Insecurity

[fantasia2004]

I at my age (yes 33) have developed an insecurity problem. I have anxiety issues that have caused me major setbacks in my life. I have these issues and yet I give people hypocritical advice on how to deal with such problems.

 

Ever since then, the thought of worrying about what others think and say about me has plagued me for 5 years. I do not know where it has come from. I even have created self doubt in my abilities as a whole. Since these thindgs have occurred, I am unable to maintain or develop long lasting relationships with others.

 

I feel tormented by others who choose to wickedly harass me everytime they see me at my school with vicious comments that effect my way of thinking and I have tried to handle the problem but with poor results.

Sometimes I would react by lashing out, through violent attacks, crazy outbursts or approaching them unexpectantly by slapping them or making them shut up instantly.

 

However, this approach does seem exhausting and childish. I need an effective way to handle the situation. I have not done anthing to harm these people or said anything to cause them to treat me this way before (except harming them or threatening in self defense)but after awhile it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve this?

 

Have I trained or taught these people how to treat me? It has gotten to the point of avoiding others while also treating people badly to get rid of them with erractic behavior and lack of trust.

 

I thought that God should fight your battles for you. I thought that by showing that you are unmoved by their taunts or comments that they would eventually become bored and give up altogether in behaving this way. Or am I living in a fantasy world?

 

 

Could it be that others hate you tremendously because you choose to be different and you won't change for anyone? Or is it because deep down they are truly insecure themselves and are going along with everyone else's attitude to avoid being left out of the fun?

 

I have tried to go to church for answers on how to be more calmed and less panicky on this and other things, but it is very hard to be dedicated to the lord when the devil (negative people)

tries your faith and brings you down.

 

What is the best approach to this situation?

WHAT is the difference between assertive and aggressive?

 

How can I overcome this dilemma? Am I mentally unstable and truly sick for feeling and thinking this way?

 

I need your help. I am very optimistic, but I do not need this kind of stress hanging on my head when there more important matters to be concerned about. Please help free me from my emotional prison.

 

This is what has caused me not to move on from anything I needed to be removed from.

 

I know as a grown woman I should be passed from this, but it is a lot more deeper and harder for me to deal with.

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you to all opinons

and all thoughts are welcomed.....

[WyseOne]

Wow, so much going on here. Could this be low self-esteem?

I would start by seeing a doctor.

[Alabama]

Sometimes ignoring people who are mean to you, does not solve them problem. I do not think it is that you are being assertive enough. You should not have to change. Yet if this problem persists, then you might have to become more assertive. They must have some reason for disliking you. There is a reason for everything. If the stress continues as you said it has for 5 years, then I suggest exercise or read, or do something to relieve it. It is not good to worry about what other people think. You should not have to deal with this. Find out what their problem is and try to resolve it. I am sure you can. Good luck!

[Shadows Light]

I at my age (yes 33) have developed an insecurity problem. I have anxiety issues that have caused me major setbacks in my life. I have these issues and yet I give people hypocritical advice on how to deal with such problems.

Have you sought counseling for this???

 

Ever since then, the thought of worrying about what others think and say about me has plagued me for 5 years. I do not know where it has come from. I even have created self doubt in my abilities as a whole. Since these thindgs have occurred, I am unable to maintain or develop long lasting relationships with others.

Your trying to work to much for perfectionism..and control. None of us are perfect. All of us need room to grow and learn. And we all get there.. at different rates. Some never get it at all. And thats ok. You need to learn to accept.. accept yourself for who you are.. and people for who they are.. not who you want them to be... or you think they should be. And if you can't.. if they bother you sooo much.. then you just put them at a distance. But you don't need to hurt them.. or spite them to do that.

 

 

I feel tormented by others who choose to wickedly harass me everytime they see me at my school with vicious comments that effect my way of thinking and I have tried to handle the problem but with poor results.

Sometimes I would react by lashing out, through violent attacks, crazy outbursts or approaching them unexpectantly by slapping them or making them shut up instantly.

Hey thats called ASSAULT and its a mistermeaner.. keep your hands to yourself. So, these people harass you?? walk away. What type of adults do you hang out with that they would harass you openly.. at a university setting???? is it a difference of opinion. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions. That is the beauty of FREE WILL.

 

However, this approach does seem exhausting and childish. I need an effective way to handle the situation. I have not done anthing to harm these people or said anything to cause them to treat me this way before (except harming them or threatening in self defense)but after awhile it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve this?

WALK AWAY....

 

 

Have I trained or taught these people how to treat me? It has gotten to the point of avoiding others while also treating people badly to get rid of them with erractic behavior and lack of trust.

 

People in a public setting are not trained they just ARE the way they are. And what you are doing is REACTING. You can't control what people say or how they act. What you control is how you react. Are you sure they are talking about you in the manner you think they are??? or is something deeper going on???

 

 

I thought that God should fight your battles for you. I thought that by showing that you are unmoved by their taunts or comments that they would eventually become bored and give up altogether in behaving this way. Or am I living in a fantasy world?

Yikes... I hate to get into theological debates. But I'll just say that GOD helps those who help themselves. You are an educated and articulate woman. I'd find a good counselor to bounce these ideas off of. What you need are better communication skills, interpersonal communication skills and coping skills. It sounds as if you've become overly sensitized.. to the world around you. It happens. I've been there. And it happened to me during my years in higher education.. and working full time. I had a full plate .. ..and it was too much stimulus for me to process.

 

Could it be that others hate you tremendously because you choose to be different and you won't change for anyone? Or is it because deep down they are truly insecure themselves and are going along with everyone else's attitude to avoid being left out of the fun?

 

What matters most is what you think of yourself. Not what others think. Take what others say directly ....and I mean DIRECTLY.. not something you've filtered.. and take it as positive feedback. No... you are not like everyone else. And everyone usually winds up on different pages. Some people just think differently.. deeply.. see things in brighter or duller colors. There is nothing wrong with that. It just is.

 

I have tried to go to church for answers on how to be more calmed and less panicky on this and other things, but it is very hard to be dedicated to the lord when the devil (negative people)

tries your faith and brings you down.

Have done it. A good counselor again.. can help you sort through this....

 

 

How can I overcome this dilemma? Am I mentally unstable and truly sick for feeling and thinking this way?

No... you are not a head case. I think there are times in everyones lives that they'd benefit from talking to a therpists.. to help them sort through the mryiad of information that is getting all cluttered upstairs.

[Tigris]

I agree with everything Shadow's Light has said.

 

Like her I suggest you go and see a counsellor.

 

I've been seeing a counsellor recently and she has helped me to deal with a lot of problems from my past.

 

Good luck and take care.

[ShySoul]

I also agree with Shadows light, her advice will help you tremendously.

 

Don't beat yourself up or think you are someone less because you feel this way. Everyone has insecurities and things that they wish they didn't do, things they don't like about themselves. You are not sick, you are not a mental case. You are a good person with many beautiful qualities. You will overcome this, you just have to have faith and believe in yourself. You'll have many great days ahead of you and you will be stronger for going through this.

[marcia]

hi

i have some great blogs that might give you some insight, ideas, tips and info. check them out and see if they are of any value to you.

 

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[marcia]

hi

i have some great blogs that might give you some insight, ideas, tips and info. check them out and see if they are of any value to you.

 

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best of luck to you.

[Locke2121]

Marcia, while we can all use the links...thank you by the way...you do know the last post was two years ago?

[Altruist]

If only the OP could give us a progress report (sigh).