he forced me to have oral sex

[Cadence308]

I am sorry that this man violated you. I can understand, somewhat of what you must be feeling. About 6 years ago I met this guy at a party through a mutual friend. After the party he invited me to breakfast, but didn't have enough money to pay! * * *! He seemed nice and we had BS degrees in the same thing, so we had a few things in common. He asked for my number and suggested we go out some time. That week he kept calling me and I finally returned his call. We agreed that he would pick me up at my dorm room and we would go for ice cream. I was on the phone with my mom when he came, so I invited him in, thinking we were leaving after I hung up. He preceeded to make himself comfortable in my one bedroom room on my BED and we started talking. I was uncomfortable because I didn't want to do anything with him, felt like he wasn't my type (frat boy), and I was (still am) a virgin.

 

The conversation turned to sex and I was even more uncomfortable. When I suggested leaving my room to go for ice cream, he would change the subject. I could tell that this guy had one thing on his mind. He ended up kissing me and I kissed him back. Then he pulled me on top of him and was dry humping me and getting really into it. I pulled away and said no, I can't do this, I'm sorry. I tried to get off of him, but he held me on top of him and was still dry humping me and trying to kiss me. I was getting nervous that he was going to rape me. After about 4 times of me pulling away and telling him no he finally let me go. I never returned his calls or spoke to him after that. I felt incredibly violated. How many times does a girl have to tell a guy NO before he finally gets it???

[Hunny1607307342]

Apparently many rapists have an uncontrollable sex drives which cause them to commit the crimes they commit. I think we should take this lack of ability to realise NO means NO as a result of this, 'disorder'. However I do think it is purely inhumane and unacceptable too. Not all guys are like this I promise you, I'm sorry you had to go through this, time will heal, and you will find yourself trusting guys again when you least expect it. Good luck xxx

[monkey1]

I'm curious, how old are you and how old was he?

[Amore]

I've been in a similar situation, and I can definitely relate to the feelings of disgust with yourself afterwards.

 

Nearly a year and a half ago, my (now ex) boyfriend and I were alone in my basement. All of a sudden, he yelled at me to get on the ground, where he took off my clothes (with the exception of my underwear) and jumped on top of me, putting his hard-on in my mouth (through his boxers, I'm not exactly sure why he did that). He was also kissing me through my underwear. At the time, I was scared, and since he was a big guy, I couldn't push him off me. I was screaming at him to stop, but he couldn't hear me, or he chose to ignore me. Finally, I mustered enough strength and rolled out from under him, and started crying hysterically. He snapped out of it and that night begged for me to forgive him. Being young and naive, I gave him another chance. (And he thanked me by dumping me a year later.)

 

I was only 15 then, and I've never told anyone about that day; it's a memory I've tried to force out of my mind. But I can understand how you're feeling, and I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[SweetJade]

I'm curious, how old are you and how old was he?

 

I'm 18 and he's 19. I really don't want to press charges or call the police. I really just want to forget it. Then this guy has the nerve to call me 4 times today on my cell phone and I didn't answer any one of them at all!I really have no backbone and I'm a very weak individual. He kept talking and telling me to do it and I kept telling him no. I was like maybe it's best for you to leave and he said that he wasn't leaving until I give him oral sex. I was getting very frustrated and scared so I did what I had to so he could leave. It's still bothering me but I'm really thankful to everyone that has helped me. I'm also sad to hear that there's people on here that's been through similar situations. I really feel like it's my fault because I invited a guy without my mothers permission, this could have been prevented if I just listened to my mother. I guess this is what I deserved. I keep flashing back to what happened and it's so sickening. He was actually slapping me in my butt and touching on me and it made me feel so violated and disgusted. I don't want to call the police, I just want to forget it. I really don't want any problems. I'm completely shutting him out of my life!!

[docz83]

File for sexual harassment, the guy always get the short end of the deal.... Let that be a lesson to you men out there with such stupid and sick jokes..

[Dako]

A restraining order might prevent further problems so you can cope.

