invove with a married man

[kanifia1]

i dont know if am being stupid or am i desprate?

anyway i was going through a bad time and i meet this guy who we share friends in common and it was like as soon as we set eyes on each other we like each other. i never really like any one like this.

well we strated a relationship it was not that simple though , because is friend like me although i did not feel the same and it was his friend who got my number, and at a function where is friend invited me to i saw him again after the party but i never recongnise him until he said somthing to me. the whole night his friend who invited me was trying to get me instrested but i was not because he was married and i dont like M men. any way his friend at some point left me with this guy and we dance and it felt like no one else existed in the room. after the dance i just could not stop thinking about this guy for three days and eventuly i call him and we meet and the feelings was the same, anyway he told me he was watching me for 2months before the b b cue party and the function that his friend and i was at.

anyway 2 wks later of being with each other i found out he is married i cried and cried.

he told me he knew i would not date him and he told me that he was sorry

anyway the problem is our feelings has got strong and he is say he going to leave her so i dont know what to do and i dont want that, and evenif i was not onthe sceene he was going to, the problem is he marrie when he was 23 because she fell pregant and he was in the church, also his family told him not to he has had other affiars, and when she married him it was not the ideal wedding, and he was in love with another girl who died. know he has strated to have regrets what should i do?

[RayKay]

You should get out of this situation until he has had a divorce and is no longer with his wife.

 

Maybe he is not happy, maybe he did not marry her for the right reasons, but point is he IS married, he lied to you about it for as long as he could, and is only telling you he is going to leave, rather then actually doing it.

 

Tell him you are NOT interested in someone whom is another woman's husband as you respect yourself, and marriage too much, for that.

 

If he can cheat on her, he can cheat on you too.

[Mrocza]

I totally agree with RayKay.

 

He says he'll leave her for you. Don't fall into the trap that many women are stuck in...affairs, waiting for the guy to leave his wife. He is married, he is not available.

 

You may have feelings for him but you need to put those aside and think about the situation realistically. Tell him, if he's serious about giving it a shot with you, to get a divorce and then come back to you. Don't set yourself up. Don't listen to his excuses about that past. It's his past, not yours. If he wants to be a part of your present or future,he has to prove it.

[DN]

Yep, I agree as well. At best he is confused about the women in his life. Make sure he doesn't involve you in that confusion, you will only get hurt. Tell him that if he is ever divorced, relationship free and available then to get in touch and you will see what you want to do then.

[Derek]

The statistics I've heard is 1% of affairs become "real" relationships. The majority end after 6 months.

[kanifia1]

i dont know i feel i can trust him for some reason, but then i do feel so guilty and i have said to him to do what he has to do an let me move on and then it turns in to an argument he always says he loves me, and what strange is that he spend all his time with me even on his birthday, i do feel he is genuine and not a liar but its so hard.

and what i dont get is it like he has no wife it always about me what am doing, going about my kids. etc etc.

one thing is he never says a bad thing about his wife he just say he was too young and that it was good for some years but he always felt empty with her and he regrets not listen to his mother.

[kanifia1]

he says he wants to do things decently and correctly because they have three kids.

and he feels even if i dont stay with him everything between them is smooth.

[RayKay]

Funny thing about affairs, you only hear one side of the story, and their version. And he is still only giving you WORDS not action. Want to talk about how common it is for a married man to say "they are only there for the kids" and want to leave...but DON'T and lead their Other Woman on for years, and have no intention of leaving?

 

Okay, so you do like this guy. I get that. But, you have only just started spending time with him, I REALLY advise you get out of there NOW before feelings get even more invested. And before you hurt other people - his wife, his childre, yourself, your children.

 

If he respected YOU he would give YOUR relationship the full attention it deserves, and that means leaving his wife BEFORE anything begins.

[Relationship Coach]

Gee, this is like a chain letter. I agree with RayKay, Fairie, Glenda, DN and Derek! Get out now and go NC at least until he is divorced, if that's what he really intends to do. He has to respect your position on this. He was deceitful going in and he will probably be on the way out. Tell him to not contact you until his marital status changes.

 

I'm sorry for the pain he has caused you but think of his wife and family. They are victims to his deceitful ways as well. I trust that there is someone out there for you of good moral fiber that will be honest with you and love you.

 

You don't want to be the "other woman" and a home wrecker. How can you ever trust him? He lied to you and cheated on his wife. He does not have to say anything bad about his wife, his actions have done the talking. He has 3 kids with her, the first one he claims was a mistake, what about the other two? He is a liar, accept it and move on.

 

Best Wishes.

[Hope75]

If he wanted to do things right by his wife and 3 kids he would not be having an affair. Just as the others said, you are getting his side of the story, and that isn't necessarily the truth. Of course you want to believe him but honey, he is married with a family.

 

He isn't willing to leave his wife and family. That means that you will never have him 100%, you will always come last in the pecking order, you will be his little secret, he will not be proud to introduce you to family and friends, you will not have a future with him. Any man that isn't willing to commit to you 100% and be proud to be with you does not love you and is not good enough. Not to mention he's a cheater, if he's done it before he will do it to you. He is dishonest and a snake.

 

You deserve a good, honest, committed man, and his wife and children do not deserve this.

[annie24]

Let me continue this chain letter. I agree with RayKay, Fairie, Glenda, DN, Derek, and Hope.

 

GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN NOW!!!

