Help! Some advice from guys too please!

[handsdown]

I need some serious help, I feel ridiculous!

 

My lovely and wonderful boyfriend enjoys looking at porn, a perfectly normal behavior amongst the majority of men that should be accepted in a relationship as long as, say, he isn't choosing it over me or something, correct?

 

Well it bugs me a lot and I just don't know how to approach this. It REALLY hurts me, makes me feel insecure, makes me feel low, makes me even feel almost used in a quasi way.

 

I have a lot a of male friends and the #1 thing that they say bothers them about their girlfriends is how they bug them about looking at porn. Now, maybe it is just the crowd I keep, so gentlemen please enlighten me here if this is really not an accurate assumption!

 

I just so do not want to be one of those girlfriends/wives where their significant other has to "hide" their porno habits for fear of causing upset. I just don't even want to go there, but it HURTS. I just hate it.

 

For example, I won't see him all day and be upset that he sat at home "watching" movies and didnt wait for me to come home and enjoy some time together. Or, we will spend time together and I'll go to work or what not and he'll "watch" movies only an hour or so after, was I not good enough!?

 

I did enjoy watching porn when I was single, but now that I am with him, and we have this incredible sex life, I feel no need. Yes I KNOW guys are hornier than girls blah blah blah, but, geez, we have sex at least twice a day, how can he not be satisfied? But really, that is NOT the issue, because if he was just satisfying himself without porn I would have no problems, my problem is the porn.

 

I feel crazy, I in no way ever wanted to tell him what he can and cannot do, and I would never want to say "do not look at porn" and have him pretend he doesnt when he does, that would just make it worse. So what do I do?! Please help, especially help from guys here, because I have no clue what guys think on this subject, maybe an explanation would make me feel better? I can't even discuss this with my close male friends for fear of embarrassment.

 

I have "touched" on the subject with him and he isn't hostile about it, like for example I'll ask him not to watch movies during a particular day sometimes and he is ok with that, but what am I supposed to do, make that request everyday!? I am just so embarrassed to talk to him about this, I feel so juvenile!

 

I am insecure, I feel like my body will never measure up and I could never take it like those girls do! So what can I do? Advice and all comments welcome (even if critical) Thanks!

[annie24]

well, I'm one of those people who doesn't mind if my bf watches porn, so long as it's not an addiction.

 

Have you ever suggested that you two watch some movies together? I think it would be good to come to a compromise, because I don't know if you can really ban him from watching porn forever (actually, you really can't do that.)

 

Don't feel offended that he is looking at these women. Men like variety. Filet mignon may be your favorite meal, but after having it every night for dinner for weeks, you probably wouldn't mind having something different. But, it doesn't mean that filet mignon still isn't your favorite

 

I suggest finding some movies that the two of you can watch together. I bet you two don't even make it past the first 5 minutes before he just starts having sex with you

[tmp0620]

Just tell him how you feel about it. Don't make it a huge deal, but let him know that it bugs you and why, maybe he'll stop.

[handsdown]

Thanks for the advice!

 

I have thought about us looking at porn together, but I'm in this phase (this is the reason why I no longer look at porn) where I find the men unattractive in the movie and I don't get turned on. So I don't know if it would be an option, it would be cruel for us to watch porn, him get turned on and me be like "eww I don't want anything now" It's bizarre but it is how I feel now. I will give it a try, I guess it can't hurt, but somehow I feel like that would be telling him it was "ok" when it still really isn't. I am so confused!

 

Any other compromises I could make that might fit us better? I already provide him with any fantasies he needs or wants, we are very open that way and we have a great time. Maybe I could make him a video!?