You don't have to describe the crime, just the threat of it.

Doing something, even if you don't want the drama and attention of full legal actionn can make you feel less helpless and give you hope.

 

Sorry the animal did this.

[CarnelianButterfly]

First and fore most, this is not your fault. Inviting a guy into your home whether your parents have approved or not is by no means grounds for you to be responsible for his horrible actions. This guy took advantage of you at the very least. You are not to blame for this, HE IS.

 

You need to take action against this guy no matter how you feel. What he did to you was wrong and the fact that he has gotten away with it will further encourage him to do it again, maybe not to you, but to some else just as innocent. The police should be told about this. They may not file charges, but they will most likely keep an eye on him as a possible sexual predator. If he has continued to contact you without provocation, you may have cause to file for a restraining order or file charges for harassment. Please don't just let this slip by, think of what else he may do to other women because he wasn't disciplined now. He needs to shown that this was unacceptable and you are not complaisant to his whims.

[charley]

I'm just going to give you some very simple advice that is the best advice that anyone online can give, IMO.

 

See a local rape councilor and discuss the situation with her.

 

That is the best thing, IMO.

 

Then that local councilor can suggest what other steps you should take. The local councilor will know your situation better, know exactly what questions to ask you, will know the local culture in your area, will know your local and state laws.

 

thereforeeee, see your local rape councilor. You can likely look them up in the white or yellow pages. A high school or college guidance councilor could also direct you to a rape councilor. You don't have to be in school to see a school councilor.

 

Good luck, Charley

[nottoogreen]

Hi SweetJade.

 

I am with Charley on what you should do.

 

Important is that you do not let this bring you down. It was a bad experience, no more, no less.

 

You say of yourself that you are weak, join a self defense or martial arts class, you will gain lot's of strengths, physical and mental, and spiritual as well.

 

And next time some guy does that to you, bite it off under the head! - he wont be able to hit you, don't worry.

[charley]

See a local rape councilor and take a women's self defense course. One of the things they teach is assertiveness, in addition to self defense. You need more assertiveness.

 

I specifically recommend a women's self defense course because they will cover things that specifically affect women. After you complete the women's self defense course, joining any martial arts school might also be a good idea.

 

My sister has been grabbed in Safeway parking lot on two occasions over the last 2 years. She was attacked by a perv in Japan when she was an exchange student there. She fought them all off. She never had an official self defense course, but had 18 years of experience fighting with her older brother (me). So she is quite assertive. I also taught her some self defense things and I used to make her practice when she was in Jr. High and High School. Even now I just recently bought her two bottles of pepper spray and insisted she use one for practice, the other for carry. She accidentally sprayed me with the practice one. COL and LOL. Wait a minute - that better have been an accident.

 

I'm guessing you don't have any older brothers. If you did, you'd probably already be assertive. Your frightened behavior was not your fault. You were just scared. A women's self defense course would be really good for you.

 

NotToGreen and I have agreed on some things before, but this is the first time we've ever been in near unamimous agreement. I'm not so sure about the biting stuff. I think a very assertive "NO! Get out NOW!" might have been enough. A women's self defense course will teach you those things. If the women's self defense course teaches biting, then bite.

 

You should hear my sister yell, not to mention the mean elbows, knees, and kicks she throws. She always knows where to hit a guy too. A women's self defense course will teach you all these things and more. Probably teach the use of pepper spray too. Some very assertive yelling is usually enough to convince the attacker you're not an easy target. Often that's all that's needed to make them leave. A women's self defense course will teach you.

[nottoogreen]

I'm not so sure about the biting stuff.

A bit radical, but I want to build up her confidence and her be in charge again.

[SweetJade]

Sorry I took so long to respond back everyone. The guy hasn't called yesterday but I truly cannot get the police involved or anything. I don't know it's just too scary for me,at least right now.I spent the last couple of days at home by myself because I want to be alone. I really would like to see a counselor privately without my parents knowing. I also like the idea of taking self defense classes. My main problem is not standing up for myself and I always let people run over me, like this guy did. I don't feel as bad now reading the posts that encouraged me, I'm trying my best to block it out altogether and just forget it. Maybe I'll forget it even happened in time. In all I'm just confused and worried and I have alot to think about at this time.I'm really stressed out and I can't really relax. Thanks everyone for caring and helping me.

