Do you notice some people seem to have it so easy?

[Lily04]

in life? They're happy and carefree, bubbly, etc. and everything seems to go their way? I find it somewhat... fascinating I guess. My housemate is like this. She is always happy, her dad is a professional, they're comforatble financially and such, and he pays for her schooling and everything 100%. I asked her if she has a job lined up for this summer, she says no. I ask if she concerned about this, because I certainly am, as most jobs start May 1st, and I've put out dozens of applications and haven't heard anything back. She just shrugs, and is like "whatever, I'll just apply after exams when things cool down, and I'll just get something like with the government or working at the university in something that pays well." I was like "wow that's nice that you can assume that so easily..." I assume her Dad might hook her up with something if those plans fall through.

 

Meanwhile I am never that lucky. I can't just assume things will "work out" either. This year everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. It was partly due to ill planning on my part but partly due to circumstances beyond my control.

 

There are people on here who complain of not having girlfriends/boyfriends. I've never had a satisfying relationship and that is the least of my problems right now, I honestly couldn't care. I'm trying to date but know the people I go out with aren't compatible and it won't lead to anything.

 

I find it amazing how accomodating university is sometimes as well. If you have any "personal" or "psychological" problems (i.e. lots of stress/anxiety, can't cope with it) you can get so many accommodations. In real life, you can't cite "personal problems" and get time off from work, free psychological counselling along with time with other professionals, a comfortable lump sum from the government, along with other benefits. All because of "anxiety" problems. I haven't talked with a psychologist yet, although I have an appt. soon but I know people who have this. But in university, if you have problems they want to take care of it without any trouble. If you have a nose bleed, there's 5 professionals waiting to counsel you. The way society works I just find amazing at times. I suppose I'm just sad because I know people who have it much worse but don't get that type of help. Like my parents. I feel pampered in some ways, spoiled in others, and just want the people who need help to be truly helped. I see so many problems with this world, yet some have it so simple. I suppose I just find the dichotomy amazing and perplexing in some ways and wish I could help.

 

edited to make shorter. =)

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Lily..I think it's a mindset thing. I tend to look for the good side of things..and be positive of the outcome. MY mother on the other hand is a VERY negative person..and I think it has to do with her experience in life. I think we tend to get what we anticipate...or what others might call a 'self fullfilling prophecy". Your friend has probably always gotten things rather easily and it is now her mindset that she deserves it.

[Lily04]

I can't be positive of the outcome because I know realistically it may not be possible. I can't be positive that I'll just get a government job when most positions start on May 1st and you're applying after that date. Yet of course she'll somehow get it, probably through her parents. Last year I was 'positive' about getting jobs and nothing worked out. If I don't get a job this summer I am sincerely screwed and might not even be able to go back to university in the fall. I can hope for a nice position, but if it doesn't work out, I'll just apply to every restaurant around the country & hope someone hires me, lol.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

i'm a buddhist, and with that point i always look for the world to be optimistic no matter the situation, if you don't think it will work out for the best it's not going too, now i'm not asking you to become a buddhist i'm just saying just have a positive outlook on life as all things will go the way they're supposed too

[Lily04]

i'm a buddhist, and with that point i always look for the world to be optimistic no matter the situation, if you don't think it will work out for the best it's not going too, now i'm not asking you to become a buddhist i'm just saying just have a positive outlook on life as all things will go the way they're supposed too

 

yeah, you're 15... that's a nice outlook. But in reality I know it's not true. If you want to become President, for example, and just have a positive outlook, the chances of that happening are very slim. Not everything is within reach. if you have cancer and hope to live, and are a great and beautiful person, no matter if you are positive, religious and healthy, you may still die at a young age. Not everything in life is fair, and that's a fundamental principle I think some people learn sooner than others.

[Lady Bugg]

You don't have to EXPECT it....the key is to be open to the possibility that it WILL happen. Believe it or not, people CAN sense a nagative aura and perhaps it comes accross in some of your interactions. One thing I like to do is visualize positive things coming to fruition. Many times just those positve thoughts change my attitude. I like this saying: You can't change the winds...but you can always adjust your sails' ...

[the yang to the worlds yin]

yeah, you're 15... that's a nice outlook. But in reality I know it's not true. If you want to become President, for example, and just have a positive outlook, the chances of that happening are very slim. Not everything is within reach. if you have cancer and hope to live, and are a great and beautiful person, no matter if you are positive, religious and healthy, you may still die at a young age. Not everything in life is fair, and that's a fundamental principle I think some people learn sooner than others.