[monsieur]

no to making a video or doing a photo shoot

if you did do a video, he might watch it too, but it won't stop him from wanting to watch the porn

[lgirl]

you don't like watching porn

 

you feel uncomfortable

 

you "hate it"

 

why are you going against your feelings just because you assume "everyone else" is okay with porn? why are you prepared to give it a try when you don't really want to? if they said jump in the fire, would you?the majority of women are not comfortable with it - for the reason that they find it degrading and a turn-off. why is that do you think? it's how you feel that matters - not your bf(and he sounds like he is overdoing it). also, you say lots of yr male friends look at it and complain their gfs don't like it - how old are these guys? sounds like you're hanging out with an immature crowd.

 

if you do not feel comfortable, don't do it! end of story. why are you putting his needs ahead of your own? if yr bf can't change his grubby habit or won't listen to you, then you are incompatible anyway, so you'd be better off finding a man that respects women, which yr bf obviously doesn't. not all men feel compelled to look at porn - some of them find it tacky and depressing and they prefer to stay in the real world.

 

PS men are NOT hornier than women - that's a terrible misconception!

[robowarrior]

Men don't watch porn to destroy your life or your marriage.

 

There's a lot of misconception.

PS men are NOT hornier than women - that's a terrible misconception!

 

That's a misconception too. Testosterone hormones in men and woman are the lust hormones that makes us horny, and Woman often want to overrelate themselves, the fact is woman + men = not the same. Men lust hormones are 100 times worse then in woman, this is shown in many actions of men lingering for sex in many ways.

 

For our species to survive, men must be attracted to woman, although there is NO justification for porn,i can tell you that not even the men who watch are always happy in doing so , its just a natural drive to reproduce.

 

Your body is fine, he wouldn't have sex with you if he was unsatisfied.

[miracle29]

Why are men always trying to play the "its just in us to do this " game? I have read so many posts about "men can't help it" "men this men that". Well newsflash buddies..women can want sex and think about sex just like a man and women can look at other men and get aroused

 

. Here's a little list I'd like to let out of the bag for all the blind men who walk around thinking they are the kings and that excuses will continue to be bought by women of this century. This list is for all of you who seem to think you have some kind of monopoly on this whole "Sex" thing.

 

 

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY OFFEND SOME MEN and SOME WOMEN....this is NOT ABOUT or FOR EVERYONE!!!

 

Women get just as horny if not hornier than men

 

A woman can masterbate watching a porn too....

 

SOME Women like porn and yes we wish he was doing that to us just like you wish she was doing that move on you...

 

We stare at your best friends butt...its nice..so don't think you are the only ones who look at butts or chest. We like nice pecks too!

 

Women look at other men even when they love the one they are with. We're just so much slicker at it.

 

Most women don't enjoy sex with their partners. Because his penis is too small or he is a minute man. Or worse. His PENIS is big and he's a minute man. WE JUST FAKE IT. So the fact that some of you small penis and minute men have the nerve to cheat on the woman who will put up with your pathetic antics in bed is just down right confusing. Just as confusing as us women who sometimes consider . This just goes to show how insecure most women are.

 

Some women like a man with a nice * * * too.

 

SIZE MATTERS

 

 

The "Its you baby, you just feel so good and thats why i can't last" may have flattered us for the first month..but 9 years down the line, we know you're just lazy and selfish. Were so sick of that!

 

We'd like men to do more wet t-shirt contests. Or more Wet Boxer contest...whoo hoo!

 

For some women...if she is unhappy at home...and she goes out of town to say ...MEXICO...she could cheat on you just as fast as you would on her if the situation were reversed. The likely hood of you finding out...slim to none.

 

Stop taking your issues with your mother out on us...we are not her....so don't blame us for how she betrayed you or how she did this and that.

 

 

We don't like the way you go down on us..you suck and we fake that too.

Some women even turn to other women...seems like some of you men...need to take NOTES..

 

 

No we really don't want to watch ..ESPN sports EVERY NIGHT...we just do it to make you happy. We also know if we don't we wont get any quality time with you. But just so you know.... If it was up to us...we'd watch CSI or LAw and ORDER or something with variety.

 

Watching TV together after you come home from work is not OUR idea of romance.

