Why wait till marriage?

[Princess1986]

Hello,

 

I read many topics in this forum before and I noticed that some people wanted to stay virgin till marriage. And I noticed too , from movies and books, that in the USA many people have these ideas . Why is that? Actually I want to stay virgin till marriage too, and I decided this because of my religion. But in my environment I notice that even the most devoted Christian has sex before marriage. Is this different in the USA? I live in Europe by the way .. Or maybe you have other reasons to wait till marriage? Maybe more romantic reasons? Anyway, share them with us ... I hope many people here decided to wait till marriage ...

[DN]

It's fine for you to do what you want, but I am curious as to why you want other people to wait until marriage?

[xtina]

Even not christian, people might not want to do it till marrige, because they want it to be special with the one they love. if you look at the romantic side of things.

 

I'm not going to wait till marrige, but I'm waiting for this one guy who will make me happy lol. Nevertheless, I'm not even going to get married as I'm not christian. I don't need a signed papper and a ring to say that I love the guy and I want to live my whole life with him. Living together is fiiine. So this context of sex after marrige, for me does not exist.

[Princess1986]

Even not christian, people might not want to do it till marrige, because they want it to be special with the one they love. if you look at the romantic side of things.

 

I'm not going to wait till marrige, but I'm waiting for this one guy who will make me happy lol. Nevertheless, I'm not even going to get married as I'm not christian. I don't need a signed papper and a ring to say that I love the guy and I want to live my whole life with him. Living together is fiiine. So this context of sex after marrige, for me does not exist.

 

ring.. singned paper.. that's all not the point .. it is the dress!!! .. seriously don't you want such a romantic day? I think marriage is beautiful thing ... marriage is more serious and not that easy to give up as a relationship ...

 

@DN: I don't want other people to wait .. I just said that I hope there are more people who want to wait before marriage, cause I just like these kind of people .

[xtina]

haha yeah! I would make a celebration and stuff, but not in a church and stuff like that. Maybe i'll make a party in the woods, in the snow. Or have a dinner with my "husband" and stuff.

 

Plus divorse is really expencive

[DN]

ring.. singned paper.. that's all not the point .. it is the dress!!! ..

 

lmao - a shop 'till you drop moment?

[xtina]

The dress is nice its one in a life time dress... you only wear it once! thinking about it, one dress coasts LOADS! its crazy!

[Blue Skittles]

I mainly know people that are religious and they waited till they got married. They also rushed into their marriages right away. I have mixed feelings on sex before marriage, part of me I think it is good to wait but part of me its like, well i don't think people should rush into marriage just so they can have sex and then the rest of their lives are miserable because their husband isn't who they thought it was.

[sweetheart230]

I used to want to wait. But I think you can still have a meaningful relationship with someone and be very much in love before you're married to them. I didn't wait and I don't regret my decision, even though I was hurt. I think if you want to wait, thats a good thing. It's just not that important to me personally, because I think you can have meaningful, fulfilling sex outside of marriage.

[Relationship Coach]

Are you referring to the color (white) of the dress as a symbol of your virginity? Look at my AVATAR, my wife is wearing white and is about 6 months pregnant. We all make our choices as to what we feel is important to us. Are you worried about what others would think? Do you want an ivory dress and don't want to send the wrong message? Perhaps a white dress with no one knowing the status of your virginity? I'm not sure what is more important to you at this point but I've been to several weddings and I've never sat there and tried to de-code the virginity of the bride by what she is wearing. It's no ones business but the bride and grooms.

[ocrob]

I think that it is all a matter of preference. If you want to remain a virgin, then that is great. I love having sex, but would never disrespect my partner and ask her to do something she does not want to do. If you meet a guy that will respect your feelings, then that is great. Everyone must do what makes them happy. If you want to wait, then you should.

