How Are You Coping?

[Cute Band Rat]

I was wondering if some of you going through a break up or want to get back with someone did some crazy things before resorting to NO COntact?

 

1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction?

 

2) Whats different in your life since No Contact?

Has there been any progress

 

3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you?

 

4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right?

 

5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far?

 

Thanks...

[friscodj]

1) Yes, yes, and yes. We got back together...then broke up again...a few cycles of that...

 

2) I feel more in control of my life doing NC vs. not...

 

3) Yes, 5 months ago a brief e-card for my birthday which she sent me from her email address she only uses for online dating...

 

4) Probably 5 or 6 times...

 

5) 6 months...

 

No problem...

[iceman85]

1) Yes, went over to her house broke down in front of her, asked her to please give us another chance a few times that day. Said I would change that i realized what was driving us apart. She said nothing was gonna change right now and that she was sorry she felt this way.

 

2) By starting no contact I feel like shes in my head alot less and that makes things easier to cope and easier to get myself back together and hopefully at some point give her the chance to realize shes making a mistake

 

3) Tried doing NC for a few days a few times, first time she got really angry thinking i was ignoring her, was upset that we didnt get to see each other, thought we had plans to make plans or something. Second time got it up to 4 days and she had been calling a few days in a row, said she wanted someone to talk to and that I was the only person she had to do that with. I told her I cant go on like this, that I cant be her friend right now. Got angry with me that I could just do that to her. Told her that I need this and she just said ok. She needs to know that she cant just have me there if she wants.

 

4) Today is day one of the 3rd try, contact was broken by her both other times.

 

5) Todays the first day

 

Good luck

[friscodj]

4) Today is day one of the 3rd try, contact was broken by her both other times.

 

Breaking NC means you contact her or respond. Have you done this?

[iceman85]

Yes i responded to her when she attempted to contact, not right away, i would do it the day after or hours after.

[mikeca]

I was wondering if some of you going through a break up or want to get back with someone did some crazy things before resorting to NO COntact?

 

1) Yes, I see now I gave myself to get her back by doing all these things surprises and stuff to show her my love, it always felt like I was one thing away from her giving us another shot.

 

2) Well I'm applying to more jobs I'm interested in, reading again, oh yes, I'm a RCMP applicant. (police)

 

3) Not that I know of, she's looked at me a few times when I'm at work, I overheard shes been asking if I would be at places but im not gonna read much into that.

4) 0 but theres been days...so close...I wonder its been long enough...I should call her..

 

5) May 1st...I'll never forget the way she smelled..

[friscodj]

Yes i responded to her when she attempted to contact, not right away, i would do it the day after or hours after.

 

Well stop doing that!

[brando]

Well stop doing that!

 

 

Frisco you sound like Dr Phil.

[friscodj]

Frisco you sound like Dr Phil.

 

That's fine...just as long as I don't look like Dr. Phil...

 

I don't even read or listen to that guy..."Love Lines" is where it's at folks. I've been in tears laughing in my car listening to those guys...

[DCMann2]

I was wondering if some of you going through a break up or want to get back with someone did some crazy things before resorting to NO COntact?

 

1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction?

 

2) Whats different in your life since No Contact?

Has there been any progress

 

3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you?

 

4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right?

 

5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far?

 

Thanks...

 

1. I cried and begged, but I apologized for begging. I didn't promise to change, I'm just doing it. She appreciated that I apologized for begging.

 

2. I did strict NC for about two weeks, and during that time, I did a LOT of healing, and I feel a lot better about myself. She ended up breaking NC, and we're now in LC.

 

3. I don't know if she can see if I've changed or not, but I know for a fact that she's not pursuing me (she's in a rebound relationship at the moment).

 

4. Once.

 

5. I'm not doing strict NC anymore. I'm strong enough to be in LC with her.

[joyce1412]

1) cried, begged, i did everything. we had several near-breakups first so a lot of this occurred in those stages, less crying in the actual breakup. we would talk for hours and hours about what went wrong with him often accusing me, and me going into overdrive defending myself (he said a LOT of unjustifiably hurtful things). my ex got really detached at the very end, but in several conversations was really torn up, even cried, and he NEVER cries. man, it hurts me even to remember these details, and i was even having a really strong day today.

 

2) i don't sit around worrying when i'm going to contact my ex next and what i'm going to say, which was what i was doing before. i've also done a lot of "working on myself" and thinking about what went wrong in the relationship. i've definitely made progress, i've realized with all i've learned that i would not want to go back into the relationship if it were exactly the same. i've also finally begun to view my ex as human, and not on a pedestal.

