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Three Strikes You're Out.....


Lady Bugg
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I don't normally post about my OWN dating situations...and I will keep this brief as well.

 

The short version is I have had an ongoing online "thing' with someone for REALLY the last couple months. I have known him much longer (since last year)..but I don't count that because we were not seriously discussing getting together.

 

Anyway...I have played it cool so far. I have been letting HIM initiate most of the contact recently. HE has been the one to bring up getting together..only to find some excuse to back out. One I got the jitters and backed out...but I assured him I was past that. So we were supposed to meet tonight...and I get an email from him saying someone he's close to (a little girl) died after a 5 year battle with cancer. I was very understanding....but the cynical part of me wondered if he used it as yet ANOTHER excuse. I spoke to someone on the board who said it in a nutshell... 'He's NOT that into you".

 

This is what I don't get: I have GIVEN him an out. Told him if he didn't want to meet I would understand....and not be upset. Still he pulls this crap. I tried NC....and after TWO days he contacted me. I don't know. This guy is

in the media here..so it;s NOT like he doesn;t meet people EVERY day.

I just get the feeling I'm being used as an "emotional tampon". Perhaps it's time to cut bait.

 

Anyway...not sure why I posted...maybe just to get it "out there".

Thanks for listening.

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Lady,

 

I support your decision to walk away from this man. It does not matter if he's in the media, president of a major company, or a bum on the street. No matter who you are; if you care about someone then you will make time for them. He does not care about you enough to put in time to meet you.

 

Once you back out, it's YOU who is taking control of your life rather than letting people attempt to take advantage of your genuine interest in them.

 

Good luck.

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Hey Ladybugg,

If he has backed out or cancelled multiple dates,

 

It is true, he probably isn't really that into you,

 

I would not count the 5yr old child's struggle with cancer,

 

As a made up story, because no one in their right mind would use that as an excuse if it wasn't true,

 

He will not use the out you provided,

 

Because he wants to remain the "good guy"

 

And not hurt your feelings, so he is playing it carefully,

 

By cancelling or pulling out, whatever the case,

 

I think you should scratch him out as a prospect,

 

And try dating some other men,

 

And if he comes running back to you,

 

Then so be it, but don't just wait around for him to say lady bugg I don't want to date you,

 

Because that is not going to happen,

 

Good luck,

 

Rose

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Thanks guys.......I appreciate it.

Yeah..I'm pretty tired of the back and forthing...and the consensus

is to drop him.

I could see him doing this..IF he were getting something out of it..you know?

Like sex or something...but he's NOT.

 

I know if I stop contacting him...one of two things will happen:

 

He will pursue me MORE....

Or he will fade away.....

I haven't truly given NC time to REALLY work..

and I am wondering if that is part of the problem.

 

At any rate....I was understanding about this...

so I am going to end things on that note.

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Its very surprising that a guy wouldn't be interested in you.

 

I have found over the months, and reading some of your posting on other threads, that you a very charismatic, smart, and positive person. Those elements are definitely a very attractive quality, and one which can influence other people to feel better about their surrounds when your around. Take ENA for example, I am sure you have helped many people with your understanding and positive postings.

 

Ontop of your great personality, those photographs show a very stunning and beautiful woman.

 

Now with that being said, I feel you have 2 directions you can go in:

 

1) Be blunt. I had a woman that I was sorta interested in, but not completely, finally came out with it and said "Is this going anywhere"? We had gone out on a handful of dates over a 2 month period and just came accross as a waste of time. So eventually she was just forward about it. I respected her for it, but also made me have to make a choice. We didn't work out, but at least she had an answer so she wouldn't get hurt...

 

2) NC and see what happens. Now by doing this you could either have him come chasing after you or fade away, as everyone has said. BUT, if he does come chasing after you just because you became a challenge doesn't necessarily mean he's interested. So by doing this approach may cause you more grief in the long run.

 

Maybe I'm different than most, but the games are sometimes just annoying and a waste of time. I would personally rather have a straight forward answer than a big question mark. At least that has been my approach in the past.

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Thank you very much for the comments...AND compliments

 

See here's the thing. I think he DOES like me...but he can't get past this medium for some reason. I can sort of understand his hesitation..but

enough is enough.

