I want to send this e-mail to my ex.

[JimmerJammer]

What do you all think?

 

Hey ****,

 

I've been wanting to tell you something for a very long time. I wanted so badly to tell you this in person because I would have no problems saying all that I have to say directly to you. I would rather talk to you face-to-face as I feel that it is the best way to talk to someone because e-mailing and phoning seems so distant and inhuman, but I don't want to put you into an uncomfortable situation. I'm not sure how you will react to receiving this, so the last thing I want to do is excite anything when you see me e-mailing you again and thinking like I can just do it anytime I feel like it. But know that this isn't the case.

 

I want you to know that I have been able to move on and live a new life. It really looks like I haven't since I seem to continue to e-mail you every now and again, even though I say I'll stop. Where I am different is that I am not doing this for the chance that you'll respond because... well you know why. I wanted to tell you that a lot has changed since you and I split and although I know we can never benefit from this, I want you to know that it is ok because now I can live my life the way it was intended to be and that makes me happy. And I don't want that to sound like I didn't love the relationship we had or anything. It just means that it has taken me a lot of soul searching and digging deep to understand what happened and that now I understand why I needed to move on and I've come to peace with that.

 

What bugged me the most about it is that it initally felt like something was off and that there was something that you were just resisting to tell me. I was never sure why it felt that way, but I soon started to get the feeling that it was too much like it was my fault or that it was something I had been doing that messed it all up. I know it's not JUST that, but after much much time, effort and analyzing, I have found a lot that I've been running away from. I have found a lot of the things I've been meaning to take care of when I was with you and afterwards. I just kept making excuses and never getting around to it.

 

I spent months and months looking back at our relationship and going over all the things I did and looking at all those things I wish I could take back or change. So it wasn't much longer after that before I knew that I had to change. That I couldn't continue to live the way I was living. And so I saught out to change myself and take care of all those things that I discovered about myself that I didn't like.

 

There were other things about the relationship that I had to think about. I had to think about all the good times and think about where and when things were going well. I had to think about what it meant for you to love me. I had to think about what it was that you loved about me and to see where you got hurt and what I did to cause it. I had to try and see things through your eyes and to get a feel for how you were being treated. I had to see your side of the story and understand the kind of person I was being.

 

After countless months doing this, I felt like I was really beginning to understand a lot more about why you loved me. It became really clear when I started to see what it was you saw in me. I began to see my insecurities about myself and why it must have bugged and hurt you to see me do the things I did to myself. I'm not being boastful when I see that I now understand who you saw and me and the kind of guy you believed I was capable of being. I know see all of that and now I'm focusing on testing my capabilities and abilities. I'm now invoking all my energy to doing everything that I possibly can do. To live up to the kind of guy I could have been. And now I'm refocusing everything in my life. My direction is wherever I want to take myself and I now see that the sky really is the limit. Many plans are being made and are on their way to becoming a reality and others are already unfolding. Eventually, I'll be fully on track and I will feel that I am exactly where and who I want to be.

 

Maybe I am wrong about the whole thing and have spent a lot of time realizing and understanding everything when it wasn't how it really was. Either way, things have changed and I have been able to do the very thing I set out to do. It's just the first stage of many in my attempt to live a better life. So far, it is working very well and I am greatly looking forward to the future.

 

As your mother may or may not have told you. I've decided to change my area of study and am now focused on becoming a naturopathic doctor like my brother. I know I could have left that part out, but in the end, if this is to be my last e-mail you'll ever get from me again, I want it to give every possible detail of what may be the last of what you'll ever hear of and about me. This way, if this has any impact on you and that it may somehow have you feel the tiniest interest in what will happen to me in the end. I want it to give you the best picture imaginable.

 

Well that does it for me. It totally is fine if you choose to respond or if you choose not to respond. I won't be phased by it as I know I would be fortunate if you did respond. Thanks for

reading my e-mail. You have no idea how much that means to me.