 

Trust me - married men who cheat have a "script." They ALL say the same thing... "I was young, we were forced into it, I'm not happy with her at all, blah blah blah." How do I know? Unfortunately, I've had friends who have gotten involved with married or taken men, and those men all had the same sob story.

 

If things were so bad, he would have divorced by now!

 

Tell him this: I'll go out with you as soon as those divorce papers are signed!

 

Until then, remind yourself that there are single versions of him out there. Plenty of single men. No need to get yourself tangled in this drama. Trust me - you will get hurt. The wife will get hurt. The children will get hurt. No one prospers in this situation.

 

It is very very hard, but trust me, it is the right thing to do to leave him alone. If he divorces her, then you can date him. Until then - NO.

[Rabican]

i dont know i feel i can trust him for some reason,

 

Uhm.... maybe because he lied to you... i dunno that could be a reason. Furthermore he said his VOWS walked down the isle and swore his life to another woman, and now he is entertaining ideas of leaving her for you. Does his wife know about this?

 

Find another man.

[ocrob]

If you don't mind, I will tell you a weird story and then give my opinion. I agree with everyone that cheating is wrong, but think this story is just amusing. I had a friend in high school who was a jerk, but that was his thing. I don't know why, but he just liked being a jerk. Anyway, I was invited to his wedding. After I went up to his room, his brother knocked on the door and pulled us out of bed saying they were partying. Well, I met his wife's sister. We ended up dating and after four years were married for a year. Well, about 2 and a half years into our relationship, my girlfriend found out that her sisters husband ( my ex friend ) had a six month affair. They tried to work things about, but I am sure he was a jerk and they finally divorced. Well, four years after my divorce, he is still with the woman he had an affair with and are married with a child. What a fluke. Do I have a point? No, but it is a pretty crazy story. I will say that he was a jerk and I am no longer friends with him. I think he is a dirtbad for cheating and his wife, well I won't say it.

 

Now for my opinion....If this guy is not happy in his marriage, then he needs to end things not knowing you are waiting for him. If he truly loves you, then he needs to seek you out after he does not know you are waiting for him. People seem more comfortable when they know there is a back up plan. This guy may really love you, but he should leave his wife because he is not happy and not because something better has come along. What if you were to get married and in five or ten years he meets some hot younger woman, then what? It may be true love and I am all for that, but you can't be the other woman that broke up the marriage. If you are, then he can justify that if he leaves you. He can say that you knew that way he was and what makes you any better than the new woman. Tough situation and I am sure I did not help. I try to help, but this is a tough one. I say you tell him to look you up, if he is ever single.

[Derek]

I'll echo and add to the advice too:

 

Have some self-respect girlfriend...

 

He's not treating his wife and family honourably. If he was a courageous man who followed his convictions and word, he would choose to be faithful to his family or not dilly-dally around and proceed with divorce and thus break up his family and destroy his kids' faith in how the world works.

 

 

Lying is a cowardly act to avoid the consequences of the truth.

 

Find a real man sister. He's not it.

 

 

 

Derek

[miracle29]

Kanafia,

 

I am very sorry that you are in this situation, but If you don't get out of it before things get worse you will face far more pain than just a few tears on the bed.

Mostly when a married man tells you that "i just married her because" or "i'm going to leave her" he is LYING. Truth be told, if he didnt really love her, he would not be with her. He is using those exuses to convert blame and to also make you believe that "hey i'm not a bad guy, i'm a great guy she's the one to blame". Keep in mind it takes two to tango. How could she have trapped him? He is the one who got HER pregnant...so he if full of it. Don't let this confuse you, you are so much smarter than that...and there are single men with less baggage who can sweep you off your feet even better than this guy. Please don't fall and be a statistic. If he could cheat on her and come back home to her and smile in her face...just imagine what you will go through once he has you like he wants you.

 

Even Ted Bundy could charm the socks off of many women....and he was a MASS RAPIST And MURDERER! so please beware.

 

P.S.

Last but definitely not least.....Think about his wife and all the lies he goes home and tells her. How he probably neglects her and how you are probably not his first victim but one of many in the past and many more to come.

[Talia04]

If anyone could understand you... it would be me. I was in your position only a few weeks ago. I know how it feels but to tell you the truth.. you will never ever win. I know hearing this sounds mean and harsh since I was in your shoes, but you will be okay without him. He'll over chose her over you no matter what especially if there are children involved. He probably does love you as much as he says but it will never be enough. Me and my "lover" split up only 3 weeks ago. But we also havent spoken since the split. I feel that it's better this way. I always hated being hidden. Being someone he could never introduce. Being scared of being seen together. Being found out. I deserved more and I always knew that. And I know you know that too. I know how much it will hurt to let him go but he would let you go in a sec if he needed to. Once his marriage is at stake its all over. You no longer matter when divorce lawyers and alimony payments and child support come into play. Plus you will always remind him of what he has lost and will never forgive you. Move on and get yourself someone you don't have to hide or hide from. I still love him and always will but I can't wait around on the back burner all my life. Not fair to me and if I don't think about myself who will. If you need anymore advice private message me or email me.

 

Get out while you can.

[lovecrazy]

I am going to be very blunt!

 

If you get involved with a married man, him being happy or not! You have no respect for yourself!

 

And that is just down right being a * * * *!

 

But there is nothing wrong with being friends!

 

If he gets a divorce then date him , until then stay away!