I Am Miserable

[ElektraHere]

Hi There,

 

I kick everyones * * * on this site and I think I need a little of it now. I hate how things have ended up for me and I should be happy right now. The positives I am doing well in school, have a great job with a very understanding boss, dating, and just awesome friends.

 

There is just one element that I can't seem to wrap my arms around...that being I miss my friend Robert. If I could pass any advice on to others DO NOT I repeat DO NOT tell a friend you have feelings for them. It will forever change the relationship you have. I know I kick myself about ever telling him that I had feelings for him. The questions I ask myself is how can I miss someone who doesnt miss me, doesnt return my calls, or even care to respond via email. Someone who says they've been busy and thats why they havent responded. I should be pissed and somedays I am. He got what he wanted on all fronts and I got nothing but the shaft.

 

So you can see I conflicted with two feelings one of hurt and missing him and the other pissed and wish I had never met him. Things were so awesome between us and then after I told him POOF things went all to hell. I have not contacted him in about 1 week but I havent talked to him in about 2 weeks.

 

I am not sure what I am asking of you all maybe a bit of * * * kicking, maybe a bit of encouragement, maybe a bit of his loss and my gain?

 

I don't know that's why I'm posting this.

[missbrittanyy]

i liked a bestfriend once.. it didn't ruin anything between us. but i had a really hard time dealing with him and other girls, and situations like so. it takes a lot of guts to tell somebody who you have an already amazing bond with, that you feel more than that for them. you didn't do anything you shouldnt have. you'd think as him being your friend. he wouldnt turn his back on you, but politely let you know his feelings are not mutual. just give him time.. unless it's been a super long time.. if it has, then he's not worth it.. he's acting like a complete tool. and you don't deserve that. you change change how you feel for somebody. if it hasnt been that long. perhaps he's just scared of hanging out, cause he thinks he might be leading you on or soemthing.. i think all you can really do is let him know, you understand he doesnt feel the same, but you;d like the continue a frienship like always. you'd rather have a friend then nothing at all

[blueangel]

Putting yourself out there comes with the risk of being exposed. Stop second guessing yourself. It's hard but in time, you'll learn to stop. See your relationship for what it was. Obviously he had some immaturity there if he can't care enough to call you back. It's not everyday we have someone at ALL say they like us.

 

I had a friendship with a girl who grew very mean. I wrote her a nice, understanding letter (short one) explaining my feelings one day and she never spoke to me again. I saw her on the school bus every day and she was always in front of me talking with other people making me feel like it was ME who had the problem. But since we live close by, I noticed she was always alone and arrogant to those around her. I cared about it on and off and then one day, she apologized to me in the most superficial way she could "I'm super sorry for letting stuff get betweeny you and I. Let's go shopping" and I realized then that I did nothing wrong. It should be her with the regrets.

 

Ultimately, that's what got me over it- knowing that I, not her, put myself out there in a really deep connecting way. That's when I realized I didn't want to be her friend anymore. It was regrets shrinking my self image as she acted like she was better than me that caused me to think I missed her. Some things I did- but when people wrong you like that- they are disrespecting you. When someone does that, you realize they never really saw you in the first place.

 

And that is what I learned

[Scout]

The thing is Elektra, is if you two were still friends you would not be emotionally available for the RIGHT guy when he appears in your life. You would forever be comparing anyone you date to Robert even more than you do now, because he would still be in your life and you would be emotionally engaged with him more than anyone else.

 

Let's face it, unrequited love hurts. And we've all experienced it. What you had a great deal of your friendship with Robert were romantic feelings mixed in there, as well. He didn't feel the same...but you would have hung around anyway. You really would have limited yourself if you had. Believe it or not, he's doing you a favor. Find out what you really need - not necessarily want, because there's a big difference sometimes - in your next relationship, so when that guy appears you'll recognize him right away. I would say at the top of your list he should be a guy who is absolutely enthralled with you.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Elektra....

 

Sorry but, I don't think you need an * * * kicking. It's ok to feel down...and it's

ok to be angry that you feel disrespected. Why would we kick your * * * for that?

There is someone I miss talking to...although he treated ME pretty shabbily in the end. I get down, but not like I used to. I've somehow managed to turn that energy inward and have begun working on myself. I think about him EVERYDAY...god knows why. Habit maybe? It certainly CAN'T be because he deserves it!!! So..I know exactly where you're coming from.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself...

This too shall pass

[xmrth]

The way I've always seen those situations is this-- that eventually they'll "forget" (but not actually forget) but just kind of go back to getting used to the person, and maybe even feeling like maybe those "feelings" felt for them are gone.

 

I think it just takes a lot of time and patience, and to be honest, who knows how else it would have turned out-- you could be kicking yourself one day for having never told him, and it shouldn't be that you're kicking yourself now that you have.

 

Even if he doesn't come around, you're sure to develop a strong friendship in others, and maybe be able to tell who will not feel the same, or who to keep just as a friend.

[avman]

If you risk nothing you gain nothing. If you had not told Robert how you felt there is no chance of anything more happening between you two. You took a chance, and this time it didn't work out. That doesn't mean you were wrong to take the chance. It just means that it wasn't meant to be.