 

Later ****,

 

----

 

P.S. - You may be asking yourself why I even sent this to you and why say all of this now. This long after we split up. And the reason is simple. Because I didn't want to send you this pre-maturely. I wanted to make sure that it was the right time when I sent it and I sent it because hopefully if you were still angry about me and you that it would make you happy about us again, that right there is worth it. Because even though its in the past, it's better to think positively about it than to carry the anger. And if you already think positively about it, I'm really happy because then I know for sure that I don't have to worry about it anymore. Even though this all benefits me, I want you to know that you were my inspiration for taking action. Either way, I'm happy with my life and I can now start my new life and start the life I've always wanted. Now I've found happiness and can do all the things I've ever wanted to do. I know that if anything, that's what you wanted to see happen most of all.

 

P.P.S. - Although I think it'd be quite wishful to think that you'll want to know about things going on in my life, I plan on launching my new site down the line (...). Which I'm hoping to have completed by the new year. It'll keep information up to date about what's new and will contain samples of my latest productions. Although, I've been having trouble having my friend register the domain, so that's why when I finally get it or decide on a new one if I don't, that my old website will mention it (...)."

[heloladies21]

The email is a bad idea. Any contact at this point won't do any good for you. Leave the letter on here and do your best to keep movin on. Talk to lots of other girls.

[Kate79]

Totally agree heloladies21. This email is a contradiction of your actions. You say you have moved on..then do it. There is no need for this email. My exboyfriend did the exact same thing i.e telling me he was over me, and moved on and that the reason for this is email is blah blah blah. I just didnt even believe a word he said. I know when im over someone and want to move on...i dont take a step back and make contact with them.

 

You actually sound a little obsessed to be honest.

[Ifeelsick]

I understand and somewhat agree with what everyone is saying, but I truly understand where you're coming from. Personally I would send it, and just know that there is to be no kind of contact ever again with her.

 

I'm kinda in the same situation, but I hopeful she'll take me back. It's been 1 1/2 months, and we were together for for years.

 

I kinda thought the same as you, and said if we didnt work out I would focus all my time and energy on getting my life to be the way it should be. I dont blame you, I just hope that everything you said is true and that there is no hope in your mind that she will respond because if she doesnt you cant allow yourself to be hurt.

 

Good luck on your new life!

[lady00]

Don't send it. It makes it sound like you have been obsessing over the relationship rather than moving on. I think you should continue healing and moving forward until you get to a place where you don't feel the need to contact your ex and let her know your feelings and how you're doing. I'm not trying to be mean. On the contrary, I am worried that sending her this email will end in you getting a reaction (or no reaction) that will hurt you more than not sending it. Good luck with everything.

[JimmerJammer]

no, it's fine everyone. But I'm still going to send it. Any reaction she gives isn't going to matter. I'm not concerned with a reply. I'm not wanting to hear back from her. I'm only telling her what I've done with myself, so that I may get closure for myself. It's the last step that I have to do to leave my past behind. And that's what this really represents, the end of my old life and the beginning of my new life. In fact it has me really excited already.

 

Obsessed, man you all have me really laughing because I feel like I'll say this and you all will be like "poor guy doesn't realize what he's doing" and the other part that says that I'm in denial. I just find it funny because I can't and don't have to convince anyone of anything.

 

Thanks though.

[danylion]

dont send it, I know you think that you don't care if she responds but deep down you do want one. Jeez we all know about that, thats why we're on here.

 

Also You are not totally sure its right thing to do either as you wouldn't have asked.

 

You have done well to get this far, time is passing. Just let it be and use this forum if you need to express yourself. I think it will make you feel alot worse if you send it. It just screams that you are still into her.

 

Sorry if that harsh, good luck and stay strong!

[annie24]

Here's another vote for "don't send it." I think it's a good idea that you wrote it, to get your emotions out, but not to send it. But, writing someone such a long e-mail, telling them how over the relationship you are.... I don't think it's a great idea.

