When the juice really isn't worth the squeeze; Move on!

[FCTex]

I've got several threads up on this forum..

 

I don't know why I'm compelled to post this thread, more so just to get it off my chest in my own personal problems, but perhaps because I see so many people and have heard so many stories of trying again, moving on, but still people coming back here, day after day, and still struggling..

 

 

I too was one of those people, just weeks ago, that would have jumped at the chance to have contact from my ex. I would have put forth ever effort in my body and heart to work something out.. I dreamed still of the future. I missed her, I loved her.. In our own minds, we forgive them for the hurt.. The broken promises, the lies, the decit.. The failed relationship we forgive, we take un needed blame on ourselves. We in all actuality, but them on a pedestal.. And we forget that we place them so high, and put ourselves so low, that we are indeed, still out of reach of them.

 

We all go through the emotions. Hurt, feeling lost.. Wanting them back.. It leads to anger, hate, dwelling on the bad.. We start feeling good, and then we remember the good times. We hurt ourselves. Our ex's are staying away, and if they aren't they are simply helping us, hurt ourselves..

 

Like my title says.. When the juice is not worth the squeeze, move on.

 

The juice as gone sour. It's been sour, we were just too busy, to involved to notice the sour tastes we have had in our mouths..

 

Our ex's are simply that. Ex. Past. Old. We will never have our girlfriend/boyfriends back... They are the old person. The post break up is the new person..

 

What is needed to do is look at the new person. The way they act, the things they say, the things they do. The little things. Look at them through a different perspective, not a jaded one, that we have from our past..

 

We all live with the hope of a second chance. Most of us atleast.. For whatever reasons being.. We also forget that, while you can dismiss ones actions outside of the relationship, you can't discount how they will affect the second chance relationship.

 

Sure in some cases it will work out, but dont find yourself fighting for so long, avoiding the real reason of it all, only to find out in the end it wasn't worth it..

 

In my personal view of this, and how I feel. I'm over my ex. It's been almost 3 months, almost, since we broke up from a 1.5 year relationship. I'm done with her. I do no, and will not want her back, anytime soon. She broke up with me. Now, what she's done outside of our relationship while broken up, I really don't care about, however, dragging me into her mess, did make me care about it.. I wanted to give her the space, but she lead me on. She drug me around. I followed, and I found out more than I ever wanted to know.

 

Now, at this point in my life. I've felt like I've wasted some of my time. I shed tears she wasn't really worth. I've lost sleep, and chances with other women, because of her.. Her juice, after having our talk, is not worth my squeeze. She's not worth it to me.. I love her, yes. I miss her from time to time, yes. But the problems, mainly from the person she has become, overshadow the past, and all..

 

Look at who your ex's are. Pine over them. Miss them, Love them, but they are no longer what you remember them as. I assure you of this.. Don't prolong hurting yourself, because you dont want to believe what other people say. I did the same thing. I've seen it done. I was too stubborn in the name of love, to give up, and I ended up hitting my head on the wall enough, that I woke up.

 

 

I had a very good friend who I was talking to this about, and he said this..

 

"You'll find that the juice worth squeezing, is the juice you shouldnt have to squeeze at all."

 

It's perfect actually.. We all deserve better. We might not do better than our ex's, but get this. Our ex's are gone. While they might be the same a little, and physically close to the same, they are no the person we fell in love with once upon a time..

 

Stop the hurt people, just write it all down, soak it up like a sponge, and better yourself for the surprise.

[Smarie]

that was perfect......i couldnt have said it better. I think we all realize how hard breaking up is but we dont want to realize that it is happening to us. When it does happen, there is always that small percent that gets back together afterwards and everyone always thinks that is going to be them. It ends up not being what happens to them and they are let down. Its a natural response that everyone will got through, some can handle it, some take longer. Either way...it will happen and everyone makes it through ok. Well said...........

[fadedfantasy]

FCTex, that was very very well said. I think that a lot of us can relate to what you wrote. I have been using NC for quite a while now. Of course Im always going to love and miss my ex but I know our connection is lost now and probably will never be the same again. I use to feel angry, sad, and depressed that I lost him. You cant go back to the past. I wish I could sometimes,but With that said, I've learned to embrace the past, and look to the future. Hopefully all of us who stuggle in healing after a breakup will find that special somebody whos a keeper because I know they are out there. Good luck! 8)

[FCTex]

Your right, both of you...

