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I want to make him PAY AND SUFFER


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..okay, for the third time now I have dumped the loser I was involved with. This time I know it's for real because before I was always sad and moping and in really bad shape. This time I am relieved and even a bit excited and wondering what the future holds for me.


But at the same time, I want to make that LOSER PAY FOR WHAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH. He called me this morning and I didn'r reply. I really couldn't be arsed to. I am ANGRY at the way he has played me and several women in such a callous, hurtful way and then laughed us off as rubbish. I really want him to suffer. I'm not going to do anything but I can't help but wish awful things like I hope his business fails, his kids to suffer and fail and his whole life to fall apart.


I'm not even feeling particularly sad right now, I just have this cold prayer in my heart that I hope life is rotting hell for him from this way on. I really do.


Just had to get this off my chest. I don't care if I sound bitter. I am not. I just genuinely hope he dies a horrible death.

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hey there. YIKES! It sounds like you have been through a lot.


I do believe in what comes around goes around. so leave him alone, I'm sure bad stuff will come onto him himself.


As for you, I also believe in the other saying, "the best revenge is living well."


he has put you through enough suffering, and every minute you spend dwelling on it is another minute of your life that is gone forever and you will never get back. you will suffer for as long as you ALLOW yourself to.


So, from now on, decide you will look forward. live a good life, be happy, hang out with friends, etc.... at some point, you will meet a great guy, and you will be so happy you never married what's his name. There are brighter times ahead so get to them! don't waste another second thinking about this guy.

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Although you are sad about your break-up and how he treated you,


Instead of projecting negative feelings onto this man,


It may be best to take on some sports, hobbies, etc,


So that you can keep your mind off of him,


I think it's a normal part of the grieving process to be upset,


And of course allow yourself that,


But your level of animosity is only hurting yourself more,


And I don't want to see that happen to you,





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Forget revenge or making him suffer, and you shouldnt wish him a painful death. Your far from being over this.


Allow yourself to be angry but dont dwell on it. The sooner you work though this and on with your life the better you will be.


Dont talk to him anymore, allow yourself time to heal. Allow yourself to forgive him for everything that he did, end it ..

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I felt like that for a while (and every no and then, minus the die a horrible

death part) but the thing is, I think karma will take of my ex. Plus, my ex is

very disfunctional so she will do to herself much worse than I could ever

wish on her anyway. Try to learn to channel all of that negative energy you are using to wish this person harm, into positve energy you are using on yourself to heal.

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Hi. I am not planning to do anything. I can't help but feel this way. I have hobbies and friends and a great job and all that. There's just this one area of my life called love where I messed up badly. I have been played for a fool for so long and like a fool I just kept going back for more when it was POINTEDLY obvious that this guy was a no-good loser. I let him do it to me.


I don't ACTUALLY want him to die but somehow I just wish he'd get leprosy or something terrible and will be cut off from society for life...so he knows what it is like to suffer. He's SO INDIFFERENT it's amazing. You could cry for HOURS in front of him and he'll show no reaction. He's messed up at least 100women and MORE, ruined children's lives, wives' lives, EVERYONE he meets ends up depressed and suicidal, yet he actually thinks he is a good person. Genuinely believes that his cheating, manipulative, lying, deceitful self is 'good'. He is so deluded. I guess my extreme reaction is just a silent scream saying 'YOU'RE NOT - YOU'RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE - YOU ARE NOT NOT NOT A GOOD PERSON'.


Look, I don't mean to give the impression that I am a vengeful, vile pig. It's just that two years of my life came crashing down before me yesterday. After two years of non-stop mental games, abuse and cheating he cheerily said that I was not even his girlfriend, and that he was happy to be 'intimate' with me occasionally but had no intentions of a relationship because he was like that. And this is just TWO WEEKS AFTER A WEEKEND IN PARIS WHERE HE TOLD ME NOT TO TAKE THE PILL AS HE WANTED US TO HAVE A CHILD AND WANTED US TO MOVE IN TOGETHER. WOW. I just feel FURIOUS. It's like your MOM punching you in the face...I thought he cared for me. That's why I feel so betrayed and most of all STUPID.


This was yesterday. I'll get over it. Phew. Better to rant here than go looking for leprosy bugs to plant in his drink, huh?!?

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Hey sad now,


I believe you in the anger stage of the grieving process, which is completely normal. I had those similar rageful thoughts towards and ex of mine because played me and humiliated me. And I too, was very angry with myself as well.


These feelings will pass. But Annie is right, the best revenge is living well and being happy. I know I did after I got my life back on track after my ex and I broke up and it felt dang good! Try not to let these feelings consume you however, because it is NOT worth the energy.


Hang in there, things will get better, I promise.




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Sad now, yes it sure is!! I understand though, I have felt used and mistreated and like a fool too. I trhink most people have felt that way at one time or another. Look at it this way. He is scum and now you are free to

reinvent yourself and find someone who really treats you right. Hang in there.

Take good care,


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The stages you experience are in no particular order. You can experience the bargaining stage first and move on the depression. There is no set order and you can revert to one stage to another. It is the dreaded emotional rollercoaster. But it is important to experience these emotions as they come instead of "stuffing" them because you do not want to bring unnecessary emotional baggage in your next relationship.

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I guess by now you realize that you should have dropped him when you first learned he was married. Instead of lashing out, wishing suffering on his children and calling him every vicious name in the book as you have done for the past six months, I think you should take some time to purge yourself of whatever it is inside of you that would keep you coming back over a period of two years to someone who you say abused you from the get-go. This, I think, is your path to happiness. Best of luck in the future.