 

Let's face it - when you are really over someone, you forget to tell everyone how over your ex you are, and you forget to send e-mails such as these.

 

I don't want to sound harsh, but if an ex-bf of mine sent me an e-mail like this, I would read it thinking, "wow - this guy is so not over me!" And if I were the one who did the breaking up, I would be thinking, "Um... this guy REALLY needs to get over it."

 

I want you to know that I have been able to move on and live a new life.

 

An e-mail like this would not show me that my ex is moved on. What would make me see that he has moved on is if he stopped e-mailing me, and the next time I saw him, he was dressed to kill, getting into his brand new car, with some very attractive woman. That would make me realize that he moved on.

 

And I also wouldn't response to this e-mail. It definitely seems not only that you are not over your ex, but you're still trying to get her back. well, that is my honest response. And definitely, like alice said, if you knew for sure that this e-mail was the right thing to send, then you wouldn't have asked us.

[Rickster]

Your email does sound quite sad. Made me think about myself too.

[Shaun23]

Do what you feel is the right thing to do!! WHat do you have to loose?

You aren't worried what she thinks right! So if it makes you feel better,

go ahead and click the "Send" button......

[Eadgbe]

I have to say I totally agree with everyone else. I think you will regret sending this email down the line. It sounds like you spent a long time writing it. Since I started no contact with my ex things have been much better. No contact isn't always easy, but it helps you to accept and move on. Give it a go

[RayKay]

If you want her to get the message you are over her....then this is NOT the way to do it.

 

I tried to read that email as if someone I had broken up with was sending it to me...and I will say immediately that the impression I get is "he is so not over me".

 

When you are healed and moved on...you don't feel the need to tell the person you are..the very fact that you tell her why you waited so long to send it, even gives impression you have been sitting around just waiting for enough time to pass so you could send it and say you were "over her".

 

Not only that, but you indicate yourself that you email her and talk to her regularly, trust me, she already knows how you feel, and she won't believe this letter for a second. Honestly, do YOU really believe it? Or are you hoping that her thinking you have "moved on" will get her to come running back to prevent you from leaving her forever?

 

Write it, and burn it. Don't give it to her.

 

And start limiting your contact with her...and truly start moving on and healing. Once you have, if you ever read this again, you will realize how far you will have come and how that at this point in time, you were not there yet.

[Meow18]

I don't think you should send it either. Whether you will anyway or not is your choice, but I don't see a reason to.

 

The only way you will prove you are over her is to not contact her. She is just going to see this as another one of those emails, even if every other sentence says you are over the relationship. I would wonder why you even care to tell me that you are over the relationship. Maybe you want her to know, but what are you expecting? You say you don't want a reply from her, so why even bother sending it? You can get the point accross better by just not contacting her at all.

 

It's almost as if you feel you need to prove something to her. I did read your email as sort of trying too hard to try and tell her that you are over her. Almost as if you are hoping she will be hurt that you have moved on. Maybe that isn't the case, but that's honestly how I read it.

 

If you decide to send it, don't expect her to believe that you are over her. Your words are saying you are, but your actions are not. At least that's the way I would see it.

[hockeyboy]

this sounds like your reaching out to her and hoping that she wants to partake in your life. dont send it...wait a week, read this again and see how you feel.

 

my previous ex..i sent her emails all the time..got me nowhere. my new gf and i kinda took a break/broke up whatever. i wrote her a very long email. i waited a few days and re-read it and then shortened it to almost nothing. its amazing as to how you can be like "whoa, i cant believe i was gonna send that." btw..we got back together...and i really think that if i sent my original one that we would not have gotten back. (not that you wants yours back)

[danylion]

hockey boy is so right.

 

I look back on letters I wrote just a week ago and I am very grateful that I didn't physically send them.

However writing these feelings and posting on here or at home is very important as it shows how much progress you are making. You are surrounded by people who totally understand your position and how you're feeling.

