Penis size causes problems

[Pan]

Hi, eNotAlone. This is my first post on my first day here. I've spent all day trying to find a good enough forum with good enough people

 

While some people may not see this as a problem, I certainly do.

 

So please, if all you have to offer is banter, don't respond. Thanks.

 

 

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years (friends for 8 ). For the first couple years together we kept things hot and heavy. Of course, through time, it slacked off and we began to grow together and truly love one another = not as much sex. Not that we don't enjoy it; it just is far from a priority. But recently I learned that she has always been in pain during our intercourse. Since day 1. The problem is due to my size. My penis is more than 9 inches erect.

 

(A note to add: we haven't had sex in a year now due to the birthcontrol Depo Provera. The very longterm side effect of this has been incredibly low libido + serious drying of the vagina. Due to this issue, sex is even moreso out of the picture.)

 

When we do/did have sex, I could never enter her fully due to her pain (and sometimes pain for me as I would hit her cervix[?]). No positions could ever be attempted as they all increase pain. Missionary is the only way and even then I cannot fully enter her.

 

In the past, when I didn't know about the pain, she loved having me fully enter her hard and fast; only stopping when I would hit something inside which hurt me.

 

I've been trying to find any procedure that can reduce the size of the penis without affecting its potence. Any medications or herbs. So far, I've found absolutely nothing.

 

If anyone can respond with any advice on less painful sex due to size, helping increase libido in her despite the Depo issue, and/or any help with reducing penis size, please respond.

 

Thanks in advance! We are both patiently awaiting any help.

[annie24]

Hi - Welcome to eNotalone.

 

Wow - well, this is not an unheard of problem. I personally wouldn't get your penis shortened. That sounds like it could be painful, and who knows if your plumbing would keep working right.

 

I think you both need to talk to your doctors. For her, she can talk to her doctor to get her on a birthcontrol that is more compatible with her body. I know it may not be as convient as Depo, but if the birth control is killing her sex drive, then it seems to defeat the purpose, right?

 

Also, what has her doctor said about her cervix. Has she gotten it checked out to make sure that everything is alright? She may be having a medical problem.

 

For the two of you, you should read some books on sexual positions, there may be other positions you two can try that may help. Another suggestion is that when you are on top, she can keep her legs together, which will keep you from going in all the way, but may still be pleasurable for you both.

 

Do you guys use lube? If not, start ASAP!

 

Good luck - I hope you two can work this out.

[ecg1228]

(A note to add: we haven't had sex in a year now due to the birthcontrol Depo Provera. The very longterm side effect of this has been incredibly low libido + serious drying of the vagina. Due to this issue, sex is even moreso out of the picture.)

 

I think lots of lubricant is probably the only answer to this right now.

 

In the past, when I didn't know about the pain, she loved having me fully enter her hard and fast; only stopping when I would hit something inside which hurt me.

 

So, she WAS in pain during this time...? You said she did enjoy it, so maybe, again, lubricant would help in this situation as well if it only really hurt when you hit her cervix.

 

In regards to increasing her libido - I think there is prescription medication for that which I've seen in ads and commercials, but I can't remember the name of it. I would suggest she ask her gynecologist.

 

I wouldn't take any herbs, etc, to interfere with your size - that sounds a little dangerous and you don't know what harmful side effects can take place.

 

 

[Pan]

wow, thanks for such a fast reply Only a couple minutes have passed!!!

 

She hasn't been on Depo for at least 2 years. The doctors have said it is a very very common longterm side effect though. She recently started a new birthcontrol after all this time w/o it. Its a ring that is inserted. Her doctor told her it has its own common side effects, one of which is heightened libido! She's only had it for a month now and says she is noticing a difference: slight lubrication + desire (though she says once she gets herself worked up enough to do "it", the desire passes )

 

As for her cervix and any other medical problem, all is fine. Books on positions? Which ones? I think we own most of them! Not to mention videos on it! I think the real problem is all in what she wants. She wants it all inside with pressure and speed. This is where much of the pain comes from I imagine. The rest of the pain seems due to girth (I don't exactly have a measurement for that lol ).

 

Lube? Which flavour? Colour? Brand? lol again, something we have an abundance of.

[Süsser Tod]

hmmm, why don't you check an online sex shop???

 

There are some rings, that are basically a thick ring (looks like sort of a doughnut) that you slip your penis into, then get it all down to the base of your penis. That will avoid part of the penetration (as it will be like a "bumper"), hope that helps.

[annie24]

How does she like oral?

[Pan]

also about libido: she tried taking Avlimil for several months with no results and is currently taking AZO Intimacy.