[nottoogreen]

Please don't block it out, it will be unhealthy.

 

As you do not want to persue the legal route, just write if off as a bad f$ck. It happens, it's a write off, no more no less.

 

Your prince will come.

 

We are always here for you.

[Cecelius]

He sounds like a real winner.

 

My guess is that absent a threat or implied threat which I'm not sure I see, this is not criminal. But I agree with the other posts about making sure your hangout situations are more group type activities.

[charley]

A bit radical, but I want to build up her confidence and her be in charge again.

I see your point, but extreme ideas like that are likely to scare her more.

 

If she'd just see a rape councilor and take a women's self defense course, I think things could get back on track for her.

 

The women's self defense course might teach biting. If so, then fine.

 

Most importantly is that it will teach assertiveness. Assertiveness training would be a big help.

[strndedbyluv]

im so sorry you had to go thru this.

i am not sure what to tell you, sounds like you have gotten some great advice from above. I hope things get better for you.

god forbid that something like that would ever happen again, but if it did, you should bite him, or knee him in the privates, he prob wouldnt want it after that!

[Atticus90]

This guy is definitely not someone you want to keep around.

 

Unfortunately, because you consented, I'm afraid it is not likely that you would be able to press any kind of charges against him.

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. You made a mistake while under duress, and you know now not to waste your time with this creep. Hopefully you can forgive yourself, let it go, and try to move past it.

Actually, consent is not a factor in this. Some states, like mine are completely illegal. Consent or not. No matter what age. You can be 40 years old and it will still be illegal. Oral sex is illegal in my state. Could be in hers?

[nottoogreen]

Actually, consent is not a factor in this. Some states, like mine are completely illegal. Consent or not. No matter what age. You can be 40 years old and it will still be illegal. Oral sex is illegal in my state. Could be in hers?

Which state, any pointers?

[PittItaliano]

My father is a lawyer and I asked him about this.

 

He said that this is not sexual assault and DEFINITLY NOT rape. That although the young man put pressure on this girl she choose to do that act of oral sex.

 

So sweetjade unless you are leaving things out of the story, this was not assault, or rape... it was merely a mistake

[NKP]

If you dont want to get the police in volved then please go get help, talk to someone about it, dont just block it outta your life i did that and i got really depressed and even tried to kill myself because i just felt so dirty and grossed out. So please get help and talk about it, it will help you out alot.

 

Love kita

[Juliana]

Sorry, but lawyer dad needs an education in the meaning of "coerced sex." This is definitely sexual assault, and is considered a form of rape. And you're not alone; many women go through coerced sex of some kind during their lives. Telling you that he will not leave your home until he perform sex on him is coercion.

 

You need to get your self-esteem up so you can so completely humiliate and destroy a man who attempts to do that, that he will never perform sexually again without having to consciously block your memory from his mind.

 

Work on that.

[Kalika]

This is a relatively old thread and I'm not sure why it's back up, but I think there's a major problem when OP would rather give oral sex to get the guy out of there rather than face her mom. Worst case scenario: mom comes home, and guy gets scared and runs away anyways.. Why was she so afraid of having her mother see him there that she was willing to do that just to make him go away (which he would have done anyways)?

[Mark1016]

Ok, first let me say that I think this guy is a sleazeball. Second, I think you may be able to press charges if your did it under duress. Third, oral sex is extremely personal. If you felt he was pushing too hard, you may have been able to get away with just a handjob and then call the cops later. It sounds like he got excited being in your presense all alone and needed a release and the handjob offer might have worked.

 

Lastly, never put yourself in the position of having to make a decision like this. You need to look ahead at possible repurcussions of situations you may be getting yourself in to.