You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[angel1980]

hmm he has gone back to silence again... this is getting annoying.

i am getting a little bit angry as it goes coz he has all the power right now and knows he can probably contact me when it suits him and i will be there for him.

though i need say to him to take as long as he needs so i kinda gave him an invitation to do this. dont know how long i am going to be made to wait before i get a deffinite answer.... i am kind of feeling like going and arranging date with someone else, prob not the best thing to do though. think i am better then being made to wait around while someone decides if they want me or not.

[Landon]

i would just let him know, that your not going to wait around forever and that you need to move on with you life, let him know that this isnt fair to you.. try that because what you said just leaves your door open all the time. which he will take advantage of most likely

[crash50t]

My gf and I were together for 7 years, and broke up a month ago. Even though I didn't "technically" cheat on her, I was behaving in ways that made her not trust me (contacting an ex that I was forbidden to contact). In my complete post-breakup insanity I've done a lot of the wrong things. Phone calls, texts, emails, flowers, cards, gifts, staying at the house to watch the animals while she's away, chores around the house... etc... etc... etc...

 

I think I'm finally ready to do no contact. I know that we love each other. She told me, even after our break up, that I was the love of her life, she will always love me, and that she hopes we can re-connect one day (after I work out my attention-getting ego issues). However, right now, she's no longer calling me, texting me or anything, and she has not responded to my attempts to see how she is doing.

 

I am seeing a good therapist, read Mastery of Love and A New Earth, and will be attending an intensive 4-day personal growth workshop this weekend to help find myself and be a better person. I love her, I miss her... but I want for us to have a new, healthier relationship.

 

How long should I go N/C before making another attempt to contact her?

[method]

she broke up with me a month ago because she wanted space from me to figure out what she wanted. She also thought that i didnt appreciate her enough, and didnt show her how much i loved her. She always contacted me every 2 or 3 days for the first 3 weeks until we were speaking on msn one night.

 

i let slip that i hadnt been tested for an std, she asked me in the first 3 days if i had been and i said yes, i lied to her once 3 years ago. she says she is so disappointed in me right now and doesnt want to speak to me.

 

i have now been tested and waiting for results to which i will tell her. apart from that its been NC for a week now. im getting worse too think im starting to have panic attacks and im crying over looseing her every day now since i slipped up.

 

i dont even think i have a chance to get her back but im doing NC as a road to trying to recover but its very bumpy for me. would you think she still thinks of me or is just so annoyed with me for lying. in time i hope she sees that i wasnt such a bad person and misses me.

 

thinking of sending a birthday card in a month just saying "hope you have a good day" then leave it.

 

do you think any couple could bounce back from this? she holds this type of thing so high.

 

i as ment to be moving in with her today

[Landon]

this thread knelled it right on the button, i did exactly what superdave said and it worked in 2 weeks, cant believe it did, but it really worked.. she came back to me the first time ever.

[lovemycoffee41]

This works. Plain and simple. If you and your ex are going to be together, let things work how they are supposed to work.

 

No matter what, you feel so much stronger following this advice. I've come back and read this from time to time, and always helps me feel better = )

[FountainFairfax]

I miss her so bad and I'm going insane.

 

I know it's no good for me, the whole situation we were in, but I desperately want to have her in my arms again and... I... AM... LOSING... IT.

 

She has no idea that I'm hurting the way I am, as I've been NC for 21 days now.

 

Three weeks in, six feet under.

[SuperDave71]

Fountain,

 

 

Going insane is not allowed. I hope your situation has inproved.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[pace of ace]

Superdave

 

Just want to say, i'm new to this site but have been reading alot of posts over the past few months since my girlfriend broke up with me.

You're posts are very wise and i am trying to use them as inspiration in my quest to heal.

 

I'm trying very hard to go nc or at most letting her contacting me first, to which i will reply and be friendly. In short, firstly to heal, and secondly to let her miss me in a way she has never known.

 

In short, we broke up 5 months ago after a very loving 3 and a 1/2 year relationship. She split with me because she feels she is young and wants to be on her own for now and concentrate on her career as this is massivley important to her. She's 23 and i'm 26. Our relationship was very loving and it's taken me 5 months (and alot of text book mistakes, begging, reasoning etc..) to realise it's over. Although of coures i still love her and want her to come back to me and hope some day she will.

 

Your posts inspired me to join this community and it amazes me how many people are going through what i'm going through and are willing so share experiences and give advice.

 

Keep up the good work superdave and everyone else

[SuperDave71]

Pace,

 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.

 

 

**Remember this**

 

You can do anything you want to achieve if you put your mind to it and believe in yourself.

