Is it Better to Know than Always Wonder....

[Aoiumi]

Is it better to know than always wonder? I know for those of us that are shy, asking out the guy or girl you like can be especially difficult. I was wondering what everyone's opinion on this is.

 

I used to believe that you should take the initiative and just do it, but then I discovered I don't deal well with rejection. (Even now I'd like to call this guy and ask him out for lunch or something, but I keep putting it off and the weeks keep going by. Pretty soon, he'll have forgotten my name! haha)

 

Any what if the guy or girl you like is not giving you any signs that they are interested in you? Do you still take the risk and ask them out?

[darkblue]

Well maybe not immediately ask them out - but get closer to them if you like them.

 

Rejection: you can deal with.

 

Not Knowing: you simply can't.

[DN]

Yes - take the risk. Life is full of rejection; in romance, jobs, sports teams, auditions and so on. But if you don't take the risk you can miss out on the joy of success.

 

How do you know that the guy you don't ask out would not have been the love of your life?

[DiscipleOfChange]

you should ALWAYS take the risk. Simply put, if you don't take the risk of finding out, you will never know. Besides, if you take the effort to show you're interested and ask them out, then they might say yes and you can go from there and if they say no, you can move on. I know that in the past, whenever I liked someone, I never did anything about it. Never asked them out or tried to just get to know them and that led me nowhere. I'm happier than i could imagine having taken risks. Sure, they're just baby steps, but I can say that I know what it feels like to hold hands with someone and I wouldn't know that feeling had I not taken risks

[TenCents]

Jsut do it u can live on its not the worst thing tht can happen to you

[Alabama]

I tend to observe first. If I see they're not interested, I don't bother. But if I feel like they are, then I ask. I don't mind rejection. It's happened to me before and I've learned to move on. But it is better to know, than wonder about it. It can drive you nuts not knowing...

[acuraman]

Take the risk. You never know what could happen. The worst thing that could happen is that they will say no. You don't want to be one of those people that when they get old, they will say "i wonder what would have happened if I..."

[easyguy]

One of my favorite quotes:

 

"Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first."

[dude123]

I tend to live my life like the logo on some of the Nike T-shirts

JUST DO IT.

I like it that way and so far its been good.

[easyguy]

That's a slogan, not a logo. But who said you can't live life by the swoosh?

[dude123]

Thanks for correcting me esyguy lol

[GremlinX]

Definitly better to know!

 

There's someone in my past I wish I had taken the chance on but didn't. All one can do now is move forward and learn from it.

[lunatic]

Why ponder and wonder why when you can get your BUTT up and go after them. If you don't do it you will never know what could have been.

 

As everyone else stated here "JUST DO IT" *in my heavy NY accent*

 

Go for it and if you need a cheering section let us know we will root you on! lol

[wlfpack81]

Looks like I'll be the 1st to respond w/opposite thinking. Well, actually I do agree you should go up and find out but in the past (and still now) I've been to dang shy to take a chance for fear of rejection. There were probably 5 good chances for me to get in a relation between fresh yr in college through spring of this year but I blew it.

 

Now I know it's too late for anything b/c I'm still getting older and the part of the country I live in doesn't have the greatest diversity and chances for relatioships IMO. Been here a bit over a yr now and was surprised at the possible opportunity I had earlier this yr. But after blowing that I know my tmie is done, at least as long as I'm staying out here (could be anothe 2-3yrs to get experience w/my job).

[lalaisrad]

Is it better to know than always wonder?

YES...It is most definitely better to just know and then accept the truth whatever it may be.

 

As a shy girl myself, I have (of course) found myself in this situation.

To make things worse, I had the worst crush on a rather shy guy in a few of my classes who I befriended. I had a feeling he was interested due to this gut feeling far before I became interested. We seemed to have a really great chemistry with one another in which we would always playfully tease eachother, and there was a lot of lingering intense eye contact. Plus, he had an extreme dislike of one of my friends who I used to date who still was very flirtatious towards me, and when I asked my crush about this, he would get very defensive, and completely change the topic. And some other questionable things had me wondering as well. I would initiate conversation with my crush and would gain some progress with him (he even got to the point where he would initiate conversations, wave to me in the hallway, and have the biggest grin on his face while doing so) and then all of a sudden it was as if he gotten freaked out and he would completely ignore me. And it was back to square 1 again.

 

Anyway, I'm writing a little much here (uh oh and its only my first post)

 

But anyway, I was too shy to act on this feeling because I was afraid it would completely scare him away. Or maybe I was in fact the one that was scared. But now I'm left wondering "what if". I would have much rather have just asked him and been rejected than feeling like this...

 

edit: im sorry if this is a little confusing to read. Bear with me here...I'm tired.

[Aoiumi]

I appreciate all of the responses! If I muster the guts to ask this guy out, I'll post the result.

[darkblue]

You simply must do it now that you have this overwhelming response .

 

Good Luck and let us know!!

[ShySoul]

Don't do it. Odds are he's not interested or worth it and you'll just end up with your heart ripped out and stomped on. I used to say take a risk, now I get it. There is a 98% chance you'll be left devastated and destroyed, probably by someone who will play games with your heart. Afterall, the vast majority of guys out there aren't interested in a real relationship, they think they have to play games and screw around with you.

 

Instead, let it happen naturally. Don't think about love or any of that stuff. Someday if your lucky you'll just fall into a relationship that is meant to be.

 

If life is about risk, at what point does the risk become too great? Is the risk worth dying inside?