 

 

I think your showing us in this comment, exactly what most of us may be thinking, or at least I am. You focus on the hard, on what you won't get, on what everyone else has. Why not focus on what you've achieved so far, on whats good in your life, on how hard you've worked and be proud of that. Just because one persons life " seems" easy does not make it so. You can't go around life thinking about the negatives and what everyone but you has, because i've seen it happen and those people turn out to be very very bitter.

[Lady Bugg]

Lily, I think you are a realist and that's a good thing....that does not mean you can't still have high hopes. I tend to have high standards, so the goals I aim for are usually pretty hard to attain..but I do this because I know if I reach even ONE of these hard goals, then it gives me the confidence to push me through to the next hard thing.

 

Good things do NOT always come "easily'...many times it takes dedication and perseverance. My hair salon was not given to me. I worked my butt off for it..and still do. It was a goal I set out for myself when applied to cosmetology school..and I DID it after working for someone else for only 4 years. My NEXT goal is to open another salon...and hopefully I will have a chain within a few years. Is it hard? Absoluely. Is it impossible?? Absolutely not....because I believe in myself.

[vesper]

If I don't get a job this summer I am sincerely screwed and might not even be able to go back to university in the fall. I can hope for a nice position, but if it doesn't work out, I'll just apply to every restaurant around the country & hope someone hires me, lol.

 

Lily - doesn't your university help you with job assistance?? Some do. Also, can't you get that restaurant job for the summer??

 

Whatever happens, even if you hit bottom, it can only go up from there. Seriously, you never know what life has in store for you. I would try to focus on you own life and stop looking at others around you. You have a world of possibility at your fingers you just don't know it.

 

I have hit bottom, I have almost completely run out of money, no job, living with my parents, there is always something that comes up a new door opens, something....when things start going bad, you will start opening your eyes to new posibilities and start taking risks that you were not willing to before....

[TheLegend]

"I think we tend to get what we anticipate...or what others might call a 'self fullfilling prophecy"" - I agree, my dad's somewhere between a realist and pessimist, me on the other hand I'd consider myself somewhat optimist. He always thinks for the worst and takes precautions and guess what, his predictions on how something will go wrong always come true. My thinking is a little different, like at that job thing, it's not if she gets that job or not that's important for me, I can tell myself that even if I don't get that job, I can find one just as good/fun/well paid as that one. But telling myself that I'll get that job for sure would be just ignoring reality.

[Beyondthesea]

I understand completely. I never had the free ride that many of my friends have. In fact, I have always had to work while I went to school, so you sound like you've had it pretty good too

 

Overall, you just have to take what you get in life and fight like hell to get what you want otherwise

[Lily04]

Thanks... I think you guys are right. I'm just personally very scared and that is why I'm thinking somewhat pessimistically. I wasn't able to hold a summer job last year, and I know my parents don't expect much of me this year... my Dad was telling me I should have started to apply back in January and by March have one set up...

 

I told my parents, whatever happens (ALTHOUGH there are some things that are personally off-limits like prostitution & illegal stuff) I will find something and do it, I don't care. I am so determined. But it's just hard because I know my parents don't have much faith in me either since I wasn't able to find a job last summer... and I am somewhat worried. I'm not taking summer school this year either which was my excuse last year, to somewhat justify it, but now that I'm becoming more financially independent as well, I seriously need to find something!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm just incredibly frustrated. I don't have time to personally go into every place and introduce myself as well, which may help because of exams and such...

[shes2smart]

While others' lives may look "lucky" to an outside observer, we can never fully know what sorts of struggles and disappointments they've had to face over time. I have yet to meet a person who hasn't had at least one (and usually many more than one) tragic event in their life.

 

Also, it's hard to evaluate things that happen to us as "good" or "bad" when we're in the midst of them. Sometimes, events that are "bad" as we're living them turn out to be "good" in hindsight.

 

A simple example -- catching my ex cheating was bad...way bad...but if I hadn't caught him cheating, I wouldn't have broken up with him when I did, if I hadn't broken up with him when I did, I wouldn't have been single & available and in a place to meet my husband. In hindsight, catching my ex cheating was the catalyst that sparked a series of events that led to a positive outcome.

 

In life, it is not the things that happen to us that are good or bad, it is the attitude with which we meet those events that determines everything.

 

If you believe that everything ultimately works out for your highest good, then you handle a bump in the road differently than someone who believes they are cursed.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I told my parents, whatever happens (ALTHOUGH there are some things that are personally off-limits like prostitution & illegal stuff) I will find something and do it, I don't care. I am so determined. But it's just hard because I know my parents don't have much faith in me either since I wasn't able to find a job last summer... and I am somewhat worried. I'm not taking summer school this year either which was my excuse last year, to somewhat justify it, but now that I'm becoming more financially independent as well, I seriously need to find something!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm just incredibly frustrated. I don't have time to personally go into every place and introduce myself as well, which may help because of exams and such...

