Few questions for the dumpees...

[octopus]

Allright, a saturday night and I'm in a hotel in NC. I was trying to listen to my feelings all day, and I came up with these questions I'm trying to asnwer. If you can take a minute to share your experiences, that would be very much appreciated.

 

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

5 - I'm alone and single again, it wasn't a big loss

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other?

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

 

[octopus]

Since I posted the questions, below are my own answers:

 

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I'd rather never see him than be friends with him. Now maybe when I meet someone new (who'll magically make me feel that way), I won't care about the ex anymore, but not now.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

 

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

I'm afraid this was the first time I was in love, and thereforeeee the break up was like no other. I can't imagine going through this again. Before, most my break-ups were either mutual or due to long distance; they hurt even if I were the dumper, but this was a trauma.

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

 

All apply to me; I was emotionally insecure when we'd met, so feeling sooo high being loved by him, turned into a big low when he left. It shouldn't have been that way. I should have been happy and stable with my emotions before i attempted to move in with someone.

 

 

 

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

For me, rejection definetely hurts a lot. Funny, but there were a few times I'd thought I'd leave him because he was much older than me, and also our life styles were different. If I'd left him, although I loved him, I don't think i'd be hurting half as much now.

 

 

 

 

[keenan]

You're in a hotel in No Contact? Cool.

 

(1) Friends, but am not looking forward to seeing him with somebody else.

(2) A solid 1. Now it mosty hovers around 2, plus or minus 1.

(3) This was the worst.

(4) 1, 2, and 4. 4 = shock; plus having to reorganize my future, mentally.

(5) Rejection is just salt in the wound.

(6) He wasn't cold or cruel, but I find the 180-degree "love U-turn" *astonishing*.

[ShySoul]

I'm posting when it wasn't offically a relationship, but it was so close and ended so badly and devastating, that I think my answers may give insight.

 

1) Above all else, we are friends and always will be. Things may be rough, but I care about her too much and we mean too much to each other to never see each other again. I want her to be happy, and if that is with someone else, then it may hurt but I hope that it is good for her.

 

2) Eaisly number 1. Like I had no motivation in life and nothing to look forward to. Like I wanted to die.... no, like I was dead. I wanted to marry her, she gave me hope and changed my life. So how can I not feel miserable?

 

3) First girl I had ever told I like, so it was the worst. I never wanted to go through the feelings. I figured if I am going to take a chance on someone, I'm taking a chance on the right girl and it will work out. Silly me. All it did was kill me inside.

 

4) 1 and 2. Well, she didn't dump me but she hurt me more then anyone ever has. I opened my heart to her like I had no one else. All the years that I had waited for love, she was it. And she took my heart, ripped it out, and stomped on it. I put my heart and soul, everything that I was into it. And she didn't appreciate it. And deep down, I think she knew that I could give her what no one else could, and that she did love me. But her fears and issues kept her away. So close, yet so far is so fustrating.

she was like no other

 

5) Nope. The pain stems from the hurtful manner it was done in. Yes not working out, I could take. But for her to do what she did, for her to play games when she knew that I wasn't like that and only wanted to be with her.... that is what hurts the most.

 

6) Yes. How do you go from I love you and talk off spending every second together and needing to be with each other... to 10 minutes later calling it off? How do you make me wait for so long.... and a month later be engaged to someone else?

[red10]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

Given time, I would like to be friends with him, it was difficult b/c we weren't really together - we actually broke up over a yr. ago, BUT grew closer and did everything bf/gf's do...he is emotionally attached to someone else now - i believe he has not seen her yet, she's an old college friend - so it's been a good 5 yrs at least since they've seen each other...so it does hurt for me at the moment (it's been about 3 wks) it has been a lot to take in so suddenly, but he was following his heart, so, it is what it is.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

HORRIBLE - but i was so shocked, i don't really remember everything that was said btwn us, but i know i wasn't mean, he wasn't mean...just really really sad...

lost 10 lbs. in 6 days BUT have been feeling better and been able to eat)

the first wk i looked like **** and felt numb, i have never felt like this before, i was sick to my stomach - I love food, LOVE IT, and the fact that I couldn't even stand the smell of it - well, it was bad!!!

