GremlinX

Wlfpack I'm not sure what I can add to ShySouls advice but I'll try. I myself was picked on and bullied for as long as I can remember in gradeschool. Through no fault of my own that I can recall it just was. Like you ten years ago I was very bitter about it, pissed of at the world. I didn't deserve this! Why should the people who treated me so go about their lives like nothing happened yet I have to deal with this mess I didn't ask for? Oh I was a pill and then some! But until I realized that hanging onto the past wasn't going to get me anywhere life would continue to go the way it was going. I weighed 250lbs, had given up on hygene, and the attitude I had was "Leave me the **** alone!". Nobody in their right mind wants to be around you when you give off such a negative vibe! But one day I woke up and said "No more!" Believe me though the change didn't happen overnight. I've just turned 35 and FINALLY feel comfortable with who I am and what gifts I've been given. Sure the sting of those days long past is still there but it can't dictate how my future will be. I also had to forgive the people who did what they did. We were kids and kids are mean and holding onto it was nothing but a roadblock. I've still got a lot of work to do but in my heart now I know the best is yet to come! So sit back, take a deep breath and look at things from a new or different perspective. As I said it won't be easy to forgive but you've got to if you want things to turn around. You've also gotta forgive yourself and not beat yourself up. That only makes it worse! And about the women thing, well, I haven't had much luck myself but then agian 'till my attitude changed I wasn't going to. I get frustrated about it too and maybe I'm nuts but I have a feeling something's going to happen and I'm as nervous and excited about it as a kid on Chrstsmas Eve! I just don't know when, that's the worst part! I might seem a bit overly optomistic but rather that than the ol' stick in the mud I once was!

Definitly better to know! There's someone in my past I wish I had taken the chance on but didn't. All one can do now is move forward and learn from it.

You know one thing that made me wake up is a picture I,ve got of me in '92 when I weighed 230+. I stood in front of a mirror with the same shirt on I had then (yep I keep things around forver!) and I just couldn't believe it! I filled that shirt out in the photo and now here it is hanging off me! But hey, it's taken me a while to see it and convince myself of it. Exorcise, eating right, the gym, yeah they've helped but it was when I said "No more!" that it happened. Just like this being single thing. I've changed my attitude to that and through belief in myself and taking action something WILL happen! Don't know what it is, I've just got this feeling! I've started making eye contact more, I've had a couple of girls smile at me and yeah I'm still nervous about that 'cause I've never noticed it before and 'cause it makes me feel like I'm 14 when I got sidetraked and went into that downword spiral of self hatred. I'm starting over but I like where this could head! Kyo, wolf, and whoever else: It's about making peace with your past and the biggest thing making peace with yourself! Open your mind to what could happen, what can happen, and look to the future with hope and forget about what you did or didn't do. Sound like a self help book? Good!

^^^^^^^^^ See, that's the mindset you've got to get out of. In all honesty if someone were that shallow who needs 'em! I used to think like that. I'd go around all the time "Women don't like me!" but I realize that I just used that as an excuse like it made me feel better that I was alone. It also didn't help that I thought I was unworthy of anyone's love. I didn't like myself. But I woke up. It's taken me years to accept who I am, what people did to me, and to forgive them and myself. Until I did that forget it! Who wants to be around a stick in the mud! I'm 34 and haven't dated ect. You think that's gonna stop me? No way! It may be odd having to admit to someone you've missed out but if they're any kind of human being, if you've taken the time to get to know each other, I don't see how they wouldn't understand. I may be full of it but I'd rather believe what can be than what may never!

I don't go around thinking I'm an ugly person. I've been on a 6 year confidence road that's finally made progress! Compaired to who I was 10 years ago you wouldn't know it was the same person! I'm just asking people that if you're like me and had a low self image once do you find that every so often that little ghost comes back around? Do you tell it to take a hike or run and hide from it? Honest I'm not depressed or feeling sorry for myself. No sitting in the cornner going "Boo hoo hoo" and twidling my thumbs. I've had enough of that to do me for a lifetime!

Well that got your attention didn't it! Just something I've been wondering about is why do a lot of us shy types do this to orselves? The ugly part that is. Do we seek some kind of conformation from others? Is it an easy excuse, a cop out, to blame or explain our lonelyness on something other than who the arrow really points at. Us! Is it something deeply rooted in our past we just can't seem to shake and it's holding us down. Take me for instance. I don't think I'm ugly. I'm not gonna set anyone's heart aflutter but compaired to the rest of the world I ain't half bad. Yet there's that nagging feeling somethings not right. Could it be because I onced weighed 250lb and for a long time thought I was some hidious freak? I won that battle, didn't like what I was and I'm at a nice 158 now. But at times I cannot shake that image of what once was. Is an unfounded fear like this holding you down? Look deep inside you and face the, um, UGLY truth!

I'm an unattached male over 30 and resonably cute if you don't mind somone with a watermellon for a head j/k I'm in the same delema (looking for a girl of corse I live in a tiny little town though (pop. 3K or so) and it's really frustrating here. That and the fact I'm a very late blomer hasen't helped. Other than that I'm not much help. I'm tempted to try online again. Maybe go at it a little harder this time. But hey! Don't give up!

You know i'm not sure I would call not having sex a heavy burdon. It's there quite often in the back of my mind but for me anyway that's not it. Now to contradict myself there are times when I find myself in a panic over it but I calm down and try to put things into perspective. For me it really is more about the lack of love and acceptance than the physical act. For instance I know at one time long ago had I just wanted sex I knew of someone who probably would have (don't we all) but what would that have gotten me? For one thing, sure, I would have lost my virginity but I'd still be empty and maybe even more upset than now. The biggest thing is when you feel you have to defend why you haven't or aren't.

Well let's see. First of let me say that like so many others I have been a shy person most of my life. To compound that I come from a long line of quite types in my family, not that it's always a bad thing. Anywho to make a long story short ('cause if you make one too long the other person ends up falling asleep in their oatmeal and falling asleep in one's oatmeal tends to be quite messy! It's not a pretty sight!) like a number of people I'm alone and like fewer I'm gettin' up there as far as age goes. My main thing (Or two or three. Take your pick.) is trying to jumpstart myself into getting or going places to meet whoever it is I was meant to find. I had a ton of stuff to get over and it took longer than I woulda liked but now that it's not the train wreck it once was I wanna get goin'! That's not to say I don't have doubts and things that creep up that I then have to smack on the nose with a paper and say "Down boy! Get back in your box!" But I live out in the middle of jack squat and the opertunities just aren't there as often as I'd like. Oh I don't give up hope. If there's one thing I'm not gonna do it's give up. Late in the game or no I'm still above ground! I do have my days when I wake up and there I am, alone again. And yes it hurts at times. And there lies the frustration. In a small town that doesn't seem to have much what is a person to do? Just another guy in his thirties with no experience (but for some reason I see that as a blesing not a curse). Hey! Wake up! You got Cinamon & Brown Suger up your nose! Did I mention that I sometimes feel that one of the things that keeps me from talking is that I don't like to hear myself sometimes and feel other people are gonna judge me as strange if I were to talk like I type(or talk at all)? Would I have the courage to be the goof I am if I did see a girl who intrest me? Sometimes I have my doubts. I had a few I liked in a memory long past its sell by date and did nothing about but thats then and this is now. I know there have been a couple who took an intrest in me except I'm just too dense to see it unless someone points it out days, weeks, years later (Hey thanks alot!). You'd have to throw a rock with a message tied to it and I still might not get it. I missed learning the social q's (can't spell it, durrrrrr) and at this age I have to start all over. A daunting task.