[Princess1986]

Are you referring to the color (white) of the dress as a symbol of your virginity? Look at my AVATAR, my wife is wearing white and is about 6 months pregnant. We all make our choices as to what we feel is important to us. Are you worried about what others would think? Do you want an ivory dress and don't want to send the wrong message? Perhaps a white dress with no one knowing the status of your virginity? I'm not sure what is more important to you at this point but I've been to several weddings and I've never sat there and tried to de-code the virginity of the bride by what she is wearing. It's no ones business but the bride and grooms.

 

Oh wow is that you in the picture?? She looks so beautiful ..really nice picture!! I thought it was just a pic with models haha ..

 

And that is not what I meant when I said something about a dress! I just made a joke ... one girl said she didn't want to marry .. she didn't need the paper and the ring.. then I said that it is not about the paper and the ring, but the dress .. so that had nothing to do with virginity or something ..

[xtina]

i never knew why the white dress. Now i know. But i believe white can also symbolise peace in their relationship or something but then why does the man wear black or dark blue? what does that symbolise?

 

Relationship Coach - i also thought that pic came frome google or something. It's really profecional - good choice in camera man

[ShySoul]

Just because a person seems religious, doesn't mean that they hold very good views on sex. I have heard plenty of stories and seen guys and girls who claim to be religious and hold high values on sex, be of the most wild and carefree when it actually comes to sex. Some people also want to have sex but want to wait until they are married. So they rush into marriage with that being one of the top reason.

 

That's not to say all religious people are like that. Some really do wait for religious religions and mean everything they say they believe in.

 

For me, it has nothing to do with religion. It is all about my values and belief in love. To me sex is something that goes beyond the physical. It is a spiritual and emotional act that bonds two people together. It is a declaration of love, opening yourself completely to another. It is exposing yourself and letting them into your soul. It is two people becoming one in everyway. This isn't something I want to share with just anyone. If I am going to do this, I want it to be with the love of my life, the person I am going to spend all of time with. On my wedding night I want to be able to look into her eyes and tell her that I was waiting all these years for the right person... her. That I love her and that she will be the only one I open myself up to so completely, the only one in my life that I will share such an intimate experience with. To me, sex isn't what I want. What I want is true love.

[Princess1986]

That sounds really great and romantic and all, but I think it is not going to work. The reasons to wait for marriage are just not logical. As if things really going to change EMOTIONALLY after a paper you signed. Why you will only be ready to open up for the other person after a paper??

I see it not as romantic and emotional as you, but rather rational. This paper makes me having rights on the man. And that's the whole point why I wait, cause with sex you always take a risk to become pregnant.

 

I don't think a man can be together with a woman for years without having sex. That is just the nature. But if you want to take the big challenge to wait, then you have to have really good and logical reasons and not just romantic reasons ... but hey maybe you are the exception ...

 

what is wrong with rushing into a marriage actually? People in Pakistan rush in a marriage all the time. In fact, they only see their husband/wife maybe 1 time before the marriage. Still, many marriage are working there. Marriage will be successfull if the man and the woman are both wanting it to work and want to make sacrifices. So I don't think it is bad to 'rush into' a marriage.

[ShySoul]

I will love her and the emotions will be the same before the actual ceremony. But my view on marriage is that it is forever. Before, things can happen and something can go wrong. But when I marry, I know it will last. I wouldn't be marrying her unless she felt the same. The whole experience is my gift to her, its a way to reiterate those vows I say. It's a way of pledging my love to her, and only her, for as long as I live.

 

I have been tempted to having sex with someone that I do love. But I resisted because I want to wait. If the love is strong, then it will survive without sex, because the sex is going to be secondary to the love that is there. And the other person will respect the person's desire to wait. Just consider it extended foreplay. You've got months of buildup, all the sexual energy will be rolling around until it finally all comes out in a truly remarkable experience. And with the person waiting, the lucky guy or girl who is the one will get years of sexual energy that has been pent up.

 

It can work if you rush into it. It's just more likely to not work out. I've seen marriages where people rush into it before they really know the person and end up miserable. With arranged marriages, some people could grow to love each other. But there is also the idea that it is their culture to do that, and it is expected of them. To divorce would be disgracing their family and culture. They settle into roles and what is expected of them. Where I'm coming from is that the marriage is based solely on love, not upon culturally considerations or legal rights.

