beautifulmess

Well you have certainly come a long way a lot faster than I . Because when I am reminded I want to cry because he is not here with me. I have been in two relationships that were over 8 years long and although the break-ups were painful .. I didn't have a hard time getting through it and moving on. I just started seeing other people and it got better. This time it was different and I just feel lost. I am pretty sure that he thinks of me , since he is always non stop thinking about everything , but as to what he thinks after all I have said well it probably is not a positive thing.

I want to say I feel guilty too. He was incredibly nice and I agree with you totally about how things change.. I often wonder if he would have changed after time, but for now I can only think of him as being nice because that is the only way I know him.

hi, was your guy a little on the nutty side too ? Yes I am in love with him, I guess you just can't help who u fall in love with. I feel like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me and that it is all my fault. It is my belief that he is so used to being dumped that he goes out of his way to point out all of his flaws so that nobody can use it against him to hurt him. He is definitely different but the thing is .. I wouldn't change a thing about him.. The way I see it now is that it really wasn't about me .. that he had things to take care of in his life and that instead of giving him the space and time he needed , I took it all personally, got panicky and insecure and pushed him away with all my e-mails. I kept apologizing for every little thing I did wrong ..the thing about e-mailing that sux is that there is no tone of voice... everything I said was misunderstood.. he thought that I was saying that I tried to hurt him while I was seeing him . The more I tried to explain the worse it got.

Hi, I went through the same exact thing as you, I sent off a long e-mail apologizing because I felt that I wasn't a good gf and wanted him to know that I really did care about him and how much he changed my life , BIG MISTAKE! If only I knew then what I know now ...I think you should wait and think long and hard before sending off an e-mail like that, I thought it was going to make me feel better , thought if only he knows how sorry I am.. turns out I just made things worse.

Yeah I know he is probably not a good mate. I asked him why his wife threw him out after 11 years and he told me that she said it's because he is crazy, that his mom says he's crazy too. He probably IS crazy and I just wasn't with him long enough to see how bad it really is. I swear there was a total personality change within a matter of days .. he was like a stranger and he didn't even remember saying some things that he had said a week earlier. He treated me very well while I was seeing him and according to him he did plan on calling me later that week. I don't think he has had one real relationship since his marriage broke up 7 years ago because most women dump him right away as soon as he tells them on the first date that he can't keep a job and wants to bring his mom along on dates. Not to mention the headstand that he did in my living room...he just got up in the middle of a conversation we were having and did a headstand ( that was just too weird). Ohhhh I don't know what is wrong with me , I think I am in love with a crazy person. I am told that he is very involved with his children for the most part by a friend that lives in the same town as his ex-wife. But while he was seeing me I guess he wasn't spending that much time with them .. probably because he was so busy dialing me every 15 mins.

I do agree with you about having the power to change the way we feel, or at least the me before I met him felt that way. Before I met him I was strong and independent and would have just moved on if someone dumped me. Something inside of me changed when I was with him and now I feel different...as though I am weak without him , and I just want to be the way I was before he came into my life and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get that strength back. Part of me thinks I must like feeling this way or I would just get over it.

Hi, Yep, he has five kids with his ex-wife. As far as being on the same page welll... he is the one that did most of the talking of feelings and he was the one that was trying to move fast. Although I did not talk about my feelings that much with him because I was confused by how fast things were moving , I did try to show that I cared by my actions. I believe that he became slightly obsessed with me while we were seeing each other, he would call every 15 mins until I would answer the phone. His ex was complaining about him not seeing his kids often enough, his friend was complaining about him not going to church enough, his mom was on him about not looking for a job...he wasn't going to the gym as often... things like that. I am not sure if I mentioned in my previous posts that he claims to have add...this guy never sleeps , never stops moving and his mind is always racing. Believe me this is the last kind of man I would have chosen to fall in love with, but it happened anyways and here I am. I sometimes worry that he is with someone else now, but I just try to keep reminding myself that women are probably not lining up to get to him.

Hi, My story is posted and feel free to read it. One of my biggest problems with this whole thing is feeling so weak. I was one of the strongest , independent women I know. I have always been able to deal with things and move on without too much of a problem and have never felt this way for so long, especially since we were not together that long. He said things to me that touched me deeply and I felt like I had met "the one" and that I could trust him with my heart. I have never met anyone that seemed to care so much ... that could just shut someone out like he did. A lot of people tell me that he got scared and went into a man "cave" and that he is afraid of being hurt. I have a hard time with understanding this since he is the one that was so open with his feelings towards me and to how much he wanted to be with me. I know he has been hurt badly in the past .. but he was the one chasing after me . I started the NC because I couldn't seem to stop myself from sending him e-mails and each time I sent one telling him how much I cared about him I ended up feeling worse. Everytime I think I am starting to feel better something happens to make me think of him and then I feel bad all over again. Today was a really hard day and for the first time in 22 days I started trying to think up a good reason to e-mail him, probably the only thing that stopped me was the thought of how much worse I would feel when he didn't respond.

