I dont understand please help

[aving21]

little background.

she breaks up with me but wants me still there we go through a time where everything is normal but when iq uestion us she says i dont know.

We hook up alot and its ok but i get fed and tell her look you cant do this and i only want you to call me if you need me then im here but im not gonna call,text anything because you need to innitiate it. Because prior to that we would go out hook up and i asked her why she would say " well you wanted to and i just wanted to make you happy" so its fone at that.

We go through 3 or so days and shes online and says she had a mental break down how she doesnt appreciate anything and more.

2 days later(last night) she calls me 3 times i dont answer. She calls my cousin and tells him to tell em to pick up my durn phone. So i do

She calls and im liek why did you call she says " wanna see how you are" i say well im fine dont do that then she says all quick i just wanna talk. i say fine whats up and she explains her day and gets into sex for some reason and i just stay distant and talk. THEN she says oh i was looking at your myspace whos this girl??????( she doesnt even have myspace but shell go on her friends to check up on mine) im like oh some girl i met who im talking to. Then from then on she starts talking all cute and lovey ...so after an hour or so im like look if you need me im here ima go to bed shes like I LOVE YOU mwuah mwuah and i hang up. i dont understand she keeps me there because she doesnt wanna lose me. But every time ive questioned us she freaks but now she sees some girl and calls me 4 times??? why is she trying to keep me hers. She said she needed time ti figure out this "bad person shes become" and i said fine. i just dont understand why every time i pull away she clings to me and acts all lovey. help =(

[kellbell]

Bottom line, she is stringing you along and using for you for emotional replenishment so she can continue to be "that bad girl she has become." What a bunch of hooey! And you are ALLOWING her to. Put your foot down and do hard-core NC with her. So what if you are with another girl? Tough nails for her. Hmmm...that is what happens when people move on. She is being a "bad girl" so why cannot you live your life? Cut her out of the picture for good. Take care. Peace.

[DN]

Bottom line, she is stringing you along and using for you for emotional replenishment so she can continue to be "that bad girl she has become." What a bunch of hooey! And you are ALLOWING her to. Put your foot down and do hard-core NC with her. So what if you are with another girl? Tough nails for her. Hmmm...that is what happens when people move on. She is being a "bad girl" so why cannot you live your life? Cut her out of the picture for good. Take care. Peace.

 

I agree - and to re-cast kellbell's Larry the Cable Guy quote:

 

Git-r-Gone

[aving21]

Im still there for her for w/e shes going through im just not gicing in to her. She still wants me there but doesnt want to commit but the second i am distant she clings back. Its like shes keeping me there so when shes done hating herself we can just start back where we left off. Thats nto the case every day im growing further and further from her. As for strict Nc i cant do that. If she goes through something hard im right there if she wants to go out i dotn care as long as she innitiaites it and cant use the excuse of just doing it for me. she told me other night she doesnt want to lose me and i said well you might if you keep this up. So she wants to get back together down the road and just string me through her phase. Thats a bunch of BS to me. Maybe shell realize it before its too late and i just go see some one else. But until then im not gonna kick her to the curb she means too much to me to let her suffer through her problems alone.

[Big Jim]

Man, i totally understand where you are coming from. I too was trying to be there whenever needed. My x has some serious issues, shes half crazy (and all women start off half crazy, so just picture how far gone she is jj). No i dont mean to make light of her situatoin but i too was trying to be there for her and got so burned in the end. It got to the point where she would call me at like 7 in the morning because something happened and she was down about everything. I of course dropped everything, missed school, to spend a day with her just listening to her, holding her, talking about everything. I actually did help, cause she would cheer up so much. However it became that whenever she was down i was there and we were so close and we would kiss, and she would say how she has missed me and loves me, and imply she wants to get back together, but then when she was happy she was distant and trying to move on and would get stressed if i mentioned i missed her and would give me a lame "you know i do too" if i said i loved her... I was used so bad. My buddy put it best, if she really missed you that much, she would do something about it, its that simple....Believe me it is not worth the heartache, cut her off

[aving21]

Thats how it was about two weeks ago. I would help her but when she was fine she wouldnt even call me. until i started distancing myself she would cling to me and say she loved me. She sees some girl and questions it. Tells me she wished she was sure. Its hard because the more i distance myself the harder she pushes for me. So its like she wants me there but when i say hey lets work it out she says " not now" its like every time the possibility of losing me goes through ehr head she goes out of her way to get me back then after that shell just stay the same. How can i get through to her that she WILL lose me if she descides we arent worth it now. How do i do that while still being there? Should me being there for her be part of what shes missing. Like id be tehre for her if i was hers but if im not shell go crazy its so hard.