Its a healing process after all.

 

You simply do not need to do this, it won't help and she doesn't need to hear it.

[JimmerJammer]

I can't believe this. You all are telling me how I really think and feel and yet I haven't been on this site in probably half a year to a year. If I was on here all the time then yeah I could see that I was simply trying to use another tactic to get her back, but it isn't even like that.

 

I see that this could be seen as an attempt to get her back, but it isn't. I feel like all I'm doing is sitting here justifying and explaining myself for something I shouldn't have to. I know in my heart how it really is and how I really feel, so please stop trying to get me into thinking any differently.

 

This e-mail is representative of my past life until now and maybe she can do without it, but it's my way of getting closure. It's my way of finally walking away from it saying that I'm a better man now, that I learned a lot and that I can finally say that I'm happy with the person I am. That I finally am showing initiative and taking responsibility for myself. When we broke up, she was upset about the harm I was causing to myself.

 

This isn't some poor attempt to get her to see me in a different light, or for her to try talking to me again. I want her to completely forget about me. Maybe this won't do anything, but in the end, this is the last thing I can do. I won't feel bad because I have nothing to feel badly about.

 

Man I'm such a jerk and will probably get attacked as a guy trying to run away from his problems, but I am going to be in the position to date lots of girls now. I have had many opportunities come up and have actually gone on some, but I wasn't ready to go forth yet. Not because I wasn't over her, but because I had things I had to fix on the inside and outside and I wasn't going to get distracted.

 

She can think whatever she wants, I'm not focused on that. I'm only focused on completely letting my old life go and it doesn't matter if she says anything or not.

[lady00]

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Do what you want. It's your life, after all. Most of the posters on here agree with me that you should not send the email but of course we are not you. We've just offered our advice and of course you are free to take it or leave it, but just because we aren't saying what you want to hear doesn't mean we're wrong. Good luck with everything.

[annie24]

If you don't care whether or not she responds, then why bother sending the letter? From that perspective, I think it's rather rude, because it's like, "Hey - I'm over you. I don't care if you respond." If an ex wrote that to me, I would be like, "ummm... ok, then what was the point of sending it to me, and why did I just waste 3 minutes reading your letter then?"

 

It's like this: I just got home. Every piece of mail I got was from people or organizations that want me to contact them. I got coupons for the chinese food restaurant (they hope I will call them and order). I got a credit card bill (they hope I will send them money). I got a letter from a political organization, wanting donations and wanting me to write to my congressman. You get the point. No one sent me a letter wanting nothing in return... That's why we think that you're hoping for something from your ex.

 

I know in my heart how it really is and how I really feel, so please stop trying to get me into thinking any differently.

 

Well, you asked us for our opinion, and we gave it to you. Of course, it's your life, do whatever you like and whatever you think feels right. All I'm saying, is that if an ex sent an e-mail like that to me, I would think that he has some problems.

 

And, I'll just say it one more time: you are over your ex when you forget to mention how over them you are! When you've moved on, it suddenly hits you one day - you forget to drive by their house, you forget that it's their sister's birthday, you realize that you haven't even thought about them in a while. And most of all, you forget to mention to everyone how over them you are.

[melrich]

Sorry man...you are not getting what you wanted to hear I guess.

 

Sorry but have to go with the majority. Don't send it. You put it up here for opinions. I read it, it sounds subservient and vaguely pleading with a touch of "look at me now...na nee na nee na na"

 

So your sentiments may be exactly as you say so no problems with you getting closure, I'd just re-write the thing. Lighten it up completely. "Hi how you going..just to let you know I'm moving on and if your wondering I'm going to be a naturopath...have a great life. C u"

[dmntired]

no, it's fine everyone. But I'm still going to send it. I just find it funny because I can't and don't have to convince anyone of anything.

 

Thanks though.

 

 

 

Then why are you trying to convince her that you've moved on and that it doesn't fade you any more. Because it is clear that it does. It took a lot of time to write that email, not to mention all the thought that went into it.

