Please correct me if im wrong.

[dude69]

First i would like to appalogize if this insults anyone in anyway.

 

If been observing my buddies relationships with his g/f's for the last past year about. And well I couldnt figure out until a couple weeks ago how and why he kept getting all the woman. I mean if you put me next to him i stand about a foot taller and well I look 19-20 where as he looks like hes 14-15. Now you guys might think that im jealous but im not (well not completely).. what I cant figure out is that he treats all the woman hes with like i mean seriously like crap.. tells his g/f that hes going on vacation when this other girl he ment in another province is coming down and to see him. makes her walk home in the pooring rain (i left his house to go pick her up and drive her home because i felt so bad)

 

Now I was thinking a bit about this and well im not very proud to admit it but when i think about my ex g/f and our relationship.. the time where she loved me the most was when i took her for granted and hardly paid any attention to her. And towards the end of our 2 year relationship I was realized that I wass being an and its the time in our relationship where i treated her the best and always put her first and treated her like she always wanted and shouldve been treated... and thats when she left me.

 

Now well ive learned from my mistakes and I know how women should be treated but why is it that the second i start being to nice to a girl that they lose all interest in me? Do women secretly like to be treaten like crap ?

 

Could someone add to my observation.. maybe its something im missing, im still young and i know there are alot of wise people on the forums that would probably know.

 

Thanks all

[AwdreeHpburn]

seems like a common and prevelant thought dude. I'd say I can identify with that in a way.

 

I don't know that girls like being treated like crap but I suppose it could be something about being the one girl who makes him stop treating girls like crap? Or being the one girl he doesn't treat like crap cos he really likes you....

 

OR, maybe it's the chase, the thought that you'll change him??

 

I know what you mean and I don't get it either but I do remember going through a phase where the jerks were the only ones I chased.

 

Now, I can't for the live of me figure out why.

 

Nice guys may finish last, but they FINISH! The other guys are losers through and through.

 

So if you're thinking about converting from nice guy to donkey, don't do it.

[annie24]

I've also seen the reverse happen - when a girl is too nice to the guy, he loses interests. When she doesn't care, he's all over her.

 

But let's look at it from another perspective. Say he treats these girls like dirt. And they keep coming back for more. Do you REALLY want a woman who enjoys being abused like that? Did you maybe think that there was something wrong with these girls' self-esteem that they're putting up with bad treatment and staying with the guy? Does that strike you as odd?

 

wouldn't you rather have a relationship where you are nice to the girl, and she is nice back to you? I truly believe that is possible, and the situations you are describing are involving people with self-esteem and maturity issues.

[Beec]

It's all about making yourself seem relatively valueable. Love, particularly in it's early stages, is a bargain, and we all want a good deal. When you give yourself away cheaply, then you make yourself less valueable. When you make someone work hard to get anything from you, you seem more valueable. Jerks don't give themselves away. Figure out how to increase your value without being a jerk.

[robowarrior]

Well some girls even wear shirts saying 'nice guys finish last', i can assure you woman don't like guys who treat them like crap, however 99% mistakes the terrible male behaviour with 'cool + confident', which they are attracted too, more mature woman know what to search for, because after they've been beaten, dragged into drugs, and probably have a few children from that abusive guy they divorce and hook up with a nice guy, by then they're probably around their 30 ties.

 

I know i can get a girl by being a manipulative liar who treats woman like garbage,honestly no girl would admit they'd be attracted to such a type of guy but your observations are unfortunately correct they DO like these type of guys,be not surprised if even in this thread woman will speak against this. I have spoken to WAY more woman, and heard WAY more life stories then most, its always something like this 'i thought he was a nice guy(even tho bad signs like him using drugs,having bad friends, she being beaten up) and then they stay with the guy rather then having to face lonelyness afraid and manipulated by the guy thinking its THEIR fault for the relationship going wrong.

 

The problem isn't being nice, the problem is that nice = boring,thus if your not exciting your potential partner, then there's nothing to experience with you for her. Hey drugs might be bad , but it is exciting, its far more cooler when that bad as' guy holds up a gun, or swords, then that nice guy with a tennis racket. The bottom line is this.

 

Ask yourself the question, is it a good thing to become a Jerk just so you can get a girl? The answer = NO. Your a guy, and you just want her for sex, 9/10 you don't know her, nor love the soul that is behind the attractive body. Life is like a rigged roulette table, you always lose if you go for the lust. So make sure you really love the person you go with. And be a CHALLENGE, then there's something to conquer. That's far nicer for the girl because it makes you more exciting.

[Anna.]

I know from my own and my friend's experience, we used to all go for the guys that treated women like crap. The best I can figure is if you are the 'one' that makes the jerk turn into a prince then what does that say about you. You're what's up, you know?

 

The thing you are forgeting is that I'd almost guarantee you this guy didn't treat these girls so poorly when they were alone. They treat you like you are a princess when you are alone and you think oh my gosh, I made him change and blah blah blah, but then you get out somewhere with him and he treats you just like every other girl he's ever been with, like crap.

 

But never fear, it only takes getting burnt a few times before we see the value of a guy that knows how to treat a lady. And that guy who used to get all the women? He's 25, balding, and has 3 kids by 2 different women. Trust me it gets better.