[aving21]

plus she says this isnt about moving on this is about how she needs time on her own to figure out what she really wants. And the other day she breaks down about how she doesnt appreciate me and hopes she will? i just dont get it.

[kellbell]

Dude, I am telling you...she is playing you like a fiddle. Either she is with you or she is not. Case closed. Life is way too short to be playing these push/pull games. Speaking from a woman's point of view, when I am REALLY into a guy, I would spend every moment I could to be with him OR make the time to be with him. Not this "not now" stuff. When a girl tells a guy she needs space...she really means she wants space from YOU, it is a way to let you down easy. She gets clingy because when you become distant from her, you take her out of her comfort zone. Too bad for her. She is using you for emotional fulfillment...that's it. You need more and deserve more than that.

[DN]

Dude, I am telling you...she is playing you like a fiddle. Either she is with you or she is not. Case closed. Life is way too short to be playing these push/pull games. Speaking from a woman's point of view, when I am REALLY into a guy, I would spend every moment I could to be with him OR make the time to be with him. Not this "not now" stuff. When a girl tells a guy she needs space...she really means she wants space from YOU, it is a way to let you down easy. She gets clingy because when you become distant from her, you take her out of her comfort zone. Too bad for her. She is using you for emotional fulfillment...that's it. You need more and deserve more than that.

 

I agree absolutely with this. This girl is breaking your heart by degrees and you are letting her.

 

It's not that you can't go no contact. It's that you are choosing not to. Big mistake, because even if you do get back with her you are letting her walk all over you and that will set a pattern for any relationship you have with her in the future.

[majord23]

I

It's not that you can't go no contact. It's that you are choosing not to. Big mistake, because even if you do get back with her you are letting her walk all over you and that will set a pattern for any relationship you have with her in the future.

 

Precisely.

 

No Contact will allow you some time and space to actually see how you are being treated here.

Not only that, but it will give you a chance to build some confidence so that if you *do* decide to resume contact with your ex, you won't be as likley to tolerate being treated like a doormat. Likewise, if you get back together you will be starting off on an equal footing, rather than being in a submissive position.

 

At the moment you are in no man's land. And NOTHING is going to change while you keep doing what you're doing. She sure as hell isn't going to change her behaviour (why would she?)...so it has to be YOU that breaks this cycle.

[aving21]

I see its the thing to do. Unless she leaves a concrete message of what she wants when she calls i wont answer or call her back. it just hurts.

[aving21]

So shes called about 3 times a night without leaving a message. /feel like answering every time but if she doesnt give me a conrete reason for calling then whats the point. Should i answer sooner or later? or just keep it up.

[DN]

Don't answer. She will eventually either stop calling or leave a message. But if she does leave a message saying "Call me back" - don't. You need a proper message saying what she wants/

[aving21]

so i go to a club tonight and guess who goes too.her so i see her she comes over to me and we dance, dance closer things lead to another she makes a move on me and we end up making out. I take her home she grabs my hand in the car and falls asleep on my shoulder. for the first time she initiated everything and afterward i didnt overlook the whole situation and am still gonna stick to the no call. is that being an a-hole or just saving myself. Felt liek a first date kind of like i was meeting this random girl but it was her. o well =/

[solo34]

Wow...how drunk was she?

 

-Solo34

[Midgi]

I would suggest trying NC. She seems a bit selfish, because she want you to be there for her like a boyfriend would but she does not want to committ!

 

You so everthing to make her feel better, and she does not do anything for you.

[aving21]

wasnt drunk at all we met in the line. and we got out big giant X's on our hands i hate that...but the point is every time in the last 3 weeks i would make the move then when i asked her about it she would say "oh because you kissed me and i wanted to make you happy" now this time she made the moves but im still gonna NC it.