Haunted by fatal neglect stories

[1a1a]

Read a really, really awful child neglect news story 8 days ago. The details broke my heart and brought me to tears. Up for the next 3 hours past bed time trying to come to terms with what I’d learned, I went down the saddest rabbit hole. Now there’s ten babies names I wish I had no reason to know. Each one’s suffering and death heart breaking. Some abuse, some neglect, one tragedy. It’s the fatal neglect stories that really keep me up at night. The news reports give so much fine detail from the court cases (Which I’m not going to repeat here because no one else needs that in their head).

 

I had a babe of my own 4 months ago. I don’t know, stories about babies suffering really hit differently now. Harder. I’m really having trouble unhooking. Like it feels as though I’d be dishonouring their memories to simply move on. But thinking about their suffering is debilitating and not helping anyone and making me less present for my own babe and wearing out my partner… far out I wish I could reach through time and save these kids though. They came into the world full of potential and desire to connect and their parents, I don’t know, I don’t know what’s broken there but I’m really sad a babe has to suffer and die for it.

[1a1a]

There’s a website called find a grave and it’s like a virtual grave yard that spans the whole digitised world. You can leave virtual flowers and a message if you like. People are still leaving flowers for the neglect babies. I think, I’m not the only one who was affected.

[Batya33]

Who was the babe of your own? I'm sorry you're so sad and sorry for your loss!

[1a1a]

Ahh, English language, as in four months ago I became a mum. Now I have a babe. No loss personally.
 

Very large amount of sadness thinking about how these other babies must have suffered, especially when I’m interacting with my own. Like it’s not That hard to at least give your babe some food and clean clothes and change their nappy. And then it’s honestly actually a total delight to interact with him. I’m sure their babies would have been the same, if they’d engaged with them instead of putting them in a room, closing the door and carrying on life as though there was not and never had been a baby, like if you’re not enjoying this babe, surrender them for adoption, leave them in a basket in a shopping mall or at a church doorstep, tell a friend or family member or neighbour. Something, anything that isn’t putting them in a room, closing the door and walking away for 10 days

[Batya33]

Congratulations on your baby!  It is tragic. Not at all to justify but PPD and PPA and I believe there is something called post partum psychosis. Yes when you have a newborn these stories and tragedies certainly hit harder. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Hopefully you are ok and not suffering from postpartum depression or stress from new motherhood. You seem quite emotional and doim-scrolling is making this far worse.

As you mentioned while you're doim-scrolling and obsessing over this you're neglecting your own life and newborn. Please stop doing this to yourself and turn disengage from sensationalist news and social media. Perhaps check in with your doctor about postpartum depression? 

[mylolita]

@1a1a!

 

Darling, I could have wrote your post word for word myself. 
 

I have three children, ages 6, 4 and 2 and I have to say, I was always so badly affected by any story of infant murder abuse or neglect, but after becoming a parent, it hit home on a whole new level - more like a train full pelt. I have read and heard things I will never forget and take to my grave. I want to strangle the “parents” of these children with my own bare hands. The anger and sadness I feel is beyond. I just want to say, I don’t think there is a cure, but you are definitely not alone. 
 

I have found as I know the world can sometimes be at its worst, always been extremely protective of my children. I have never had or left them with child minders or baby sitters, they’ve never been to nursery or day cares. I was with them always, they’ve never slept over anywhere. My eldest, my boy, started school when he was 5 and I’m so glad he enjoys it and goes but I have to say I am always beyond happy to have him home!!
 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I think surely this is how most humane people would feel? You can’t just read a thing like that then shrug it off. 
 

I would advise 1a that, you don’t watch or read the news! This is the only thing that’s helped me. It’s going to go on, more will happen, happen right now, but what good is it to get ourselves upset over something out of our control? 
 

I have actually in my own real life safe guarded a few children I have known, and helped others in smaller ways, and this has kind of comforted me. I suppose it’s taken away the feeling of complete powerlessness to stop bad things happening! The fact I potentially helped one child is… making up the balance between “good” and “evil”. 
 

I have to say, I have always had a fiercely protective spirit (I’m a big sister and am that way about my younger sis). Only a few months ago I was in a supermarket and a woman was shouting and rough handling her baby toddler who was part disabled in a kind of walker! I was absolutely mortified and started to talk to the mum and talk at the girl to distract her and stop the shouting, try and make the little girl feel better. I went straight out and got her reg number incase, and sat for a smidge on what to do. I just mentioned the incident to the local authorities with the car registration number. I just got such a bad feeling, anyway, what can you do? 
 

I have to distract myself, try keep to watching light hearted things and focus on doing a great job with your own! 
 

Congratulations by the way, on your beautiful baby! Wow!!! Really, isn’t that something else! ♥️ 

 

x

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, 1a1a said:

I’m really having trouble unhooking. Like it feels as though I’d be dishonouring their memories to simply move on. But thinking about their suffering is debilitating and not helping anyone and making me less present for my own babe and wearing out my partner

With respect, I think you might seek out some professional help. 

It is normal to be moved by these stories and to experience sadness, but the degree to which this is now interfering with your day-to-day life is concerning. 

It might signal something deeper going on inside you, in other words. 

[tattoobunnie]

On 5/4/2024 at 11:59 AM, 1a1a said:

I don’t know, stories about babies suffering really hit differently now

I used to be able to watch all the scary and horror movies.  But after having them, if there is any possible harm to a child in a movie, which I know is a movie, I cannot keep watching, and am sick to my stomach.  I couldn't even make it past through one of my fav directors, The House That Jack Built when the scene with the kid and mom happened.

But do the washing machine method.  If you see something that upsets you, put on happy stuff right after.

[Coily]

I agree if this has become obsessive or intrusive you should consider getting postpartum support. 

That said, I can understand why something like this would prey upon your thoughts. If you are religious or spiritual,  do something within the dictates of your creed to honor those lost children. But you need to shift focus back to your baby and it's father.

It's not a bad thing you care, but you cannot dwell.

[Kwothe28]

Here is a thought: maybe you shouldnt watch the documentaries about neglected babies. Especially with things as common as post- natal depression. 

There was an “American style” school shooting here a year ago. Anyway, there was a documentary on TV the ither day commemorating one year from the shooting. I didnt watch it. As somebody who works in school I dont think its productive use of my time. I already know its a very awful thing. Me seeing it and regurgitating how its an awful thing will do nothing for anyone. Its much more productive to make sure through my work for it to not happen where I work. 

Also, congrats on the baby.