 

 

You can do it.....I believe in you.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[pace of ace]

Thanks Super Dave.

 

For the first time in my life i'm starting to believe that old saying "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

 

The journey begins now.

[pace of ace]

SuperDave

 

May i ask for some personal advice from you?

 

As i've mentioned above and in a couple of previous posts, my girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago after 3 and a 1/2 years together. Our relationship was very loving and she wants us to stay friends if possible. I've come to the point where i've realised my begging, pleading etc.. is not going to bring her back and more importantly (for now at least) she isn't coming back.

 

For the first time in 5 months i'm letting my head take control of me, not my emotions, and i'm going to try my hardest to do nothing and simply not contact her. I am doing this firstly for me to heal and secondly (and i'd be lying if i didn't admit this) in hope some proper time apart will make her realise she still loves me.

 

We are still very close to this day and i feel i am ok with replying to her if she contacts me but i will be trying sooooo hard not to make any first moves from now on.

 

Is this something you've experienced, allowing an ex who dumped you to contact you if they want, remaining on friendly terms, but making sure not to be the one making contact?

 

Your wisdom on this would be greatly appreciated.

 

pace of ace

[pace of ace]

Also, any other comments from anybody would be welcomed.

 

pace of ace

[Meatyka]

Hey SuperDave, can i ask you a question?

 

My ex recently broke up with me, says she is over me and is now trying to get with another guy that she really likes.

 

I still talk to her alot on msn, have her on bebo.

I really want to try NC but i have doubts about it aswell.

 

I dont want to be mean =/ if you understand what i mean.

I hate being mean and this makes me think im being mean.

 

She talks to me regulary when Her new guy aint online >_>

And tells me her problems and i try to help, even try to help her with this guy cause i want her to be happy.

 

Should i really just delete her on msn and bebo with out saying anything?

or Tell her i want NC then do it?

[kuhl282000]

I just left after almost 5 years and it tore me up ....and I'm still trying to heal and its really hard bro .....Daves right you wonder who she is now with and what she is doing .........had one email right after the break-up ......some nice things in it and then the final angry word trying to dig a little trying to get her point accross ......I of course responded trying to get my last word in (with some love attached) and no response ....she does not want to be friends right now .....and what the heck does that mean anyway....lets just be friends, who would want to do that anyway, I think that is a form of torture after you have been lovers for such a long time ........almost 2 long lonely months now driving myself nuts in the head .......no emails, no calls, I hope and wait but they never come. I've just started to go back out there ....try and stay off the sauce because sometimes thats all that seems to kill the pain for the moment .....then I feel like crap the next day .......its hard to let go to the one you loved so dearly ........will it get better....I can only hope .......and I'm all of a sudden doing a lot of praying .....I have to forgive her, as hard as it is for me right now...I need to go out Salsa dancing, because somehow I know she is while I'm sitting here being on the worst bummer of my life and crying in my beer. I think it might just be that time to get back in the real world of fun and get plugged back in and pull the shade all the way down.......like everyone in here I love hope ....but false hope is a whole different story and can make you linger till the cows come in ....and come to think of it I live in the city and don't have any cows ......good luck to you ...I hope you get her back ........I'm a big fan of happy endings

 

I'm in your corner

Kuhlanie

[debbie10]

Ok, Dave maybe you can help me. This is one where I was the one to leave after 3yrs. I have two children 13, 9. I left after a very heated argument that was a bit violent wasn't the first time he had been rough with me, but just seemed like I couldn't take it anymore. He called me the day after telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me weather I believed it or not, I do, but he drinks beer everyday and sometime more than I would like, he says he will never give it up. And when he called, it almost ended up again in an argument and I told him I don't know what the future will hold, and that I was hurt and confused and told him that it probably wouldn't ever work. Anyway things just weren't good, we argued all the time about everything, I believe he is obsessive complusive, depressed and then when he drinks I believe he makes both of them manic. He bought a modular home that would fit all of us and I love it and miss it soooooo much. I put alot of sweat and blood into that place, and helping him. Well its been only about 2 wks since I left and I'm starting to miss him. Now I don't miss the fighting and alot of other things, but I miss the man I know he could be, when he doesn't drown him out with beer. I used to feel so safe, and protected with him, I loved him, and I believe I somewhat still do. And I did the no, no - I called him last night after my daughters game to tell him how she did just to spark a conversation I guess he was cooking himself something for supper I think I was wanting to hear how much he missed me and the kids and that maybe he was taking our time apart to try and change some things about himself to get better, but no he said nothing of the sort. I told him I hadn't been sleeping very well and all he said was that you have a place here and your welcome to stay, then he said you just have to decide what your going to do. I still have to go back and get more things out of the house, I haven't had much time to get it all, and the first trip I took over to get what I could fit in a pickup truck - I cried the whole time - I missed my house - I wanted things to be normal - I wanted to feel wanted. I don't know weather it is where I'm feeling so alone and depressed, or what but it's getting to the point I'm not eating nor sleeping good. I said having to stay at my parents again at age 36 doesn't help at all. So this is just a brief summary of my story, any advice?