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

This was my first serious relationship, i didn't realize that someone you loved so much could make you hurt just as much

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

 

I have been rejected before, lol. but this time it was very painful b/c he was someone that i actually could see myself with in the future and i have never been so comfortable with anyone before him -

My ex is an amazing man, he has taught me a lot, probably more than he knows, he is definitely one of a kind and i will always love him - even through the pain he has caused - i know he didn't mean to.

In the beginning of our relationship, we connected right away, emotionally and physically - from my POV, we just got comfortable with each other, and weren't as open with each other about our situation, but we could always talk about everything else.

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

Well, for me - most of my pain is b/c he told me he though she was the one - and he wanted to do this - and they've been writing letters and stuff for the past 2 months - it really hurt that he couldn't tell me when he first started doing this - and he lost my trust b/c of that....it also hurts when the person you love is talking to you about someone who he thinks he loves, and it's not you anymore. especially when i have heard it before, and at that time it was me he was talking about.

I know i can love, and i know i will have that returned to me one day - with who? that is for me to find out, and i am very excited to continue my journey! I can and will move on, and learn from my mistakes, learn what i can do better or different, and really know what i am looking for - does that makes sense???

 

 

 

[Dako]

1. We're good friends and I hope she meets a good guy.

2. A solid 1 for a few months.

3. This was the most painful anything in my life.

4. 1-2 and 4 Completely blindsided by the news.

5. Hard to seprate rejection from the overall loss.

6. She's been quite kind to me, but it was abrupt.

[merickso]

1. not friends - I cant see myself being friends with her... I want her to be so much more and going backwards I dont think i could handle..

 

2. 1 completely - i literally couldnt eat or sleep.

 

3. I have gone through worse (which makes me feel worse) - my last relationship ended with her hiding a relationship with someone from me for months. In the end, though, she came to take me back and I was already gone.

 

4. ii for sure, and also because I really really liked her. I mean, I am completely in love with her, but I really enjoyed all of the little things... even the things I didnt like, I really did!! (and its not just the break up talking now!)

 

5. I dont know. I definitely feel that rejection is part of it because, lets face it, it just sucks to not be wanted. After my last break up, i know that I can meet other people, but its the fact that it is my ex that I want. We had been talking about marriage, etc right before the break up (she initiated all of the marriage talk).

 

6. Yes. It actually hurts a bit more because my ex actually believes that its "Gods Will" (seriously) that she shouldnt be with me, so I know that even when she does miss me she convinces herself that she has no choice in the matter.. when in fact, she has all the choice.

[Nathalie1970]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

Yes I would rather never see my ex again than find out about him being happier without me (unfortunately we live in the same small little town and I get to see him everywhere, lucky me)

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

I go with 1 - tylenol pm was my savior

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

5 - I'm alone and single again, it wasn't a big loss

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

The ex bf and I have had a couple bad breakups but this has probably been one of the worst

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other?

I have to go with other, I really cared alot for the ex bf but I think this has been so hard because he plays so many mind games on me that I don't know if I am coming or going.

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

Again mind games and also rejection, I refuse to put myself out there again

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be seem/sound co cold/cruel when he wants to break it off?

My ex bf still was being nice to me(sort of) until tonight, now I get to look forward to the cold cruel person

[healinginnyc81]

1) I won't be friends for a while because it will only keep me wanting to be with her. If we become friends it will be because she asks to be my friend.

2) 2 months going, I still can't sleep or eat very well, but it's getting better. I was in serious depression for most of this time. For the first two weeks I thought I would die and I didn't seem to mind the thought.

3) This has been the second worst experience I've ever had in my life.