[Pan]

oh yes, she loves (loved) oral. But due to the libido issue, she doesn't enjoy it anymore.

[annie24]

hmmm.... have you two thought about going away for a weekend, at a very romantic bed and breakfast place in the country or something? Maybe something to respark the romance?

[Pan]

 

 

 

why must you read our minds....

 

lol

 

 

We have been working on taking a vacation. Our problem is our pets. We have 7 ferrets, 6 cats, and a rat. Family simply doesn't want to housesit and no friend of ours is really trusted enough (not to be mean to the friends!!). We have been trying to take a simple 2 day weekend vacation but it is just not working

[ecg1228]

Well you two have covered a lot to rectify this problem!!

 

Do you think she could be under ANY stress? Has anything significant happened recently or even in the last year or so that would also decrease the libido since medication doesn't help?

 

Have you guys consulted a physician yet?

[Pan]

she has been to 6 different doctors and 4 gynos. Every single doc has told her that she has no problem (the way they say it seems as though they simply don't care...)

 

The stress is there for both of us. But only recently which is the main reason for wanted the vacation. Work, university...

 

We are very loving and both have the 'want' for the intimacy, but once it is started, she falls back and into a depression due to the libido "teasing" her as she states it.

[annie24]

Hire a pet sitter. When I was going to be out of town for a week, I found a very sweet lady who comes to the apartment for about 45-60 minutes a day, changes the litter, plays with the pets, feeds them, cleans up any messes. This was for $14 a session. Now, with so many animals, it may cost a bit extra. I think it would be a good plan. They also come with references, and there is a national organization like Pet Sitters of America, something like that (if you are in the US).

[annie24]

Ok - time to go to a sex therapist.

[itry]

hmmmm? im assuming she's petite? im pretty petite myself and my daughters father was more than 12inches erect...(yeah i know) there was no way in hell that he was able to get it all the way in, but i was never in pain (not like the bad kind... like good kind). actually, i kinda liked it...hence..the baby was born not too long after.

 

 

lube and lotsa foreplay. maybe she's just intimidated by ur size? i know i was when he pulled that thing out. at first i refused.. but once i got used to it... it was alllllllllllllllllllllll goooddd.

[Hope75]

I know there are sex therapists out there, specifically geared towards helping couples with sexual dysfunction, have you considered looking into one?

 

They might be able to help her learn relaxation techniques, because I am sure that part of it is she tenses up when you enter her because she anticipates pain. It's probably unconscious. The vagina is a very elastic canal that can stretch and accommodate girth with no problem (we deliver babies out of it!) and can stretch some in length, and I think part of the problem is that she likes you to enter hard and fast, where as if you went in more gently, you would be less likely to bang her cervix. (it HURTS! ) When a woman tenses up, even without realizing it, she loses elasticity in the vagina, making penetration more painful.

 

A sex therapist might also be able to teach you new positions based on what you've tried in the past and what was OK and what was not.

 

Just a thought...

 

 

7 ferrets!!! Good lord!! ( I had two, many years ago, they are cute but very stinky! Even when you bathe them twice a week!)

[RayKay]

I had to reread your post, all that stuck in my mind was the "no sex in a year" Power to you, I would say most men or women would of found the door by now if there was no sex!

 

Um, so have you had sex in the last month since the new birth control?

 

I mean really, she does need to talk to a therapist about this, along with you there if possible to think of other options to increase libido - I mean even with depo, 2 years afterwards I am kind of stunned there is still no sex. Heck there are times due to my cycle my libido is lower, but some foreplay, some lube and I am into it in no time.....I think sex is a rather important aspect of a couple's relationship for more reasons than "just sex" so getting into it even if I am not as into it, or vice versa (ie I woke my partner up last night cause I wanted to have some fun, and I mean, again, he got into it once it was started!) is something I find pretty important.

 

I think what I am aiming at is....I am surprised she "falls back into depression" once things start, and I think she may need to talk to a therapist, rather than a doctor if they are ignoring her. Honestly, she may NOT have anything physically wrong if they have checked her out, and it may be purely mental or hormone related, and this is something you really need to figure out. I would say if it appears she wants to change things that is positive (sometimes if a poster said their girl was not into sex for over a year, I would say they may be asexual and may never change or may just not be into it...and then you need to analyze your sexual compatability).

 

She really should look into testosterone supplementation...and be adamant with her doctor about it. They may be ignoring her as they don't realize the intensity of problem as she tells them. It has been shown to improve libido in women, and is prescribed to mostly post-menopausal women, but to younger ones as well.