 

Thanks,

Debbie

[fasteddy88]

I get very many exasperated looks if I ever bring this up, but my ex-girlfriend and I broke up 2 years ago, and I am still not over her. I still think about her every day, I still have dreams about her on numerous nights, and I still remember her voice and eyes and things we did together very vividly. Her birthday came around 2 months ago. Last year I sent her anonymous flowers, this year I did nothing. But for some reason I am regretting that. I don't know if I should be or not.

 

I still love her and care only that she is happy, which I am assuming she is, but there is still something deep down inside me that believes it could still work out. Consciously, I know it will not but I cannot get rid of that small part of me. Honestly, I am happiest thinking about old memories and scenarios of us getting back together, even though they hurt and will never happen.

 

I need some help getting over her (or back together haha.)

[tru8lue]

I recently went NC again after a 4 month period of just being 'friends' with the ex (we had broken up back in late January and had NC for 1.5 months). We would fall back into the same cycle of acting like we where together although we officially where not. I got sick of it...she would not get back together with me after much talking...so I went NC two days ago. She has tried to contact me 3 times since then and I simply ignored her voice mail and texts. They where immature and she's not respecting my wishes. I told her to only contact me when she is ready to say 'yes we are going to be together' and follow through with her feelings. I need to let her know that I am serious and I refuse to be strung along.

[ConfusedA]

I am kind of in a bad situation right now. I have not had NC at all with my ex and he broke up with me in March. He text messages me when he wants and sees me when he wants. Now, when I ask to see him he says...I dunno...maybe. I am going away on Holidays on Friday and today is Monday. I mailed him to see if he wants to do dinner on Wed before I leave. He said "I dunno...maybe" Then I am left hanging. I responded to his email and asked why the reluctance....probably shouldn't have done that. Anyway, I really think I need to go NC but am obsessing over him right now and what he will be doing while we are not in contact. Any advice as to how to get over this and stop coming off as so needy and desperate?

[yankeefan74]

I think you answered your own question - no contact. Try to go out to dinner with a friend or family member instead. Keep yourself busy this week, then go away on friday and have a GREAT time!

 

Easier said then done, I know all too well. But spend some time thinking about you...you should come first.

[ConfusedA]

Ya its weird because when there isn't any contact for a while.....as in I don't initiate...he starts a little bit of contact over text message asking me what I have planned for the weekend....I think he will be caught off guard if I don't contact him at all before Friday........

[ConfusedA]

Sometimes I think about changing my phone number and blocking his email and completely moving on....I dunno that might seem a little drastic but seriously the only time we see each other really is when he initiates because when I initiate he says..I dunno...maybe! Has anyone ever thought of doing this?

[8atenate]

My girlfriend and I broke up after 3 and a half years. this has just been really hard to swallow. I'm having a really hard time with NC because i just want to call her or someone to say that i'm lonely and that i miss her. i will think to myself "ok, if i just be patient and determined and give her space she will come back." is this actually setting myself up for disappointment?

 

early in our relationship she came back to me when i dumped her and being together again worked out really well. i hope it will be ok now...this time she dumped me.

[ConfusedA]

A lot of what I read about NC is that the purpose is not to get the other person back but to heal yourself and that only time will tell if you 2 are meant to be together. I am also having a hard time with NC as I have never done it. I am going on holidays on Friday and will not contact him for a week and see what happens when I come back after a week. I know he will be expecting me to contact him but I am going to try not to. I will be busy this week getting ready for my vacation ect so if you have something 2 keep busy with that helps. How long ago did she break up with you?

[8atenate]

i guess i just need to realize that it's done. she broke up with me 2 weeks ago. i just thought things would turn out differently...i mean we were at the end of our apartment lease and that we would go live at another place but then she was just like ok you can't live with me. and she took the dog, too. i mean just a year ago we were talking about marriage and baby names (just to be cute) and that's still really fresh in my memory. it's really like I'm in shock or disbelief. everything reminds me of her that kind of stuff.

 

i am trying to keep busy, i even took another girl on a date. that actually made me more sad because i will like compare her to ana and that just doesn't work out. whatever.

 

i really want her back but i know if i can tough it out then things will be better for me in the end. I'm lonely and i really hate that feeling.