4) This was my first relationship and I thought we were perfect for each other, so that's why it hurt so bad. Plus, I wasn't fully secure with myself.

5) I think rejection is a big part of it. But I think the fact that it's so many things at once is what makes being dumped one of the most crushing things in life. Rejection, Loss of love, losing a best friend, loneliness, etc.

6) It is amazing how different my ex is acting towards me, but she's not in love with me anymore so I guess that's why.

[Benny1077]

1. At this point, I'd rather never see them again....the fact that she could be happier with someone else is the ONLY thing that still bothers me

 

2)Probably 1 initially. That feeling seems to be somewhat "normal", but it passes.

 

 

 

3) This was by far the most depressed I've ever been, but it's the first time I've been the dumpee, so I don't know.

 

4)I think this is a little 1 and 3.....this actually was a rebound relationship that lasted 3+ years, also I'm still a little hurt over the situation so she is still on a short pedestal

 

5) I've spent a lot of time thinking this. Maybe it is the reason I was (and am) so hurt.

 

6) Yes, that did confuse me, but then I realized she was just being her cold self

[red10]

natalie - i'm totally with u on the tylenol pm - without that, i would not be able to get any rest at all!

[ShySoul]

To all have posted its pretty clear that it is a hard thing to go through and we suffer greatly. But for you, and anyone else experiencing something similar, don't give up and bear with the pain. Things get easier. Months later and the pain still hurts, there is still an empty spot in my heart. But I know that someday, somehow, things will work out for the best. Have faith, stay strong, and believe that good things are coming your way.

[moonunit]

1) I think I'd rather not see him again but we share his friends (I wasn't willing to give em up - after two years I fell in love with them too and vice versa) and run in the same circles. I'll most likely run into him sooner than later. I'd like to say that I'd rather not see him again but that's not the way things seem to work in my world. So...hmmmm. For now it's a good thing.

 

2) Oh god I was devestated and lost my mind. I was the one who walked out on him after finding out he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. but i guess all of the three below.

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

5 - I'm alone and single again, it wasn't a big loss

 

3) this was the first break up that i was in love with someone and thought we shared a futre so it was the worst breakup i've had....we've never broken up before.

 

4) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other and also the one person i never thought would betray me...did.

 

5) oh god i don't care about being rejected. it just bothered me that he wasnt man enough to just let me go and then eventually put the blame on me though he was the one who cheated. i'm a beautiful gal, i know i can move on with others - no probelms - its just that i felt that this was the one and at my age...that's significant.

 

6) yep. but now that i think about it, not really. he's always been kind of selfish and mememe - i recall hearing about his past relationships and how a few of them ended - and i'm like ok, it figures. we were just together longer than any of them so i figured it had matured enough. i guess now.

[renaissancewoman101]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I would say that I am not sure what I want. I want to stay friends with him because we have some mutual friends and I will probably see him once this summer because I am planning to go back to Wisconsin once during Ren Faire season to visit a friend and go to Ren Faire. I want to stay in touch with him because he also owes me about $1500. I know he is seeing someone else, but I am not sure if he is happy with her and I dont really want to know because it would hurt me.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

5 - I'm alone and single again, it wasn't a big loss

 

I would say that this would be (1) because this was the first breakup I had with a significant other. My first love, the gay ex, he is still very much a part of my life, now as a best friend. I would also say a (1) because the time my current ex broke up with me, I was going through a very tough period in my life. My best friend had just moved to LA to take a new job, I had lost a few of my pets, and I was feeling very alone. His breakup with me almost broke me. I lost weight because of it and my work life suffered. It was the thing that caused me to decide to move away permanently.

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

This was the worst breakup in my life because this was the first guy I had a normal relationship with. My first ex's relationship with me was weird and he turned out to be gay, but we stayed good friends.

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other?