[Msnak]

Wow, ShySoul, you're so against taking the chance to find out if something could be there! Sure, most guys aren't interested in real relationships, and many women even reward them for not seeking the real thing--you know, getting the milk for free and whatnot.

 

I don't know...as much as I've heard love will find you when you're not looking, it also takes awareness and hard work.

 

Sure, life is about risk. When does the risk become too great...when your well-being/health/core happiness are at stake. Is the risk worth dying inside...no. Absolutely not. Falling in love shouldn't injure you. It shouldn't hurt, but because we're sinners and imperfect people, we do hurt one another, many times without knowing.

 

I think many women (myself included) have this emotional quality inside them that swirls thoughts and feelings about a man inside their heads, making it necessary to try and see what might be there. Otherwise you "risk" being hung up on some guy for a long time, and it might get in the way of meeting the right guy.

[wlfpack81]

Wow, ShySoul, you're so against taking the chance to find out if something could be there! Sure, most guys aren't interested in real relationships, and many women even reward them for not seeking the real thing--you know, getting the milk for free and whatnot.

 

Me thinks Shy was being sarcastic based on the fact 99% of his posts are always positive. Probably made that post to parody my response posted earlier. But hey like I said shy I'm here to at least present the other side of every issue. The side no one wants to look at since life is supposed to be like a Hollywood, fairy tale, love, happy go joy ending.

 

And one thing Msnak if most guys aren't interested in relations then why do most girls seem to go for these guys? Just a thought that I won't go further w/as I've already hijacked this thread enough.

[Msnak]

I think many guys are interested in a real relationship, but it's also scary and maybe they like some aspects of being single and carefree.

 

Hmm, women who go after men who don't want a relationship...I think they're wearing blinders. I've been guilty. But I always wake up before too long and don't ever get too attached in the first place. There's a price to be paid for getting attached to the wrong guy over and over, and after a while, you run out of money.

 

Wolf, you're right, SHY tends to post very optimistic, positive things, and has a very fresh perspective, too.

 

Yes, relationships are supposed to be Hollywood! We're supposed to solve our problems in 2 hours or less, supposed to move ultra-fast, cheapen ourselves and not learn our lesson quickly!

[ShySoul]

wlfpack81,

 

I'm flattered that you would think I was parodying you, but I wasn't. I barely even registered your post. Every thing I said came straight from how I was feeling and was pure shysoul advice... no joke, no parody, no sarcasm.

 

Msnak,

 

I do tend to be optomistic and my post was out of character. But I've recently gone through alot and at the moment I don't think the risk is worth it. This feeling about wanting to see whats out there, in both men and women, all to often leaves the other person devastated when they never did anything to deserve it.

 

The more you chase something, the more elusive it tends to be. It also brings you down cause you constantly wonder why you don't have it, its always on your mind. So forget it. Let love find you. It'll catch you by surprise and you'll be better off for it. Just make sure the other feels the same way. Otherwise you'll still have your heart dragged, end up hurt, and dead inside.

[Msnak]

Shy,

 

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I hope it doesn't cloud your sunny outlook for long. You have a refreshing and wise voice on this board.

 

I've been asking myself lately if the risk is worth it, and though it can sting you in the end, I still say yes. But perhaps, it all depends on each person's level of tolerance for pain, as well. I have a high tolerance, however, I have no time to be a fool.

 

You used the word "elusive" and it made me stop and think that that's the same word the guy who's currently driving me nuts used. He said he wasn't trying to be that way. But he's made no consistent effort to change. So what seemed like a mixed message now seems like a true confession.

 

I do believe love and good things come when you're not looking. But what if they NEVER come when you're not looking and NEVER come when you ARE looking? Being proactive can't be all that bad? I mean, we don't meet people by being forced onto a broken elevator with them and click. It takes knocking down walls and speaking up and getting bruised egos. Alas, we're all so addicted to the pursuit, the chase, being chased or the feeling, we can't help but return again and again.

[ShySoul]

Msnak,

 

It's hard to stay down when I hear comments like yours. Isn't it funny? When you feel your worst, there is always some small thing that mananges to touch you and make you feel better.

 

But what if they NEVER come when you're not looking and NEVER come when you ARE looking?

 

Then you have some really bad luck. As bad as mines.

 

Seriously, it does come. The key is to be aware of it when it does. Then you do have to be willing to take a chance. Part of what went wrong in my case was that the two of us found it difficult to completely let go. She would be all in and I would be hesitant. I finally made up my mind that she was the person I loved and wanted to always be with, and she got scared.

 

In my experience, those who actively look for love get tired of searching and its on their mind why they haven't found it yet. They get frustrated the longer they have to search. But those who let it come to them can just enjoy life in the meantime. And when they find it, it takes them by storm. People do meet out of everyday circumstance and can click. But your right, they do have to also be willing to take a chance when the time comes.

 

Hope things get better for you. As for me, I'm taking time off of the chase, indefinatly. Maybe one day I'll find someone worth opening myself for... but I'm not ready for that yet.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It is better to know than to wonder, and I am living proof.

 

For 4 years at my job there were 3 girls who I was attracted to. I always wondered if the looks they gave me was because they thought I was attractive, or if it was that they sensed I liked them. They gave me clues that I couldn't interpret. We are all gone from that company. Everyday I wonder if 1, 2 or all 3 did indeed like me.

 

I don't think they did because it would be on pure attraction and I don't attract women. But you see, I just don't know. If I knew, it would bring closure. I don't have closure and that is worse than rejection.