debbie10

Ok, Dave maybe you can help me. This is one where I was the one to leave after 3yrs. I have two children 13, 9. I left after a very heated argument that was a bit violent wasn't the first time he had been rough with me, but just seemed like I couldn't take it anymore. He called me the day after telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me weather I believed it or not, I do, but he drinks beer everyday and sometime more than I would like, he says he will never give it up. And when he called, it almost ended up again in an argument and I told him I don't know what the future will hold, and that I was hurt and confused and told him that it probably wouldn't ever work. Anyway things just weren't good, we argued all the time about everything, I believe he is obsessive complusive, depressed and then when he drinks I believe he makes both of them manic. He bought a modular home that would fit all of us and I love it and miss it soooooo much. I put alot of sweat and blood into that place, and helping him. Well its been only about 2 wks since I left and I'm starting to miss him. Now I don't miss the fighting and alot of other things, but I miss the man I know he could be, when he doesn't drown him out with beer. I used to feel so safe, and protected with him, I loved him, and I believe I somewhat still do. And I did the no, no - I called him last night after my daughters game to tell him how she did just to spark a conversation I guess he was cooking himself something for supper I think I was wanting to hear how much he missed me and the kids and that maybe he was taking our time apart to try and change some things about himself to get better, but no he said nothing of the sort. I told him I hadn't been sleeping very well and all he said was that you have a place here and your welcome to stay, then he said you just have to decide what your going to do. I still have to go back and get more things out of the house, I haven't had much time to get it all, and the first trip I took over to get what I could fit in a pickup truck - I cried the whole time - I missed my house - I wanted things to be normal - I wanted to feel wanted. I don't know weather it is where I'm feeling so alone and depressed, or what but it's getting to the point I'm not eating nor sleeping good. I said having to stay at my parents again at age 36 doesn't help at all. So this is just a brief summary of my story, any advice? Thanks, Debbie