 

As for the pain when she did used to have sex, if there is nothing physically wrong, you may just have to accept you cannot go in all the way...she may have a shorter canal, and also depending on when she is in cycle the cervix can be lower and harder which can be more painful. The vaginal canal DOES stretch and can accommodate 9 inches, but not for all women, and not when they are tense. I think you should vary positions...I mean if she is on top she can control how deep you go, in doggie, you can just make sure to stop at certain point and so on and so on with the millions of positions out there

 

I am sorry, I wish I had better advice for you.

[catgirl82]

i would definetly suggest switching birth control. i went to a low dose pill (called alesse) and my libido went way up. they say that the higher doses of estrogen are what cause weight gain, depresson and low libido. once her libido goes up she might get more excited during sex, in which case she will relax, become more lubricated, and it shouldnt hurt as much.

 

and why is it necessary for you to fully enter her? most guys cant fully enter the girl anyway i thought?

 

best of luck to you guys!!

[Day_Walker]

There are two issues here the size of your member and your wife's lack of libido. It would seem that because of your size you know that there are going to be some drawbacks. You have a good idea what you can and cant do with this female. I would suggest finding positions that dont allow for such deep penetration or possible some positions when she is in control.

 

Yes the hormonal brithcontrol methods can cause a decreased libido but it shouldnt be none existant. I suspect that it has to do with issues of your size and how its hurting her and this is making her not want to have sex. It seems odd to me that you cannot get in her the mood and even then if she says no its something else besides her libido. I think she needs to have a heart to heart with you and then you will have a better idea of the exact problem.

[Derek]

I wonder if using a small vibrator would help get used to the idea of even orgasming together again. No penetration required. You can even have "outercourse" with lots of lubrication.

 

I hear that the more orgasms that occur, the more libido a woman seems to have... (feedback mechanism)

 

Maybe other aspects need to be in place to warm up her engine before the other things. Guys seem to forget to warm her up all day or even all week with demonstrations of affection and love for no reason in particular.

 

Guys seem to think in technical terms that a silver bullet or particular technique or position or magic pill is gonna solve the problem.

 

Women often have "(w)holistic" problems that interweave and interdepend on each other and they call that the feminine "mystery" which guys can never understand. So, like, are you doing the dishes, cutting the grass, giving her back rubs and foot rubs without sexual expectations. Has she been to a spa lately? Is she depressed, stressed? It could be something not even sexual. Does she like the color of the car? Is one of the ferrets dying? Does she want kids? or not want kids?

 

A counselor could help steer the thought patterns to clear that up.

 

 

 

[wierdo]

okay.. this is a left field one.. but it could be worth a try.. what about anal sex.. it's fun, and can be a great pos for a chick when her man is well endowed. plus you don't get cervix bumpage..

or.. try spooning if anal doesn't appeal.. but do it in such a way that you have base stimulation from her thights and minimal penetration. or let her get on top, and for god's sake... DONT THRUST!!

 

as for long term baby prevention.. i have an IUD that lasts for 5 years, doesn't affect my libido, and makes lubrication less of an issue than ever. ask a gyno or doctor

 

failing that.. grab a big knife, and call ms bobbitt.. lol

 

just kidding

 

good luck, have fun

[SouthernSon]

[sarcasm]Wait a minute, I thought if you had a huge member, such as what Pan has, then you were considered a god among men? You mean, it isn't true?[/sarcasm]

 

I'm just average size myself but when I was younger I thought about that and realized if I were huge I'd have to probably accept the fact that I might not find a woman that could handle all of it.

 

I most certainly would not look into surgery to "shorten" your member. I think right now your best bet is patience. It sounds like the Depo worked really well, but of course the side effects aren't fun to deal with. Maybe once they really wear off things can get back to normal...?

[casado001]

To the huge dude: Wrap something around the base of your penis so it would restrict penetration.

 

Changing positions will also help to not bruise your GF's womb

[love_is_key]

Now there you have it... she's nervous because at least one of the animals are watching when you guys do "it"... okay okay... sorry...

 

It seems you guys have studied all avenues re: positions, lubricants, toys, so the greatest advice would be seeking help from your wife's gynecologist... sometimes ovarian/fallopian cysts can be the source of pain during sexual intercourse... have her physician order a Cat Scan of the abdominal/pelvic area to eval the repro system... if anything is found there are certainly meds/procedures that will help.

 

I think that is the greatest thing you can do... and as for the Depo Shot... I wouldn't recommend any woman take that thing... I did once... and I was drier than the Sahara Desert in the dry season!

 

Good Luck to you guys!

[oneshot461]

loose the animal farm and look after your gal before somene else does. bean there done that.