 

Time is the teller of all at this point...

 

We all go through the phases, the emotions, but we just really need to realize what it was, is the past. We we're attached to is the past, and that won't ever be. A new relationship with a ex is new. It's not an extention of the past. Nothing will be the same. The "I love yous" will feel different.. The looks, the trust, everything. There will always be a weak spot in the foundation..

 

We all need to embrace the past. Smile for it. It shaped you, and you are a wonderful person for it. You've added another level to yourself.. Be happy for it, but look toward the future. Work on you, love the past, and seriously, the juice one day will be as sweet as can be, and you won't have to squeeze anything for it....

[Mstyiyd]

Thank you for your wise words. I think I needed to hear them tonight. I am still in my long, long process of healing, letting go, grieving, learning, all of it. Some days are better than others. I have some good things going on in my life, trying to get out there, make new friends, nothing romantic yet and I don't think I am ready for all that yet wrote down your juice quote, will be sharing w/some friends because I like it. And I will give credit where it is due............keep up your good work!

[FCTex]

Keep smiling... Keep workin on yourself. Keep away from them. They aren't worth the time anymore. There is nothing you want now, other than the past. The present and the future is something you don't know much of..

 

 

And like I said.. No one likes bitter juice. No one likes to get an empty rind.. Go out there and get your juice..

[Mstyiyd]

Oh, I'm trying. Trying to get out there and get some fresh oj or whatever....LOL. I think I read somewhere that the dumpers sometimes call their dumpees after a while of NC (when both parties are doing it)....and sometimes by the time they call, if they do, us dumpees might be at the point where it doesn't affect us either way.

My 30th b-day is this wkend and if it had been 2 months ago or even 1 month ago it would have been total trauma for me. But, since NC has been implemented over a month and pretty much a great deal of the summer, this coming wkend will be no diff than any other recent wkend. Im not expecting a call and i won't freak out when it doesn't come. I didnt call her for hers in August, so with that and the NC and everything else, it's okay. And for that, I am proud of myself for being ok with this right now.

Go Juice!

[TooNiceAGuy]

Excellent post. I was dumped. It's been two weeks today. It's hard. She broke NC last night via email, making life harder. I've noticed that trying to turn things into comedy works pretty well, but not everyone can do that. Not even myself sometimes. I think we all sooner or later come to the realization that the juice isn't worth it anymore. We move on, forget, find someone else. It's just the time up to that point that's hard. Great post!

[FCTex]

It gets better.

 

Look where I am almost 3 months in. I'm already gone. I'm not giving her anything. She doesn't hold anything in my daily life, or my routines. She doesn't stop me from a thing.. be it in my mind, or physically. I do not see, I do not hear, I do not acknowledge.

 

2 weeks after my break up, I was ready to wrap my truck around a telephone pole. Your doing fine! it gets better!

[yo]

Very well said FCTex. Every bit of it is soooo very true!

[J a m e s]

good post FCTex, and im sure everyone posting in this section can relate to it.

[Juha]

WOW!!!!!

 

That is a great analogy FC...

 

I have been moving on doing NC and I feel so much better...

 

I still care for her and love her more than anyone in the world but she has made her bed and will have to sleep in it....

[FCTex]

It's just like a job..

 

Is what your do, day in and day out, worth what your getting paid for?

 

Usually the answer is always no, in some peoples cases. But think about other things.. Is it close to home? Good co-workers? Like your boss? Like what you do?

 

All those, MAKE your job, worth your efforts, despite what your getting paid.

 

 

It's the same for a relationship that you want to start again.. Is what your working for, and getting in return, worth it? Do they both add up to make it even and worthwhile?

 

Don't convince yourself, or your ex of anything otherwise.. Because simply put, forcefullness leads to forceful endings. It must be natural.

[sibling295]

FCTex-

Have you told your ex that you dont want contact ? Or just doin No Contact?

[Fivek]

There's no need to tell them. It's all about you now.