 

3) my ex has basically done NC as well, except for some minor contact about things of mine that he had in his apt. i HEAR he is not doing so well, though. very depressed and lonely. i try not to read into this so much, but it's pretty clear that it has been a rough transition for him.

 

4) the only time i broke NC was talking about my stuff via email and text messages, but even that i was very eager in talking to him about, because i was simply so eager to hear anything from him. any kind of contact with him was something, in my mind. i guess i basically broke it about three times.

 

5) hmmm...about one month. not that breaking NC to talk about handing over my stuff was very fulfilling or exciting.

[Spawn]

1. beg - yes, cry - no, promise to change - yes

 

2. well i have less stress now, i have more time to lot of things than before.

 

3. No reaction at all, haven't met her nor have any idea what she is upto in her life now.

 

4 i broke NC probably 4 times...the fourth time it was to tell her to do well in life and make it a good one with her ex who i think she has got back with. I also told her to not contact me henceforth and stop holdin any grudges against me cause she blamed me a lot for the problems in the relationship. I do really hope though she matures and grows up to being a fine woman.

 

5. its been over 2 months of strict no contact.....and i feel i am pretty much strong enough to take her stupid net speak that she uses to compose her mails,took her off the email filter but don't expect any mails from her side at all. I now understand there is no point reacting to things you really don't care about.

 

But its strange even after having such an unhealthy relationship i still have a heart that can't stop loving her. huh..so long for being a rebound in my very first relationship. i can manage a smile about it too.

[Orlander]

Hi everyone...

 

1. I didnt beg. I did cry a couple of time in her company and countless times by myself and talking to family. I didnt promise to change as she needed me to change my religion and I refused.

 

2. I have gotten closer to family, especially my father. I have rediscovered my faith and have become stronger than ever before.

 

3. My ex has not attempted to contact me in months. She made a choice in February to do NC and believe now she is over me and has moved on.

 

4. I never broke NC. She did twice and then said she wanted NC.

 

5. I have been in strict NC since around February 17th. She attempted to contact me less than a week later and I refused to communicate. She has not tried again, at least not by calling, mailing or confronting me. I had her emails blocked. My birthday was two days ago and I received nothing from her...so I guess its truly over.

 

I'm still trying to move on. It's not easy folks, but sometimes you really are left with two choices... move forward and find someone else or linger in pain and misery hoping that your ex will come back. Good luck everyone.

 

 

Orlander

[so_contagiously]

I was wondering if some of you going through a break up or want to get back with someone did some crazy things before resorting to NO COntact?

 

1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction?

 

2) Whats different in your life since No Contact?

Has there been any progress

 

3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you?

 

4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right?

 

5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far?

 

Thanks...

 

 

 

1) I didnt beg, but in my head i wanted to coz i coouldnt really live my life the same as before without him. a year after we broke up, nothing really changed, he still acted like my boyfriend. he's not very expressive when it comes to his feelings, he keeps it all inside which makes it so hard for me.

 

2) contact. it's ALWAYS there. he's one of my closest friends, and i HAVE to see him everyday because he's a family friend, he's my cousin's bestfriend who i live with. so i have no choice but to always see him. which i kind of want to. i can't help it.

 

3) i changed ALOT. i've been more outgoing, more comfortable around him and i act like myself around him. and i know i look so much better than before. one time, he found me attractive again, and took me back, then not too long, we broke up again, and the cycle continues.

 

4) lots of times..

 

5) zero times, i'm still in the hole that i dug, and I can't get away from my ex boyfriend.

[JohnnyTable]

5) zero times, i'm still in the hole that i dug, and I can't get away from my ex boyfriend.

 

You need to change your life so that you are away from him. You need to be in control if your situation. This probably includes moving.

 

You cannot move forward if you always see your ex.

[Russo]

1 Not instantly. The day after however..... yeah, begging pleading all that stuff

 

2 Changes....well, seeing that it's less than three weeks ago, the only change I can think of is feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, lack of interest and trying to fill my days with something until I collapse of exhaustion. Sleep is the only escape for me for now.

 

3 None.

 

4 A couple. Heck. I'm in doubt every day.

 

5 I honestly don't know and I don't care. It's not like I'm gonna wake up after a month going: "weeee! NC for the umpteenth day!"