[justdoit]

The final decision (stay a virgin and wait) is up to you and you alone...you will know when its right...do not let other's choices pressure you into something you are not ready for. Enjoy life and all that it offers...you will be amazed that this one part of the human condition really is part of the whole that makes you unique and who you are. Make Sense?

[novaseeker]

To me it's just a personal decision. I think it does leave some risk factor open because sexual compatibility is pretty important for a successful marriage, and it's pretty important to have any compatibility issues in the area surfaced before marrying someone ... but perhaps there are other ways for feretting out any sexual incomaptibilities without actually being intimate with someone.

[RayKay]

what is wrong with rushing into a marriage actually? People in Pakistan rush in a marriage all the time. In fact, they only see their husband/wife maybe 1 time before the marriage. Still, many marriage are working there. Marriage will be successfull if the man and the woman are both wanting it to work and want to make sacrifices. So I don't think it is bad to 'rush into' a marriage.

 

I guess it depends on your view of marriage, and what you want, that determines whether you see those marriages "working" or not. Keep in mind in many of those cultures where arranged marriage is the norm, to divorce or separate is simply not acceptable, no matter how miserable one may be, or how out of love they are. The "marriage" cause pre-empts one's right to love and happiness and emotional health. In some of these cultures a woman has little worth, and could live in fear for her life if she were to leave. So it "works" because tradition and cultural roles determine it "must".

 

For me, I prefer to have the ability to choose my partner for myself, to know when I am making a promise to my partner it is because I truly WANT to, not because my culture has determined I must, or because my parents told me too. I honestly cannot imagine marrying someone I may have only seen once...because for me, a marriage is something that should be entered by both partners when they truly are ready, and truly have developed their relationship to the stage where they really KNOW.

 

Now, all of that aside ( ), I think waiting is all an individual choice, and I think as long as someone is doing what is right for them, and their beliefs, they have every right to do so.

 

No, I did not choose to wait until marriage. While I believe maybe I should of waited longer then I actually DID as I was quite young, I don't regret not waiting for marriage to be completely honest. For me, sexual intimacy is an important part of the relationship, but for me I don't believe I need to wait until marriage to enjoy or share that with someone. No, not every partner I have been with has worked out long term, but that did not make the experiences worth any less. It did not make the experience with someone in the future any less wonderful, as each relationship is different, and each will have it's own sexual chemistry and intimacy. I am now with the man I plan on marrying, and I do not regret I did not "wait" and neither do I regret he didn't. We are both very comfortable with our sexual selves, and have a wonderful sexual relationship that is unique to us. For us, what is more important is that we are each other's "lasts"!!! And some of it is because I believe sexual compatibility is an important aspect of a long term relationship/marriage, and prefer to basically know what I am getting myself into .

 

It is true that with every sexual experience there is a risk, that is something I maybe did not comprehend as much when I was younger, but yes there is always a risk of pregnancy or disease. I always was careful, but even then things do happen...so you should be sure you are prepared if things do occur.

 

It is an individual choice, as I said. I chose not to wait and don't regret that. Others choose to wait and don't regret that. As long as you are truly comfortable with your choice, and don't compromise your values, I don't think one does regret it. It is only when they sacrifice their values and choices they may come to regret what was done/not done.

[ShySoul]

It's like the ketchup commercial said:

 

Good things come to those who wait.

 

I can't imagine a more romantic and emotional gesture, declaration of undying love and devotion, then to give yourself to someone so completely..... to let them be your first and only in all regards.

 

To all the rare and beautiful souls who wish this, don't lose hope. It can and will happen for you.

[xtina]

It's like the ketchup commercial said:

 

Good things come to those who wait.

 

I can't imagine a more romantic and emotional gesture, declaration of undying love and devotion, then to give yourself to someone so completely..... to let them be your first and only in all regards.

 

To all the rare and beautiful souls who wish this, don't lose hope. It can and will happen for you.

 

That is SO true!

