Dealing with being friend ghosted?

[Sarah Smith]

My ex friend used to visit me all the time and she kept saying I am her best friend. We would hang out all the time. Back then we lived in different cities.

Then she moved to my city and only a 5 minute walk down the block. Ever since she has been ignoring my texts and my attempts to see her. I think she got new friends and forgot about me. Back in the day she had no other friends and was even bullied, I would always give her support.

 I care about the people in my life and I take friendship seriously. Right now I feel used. How do I deal with this?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

Then she moved to my city and only a 5 minute walk down the block. Ever since she has been ignoring my texts and my attempts to see her. I think she got new friends and forgot about me. Back in the day she had no other friends.  Right now I feel used. 

Sorry this is happening. She's not "using* you, but it does seem you've grown apart from "back in the day" and she  made some new friends. That's ok.

All you can do is step back a bit and strengthen your other friendships. People grow apart over the years. Perhaps her interests or priorities changed such as a new BF, job, etc.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. She's not "using* you, but it does seem you've grown apart from "back in the day" and she  made some new friends. That's ok.

All you can do is step back a bit and strengthen your other friendships. People grow apart over the years. Perhaps her interests or priorities changed such as a new BF, job, etc.

I agree with this. You feel what you feel but giving in to this pity party of being used might hamper your abilities to form new friendships -bitterness, etc.  When you gave her support did you expect something in return as her friend?

It's very hard when friendships change or fade. Perhaps now that she lives close by she's worried you'll be needy/try to monopolize her time.

[ShySoul]

You have every right to feel you used. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them. When a person you thought was close to you ignores you, it is upsetting. You were there for her when no one else was. For her to not keep in contact must feel like a betrayal of that bond you thought you had.

Do you want to try to keep the friendship? If so, you should talk about it with her. It might be something completely innocent. She might not realize how her actions have impacted you. Real friends are willing to have the difficult conversations and the friendship can come out stronger for it. Even if things don't work out, you''ll still be able to say you tried. Personally, I think a friendship is something worth fighting for. And if it's a fine minute walk, don't wait for her, just walk over there yourself.

If you are okay with not maintaining the friendship, realize that it's not on you. Don't blame yourself. Also, don't hold onto any anger or upset feelings. It's okay to feel sad or hurt, but know that there are other people you can have friendships with you won't forget about you. You seem like a caring person who anyone would be lucky to be friends with.

[catfeeder]

How long has this friend been living in town? Have you seen or heard from her since her move there?

I wouldn't do myself the disservice of attempting to characterize her intentions. People go through their own stuff, and we can't always fathom what that is. I'd make room for a mystery as I pull back and let her be.

This in no way invalidates your feelings. It's natural to feel hurt. I just wouldn't make that more painful for myself by projecting motives onto her. I might be your grandmother's age, and I can tell you from experience that people have surprised me over the years by cycling back into my life of their own volition. I later learn that they were going through a thing, like drugs or drinking or mental or physical illness. I was often told that I was the one person who they didn't want to harm with their foray into their dark side. I was glad that I had not mischaracterized their reasons, which could have embittered me.

[Cherylyn]

You deal with it by returning the favor.  Ghost her back.  Her actions spoke louder than words.  She's letting you know that she has since moved on from you so you do likewise. 

This has happened to me.  Granted,  my story is not the same as yours.  Yes,  I've been used,  taken advantage of,  spent a lot of my time,  labor and money on some people in my life only for them to make me feel the same as you.  Yes,  you feel exploited and easily discarded.  I hear you. 

There is nothing you can do other than continue marching on with your own life.  Not all friendships were meant to endure nor remain permanent.  People,  no matter who they are,  will come and go throughout your lifetime.  Some are keepers and were meant to remain for decades to come and others will fade away into oblivion. 

In the meantime,  stay busy with your own life.  Concentrate on what you need to do and what brings you joy.  You'll no longer preoccupy yourself with thinking of people who don't deserve you nor deserve your brain space.  Don't pay attention to people who haven't earned your respect. 

[lostandhurt]

Step back and let her come to you.  If she does don't think the friendship will be like the old days because it clearly isn't.  Things change, people grow and evolve and relationships/friendships need to as well.

  Interestingly enough something similar happened to me.  Good friend almost like a brother and we hung out all the time.  Then we lived in the same place and hardly hung out like before.  Counter intuitive isn't it?

Lost