[beautifulmess]

1. beg- a little, cry- not to him but alone yes, he was very detached

 

2. not yet, like russo...sleep is my only escape ... I sleep every chance I get

 

3. no

 

4. everyday for three weeks, sometimes several times a day

 

5. 8 miserable days

[trident]

1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction?

 

Aside from instance noted in point 4, which was countered with a firm 'no,' I've tried hard to give her the space she wanted. Obviously I failed at times.

 

2) Whats different in your life since No Contact? Has there been any progress?

 

Life continues to move, same as before I met her. Slowly learning to forget her existence. Takes a long time to reach that point. Doesn't help that I'm sick of getting jerked around.

 

3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you?

 

Who knows. Don't communicate.

 

4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right?

 

Half dozen or so. Worst instance, was at a bar celebrating a friend's birthday. Over did it with the liquor & tried to kiss her.

 

5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far?

About a month, sort of. I don't contact her. She continues to view my posts on a MySpace like site. Since she booted me out of her life, don't really understand why she bothers to keep tabs on me. On the other hand, I really don't care why she looks anymore.

[backinlife]

Hi,

nice questions, let me answer

1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction?

 

all of the above.... I had cheated on him, he tried to forgive but couldn't and behaved like an * * * for 1 month, so i needed to leave him and move out. Ever since he is undecided, leaves me hanging. Practicalities are bad right now, he is leaving the country soon, is very busy and still very angry and hurt. I love him, and he loves me. A lot has happened though. So of course i cried, begged, promised to change, even promised to take his anger and drinking for as long as he needed me too. Then i felt stupid and said i am sure we can work this out without anyone making a fool of themseves. So i said sorry for begging and making him feel he is responsible for my pain (after all it started with me cheating). he liked that, but he is still not sure what he wants.

2) Whats different in your life since No Contact?

Has there been any progress

 

I feel so much better! today i even went out to see an old friend and i sang loud in my car. I am not waiting for any sign, and can relax. Today i even ate and kept it! So progress on my part, yes.

 

Whether NC really works for saving a relationship is a good question. I think after all its a game, and in love there should be no games necessary. He tried to find out why i am not talking to him, why i blocked him, but that might be curiosity too. Also i think as long as we are talking he feels less guilty, after all he can tell himself that he is still supporting me and taking care of me. The thing is, his new attention is definitely a REACTION to NC, maybe pride, maybe fear, but love is neither pride nor fear, so even if people show more interest in NC, doesn't really mean they get more interested in trying again.

 

3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you?

 

Tried to find out why, said he can see that i am pissed and he thinks talking to me is important (for him obviously, so i really guess it just makes him feel better). And that this time he will make more effort bla bla... I wrote him back, cause i had just vut him off without telling him before, so i figured he deserved an answer...:

 

Hi,

 

much has been said, too much in fact. Further discussions cannot add any new info, or bring new results and it actually prevents us from moving on now. We can have the learning-experience-feedback-round when we are both less busy and more objective, its not urgent.

 

till then,

Mona

 

4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right?

 

I was trying half-assed a week ago, but he managed to provoke me so much that i had to tell him he is full of ****. Back then i pursued NC with the aim of making him come back, i wanted to force him to think about me, deprive him of the posibility to tell me what is bothering him, how his day was and stuff, so he can feel that he "needs" me. Now i am pretty serious about it, this time will work, cause i am doing it for ME, and my sanity. I am telling you, I miss this guy, but i miss myself more. And i was not the woman i want to be when i was running after him. I know you might think that i ought to, cause it was me who cheated after all, but he took it too far, really. And some fighting was ok, but giving myself up, no, thats too much. And he didn't fall in love with a person who has no respect for herself, so no point in making myself so small.

 

5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far?

 

technically i started 48 hours ago, not much, i know. I called him crying and he was with some friends being very rejecting to my feelings. I hung up, blocked hi from all the mesengers and decided to start over with my life. then he wrote me several mails about "organizational" stuff, one i even had to answer. we lived together, so there are things we need to still figure out, that makes it hard... and then he wrote the mail above this morning, and i answered 10 hours later. So 48 hours since decision, and i responded to him twice, but very formal.

 

Sorry, i am not a native speaker, so please don't mind bad english...

 

And remember: The things u are meant to have, you shouldn't have to fight for, the things you aren't meant to have, the hardest fighting won't help (Thai saying)

 

keep your head up, loosing someone special feels like loosing oneself, but from mere statistics, there are many others out there for you, even if that feels like a joke to you right now and even if you think you will never be up for that now.

 

best of luck!

 

Mona