect first, and then add to the vitality of that by adding more friends.

 

That is good advice. And that is exaclty what I am going to do with my wife at neew year's eve. Not tv, no computer. Just talk and some music.

[ghostdog]

welcome to marriage!