 

I have ALSO been direct with him and said.... Either you KNOW or you DON'T know....and I deserve someone who KNOWS whether or not they want to date me. Period. That's when he began pursuing me more.

 

Anyway..we will see what..IF anything happens. In the meantime

I will start moving on.

Question though? If he contacts me for another meeting...should I EVEN bother responding...or just say no?

 

Thanks.

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LB

 

I have experienced the online connection and both times I was burned. I even traveled 3000 miles to meet on of them. I came back and though everything was on a roll. He didnt contact me for a week afterward saying he needed time to think if he wanted to date me. Well obviously I should have taken the next week that I didnt hear from him as a loud and clear message. He wasnt that into me.

 

I would walk away from it. If he was into you a guy would move heaven and earth to meet up with someone that really was on his mind.

 

Get those boots on and start a walking!!!!

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I guess I have 2 questions:

 

1)Have you ever met in person?

2) why would he be hesitant to meet?

 

I mean, If it were me I would've wanted to meet you asap! So honestly, it is very surprising that anyone would be resistant/hesistant to want to meet you. If seeing your personality alone doesn't get him off his stupid chair for a drink, then the your photographs should!

 

Online dating can be very shallow initially becuase everyone looks at the photos first before messaging anyone. So obviously if he messaged you he found you attractive. And really, how well can you get to know the person over online conversations. So I guess, yeah offer to meet once more but let him know that if he bails thats it its done. Then at least you have taken control of the situation. Ultimatums suck and generally work against you if you don't mean them, so if you do it that way be sure that your prepared, as it already sounds you are, to follow through on it.

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You backed out once, and so has he. I cannot discount yours and not also give credit to his excuse, which if true is good reason for him to be elsewhere.

 

But, yes, let him pursue you. If he pursues some, then I might give him signals to encourage him to continue. I would not avoid contact with him however, I would make him initiate.

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He may just like the chase. Some men are like that. They like the chase more than the prize. When you spurn him and walk away, that is when you are more desirable, hence the chase. When you give in and ask for a meeting, he spurns you because the chase is gone. It goes around in a neverending cycle.

 

Also, since he's a celebrity of some sort, he is probably full of himself and thinks he can get whomever he wants.

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Also, since he's a celebrity of some sort, he is probably full of himself and thinks he can get whomever he wants.

 

Isn't that a little cynical and stereotypical. People who exude confidence aren't necessarily confident. Maybe in some aspects of his life he can take charge and make decisions, and others like dating he isn't? I am not defending the mate, but to irrationally quote him as being a pig isn't necessarily true.

 

Its like saying all "hot" guys and girls can have anyone they want, but that isnt really the truth.

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The only reason I am saying he is "full of himself" is that he is plainly jerking her around, based on his actions. When she has contact with him and wants to meet up with him, he gives her excuses and leads her on. When she cuts bait and starts to extricate herself, he runs and makes contact and gives her hope. He is stringing her along and probably enjoys the chase. I have seen men like that and a lot of times, they usually are the popular ones who seem to think they can get whomever and whatever they want, so they dont care and just like the game.

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To reply to the last couple posters:

 

Yes..we have met..once over a year ago....at a public event....but it wasn't a date...so he knows I am who I say I am.

 

He is a good looking guy....and I agre with RW..in that he has jerked me around..yet seems interested when I back off. Though he HAS told me he is "old school" and prefers to "take the lead". I ahve simply been letting him.

It's the constant backing out I have the issue with....especially since I have given him an "out".......

 

I think Beec made a valid point too. I will let him pursue......and see how serious his intentions are. I don't want to shun him but I also don;t want to be at his beck and call either....

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I don't want to shun him but I also don;t want to be at his beck and call either....

 

That's a good approach. Its not bad to want to be the one to lead in this dance of dating. But if he keeps stepping on ur feet, you obviously know what to do. Practice talking online can only get you so far, eventually the real show has to begin. Don't put much effort into it and look to other avenues.

 

and sry, I just don't agree with making assumption of individuals I don't know. And that comment was more of a generalization than a direct attack on this guy.

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