Neither are the following terms:

1. You wanna give me some

2. Bend over

3. Give me some head

 

Foreplay is not you pushing our heads down there...when you havent even gotten us wet yet....

 

If you can't last in bed longer then five minutes...FOREPLAY should be your MAJOR priority.

 

If you don't "DO THAT" and you "CAN'T LAST" then you should be ashamed of yourself.

 

 

BIG FEET DON'T MEAN A BIG ....THAT is a HUGE myth.

 

Not all WHITE men have small ....

 

NOt all Black men have big....

 

I don't know about Asians....

 

We are not stupid...we see you looking at other women's butts and breast and whatever else you decide to glance at right in our faces...we mark it down as a "You wont be gettin any of this tonight " list.

 

Stinky feet are NOT attractive...or funny

 

Gas here and there is no big deal ...but every day.. comE ON!

 

I could go on and on..but i'll let some other women interject. Also I'm sure some man will retaliate and do the " MEN DON'T LIKE THIS " thing....so i'll stay tuned to that.

[lgirl]

well done miracle29 - excellent post!!!

 

women's sexuality has been 'silenced' for so long, it's gone underground. the fact is hornyness comes down to the individual, it is not about gender. also women want more sex more often than men will ever know b/c due to social conditioning it has been regarded as unacceptable for women to talk about their sexual appetites (especially in religious cultures like catholicism where as a woman your identity is only as virgin, mother or * * * * *) - we don't even have a word for what we do when we touch ourselves! we have no language to express our sexualities, unlike men.

 

PS we always look at men's "packets" and butts - you'll just never catch us looking!

[handsdown]

hahaha Miracle29!

 

I went ahead and bit the bullet and talked to him about it. It took a lot of him coaxing me to get it out, but I knew it was something I had to say.

 

He basically asked me if it was something that I felt I needed or if there was compromising that could be done, which of course there wasn't and he was fine with it. I also made it adament that I would RATHER he looked at it and was honest then just lied to me about it so it was clear that I didnt want him just not telling me he was looking at it. He agreed that it was fine, and that he doesn't care either way, he was just under the impression that it was ok with me (my mistake, as I led him to believe it was) so figured, why not?

 

I do agree with Miracle29 on the fact that guys being hornier than girls is a complete misconception, but you know how outside influence works. Like really, ok so they say that testosterone increase sex drive 100 times? How exactly do they measure this? Sex drive is completely objective and individual down to the person not the gender, so how can it be measured. Also don't women also have testoterone? I don't know, I have met members of both sexes with all types of sex drives, I guess I was just trying to make excuses so I wouldn't have to confront my boy about it. Thanks!

 

OH...I feel so much happier now! I don't worry about it day in and day out, my boyfriend is the best!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Heh.

 

Had the same problem a couple of months ago, so my solution was to shoot a sexy movie of me with one of my best mates (of the opposite gender shooting it).

I did question the morals of it, but the guy shooting it was a good longterm best mate and we kept it all very professional-ish.

It was quite empowering really and although I didn't show it to anyone, I looked good and it kind of helped me.. understand why porn exists?

 

HOWEVER

 

Overall, porn still makes me vomit - not the actual images themselves, the idea and concept of it - and my boyfriend is willing to get rid of it/stop watching it for me.

 

I didnt take him up on it- how could he prove he was/wasnt watching it anyway?

 

I was touched by that gesture (which seemed sincere/genuine) but it's still puke worthy and sadly its making me see Id like a *cleaner* person who makes me feel like the only one in their sex life, etc. I used to look at porn then I woke up to the fact I find it out and out WRONG.

 

Sucks because other than that, my signif other is a great person.

[southerngirl]

STands up APPLAUDING

 

WTG

 

So do you all think im a sicko if I told my man that I would watch it with him??? I really did.... LOL What if it turned me on too?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I don't think porn is in keeping with human nature, and people who watch it have Other Issues.

 

But everyone's opinion is going to be different.