[Massari]

this is a sad truth. I can relate to this .. but one day he'll regret what he did. just how women regret letting go and dumping the nice guy. someone who admire them everyday. giving them attention, my ex dumped me after 2 months. why? cause she had me, for her, I would do anything for her, I really liked her ( why don't I say I love her now cause I thought I did but no I love my current GF) but my ex was my first gf , anyhow. she took me for granted, she said she needed space time with her GF ( WHATEVER gfs would not make you happy like a bf who loves you B***) anyhow she is regtertting now but its too late. now I am seeing the same pattern in my GF, but I am a little bit more confidence but non the less I keep getting frustrated from time to time cause I really love her and sometimes I feel she just doesn't give a crap about me and I see that the same thing might happen again. so yeah. I am preparing myself. WOMEN and MEN can both be evil creature.

[laboheme]

Robowarrior said something about confidence. It's a well-known fact that people are attracted to people with confidence...Well, the jerks have a little too much of it (although there's another kind of jerk, the one who acts like he does because he's trying to compensate for his low self-esteem). So if they have this over-inflated confidence, they attract girls, and the girls are "happy" to be with a guy who "knows" his worth (read: multiplies it by 1000)...But the problem is, the more girls they attract, the more confidence they have...it's a vicious cycle, and it's definitely VERY prevalent in high school. I think it slows down by the end of college though.

[JimmerJammer]

but nice guys are always supplicating, that's the problem. women only want a man to be his best at all times, most nice guys put those women on pedastals and end up taking away from themselves. Things don't get done, the guy doesn't get the job he would really want, he plays the safe route and hopes that by him giving her what she'd want that it'd make her happy. the idea behind it is pretty amazing, but look at the cost.

 

the cost is of the expense of the man doing it and that's why the appeal becomes too strong for someone who simply wants the man to go for what he wants in life instead of obsessing over someone who gets in the way of that. She begins to wonder how this man would be without her in his life and when the nice guy gets distracted by the woman, he's allowed himself to fall off his path temporarily or in some cases indefinitely so long as he's with her. now she can't trust him or his integrity and will make it ever so hard for him because of it. she ends up leaving him because he loved the ideal and not her.

 

now the jerk is appealing because that guy doesn't supplicate anything from his life. his life is his purpose and he doesn't have much time for anything outside of that. women are temporary "fixes", in shots of orgasmic release. BUT thats the problem, those guys are too self-centered. They really don't care whether or not that girl sticks around unless it serves him.

That's the challenge that the girl is trying to get from him. They like the fact that the jerk has figured out how to get what he wants and not to value something above himself, but the woman can't stand the fact that he never takes the time to embrace and appreciate her, so she feels unimportant to him and can't stand it.

 

i've often wondered if girls are just attracted to jerks or are attracted to what the jerk offers. the nice guy is offering everything on a silver platter, including the leash to tie around his neck. the jerk is offering the experience of living life and going for what he wants, but because he will make her seem unworthy she'll love him in hopes that he'll love her back.

 

the true gentleman loves and appreciates women, but he also loves himself and can live his life outside them while embracing them fully and presently. The gentleman is the one that will walk up to the woman he wants and take their hand as he leads them to where he wants to go.

[dude69]

thanks Jimmer that makes so much sense. I believe in your theory

[dude69]

Jimmer: ive been given a great deal of thought about what you wrote i think what your trying to say is that nice guys are to often whipped, and its the whipped ones that women dont want.

 

Well what if there was something in the middle.. where the guy still did what made him happy (got the job he always wanted, did the things he always wanted to do) but at the same time one of the things he liked doing was making his girl happy. Because If i lookat all my past relationships I know that i wasnt at all whipped. I did what I needed to do even if that ment that i had to put my ex g/f off for abit. I consider myself a safe person and that was one of my turn offs that my ex use to always tell me about. The way i saw that is that she was just immature and didnt understand life. I know if i work hard now, i wont have to work so hard when i have a family. I think i was always abit to mature for my age and well maybe i should look at some older women instead of people my age.

 

Im not yet wise enough to know exacly what i want, there are so many experiences that i havent lived. I guess that I still need to do alot of growing before I can have a clear picture of everything. The image is there, i just have to get see it.

 

Btw for the people who said that nice guys finish last well let me tell you the ending of that saying that not many people know about. " Nice guys always finish last, but it's worth the wait"

 

Thanks all

[Dating Coach]

I made several threads explaining all of this in the past. Here they are:

 

The problem most guys having in dating and relationships...

 

 

Diggity's Guide to Successful Dating, for Men

 

 

Guys, keep your phone conversations down to a minimum!

 

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I NEVER went for people who treated me like crap!

 

Am I that rare?

 

I was always the bad one, I suppose.

[dude69]

i have a question.. ive seen alot of people say that its not right for anyone to put their gf/bf on the pedastal... but what happens when the male puts his g/f on the pedistal and the female puts her b/f on the pedistal.. what happens then ? or is it just not possible for that to happen ?

[Beec]

Possible, and it should happen, but it takes time. Lots of time, and effort and it is tough to maintain.

[dude69]

Possible, and it should happen, but it takes time. Lots of time, and effort and it is tough to maintain.

 

would you say that once your found this person, he/she is your soul mate ?

[Beec]

would you say that once your found this person, he/she is your soul mate ?

 

If you keep it up long enough. I am not so sure about the whole soulmate thing anyways. When you are in love with someone who is in love with you, that's it. But you need to keep it that way. You can get it all screwed up. I have in my past. Many people here have. It's not so simple that you meet someone and everything clicks for the rest of your lives. It takes effort.

[dude69]

If you keep it up long enough. I am not so sure about the whole soulmate thing anyways. When you are in love with someone who is in love with you, that's it. But you need to keep it that way. You can get it all screwed up. I have in my past. Many people here have. It's not so simple that you meet someone and everything clicks for the rest of your lives. It takes effort.

 

makes sense, Thanks Beec

[Beec]

makes sense, Thanks Beec

 

No problem. You're welcome.