Diary of the ex & getting back together.

[OCD]

Thanks NatalieJulie,

That makes sense...heck I don't want to scare her off. I just got that advice from someone else using the word 'talk'. The purpose was that if they agree to meet to 'talk' then I would know they wanted to open up. I didn't only tell her to just talk, but to chat and catch up. It was really positive on both ends and wasn't uncomfortable at all. I'll take your advice and not call her. It's funny that right when I started moving on thinking I'll never be with her again, right away I got two calls within 3 days. She just called one time because she saw a car like mine and thought I was next to her...it wasn't me though, but we chatted a little bit and it was cool. I am trying to heal and move on, but would love to work it out with this person. We had something special. Thanks for the advice.

[sibling295]

Well i woke up to the phone ringing. It was him , i started out like "oh, i just didnt hear from you after you left , i didnt mean for you to call this morning" He said"I went to dinner with my Dad and fell asleep early" He then said he was talking to his dad about us and his dad said that their family has a curse on all the men! The curse wont allow them to get close to women! My ex then said "See you are lucky, i RELEASED you from the curse. I was like this is crazy talk , are you for real???? He started laughing and could tell i did not find it funny. so i said , i dont want to deal with these issue's i am a nice girl and i just want to be normal. He said well you are normal . I said No in a releationship. He said well "Good Luck with that" So I was about to say the whole I cant do this anymore and he interrupted me by saying now he was at work and he couldnt talk anymore , so instead i just said "well then good luck with your curse" and hung up.

Seriously, i think i am holding on to something i dont even want. I am too old for these games. Either the man loves me or it just cant work out. But i am officially done with his baloney. Talk about commitment issue's. My goodness!!!!

Oh and the whole Dumpee feels guilt thing is right on the mark. You guys are all so wise. I love this forum. NJ- I am gonna start a new forum on my getting over this little boy. This is your forum and i hope you keep with the updates cause now i really care for you and want to see you make it!!

[sibling295]

If anyone is interested in my progress - i started a new forum on getting over a break up called "Take the L out of Lover and its OVER"

[NotMyself]

Lemme hear ittttttt............ "I TOLD YOU SO!"

 

HA! Natalie!!! Yup, you told me so!!

 

Hope all is well...

[nataliejulie]

I guess we are officially back together ?!

 

I spent the last few days with him, everything was great.. as usual.

 

Yesterday, I was cutting his hair (I'm a hair dresser, but I was doing it at his place) and he saw this gross actress on tv and turns around and says, "What would you do if I dumped you for her?" being funny.

Then my friend calls shortly after, so I wanted to put him to the test. I said I was cutting my boyfriend's hair. He turns around and says to be funny, "tell her you are cutting a clients hair in your underwear." (which we were). So at this point, I'm like.. hm. He didn't say anything about it.

 

The rest of the day, he didn't act weird or mention that I called him my boyfriend. Then later that night, we were on the train going back home. He kept looking at me, so I asked why he was staring. He said, "I'm allowed to stare at my girlfriend."

 

I didn't want to ask him. I'm still terrified. We were actually laying in bed last night and I wanted to ask so bad. It started to come out and then I just ended up asking "do you like it when I'm here?" He says, "yes, you are a lot of fun." Still continues to hold me.. so I'm still working on getting the nerve to ask... instead, I beat around the bush again and tell him I love him. (We haven't said it in awhile) He says, "awe, baby, that's sweet.. I love you, too." And for some reason I said, you don't have to say it back if you don't want to. He turned to me and said, "I do want to. But you already know how much I love you." I just wanted to go to bed on that note.

 

What do I do now??? Things are great! Really! I'm hanging out with his friends a lot, we're making plans together. Do I just roll with it? I'm just afraid that there will be a moment of truth where I call him my boyfriend, or mention us in a relationship and he freaks out.

 

I want to also add that last night I was pretty bummed out for a little while. He snapped at me yet again, and for the first time I said something about it. He hugged me in the street and asked why I was mad, I told him I don't like being snapped at like a child. He kept apologizing. The next few hours (till he called my his girlfriend on the train), I kept thinking, this guy is killing me. All the effort, all the patience, all the working, it's draining me. I'm really losing my sense of self and my balance.

[nataliejulie]

ASK AND YE' SHALL RECEIVE.......

 

Apparently he already figured we were back together. He told me how great things have been for us this past month being together.

ha.

