Am I over reacting?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys,

 

Firstly i'm sorry, i know compared to most of the posts on this site this one is very selfish and unimportant so thanks for taking the time to read it. I just wanted an outside opinion.

Its my birthday this weekend and me and my mates are going up to my parents for a big bbq party. Thing is my b/f of 4 months has just told me he can't come because he has a project report due in next week and he won't have the time to finish it.

He's had 3 months to do the project and he's known about my party for 6 weeks, it just makes me really mad he's been going out with his friends and stuff if he knew he wasn't gunna have time to do it all. I know i sound like a spoilt brat but this was the first time He was going to meet most of my friends and family (i've already met his).

I haven't said anything to him, but do you think i'm right to be p'd off? He says he's sorry but he just can't "put fun over work".

Do you think i should tell him how upset i am or am i just being childish?

 

Thanks

Sugar xxx

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I know what you mean. You see them slacking off when they know they have this thing due, then the second something thats really important to you comes up, they atumatically become studious. It never seems fair. Perhaps he's just not ready to meet such important people in your life, and that was the best excuse he could come up with?

[AwdreeHpburn]

sugar - you're not being selfish or childish at all. You have every right to feel what ever way you do. Don't ever feel ashamed about feeling a certain way...well, ok almost never...

 

I personally think that you SHOULD tell him that you're sad he won't be coming and that you feel a little upset that he chose this particular moment to be responsible.

 

i have a feeling he's nervous to be meeting your family for the first time.

[kellbell]

No, you are not being childish or selfish. I can see if the project came up suddenly and you guys made other plans to be together. But when he mickey-moused around all this time and now he cannot go to your birthday...I would PO'ed too.

 

Tell him, you have every right to tell him how you feel about it. But do not accuse him of not doing this...or doing that...use the assertive formula...

 

1. This is how I see it...

2. This is how it makes me feel...

3. This is what I need from you...

 

Using the "I" statements makes the person less likely to be defensive and more likely to listen.

 

Good luck and Happy Birthday!

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with Ta_Ree_Saw, maybe he is scared of meeting your family for the first time. I always find it hard to meet a SO's family and friends for the first time. I am always afraid of what they think of me, how they are evaluating me. With my current ex, I met his family rather earlier in the relationship because he lived at home.

[tylercdurden2004]

I dont really think hes all that into you. I mean I can relate to his "method" of completing uni projects. I can have 10 months to do one but it isnt until the last month that I really start. Stupid maybe. But I need the pressure to perform. Realistically and simply he has said his school is more impotant to him than you,which I am have to say isnt all that bad. He is concentrating on school right now and that is his priority. Him going out with his friends offers him time to unwind. Again I dont think he is that into you.

[scarew]

I went through the same thing! My bday was 2 days ago. We were planning on going to my parents for a bbq too. The day before, my bf got a call from prospective job. He left for the interview that evening and came back extatic that he starts tomorrow. I was really happy for him and everything. After a few minutes I asked him if he was still coming tomorrow. He asked what time again, even though we had gone over it several times. It turns out he wouldnt be able to make it. I was very upset.

 

Like in your situation, it seemed like a lack of preparation to me. Whenever I have a job interview I tell them right off the bat when I can start. If the employer asks me to start tomorrow I would politely request to start the day after, because I an important plan previously made. They always understand.

 

I feel like if my bf had something more important, like say he had to finish off some things at his previous job, then he would have told the employer that he couldnt start until the day after. So I just feel like he really didnt care. I see it as a simple request, he sees it that he had to strike when the iron was hot.

 

My mother ended up phoning me and asking to postpone the bbq that night anyways. But I was still angry with my bf. Its the principle.

 

I just got over it by telling myself over and over that he just doesnt see it the way I do. Because I could tell he was genuinly, very, very, sorry. So because his intentions were good, I was able to forgive him after a few hours.

 

Go to your bbq, have fun with your family, and appreciate the time with them alone. But let him know how much it meant to you. He needs to realize that it was a major disappointment, and how difficult it is for you to swallow this.

 

Happy bday sweetie! Hope you have a good time!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I agree with Yin.

 

After 7 months I havn't properly met my boyfriend's mother..who lives a total of 6 minutes away from him!

 

I just don't feel ready, your boyfriend may be having the same kind of feeling? I think an open talk about it is called for.

 

I can understand why you'd be disappointed.

[Momene]

I think the job example was slightly different as it did come up last minute but as for the school project when he had weeks to do it - no way.

 

It's not quite a dumping offence but a warning that it he does it again, he's gone.