[quietgrl]

Princess1986,

 

I'm nonreligious and i will only lose my virginity to my husfriend or husband.I have high sexual standard for myself as a single woman trying to casual date.I'm not settling for the first man who declare his love for me or feels me up.I believe if a man wants intercourse from me, he can make a commitment to me( legal wedding or commitment ceremony.)

We have sooo many virgins falling in love so quickly ,having sex and nobody talking outside of the bedroom.

 

 

husfriend: a man who is a woman long term boyfriend(example of husband Steadman/Oprah,Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn

[yeawutever]

It's people's different views on how exactly they define commmitment and marriage. Some think marriage as "I will be with you until death separates us", but come to think of it divorce rates are increasing. So what happens if you divorce and after that. meet your next partner (and you were one of those waiting till marriage)?

Then come to think of it, couples living together have the almost the same basic components marry people have, the only difference is a written paper saying you're marry, otherwise is pretty much the same thing.

 

For me, I didn't choose to wait for marriage, instead it was when I knew I was in love and when it was the right moment. Nope I do not regret it.

[John622]

In response to a previous post saying that marriage is a piece of paper:

 

No. That is not true.

 

This has nothing to do with religion (I'm a secular agnostic). It's the fact that marriage is important because it's supposed to be lifelong promise based on honour and respect.

See,a romantic couple will say things like "I love you"

However, a marriage vow would go something like "I love you until death do us apart." Without the marriage vow, you wouldn't be breaking any promises if you were to fall out of love and leave the person. However, with a divorce, you're actually breaking a promise. This is why I view most divorces as dishonourable (to the initiator). Unless if one party is being unfaithful or abusive. It is not a good reason to divorce people because "you fall out of love with someone."

 

Let's face it. Ten years after your marriage, your wife won't be the glowing princess that you met in your twenties. If your love is strong, it should resemble mutual obligation rather than youthful romance. Remembering that you made a promise on your wedding day to take her as your wife until one of you passes away. This is not to say that marriages are boring after a while. It'll be a kind of union on a higher level. You won't be infatuated with thoughts of your spouse every second (otherwise none of us can actually get anything done). Rather it'll be more gentle and companion-like, supported by love = responsibility to each other and to the next generation.

 

Finally, on a more personal note and to give some basis to my spiel. I'm 23 year old male in New York (out of all places), non religious, and I'm still holding onto this wait until the right person comes along. (Things might come pretty close to intercourse before marriage but I hope I can wait for the actual thing on the marriage day).

[valiantv]

I know lots of religious people (particularly Catholic), but not one of them hold on to every single principle of the Catholic faith, which IMHO makes them not Catholic at all and just "generic Christian"... but they call themselves Catholics anyway. IMHO, even if you agree Jesus existed and He was the Son of God and so on, it's very difficult to believe that what He wanted us to do is the exact same as what the church leaders of today are telling us what He wanted us to do. The Catholics I speak of stick to the tenet of just "treat others like you would have them treat you". For the most part.

 

But all this has a point. I think religion has ruined sex. Well not quite, I mean it has generated a taboo which makes it a bit more exciting maybe. (I mean it wouldn't be nearly as good to see a pair of boobs, if women were allowed to walk around everywhere topless!). But even the term "losing your virginity" has made sex seem bad - like you are giving up, or losing a part of yourself if you have sex. I don't believe this to be the case. And do we know that Jesus disapproved of sex? I mean I'm no scholar of the Bible, but is that in there? And if so, do we know it was always in there? I mean who knows what kind of stuff has been made up in the last few millennia and slipped in there?

 

If you are the type of Christian to follow the "Be good to others" then IMHO you should have all the sex you want (assuming you can find consenting partners). If you are the type to strictly follow, word for word, the teachings of Catholicism or Protestantism or whatever, then... How do you know you have the right one? More than likely you were born into the religion, which means the particular set of rules you're following are a result of who your parents, teachers and priests are, not through any choice of your own... and even if you did chose it, did you go out and do the research to make sure it's correct? Do you know if any of them are even correct?

 

BTW I didn't wait till marriage and have no regrets about that.