 

But you sound like your doing everything you can, what more can you expect of yourself. It's ok to be frustrated.It's so hard to find a job in this day and age, and many people are affected by that. You sound like you've really got your act together though, so i'm sure you'll find what your looking for. =)

[TheLegend]

Yes she2smart, I love the way you put that in words, I became more of an optimist after a tragic event as you said. I basically cheated certain death with a couple of hours. After that I realised nothings worth it and I noticed that, the problems I've had always disappear at some point and good days came.. So I asked myself, why make myself sad for something temporary, after all, times pass and everything goes back to normal. It's life, and I'm not going to waste my life worrying for small problems

[itsallgrand]

I'll be blunt: If you have time to ruminate and complain, you don't have it that bad.

 

Buck up! It's all better from here on in. You've learned some lessons others will have to learn later in life: and it will be much more difficult for them.

 

Pain=Opportunity

[annie24]

Very well said S2S!!!

 

The other thing I was thinking: Maybe the roommate just projects an aura of confidence - she KNOWS she'll have a job this summer so she's not worried. Maybe employers sense this inner confidence and respond well to it.

 

Likewise - with people who have no troubles attracting boyfriends or girlfriends, they aren't thinking, "oh no! will this person like me?" on the date. They are probably thinking, "Let's just go out and have a fun time! I am a great person! They'll have fun with me."

[BlueWolf]

Something which is very important to know: Never wish you were someone else. "The grass is always greener on the other side, but when you actually get there... a different story."

[Lily04]

I'll be blunt: If you have time to ruminate and complain, you don't have it that bad.

 

Buck up! It's all better from here on in. You've learned some lessons others will have to learn later in life: and it will be much more difficult for them.

 

Pain=Opportunity

 

hmm. I actually don't have time technically... I should be doing a million other things than checking this site right now, lol. But... valid point.

[ocrob]

I don't know if will make a difference, but I got a free ride. My family was not rich, but I was lucky enough to attend college with out working. I look back now and I am so appreciative. I will say that I find most people in the business world that worked during college are very successful. They had a head start about learning about business and learning what it is like to earn your own money. I had to scrape by in college and I am so thankful of what I had, but you are getting an early start. I admit that I had a five year party, but we are all on the same playing feild after college and I am sure your resume would look better than mine did. I ended up working for a company for 7 years and putting in 16 hour days and not taking my days off so I think we might have evened out. It is about motivation and initiative and the willingness to learn. I respect people that work through college and most do well. Keep up the good work and just know it will pay off.

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

Just to clarify, I'm not working my way through college. I know in the States schools give out large scholarships to pay for schooling because the cost of tuition is so high, but universities in Canada don't give out so generous grants... I don't have a 'free ride' but I didn't have a job throughout school because I couldn't handle it with school. I tried and worked for a bit, but wasn't really able to keep up... posted about it on here around January when I quit, actually...

 

But next year I'm going to do work-study... I would have done it if I could have, but I find school & extra-curriculars enough as it is...so yeah, that's why I said I feel guilty in my post I think -- since I didn't work but have such a huge debt. However, next year I intend to only go do school part-time & work part-time as well... I'm just not comfortable with having so much debt I guess. And cost of tuition is also increasing next year, thank you Liberals...

[itsallgrand]

You should come work with me for a while. lol. Your attitude would change realllll fast or else you'd end up in the pysch ward.

 

Yeah, life can be disillusioning sometimes. It sounds like that is what is happening here. Your expectations and hopes meet the 'real' world. It can blow a lot harder than we ever imagined, and be so much more beautiful too.

 

.....how old are you, anyways?...NM: I checked: 21. Gotcha.

 

blaming politicians...tsk tsk

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh dear..you've been fooled by a LOT of people. I've met so many people in the last couple of years who seem worthy of being envied, Ive gotten closer, many of them are miserable. Its just they have better coping skills, I guess.

[annie24]

if they're miserable, they don't have good coping skills. they are just good actors.

[Lunabelle]

In my experience, people who get a free ride, with their parents providing everything for them even after they are certainly old enough and bright enough to provide even a bare minimum of their own support, eventually get a lesson in real life.

 

In my opinion, parents do their child NO FAVORS at all by handing them everything they need on a platter.

 

Because these people grow up to expect everyone to continue handing them what they want and what they need. And make everyone else miserable around them.

 

Don't be jealous because your roomie has it easy now. Know that she will have to face the music at some point in her life. Meantime, you have a much clearer sense of adulthood and reality than she does.

 

Best wishes to you.