 

You can't kick yourself for having feelings. They just happen. Though his immature reaction probably shows you that he wouldn't have been a partner that was worthy of you.

 

Hang in there Elektra.

[Scout]

Though his immature reaction probably shows you that he wouldn't have been a partner that was worthy of you.

 

Ditto that.

[ElektraHere]

Thanks so much enotters. I know that it is for the best. I guess what makes it so hard is we have 3000 miles that divide us so even if I did want to see him in person I would have quite the trip to do so.

 

Scout you are so right I would and do compare my dates to Robert. My friends here think I am a fool for doing that. They are saying I am being overly picky now. I am trying to keep an open mind really I am just he seems to creep in somehow.

 

I invested alot into this man and friendship. We were on every level insync humor, values, sex everything. I think that is also why it is so hard to let go there was the almighty sexual element. That is an emotional timebomb for me. I take it seriously with that person not just as sex. He on the other hand just thought of it as sex and nothing more. So that is where the hurt comes in.

 

LadyBugg I do think of him everyday and I think for some reason I will always think of him everyday (especially if I hear any John Mayer songs).

[missbrittanyy]

i think sex is an emotional attachment for most people

[Karibo]

Avman - I couldn't have put it better.

 

You took a chance. If you hadn't you would forever be wondering what could have happened and then you would never have known and would be kicking yourself for that also.

[Lady Bugg]

Elektra....You are a young , vibrant woman.....You offer sound, good advice. You are obviously extremely smart and apparently "Robert" cared for you.

I hate it when someone tells me "there's more fish in the sea" or "You'll find someone better" "He didn't deserve you"...dammit I WANT him to WANT me!!! LOL Unfortunately...I have simply had to wait out my "hurt". In the process, made some REALLY stupid decisions and acted in ways I knew were out of character. Regret is an awful reality....ugh. Too bad they don't make selective memory erasers..lol...like on Men IN Black...how cool would THAT be?

 

Anyway....I hope you are feeling better soon.

[missbrittanyy]

I hate it when someone tells me "there's more fish in the sea" or "You'll find someone better" "He didn't deserve you"...

 

i agree with this..

it drives me insane when some one is like "you can do better" cause the first thought that comes into my head is.. i dont want better i want him, fallowed by, if im too good for him, why wouldn't he be thankful to be with a girl like me

[tylercdurden2004]

Not sure how long you have had feelings for him, but lets be honest for part of the relationship there he was more than just a friend unbeknownst to him. Maybe he feels like he was duped, that the friendship was under false pretenses.

[ElektraHere]

Tyler ~ He doesnt nor didnt feel duped. We were completely honest with each other hense the blabbing to him I had feelings and him telling me the sex between us was just that. There were no false pretenses about this relationship. Unfortunatley I got the ol hook off the stage so to speak.

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler ~ He doesnt nor didnt feel duped. We were completely honest with each other hense the blabbing to him I had feelings and him telling me the sex between us was just that. There were no false pretenses about this relationship. Unfortunatley I got the ol hook off the stage so to speak.

 

Did he give you a reason for why he doesnt want to be as close as he was to you before?

[Dako]

Elektra,

You took the risk of putting your feelings on the line for him, and got disappointed. You were doing what many of us find so terrifying. Don't let your misery cloud your view of the next possibility life offers you. It's no fun to build walls around your heart and close your eyes.

 

You don't need your * * * kicked any more than any other heartbroken soul. You need to heal and rediscover life.

NC really is a start.

 

I had a crappy day of depression, but an hour ago I got to tickle a wild baby bunny's butt. He kicked me and ran off. Little joys are worth looking for.

[Lady Bugg]

You tickled a wild WHAT's butt???LOL I HOPE you were referring to the critter kind!!!

[Momene]

I wish I was able to take my own advice, too so you're not alone in that!

 

I don't think you can generalise but I once dated my best friend and it didn't last. There is a risk but the other risk is that you hide your feelings and 10, 15, 20 years later you could be thinking about the "what ifs".

 

So don't be hard on yourself.

 

Good luck.

[ElektraHere]

Did he give you a reason for why he doesnt want to be as close as he was to you before?

 

Just that he doesnt feel that way towards me and the reason we arent as close is he is busy? So really I dont have a concise answer.

[keenan]

I invested alot into this man and friendship. We were on every level insync humor, values, sex everything. I think that is also why it is so hard to let go there was the almighty sexual element. That is an emotional timebomb for me. I take it seriously with that person not just as sex. He on the other hand just thought of it as sex and nothing more. So that is where the hurt comes in.

 

LadyBugg I do think of him everyday and I think for some reason I will always think of him everyday (especially if I hear any John Mayer songs).

 

No * * *-kicking from me. Just a hug.

[keenan]

but an hour ago I got to tickle a wild baby bunny's butt. He kicked me and ran off. Little joys are worth looking for.

 

Really? That's crazy and cool. Happy Easter.

[aggierocker]

Stuff friends and mentors have told me throughout my short 18 years.

 

"How many people are in this world?"

 

"People come and go"

 

"You don't see them anymore for a reason"