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Dako's Dating Guide

Dako

By Dako
in Dating Advice

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Dako Grand Master

Dako

Posted
Posted

In my lifetime of being a monogamous and shy fellow, I've been studying for my next chapter of life. Thanks to a plethora of websites and books, I've become educated in the ways of the world. These tips leap out at me as revelations that should serve me well in the future. I'd like to share these points.

 

Use practice girls.

With a few women as training aids, you can build up your confidence no matter what goes horribly wrong. If they get hurt, well, there's plenty more out there. You need to break an egg to make an omelette. Start off with girls with a lack of self-esteem, and after you've used a few of them, go on to greater victories. Pretty soon you'll become a self-assured member of the secret society.

 

Keep moving.

Whenever they get serious, just move on to the next woman. You should always be looking for the next one, just to keep things fresh. After all, you'll run out of lines and your methods won't work after she gets used to you. Besides, you need to keep in practice.

 

Be yourself.

Be careful how you dress and behave. Each mannerism should be carefully considered for maximum effect on women. Don't lapse into your old ways, even for a minute. Stay in character.

 

Do what they love.

Learn to do those things women enjoy. You won't meet women while fishing or playing golf, so put yourself out there near the girls. In fact, a career as a hairdresser or fashion consultant will give you more access to women than your old gig. Consider a change.

 

Do your homework.

Women love it if you can name their perfume, of course it's always your favorite, even Coco or (gasp) White Shoulders if you're dealing with older girls. They eat this up. Consider subscriptions to women's fashion magazines, then save the perfumed samples in your file cabinet in ziploc bags.

 

Never take them home.

This avoids all sorts of problems if they get clingy. Best to enjoy the delights of their tidy home instead of your pig sty. You won't have to waste time cleaning up, and you can leave as soon as the score is made.

 

Stay calm.

When two or more women compare your cover stories, there's bound to be a showdown. They may even ambush you while you're with a new conquest. Remember to play it cool and play them off each other. You can blame mental instability, senility, or a surplus of junk food for your actions. Play your cards right, and they'll fall for it. Consider the possibility of a make-up threesome...or more!

 

I hope these tips help some pathetic loser become at least half the confident and successful fellow I hope to become.

 

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If you need further help, look for my upcoming guide Nailing Vulnerable Chicks; The Path to Manhood.

 

Yes, this is a goof, just kidding.

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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I can just picture the women on these forums getting pissed off with each "point".. Hopefully they will all make it down to your line about it being a "goof" (i.e. a joke I guess???)....

 

 

It is true that a guy needs to build up his confidence in order to attract decent women. However, I think that someone should build themselves not just for the opposite sex but for the sake of enjoying life!

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Dako Grand Master

Dako

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Dang,

I forgot my favorite point!

 

Exfoliate, cleanse and moisturize each morning, and apply a bronzer with a high SPF for that casual macho effect. It will come off easily with cold cream before your masque goes on at night. Tweeze ferociously, and always use a fresh blade.

You are your face.

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Scout Grand Master

Scout

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Dako,

 

Do you have any REAL advice? I'm unlucky with men and i'm not a loser.

 

Well, I can offer something here. If almost all of your dealings with me are unlucky, there's one of either two common denominators here. Either you are doing something to put them off, or, as is more likely the case, you're pursuing the wrong guys. If that's what it is, I'd seriously make a list of qualities you want in a guy. Then go back over that list and be brutally honest with yourself about what you really need from him. I would not be surprised if the list was vastly shortened, and that if you compared the qualities in it with the guys you're actually involved in, you'll notice most of them don't have those qualities.

 

If you find they do have those qualities...then it's something you're doing.

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Scout Grand Master

Scout

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One tip you neglected was where you find your women. I recommend anorexia support groups. That way you know the women will be both thin and have low self esteem. You can't lose!

 

You know...I find that comment uncalled for and basically it just changed the playful tone of this thread to a more mean-spirited one. I also can't help but notice that once again, you are making derogatory comments about females. This seems to be a pattern for you.

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Scout Grand Master

Scout

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There is nothing that makes something really funny as fast as some fussbudget saying "Thats not funny! I am so offended!"

 

If you're saying you find it funny to offend people, then I'll just discontinue this exchange, because it's unlikely we're going to find any common ground. However, I was amused by your use of the word "fussbudget." I'm not being sarcastic, it's a funny word and I may even use it myself if I should run into one in the future!

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DN Grand Master

DN

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If you're saying you find it funny to offend people, then I'll just discontinue this exchange, because it's unlikely we're going to find any common ground. However, I was amused by your use of the word "fussbudget." I'm not being sarcastic, it's a funny word and I may even use it myself if I should run into one in the future!

 

I guess I must be a fussbudget too. I agree with Scout. Some things are just not funny but merely offensive.

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teacup Mentor

teacup

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Good luck with the programme Dako. If you should decide to follow-through with it don't forget the Kevlar vest when you venture out from your pigsty.

 

i love you for this. lol.

 

dako - ur comparing women to a couple of eggs. but ur the one cracking them. i dont like the justification that it's okay to hurt others for practice or selfish motivations. that makes the world a worse place.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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dako - ur comparing women to a couple of eggs. but ur the one cracking them. i dont like the justification that it's okay to hurt others for practice or selfish motivations. that makes the world a worse place.

 

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H. W. Fowler, in Modern English Usage, had this to say of irony

Irony is a form of utterance that postulates a double audience, consisting of one party that hearing shall hear and shall not understand, and another party that, when more is meant than meets the ear, is aware, both of that “more” and of the outsider’s incomprehension.

A common metaphor for using irony is to “have your tongue in cheek.”

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Dako Grand Master

Dako

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I have to note that I don't know squat about dating, and certainly don't believe this stuff at all. Let's just say there are guys with a different take. Just my opinion as a humble beta male. Is that redundant?

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