 

 

Are you still holding out hope? Because sometimes hope is all we have. And do you really need her to kill your last shred of hope and dignity if she doesn't respond? And if you really truly have moved on and don't care, then why bother?

 

Love is an action word. The heart is a muscle. You just added a strain to an already aching muscle, by running that emotional typ-athon.

 

Sure hope it turns out good for ya. Most marathons leave you tired and drained, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

[dmntired]

I want her to completely forget about me. Maybe this won't do anything, but in the end, this is the last thing I can do.

 

How can you completely forget about something if it's constantly reminding you it left?

 

 

Is this really the lst thing you can do? If you are at a good place qand care for yourself and are not your past pains. Then why the torture?

[JimmerJammer]

I realize I may have been rude to you all earlier, but I guess from my point of view it seemed many of you automatically assumed that I was doing this because I wanted her back. I see that and sure I would question it before, but I won't now. I know a lot of you are confused by my choice to do this and many feel it's a wrong one. I understand, I do. I just see it that if there was one way to set things straight that I feel felt like it would be my way of just ending the "relationship" the proper way. We left a sour taste in each others mouths and I simply wanted to do it right.

 

I know maybe I had it in my head that all I wanted was closure and maybe subconsciously it was driven by some inner want to have her back, but I just know for certain that our time has come and passed.

 

I know it sounds ludacris and purplexing as to why someone would bother sending something that only signifies the opposite of what they're trying to accomplish, but I just don't expect anything from her. If she said, why the hell are you sending this then I just wouldn't care, but I'd feel like I tried. If she said, thanks for recognizing a lot of things and I'm happy for you, then I'd be happy to see she is going about it maturely and felt it was worth trying. If she didn't say anything at all then I'd be happy as well because she doesn't have to reply to it and at this point there really isn't a need for her to.

 

This all took a really bad twist. I did only intend this e-mail to let her know that I'm doing something positive with myself and got away from the person I used to be. I don't expect her to really care, but only hopefully that she would feel happy for me and happy for herself. I promised myself way back when that I'd change and that my ex be the one to know that I did when I felt satisfied with the changes I made.

 

I knew it would take a very long time, to me it didn't matter when it would happen, just so long that when I felt ready to that I would take the time to let her know. Just as my way of ending it. My way of leaving that part of me behind and moving forward. And sure I can move on without having to do all this, but I made a promise to myself that I would let her know. Not just for me, but for her too. I pissed her off and hurt her to the extent that I only hoped that saying part if not all of the e-mail will make me and her feel better. Me feeling better because I feel like I did something to make it up to her and her feeling better because she didn't put herself through all that pain needlessly.

 

I know it's not necessary, but it marks a milestone in my life and this is the only girl I would bother doing this for. Any other girl and I would agree with you all on this, but this was and is important for me. I hope I made things clearer.

[annie24]

Well, if you feel like you got the closure that you need, then good. Now you have put an end to the story of you and your ex and you can move on.

[cherryblossom]

well I know about wanting to get closure. I was in a similar situation as you but I must agree NOT to send it, and if you do. please make it less long its too long, it comes off a bit weird (b/c its so long) sorry to be harsh. But like everyone said, if you are over it then please just move on. I know its hard, I'm trying to do the same thing myself - move on. Just leave it alone. If you run into her in the street, then talk with her and show her how you've moved on, act nonchalant. But don't send this letter out just out of the blue. Just my opinion.

[babycristy456]

reading your post reminded me about the same thing I went through. However, I posted it up as someone advised me to do and I was going to send it....But at the last minute I read what I wrote and I was like Im so over this guy that I will NOT send it...And it was my closure and my peace of mind. He never had to read it to affect me..

 

Good luck though. I advice that you do as you feel, but if you feel you need to send it, analyze your own intentions first.

Below is the post where I wrote the letter. Feel free to view it.