in need of advice

[ashlynn00]

I am in need of serious advice please..... Ok here goes.......

 

My boyfriend and I of 7 months have decided to stay together, but date other people. I am so confused on what to do. I am his first real girlfriend and we're both only 20, so he is scared to love me. He just wants to figure out if I am the one for him or not. In order to do this, he wants to meet and hang out w/ other girls. I am just wondering if I should end the relationship.... I dont' want to break up but I am not sure what I should do. He has been talkign to a girl from around his hometown, but their just friends.... I duno if I should be worried about her or not. He says he doesnt' even know if she likes him, its just someone to hang out with. So please I have never delt w/ dating other ppl, so I duno what to do... please help

[mslovable]

Move on I say. If you aer in love with someone, 24 hours in a day is not enough nor are 7 days. Respect yourself more girl and move on. Find someone that WANTS to be with you. It's only 7 months...your heart will heal. Listen to your gut...move on. Good luck in your search of love.

[RayKay]

Get out.

 

 

His way to determine if you are the one or if he wants to be committed to you is hurtful, disrespectful, and honestly he is trying to have his cake and eat it too....the way to work on a relationship is NOT to date other people.

 

So serious advice - leave him, tell him you yourself KNOW you are worth more than that and deserve someone who is not so wishy washy about their feelings for you and move on.

 

It will hurt, but you WILL heal, and you will meet someone who wants ONLY you and is darn sure about it in time. Honestly, you have already lost him....if he is out shopping for other women, he is not your boyfriend anymore by most definitions.

 

Respect yourself and love yourself, and leave this guy. Don't ever sacrifice what you believe and deserve just to keep a guy around. It's not worth it.

[novaseeker]

If you do this, you should realize that it's no longer a bf/gf relationship. The whole point of bf/gf relationships is that they are not open.

 

The biggest risk for you here is that you still consider him your bf, but he is off shopping to see if he can find someone better. That seems like a bad situation. If I were you, I would consider this a break-up and move on and date other people, like he is doing. Otherwise you will be emotionally 100% exposed. To be honest, if he is asking for this, I think he's just not that into you. You should take care of yourself in this situation.

[Vert]

I have to 100% agree here with Raykay and others. GET OUT NOW while you still can without losing your respect and without being hurt by having him hook up with other women in front of you. As they others have said, it will sting now, but you are very young and have a lot of time ahead of you to meet a man that won't treat you like his concubine while he searches for other women.

[Beec]

OK, I will agree with the others in that you will not be boyfriend and girlfriend if either of you dates other people. But, after that, I don't agree. I think you should just say OK and go off and date other guys. I'd tell him that you will let him figure out what he needs to figure out, and if he decides he wants back into a relationship, then to tell you, maybe you will be available.

 

One date with some other guy, and he probably will be begging to get you back as his girlfriend.

[kellbell]

It depends on what you want. Like if you feel comfortable dating other people, then it's ok for you and him to talk to others. But if you want a true committment from him, then maybe he is not the one for you. If you are at a point in your life where you want something serious and meaningful and he isn't, then you guys are in differerent places. You might want to keep your options open to someone who shares your feelings. Take care and good luck with everything.

[Vert]

OK, I will agree with the others in that you will not be boyfriend and girlfriend if either of you dates other people. But, after that, I don't agree. I think you should just say OK and go off and date other guys. I'd tell him that you will let him figure out what he needs to figure out, and if he decides he wants back into a relationship, then to tell you, maybe you will be available.

 

One date with some other guy, and he probably will be begging to get you back as his girlfriend.

 

I see your point, Beec, but I think that's a very destructive pattern they'd be starting with each other. It's never good to use tangible jealousy against a partner to cause them to come back to you...

[Beec]

I see your point, Beec, but I think that's a very destructive pattern they'd be starting with each other. It's never good to use tangible jealousy against a partner to cause them to come back to you...

 

Maybe she would be using him having the idea that he could be losing his chance with her, that she could be gone forever and that may motivate him. It need not be that some other guy is getting her, it might be that he is losing her.

[WildChild]

OK, as if I should be talking...I really need to start listening to the advice I give LOL

 

I really believe that if he wants to date other people then she should agree, no matter how much it hurts and God knows it will. Him wanting to date other people is to be certain, basically to test himself. Or sowing his wild oats, look at the ages here. He isn't doing it to be disrespectful, he is doing it out of sheer sense.

 

I don't think she should stick around as his girlfriend while he do this, but rather let him go. Once she has, I think she needs to make it clear that she may be there for him and she may not be should he realize that yes, she is the one, however if they were to get back together under no circumstances would she allow it again, he had his chance to figure it out

[mae_may04]

I don't agree. I've had the same fears. I know what it's like to be that scared because its your first relationship. I thought about asking for the same thing, but then I realized another guy wouldn't be able to make me happy. Give him some space and he'll realize that he wants you and only you, or he'll realize that he doesn't love you. And you'll have the same opportunity. Just don't let it go on forever. Put a time limit on it. Give him three months before you call it quits. Or something like that.

[gotmilk5]

there is no guy escpeccially if this is his first real relationship that would no like to check things out before a commitment like this

[ginny2]

i'm in exactly the same situation here. my boyfriend is 19 and i'm his first real gf asked me for a break... except we've been going out for 2 years. i accepted it though, and quite frankly it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. i'll be out dating others, or just enjoying my time alone while he sorts his thoughts out. if he decides to come back... i can't guarantee i'll still be here, and i think it's the best thing to do. let him do what he wants, think he's still in control. there'll be a big reality check in time

[Rabican]

Kick his a$$ to the curb... now... no wait... 5 minutes ago. Scared to love you? sounds like a good reason to get some strange to me.

 

If/ when you ever love someone, you will know it... and the last thing that will ever come to your mind if you truly love that person is doing anything that will hurt them. Right at the top of that list of not hurting someone is sleeping around with other people.

 

Stand up for yourself, move on, and find someone who will respect you and really love you.

[Rabican]

oh by the way, I asked my first girlfriend to marry me. First love, or 100th love... love is love its either there or its not. If hes asking to sleep around.. then its not there. thereforeeee I wouldnt invest my heart into him if I were you.