 

But, I asked, and it's official. We are successfully back together!!! [-o

[the_dude007]

Awesome news. Good to hear. Not only did you get what you wanted with him coming back into your life, but you got what you needed to hear. Perfect. 2 for 2.

 

Patience and time. Read this story folks - you can learn a lot from nataliejulie's experience.

[selfi]

this is such a good thread. it really gives me hope and perspective. i only hope things can work out for me too, soon enough!

[annie24]

Congrats!!!! I am so glad to hear that things have worked out well!!! Wonderful news!!!!!!!!

 

Time to celebrate!

[biacd]

yeah gratx! wishing for the best for u guys!

[nataliejulie]

Guys, I'm so excited!

 

Now I'm gaining back all that weight I lost HAHA!

 

I have been sleeping like a baby, been smiling non-stop, eating better, no more headaches... WOW!

 

Thank you so much for the support. I only wish to help others out! Don't think I'll be disappearing now

[biacd]

nataliejulie is my hero.

 

 

 

 

correction. it's "heroin" lol

 

 

 

 

[selfi]

hey nataliejulie, i have a quick question for you.

you say you didnt use no contact ect. well, its been nearly a month since i was dumped, and now (before school ends for nearly 6 months!) i really want to sit him down, and ask him if he wants to give us another shot. we have been getting along perfectly on a platonic basis.

 

is this recommended?

[nataliejulie]

hey nataliejulie, i have a quick question for you.

you say you didnt use no contact ect. well, its been nearly a month since i was dumped, and now (before school ends for nearly 6 months!) i really want to sit him down, and ask him if he wants to give us another shot. we have been getting along perfectly on a platonic basis.

 

is this recommended?

 

I think you should. Especially if you are getting along well. Considering school is ending, so you'll have 6 months to get over this if it isn't the answer you want... why not?

 

Instead of directly saying get back together... try wording it differently. Maybe asking to start off slow... see how things go.

[annie24]

nataliejulie is my hero.

 

 

 

 

correction. it's "heroin" lol

 

 

 

 

 

correction - heroine

[biacd]

nataliejulie is my hero.

 

 

 

 

correction. it's "heroin" lol

 

 

 

 

 

correction - heroine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lol i knew that couldn't u see that i was trying to be sacarstic LOL

[nataliejulie]

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Things were going AMAZING, lemme tell ya.

 

Let me just excuse myself and say I have done NOTHING wrong. I have not yelled, blamed, accused, cried, started a fight, NADA.

But he has this temper problem. Or the "Whatever the hell it is" problem. He has this habit of snapping at me like a child. The past few weeks, he would apologize and that was that.

 

Last night, it blew up. He was actually surprised. I was meeting him in NYC and he kept changing the streets of where I'm meeting him. Now, I'm not very familiar with NYC, so I need his directions. I'm getting lost at this point and he's getting frustrated with me. He turns to me and starts yelling at me, "THAT'S AN IDIOT THING TO DO! How do you get lost?!? YOU ARE INSANE. EVERYONE knows how to get around NYC. GOD! "

Bla bla bla, it dwelled over, he apologized, we talked about it. Okay.

 

Then this morning, for some reason he thought I was acting "moody". I'm not sure when this was during me cuddling with him or making him lunch for today ........................... ?!

He starts getting snippy with me again. I remain calm. He's in a rush to leave for work and he leaves his keys in the house. I left the house to wait outside because we were leaving.. he took it as me being mad (when I wasn't) and screamed outside, "I LEFT MY ****ING KEYS IN THE HOUSE! **** YOU!" Whoa.

We get in my car (I was driving him), and I told him that was totally wrong to say.. and he DENIED HE EVEN SAID THAT. "I wasn't directing that to you I'm mad that I left my keys in the house!"

He still gave me a kiss, whatever.

 

If he doesn't change, it won't work. I can't take this snappy crap he gives me. Now he's back to calling me names.

 

What do I do? I've already talked to him about it... he's been okay for the past month... He has this trick where he makes me feel like I AM the one who did something wrong. uck!

[annie24]

hey - you did nothing wrong. I think the problem is with HIM. I mean, no matter how cool you are, you can't have a relationship if he's acting like that.

 

Give it some time, maybe talk to him about the way he makes you feel. Like, if he's in a bad mood, tell him to stay away from you!

 

good luck

[Beec]

The problem is not with you right now, but unless you deal with it, futures problems are partly your fault.

 

If you have a dog or toddler that cannto behave and knows no bounds, do you blame the dog or toddler? Probably not, you blame the owners or parents for fialing to train the dog or teach the child proper behavior. If he pulls this now, you need to train or teach him that the behavior is not acceptable.