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Hi Sad_now,


The best thing you can do is nothing about him or your ex relationship. Don't let him contact you and you don't contact him. You move on, forward with your life. In my experiences, when I actually do things for myself the better off I am. Don't do anything to hurt him, kids, pets,.... anything. Think about yourself and be selfish!


It's hard, we all know it, but you can do it!


Hang in there


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Been there, the whole martyr/suicide mission on taking someone down with you is a weird thing because once you do it and all is done you are left destroyed as well. Reason being that you 1- invested so much time in hurting them that you lost more life, 2- you break the person so hard that your good and yet inevitable side comes out and you feel sorry for what you've done. Hope you make the right and positive decision

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Good morning! I do realise that there is no point in wasting time on thinking up murderous plans that will never be implemented. Besides, I am not that sort of grudge-bearing person. It's just that I was feeling so frustrated yesterday at being 'fooled' for the third time that I just erupted.


However, I went and did something stupid. He called me yesterday despite the fact that I had said I do not want to be friends and he had agreed saying that any contact between us should be initiated by me when I felt ready. Again, he didn't respect my wishes. I didn't pick up. He called three times - I didn't answer. Then one of his friends called me - I answered. She told me that he was going to be away for a week and would I teach his dance class for him. (He is a dance teacher and I am his student). Never in my life have I ever even assisted him, let alone teach the entire class. It is quite an honour to be chosen to do this, so I SAID YES. However, upon reflection I think he may be starting Round 4 of this sick game. I just don't know what to think.


So now, we are split up - not friends - but I am doing him a favour while he is away. So much for making him pay and suffer.


I don't believe myself. Yesterday morning I want to actually torture him slowly and in the evening I agree to do him a favour (for free). I'm just all over the place


Ipso Fracto Man said there may be something inside me that makes me keep going back. I am feeling afraid now. Is there something wrong with me? Like what? Because my head sends me the phrase 'Go take a hike, Loser' but what comes out of my mouth is 'OK, I'll help you with your class'.

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you know, you can call and say that you have reconsidered and that you will not be able to teach his class.


I think it is another one of his games. who knows what he has planned there?


you said yourself, you are so angry at his games, I think you should drop his class, and find a new teacher, and stay far far away from him!


you were so angry at him yesterday about all the things he has pulled on you. Do you know that saying, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?"

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There is one way and one way only for true pay back,


Thats live a grate life, do grate thing things and be a good human being.

Then one day when they see what you have done with out them they will know the missed the best thing to ever be in there life.


Dont hate them, just be as good and sucsesfull as you can, be kind and willing to help others, be strong and aways have hope.


Show that there lack of sight mean they only harmed them selfs with letting you go.


Show no fear and carry no shame.


Thats what I did, I do not hate my X or pitty her any more, I know what she did made me the man I am now and I like who I am now.


I say thank you all you X's out there for giving us the pain to push our selfs beyond where a started.

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Thanks, Spugly Fuglet. That's really insightful and calming.


Annie, you're right, too. Obviously they haven't gone on till 'fool me a fourth time...' with that phrase for a reason - no-one would be that stupid. It is definitely a game. He has NEVER asked me to help with hs class before - he has tons of people who would jump to help him. Why me? And a day after I say we cannot be involved or be friends. And a week after he found out his ex (whom he was seeing while he started seeing me and who doesn't speakto either of us) is starting up rival classes in town.


There's a prob about the class. He is away for a week. His friend (who organised it with me) is also away till the afternoon of the class. I cannot just cancel last minute or not show up as almost 100 people turn up. I guess I will do the class as normal. He will definitely call to thank me or something - and then basically I will not reply ever. That's the most dignified think I can think of.


If I couldn't kill him (as I wanted to at the beginning of this thread) might as well do the exact opposite and leave his life having done him a favour and without even giving him the opportunity to thank me. Oh and did I mention he owes me 300 quid. I won't even take that back. He can stuffit up his sorry **** (oops...am I being bitter again)? Sorry.

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They are out of the country so their phones don't work and I don't have any land-line contact. I could email but I am not sure they would check. I could try and see if I get a response. Or maybe I could organise a replacement on my own! Don't know how well-received that would be...

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the anger is normal, so just let it be. it's as valid an emotion as any other emotion. it's the flip side of depression, which is just anger turned inward.


But at the same time, be aware if your angry feelings become obsessive, or if you find yourself wanting to act instead of to think.


Time, distance, space, and NC will help the anger diminish so that you can heal from all this and begin to move on. good luck!

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you need complete hardcore NC....just dissappear from his world for a long time and start doing somethin for you.


I have been in your situation before, nuthin helped me better than cuttin all contact, no hanging out at the usual places no nuthing.


Take it one day at a time and try doin some stuff for you for a change each day.

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They are out of the country so their phones don't work and I don't have any land-line contact. I could email but I am not sure they would check. I could try and see if I get a response. Or maybe I could organise a replacement on my own! Don't know how well-received that would be...


oh what a mess.


yeah, I think you should just back out.


how do you know it was him who was calling you 3 times if he was out of the country and you don't have his number?


just e-mail him and her and tell them you won't do it.


see... his game is already working!!! did he give you ANY class instructions? what to do, did he give you the attendance sheets, lesson plan???? ANYTHING?

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Well, he was calling me till 5pm yesterday (Thursday) and his friend called me at about 5:30 yesterday. Both had flights this morning (Fri). His friend is back on Sun (the day of the class) and he is back Mon eve apparently.


His friend basically told me to show up an hour before the class on Sun and she would tell me what to do. There are 2 groups - she is doing one and I the other.


I will email them today and ask them if a replacement is possible. Otherwise I could just call his friend on Sun afternoon. It would be hugely inconvenient for them, but well, I'm sure they will manage something. Or is that a bit out of order?

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