[sibling295]

Got it ! Thanks

[FCTex]

I think it was more implied by alot of things.

 

 

I told her I hate to be contacted, and lifted up, and only to be tossed back away when she got her "fix".

 

I told her that if we couldnt try again(this is before I've realized that I dont want her again.), that I would not be her friend.

 

People who are not friends, rarely communicate. So I think it's merely just a mutual understanding by me not contacting her, that she's to do the same regardless.

 

But to answer you direct, I havent told her. Do not contact me. I dont feel like I need to tell her that. I dont think she deserves to have to know that. I can pick and choose my contact, if any, with her at this point.. She's talked to me on AIM, I've yet to reply to her, in the days after we had our "talk".

[FCTex]

She still contacts me, but you know what?

 

Her juice is no good..

 

 

She doesn't understand what follows for some reason..

 

We all need to learn how to walk away from the burning ash.. Both sides do.

[capricorn85]

THANK YOU so much for that! I am going through a very rough time right now getting over my ex boyfriend and your words made me feel better.

[FCTex]

Your welcome.

 

They aren't just my words.. They are everyones words.

 

Relationships are broken because of a simple thing. Problems. You might tell yourself, your friend, us, anyone; that your relationship was great. You might simply say that you didnt really fight much.

 

The reality of it all is. It wasn't perfect, if it were perfect, you wouldnt be there reading this now would you? You wouldnt feel the way you do if things were great between you two all the time.

 

The thing is.. After a break up, you can't cling to broken pieces, you can't mend broken hearts. That relationship is over, and depending on what happened in the middle of here and then, you can decide what you want to do.

 

More than likely, it's hard to pick up the pieces of your heart and try to fit it back together. It's simply the smarter, easier, more successful way to just allow another heart to heal, as you move on..

 

I was just like everyone else months ago.. I didnt believe it when people told me it was over, that it wouldnt work. I wanted to be the one that DID have it work. Well, trut is, it gets tiring wishing for wishes to come true, and regretting that they never do.

 

It hurt to carry it on our backs. They aren't worried about us, they think of us, but they can let it go.. You do the same and I'm promising the healing will begin, the times will change.. You'll wake up with one less tear. You will listen to one more song you couldnt the day before. You will smile that much bigger.. And I'm telling you, the self projection that you will put off, the glow, the happieness with YOU, for once and formost, you will move on, and there will be someone worth the time.

 

We're worth someone wasting their time on us. If they don't have time to waste on them, cut them out of your picture. Have some self worth and stop trolling behind the feet of your ex.. They aren't looking back, and you shouldnt be walking backwards..

 

Take Care.

[FCTex]

I wanted to bring this back up..

 

 

My ex still tries to make contact with me. Ever so slightly..

 

Can I lie and say I do not miss her? Nope.. Can I sit right here and tell the world I do not love her? Certainly not. I miss her very very much somedays, and some days I do not hardly give her a second of my extremely valueble time in my mind.. I love her unconditionally regardless of the hurt she's put me through. She's broken a man down like a child, and then didnt allow me to heal properly, and kept breaking me down, intentionally, or unintentionally...

 

She sent me a text about a week ago. We hadn't talked in a week, I think. Perhaps 2 weeks.. I can't recall, but it wasn't too far out from when we had our "final" talk; where I cut the last strings to my heart. I called it done, and walked away a man, and left her with the burning ashes to tend if she wanted.

 

It was about 1am, on a weekday, and she simply said:

 

"S- Have you decided that you can not be my friend... I simply can not bare the thought that you will not be in my life anymore."

 

I did not reply, and she did not send anything after that... This was odd, and it also hurt to see. In the same sense this gave me my strenght. We all need to really be positive about our break ups. While they are so negative in the connotation, and they hurt so bad, we learn so much from them. My ex was a great women. She was nothing but the world to me, and gave me the world that I dreamt of. However after the break up, she taught me the harshness and realness of people, of humans nature. She left me for another man I believe and didnt have the respect for me that I deserved.

 

At this point in my life, I can almost certainly say.. That this is the hardest lesson learned, but in the same instance, this was the greatest thing to happen to me.. It was bound to happen, and I think I was blessed enough to learn this at such a young age. To grown even deeper as a person, and grow up even more so as a man..