 

(i) and (iv). I cared about him deeply and I thought he would never dump me because he has always been the dumpee in his relationships and he always told me that he understands what it feels like to get dumped. Also, he was very loyal to me and treated me very good and was very affectionate. The other reason was that everybody, him and his parents included, told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. His parents adored me a lot because I was the first girl he dated that was HIS AGE and was living on my own, had a decent job, and DROVE.

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

Yes, a majority of this pain is my hurt ego and rejection. As I explained in the previous question, I never thought he would dump me because he was always dumped by other women, and everybody thought I was the best thing for him since I was so mature compared to him.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

Yes, I was amazed that he could just dump me like that and not give me another chance to fix up my feelings for him. I never saw that in him because he is always the one that goes the extra mile for his friends (who in turn use him) and he has always been the one who was rejected so he understands what it is like to be in my shoes. The way he dumped me was cold and cruel, and then he went on to date someone who was barely 18, just two weeks after our breakup. That hurt.

[Hunny1607307342]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I have to be friends with him I see him everyday at college and have to deal with the guys flirtatious comments every now and then with NO strings attached AND listen to him telling others about this girl he's taking to Paris for Valentines Day. YES IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY I'd rather never see him again, for ages, and then when I'm over him meet up again. But it's not that simple...

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

First love, first break up...

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other?

 

ALL of these.

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

Well not MAJORITY but definitely part of it. I didn't like hearing that we weren't compatible, it made me feel like there's something missing in me, and it was the fact that he had control of power that made me feel really weak.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

NO I wish he was so that I could yell at him, but he was unbelievably sweet so I couldn't be mad at him. It was to an extent "fake" though.

[deejay74]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

hmm, i don't know. i would like to be friends, but i can't right now. i am DEFINITELY not in a place right now to see her with someone else. maybe once i can handle that, then i can be friends.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

 

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

this one is as painful, if not more, than the last one, but i've handled myself pretty well with this break up even with that blunder i made the other night.

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

ii, iii, iv

 

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other? - i didn't expect the break up and the reasons why she broke up with me i couldn't understand.

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

i think for me it is partly about rejection. but i feel we had so much in common and i've never met anyone like her so i have a lot of fear because i have never been with someone like her before.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

she wan't cold or cruel when she wanted to break it off. she was actually very sincere and compassionate but when i saw her the other day, yes i was completely taken by surprise at how much she seemed like she couldn't care about anything regarding me.

[Nicesmile]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)? Don't meet that often though he lives quite near. He has broken NC a couple of times via texts to ask me abt things he could find out from anyone else. His sister is one of my good pals. Inevitable we will meet. Already seen his new g/f. I suppose one day we can be friends. Not sure when I wud be ready tho.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

5 - I'm alone and single again, it wasn't a big loss

 

1 and 3. But, after 4 mnths of NC, apart from recent texts, I have stopped judging, realised what I contributed to it. missing him BUT am getting on with my life.

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

First one I was dumped

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship

iv) Other?

 

(i)

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

Had a major problem with rejection at first. He is dating from another race. That got to me although am so much more beautiful (if i can't say it, who will?) than she is, it really knocked down my self-esteem. But, I realised how prejudiced that is and hope he is happy with his choice. I do miss him and know we had a good thing that didn't work out in the end.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

He was very cold when we broke up, altho I knw its his defense mechanism. He sounds warmer now. had a recent incident and he offered help. I thought that was nice of him. Oh well... thats life

[eleanorrigby1]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I chose to never see my ex again. I remember lying i bed the night of the breakup thinkin 'if we can be friends then I might try and make him jealous, talk of guys that like me...I will lose some weight,... do my hair, make myself look nice... THEN...' suddenly I realised I wouldnt have been his 'friend' I would have been trying to get him back. I was in so much pain, I didnt need any more. I never saw him again, EVER that was two and a half years ago.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

I cried so hard I vomited, I couldnt stop throwing up, I couldnt keep anything down. I got drunk out of my mind, I chain smoked, I talked incessently about how I would never find anyone else i loved as much. I wanted to die, I didnt see the point in anything, i hated my job, i hated my home, i hated my life. everyone tried to support me and i just pushed them away. It got so bad that after a few months my best friend thought I had bullemia, I couldnt stop throwing up after I ate anything. I was just too upset for a long time.