[nataliejulie]

The problem is not with you right now, but unless you deal with it, futures problems are partly your fault.

 

If you have a dog or toddler that cannto behave and knows no bounds, do you blame the dog or toddler? Probably not, you blame the owners or parents for fialing to train the dog or teach the child proper behavior. If he pulls this now, you need to train or teach him that the behavior is not acceptable.

 

But how would I do that? Without fighting?

[Beec]

How would to discipline the toddler without hitting the child? Make the child sit in the corner and take away what they want. So what does he want? Take it away.

[Echo]

Natalie..you are not going to like what I say..but for your sake I need to say that this is ABUSE. Verbal abuse. It doesn;t matter if he kisses you after yelling at you and calling you names. It is STILL abuse. Pure and simple. This is not YOUR problem...this guy has anger issues and if you are considering a future with him then he needs to get them under control pronto. Do you want him screaming at your kids like that? It's something to think very long and hard about.....

 

I wish you all the best....and congtrats on becoming official again

[melrich]

If you have a dog or toddler

 

I have often used toddler analogies. They are fascinating little human beings and they grow into us adults. But when we adults are under stress or frustrated or in a bad mood we revert to toddler type behaviour.

 

Ever want to understand why adults behave the way they do and how to deal with it.... get a very good book on the behaviour of toddlers and how to deal with it.

 

Touchpoints by Dr Brazelton is an excellent one that I can recommend.

[nataliejulie]

Natalie..you are not going to like what I say..but for your sake I need to say that this is ABUSE. Verbal abuse. It doesn;t matter if he kisses you after yelling at you and calling you names. It is STILL abuse. Pure and simple. This is not YOUR problem...this guy has anger issues and if you are considering a future with him then he needs to get them under control pronto. Do you want him screaming at your kids like that? It's something to think very long and hard about.....

 

I wish you all the best....and congtrats on becoming official again

 

Hey Echo, hope things are going well with you.

 

When we were together, it became really bad. I used to excuse him for these tantrums because I was also being nasty (though, I never resorted to name calling). Now that I'm more calm and focused, I don't yell, I don't fight... so now I have no idea where his anger stems from. I spent a lot of time with his family. They live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, with no friends, so they are very sheltered. The father and his little brother treat the mom very disrespectfully. (Especially the father) I can only imagine that is where it comes from.

 

The worst night I remember in the past is a week before we split up. I made plans with him and it was the first time I saw him in a few days. I drove up to his work (which is an hour) and I called to let him know I was down the street. He told me he left already and said to meet me at his friend's house. I was angry. I have no idea where to go, I'm not familiar with the area and he just LEFT work. After some fighting, we met at his work and left for his friend's house. We end up going swimming. I didn't have a bathing suit because this was never planned. They went swimming for an hour (him and his 3 friends) while I sat there and watched. I didn't really know anyone and they were involved in their own thing, I was really really upset. He saw this, lashed out, and yelled at me. He told me I always ruin his fun times. He told me it was my fault that I had to sit there and watch. He told me it was my fault I didn't have a bathing suit because I should have one at all time because we never know what we are doing that night. We fought and fought and fought. I ended up being the one apologizing.

 

I used to look up a lot of research of verbal abuse. I even told him he's verbally abusing me. Then he told me, "I WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU!" I'll never forget that.

 

After our break up, he started to appreciate me. He's been incredibly sweet, apologizing, using affection, appreciating me, respecting me... I thought maybe we both changed for the best. But the other night made me feel otherwise.

 

It felt really good to let that out. I never really told anyone about what happened behind the scenes.

 

 

Now as training him like a child... I take away something he wants? Sex? That's the only thing I can think about and it's games to me. I don't know how else to go about this... he won't learn from my words, he has to learn from my actions and I'm not sure what actions lead to the best route.

[nataliejulie]

So I thought about it today.

 

All I wanted was my ex back. And I got it.

I sure did get my ex back and all his old habits too.

 

Right now, I am so confident in myself. I know what I want out a relationship and he's not giving it 100%. At times, I thought it was selfish. Hell, he acted that way for a good two weeks.

 

I'm going to see how it pans out. If not, I will be the dumper, not the dumpee.

 

Is it wrong? Really? I just want a man who respects me, who appreciates me and makes me feel special... but I need the ACTIONS. I want the ACTIONS frequently, not here and then. That too much? Is it even possible?