 

But she is not worth my juice. My ex was a great women. I can not speak of her now, because I can't stand to allow her to gain anything on me. I'm teaching her something about life, a hard lesson that she taught me months ago.

 

I had a realization this week however.

 

My ex came to my work place... Not for me, but for her father.. She saw me, called my name, and attempted to make contact with me. I was extremely busy, but in the same sense I was caught so off guard that I was almost scared... She said Hi, and acted like things were fine with us. I didnt say anything to her, just looked at her.. She asked me a question about her dad and I directed her to him.. All the while being busy with what I was doing. She could sense me not wanting to talk or even see her.. Ironically my heart skipped a beat. My stomach turned and I was nervous.. Never in my life has she been that gorgeous. She left me in awe, even in the hectic atmosphere I was working in at the time...

 

She told me she was sorry to bother me at work.. She sent this to me in a text that evening, that I did not reply too...

 

I've learned something.. Our ex's aren't worth our time. You can not brush your garbage under the carpets of our lives, and expect the mound to not get any bigger. You can not put makeup and fakeness over the lies, the hurt, and the deciet. You can not act like everything is okay, when it is in deed, no where near it.. Guilt does not run the gamut, and does not lead to happy endings.

 

Allowing your ex what they want in life, while respectable, doesnt show that for us.. I can't be friends with my ex. She needed to learn that she will not get everything from life.. She will not always get what she wants, and everything she needs. She can not treat someone the way she did after the break up. She can not toss caution to the wind, and gamble away her valueables..

 

You do not sell your life, your home, you clothes, your cars, and buy a lottery ticket and hope to strike it rich in the morning.. You don't hope to have a bigger house, better cars, better relationships, better life... You can't gamble like that, and if you don't win, expect that your old life, your old materials will be there for you when you return..

 

My glass is upside down these days.. No one's juice is being poured into my cup.. It's not ready, it's not willing, and it's not clean.. Do not pour good juice into a dirty cup... Wash first, and then turn your cup right side up, and keep the sour juice away, because it does come back around.

[patience]

FCTex,

 

I am impressed by your honesty with yourself! Good job!

[FCTex]

Thank you. I'm impressed too.

 

 

My ex tried to contact me today. Well rather, she contacted me, but TRIED to get a reply.

 

 

"Hey.. Thanks for being concered about my brother.. the whole thing is crazy..... I also wanted to know if we could talk some time.. if not i understand.. well i hope you have a great day, and happy halloween. "

 

 

She obviously heard from her brother, or her mom that I was asking if he was okay after an incident...

 

I didn't reply, but part of wants to know what shes wanting to talk about.. Simply put it could be a word game, to try and just say Hi. to see if I have any attachment to wanting to talk to her again..

 

 

I do.. I do have an attachment to want to talk to her, but I'm doing so great by not prying into her life that I simply can brush the urge away and I don't care after that.. I will not be her friend, and while I would love to try again with her one day when she grows up.. Right now is not the time, and she simply could not say anything worth wanting to hear.

 

If it was important enough about her and I, then if it was worth it to her, she would simply try and try and try and pry into my life and try to get my attention.. She's not doing that.

 

Our ex's can't tell us anything right now. It's already days/months/years late, and it's not worth the trip back to the past..

 

She'll have to live with her decision and her actions. Life isn't procured by words and empty promises..

 

We can't be sitting home thinking about things we never did, and things we should have said... Live doesn't work that way.

[FCTex]

"I care for you a great deal, and you are one of the most geniuine people I know.."

 

 

Honey.. It's here or there. It's all months late, and a tear short of what it was to become.

 

 

My ex texted me tonight. I replied, for some unknown reason, wondering what she wanted to talk about.

 

I can't be her friend, and I'm not going to allow a feeble attempt for her to be my friend, or even FEEL like we are friends. Simply put, she's not going to get anything out of me. She's not worth this juice..

 

She's not squeezing..and I dont have a cup...

[patience]

so what did she say in her text?

 

she may be testing the waters, so to speak...be cautious and pay attention

 

time will tell