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

This was the only time I had ever been dumped in my life properly. I was 23 weeks before my birthday about to turn 24 and everyone said to me "you should have experienced this a teenager, and then you get over it quicker and it hardens you for next time" Im dreading "next time"!!

 

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

both of these and also because any kind of rejection is hard, its horrible to imagine that someone you love doesnt love you, for no reason, but they are quite capable of loving others. he was obsessed with the ex that treated him like * * * *, he got with another girl straight after who cheated on him and was mean. I thought to myself Why didnt he love me? whats sooooo wrong with me?

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

oh i answered this before i saw it! lol! YES. I am with someone now, I was single for 2 years and I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 months,. in all that time i have said "I love you" about 4 times. I struggle to say it, I struggle to fully believe him when he says it to me, i struggle to trust him and i am constantly afraid of how much is it going to hurt 'when' he goes.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

the cold way in which my ex acted when he was dumping me has stuck with me so much that i cant remember anything else about him. i struggle to remember any conversations we had prior to that, i cant remember anything we ever talked about or why i loved him. I have pictures in my head, scenes, places, but i cant remember his voice or his face clearly anymore, I just remember what he said when we broke up, its so strange.

[blemished]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I'd rather never see my ex again. Not because I think he will be happier with someone else (I don't), but because of what he did to me.

 

Aside, early on in our relationship, I asked him if he thought it was worse to be left for another person, or left for no one at all. He said for another person, I said for no one at all, and I still feel that way.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

Somewhere between the 1 and the 3, I would say a 2. It is very, very difficult for me to deal with it, but I learned from previous experience and from pride that my life goes on. So, I have continued to work and do things for myself. For the first month, I had some physical effects (loss of appetite, sleeplessness, sick feeling), but I worked through it, and those things are no longer. Now I just feel deeply sad, and I think the sadness is worse. But I also think that I may forget this as time goes on and one day it won't matter.

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

This is my second time, but broken from the longest relationship, and last time I had a lot to learn. This time, it's just bitter.

 

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

We had a lot in common and shared a special bond. But I think that since it didn't work out, he wasn't good enough for me, and I have to accept that and move on.

I don't know if I will find someone better for me. I might not. But my recovery can't rely on that.

 

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

 

No, the majority of the pain is from betrayal and loss, not rejection. Initially, I did feel rejected and confused, but I figured out what happened and my residual emtions are from betrayal and loss, and of course, wishing things had worked out and I hadn't wasted all that time with him, etc. I honestly regret meeting him.

 

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

Now that I've gotten to know this side of him, it has become more familiar to me than the endearing and loving boyfriend I once had. So, no. I'd be amazed if he were any different. Now I just blame myself for falling in love with and getting involved with such a person.

[furakura]

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

 

I would rather not to see him ever again and i seriously doubt i can be friends with him anyway cos he stated very clearly that we cannot remain friends when he dumped me. At this point in time, i hope he has found someone who can make him happy.

 

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

 

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

 

 

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

 

It is my 1st real break-up and it hurts a lot cos it's one of the events in a chain reaction linked to my decision to move back in with my parents three years ago. I really regret moving back cos i am moving nowhere in my chosen career, am estranged from my only sis, i'm being emotionally abused by my mom again after managing to get away for 5 years, lost my beloved pet dog and i got cut off from most of my friends.

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

 

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) my ex was my emotional rock during the LDR cos i have very serious on-going issues with my family. E.g. emotional abuse and violence - my dad physically attacked my mom twice in one night

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

I would think it's more of rejection and total abandonement. His cold and cruel words still ring in my ears nearly three months on. It bites that he chose to end things the way he did.

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

 

Totally.