Well today is day 22 of NC. I don't feel any better, I feel worse now than when we first broke up. I have tried dieting, exercising , keeping busy ..nothing is working. I have tried going out with other men and am setting a record for telling men I am sorry but I am still healing so I cannot be involved right now as I am not attracted to any of them and can only think of him. I feel as though I have lost a part of myself and don't know how to get it back. Any words of encouragement ? All I can do is sleep to avoid the pain...

We had met in person first and then we started e-mailing. The subject of whether we were seeing other people came up once, I considered myself still single and had no idea that he considered getting to know each other meant we weren't supposed to see other people.

We are not together now. I am on day 8 of NC. I was just wondering if anyone else thought e-mailing was a part of the relationship. He is was extremely insecure and I never answered him because I didn't feel he had the right to even ask.

No, he did not tell me this, he didn't say it until after we were seeing each other and even said that if I was seeing someone else during this time that he would probably break up with me. The e-mails were back and forth , just basically getting to know each other and talk of getting together.

Before I started dating the guy I was seeing we were getting to know each other through e-mailing for two months. When we started seeing each other he told me he considered the e-mails to be part of our relationship and that he would be very upset if I was seeing someone else during this time ( which I was ). I never considered e-mailing a relationship. What does everyone else think ?

1. beg- a little, cry- not to him but alone yes, he was very detached 2. not yet, like russo...sleep is my only escape ... I sleep every chance I get 3. no 4. everyday for three weeks, sometimes several times a day 5. 8 miserable days

Sorry if I wasn't clear on that. Yes we met in person the first time and then we met again after the two months of emailing ( I met his family and friends on the first official date), and we were seeing each other for 6 weeks, I called him the one time to find out what was going on and then went back to emailing for contact. Last one I got from him was a little over a week ago. (so it was a total of about 6 months if one includes emails a part of the relationship). He once told me he considered our emailing to be part of the relationship and how much he loved getting them from me. I hope he will miss them now that I have stopped.

I am 37, he is 38, and I have not seen him since he "disappeared" . my story is as follows and I will try to be brief . I met him a year ago and we exchanged e-mails. After an e-mail from him stating he was out of work on an injury and that he had FIVE kids I didn't e-mail him again for about 6 mos. It started out e-mailing back and forth for two months.. he was hesitant to meet up because he was only working part time and wanted to be able to "impress me" . Well we met up and from then on for the next 6 weeks ( I know..not long , but long enough for me to fall in love ) he pursued me, always calling me (at least once a day ) telling me he wanted to be "the one", that he wanted to make me happy, that he had feelings for me etc. Then one night we are talking and he is actually saying" you know if we were married ... " phone call ended with him saying "i will call you tomorrow night and let you know how my day went" ( he was starting a new job ) . Well ... he never calls .. 6 days go by and I give in and call him to see what's up... apparently the job didn't work out.. he got kicked out of where he was living and had no money etc.... he says his life is a mess, and he needs to focus and take care of things..says he still likes me.. still wants to see me ..but needs to take care of this stuff first. A couple weeks later he calls .. says he has a job and that he has a few more things to take care of but it wouldn't me much longer till we can see each other. Another few weeks go by and I'm starting to get a little upset.. so I start with the emotional.. "I am heartbroken..." e-mails...to which he FINALLY responds with "my life is revolves around church,work and the gym right now..." (He started going to church ALOT right before he dumped me). I send off a couple of stupid e-mails trying to save face for my emotional babble becuz I have been dumped.. and confront him on the things he said to me.. and he sends email back immediately ..saying he did mean the things that he said but that MY emails seem "confused" once again stating how well HE is doing...I decided I was going to send my last email two weeks ago ( it's been a little over two months since I have seen him ) so I just tell him I just want u to know that I do care about you, I am doing ok blah blah. I never expected to hear from him again.. and then he e-mails back last week with a "hi, just a note to say hi ,take care" which of course I stupidly saw as an invitation, so I sent off ANOTHER one.. saying "hi back .. how are you ? etc" . That was 7 days ago and here I am.. 7 days nc. I do ok until I start thinking of him being with someone else .. then it starts to hurt all over. ( I am fairly certain he is NOT with anyone else but can't stop thinking about it... ). Part of me feels like he pulled a nc on me outta nowhere...

Did you go straight to nc or did you do any of the stupid emotional things I mentioned ? I do realize that nc is for moving on and at this point that is what I am trying to do, but there is a little part of me that still hopes...

This is my first post here and I am going to try to make it brief. This is day 7 of nc. Unfortunately I didn't know about nc and did have a period of about 2-3 weeks of sending alot of stupid emotional e-mails. I didn't beg but did say I was hurt , heartbroken and that I cared about him etc.( I know .. mistake ) I do want him back as I am crazy in love with him ..but have started nc not to play games but because I am tired of hurting. I see so much on here about nc and how it should be used right away. But I am wondering how BAD of a thing is it that I messed up for that couple of weeks and got emotional with my e-mails before I started nc?