He bought a ring

[BeckyBB]

I went to my long-term BFs drawer yesterday to get a charger. Didn't find one, but folded under an old phone I DID find a receipt... for an engagement ring.

Settling down/marriage/kids has always been in the cards for us. We were both very upfront about what we wanted from the very beginning, and our relationship has been built on that.

HOWEVER... we haven't even been together a year. We moved in last month, sure, but that just seemed logical to me as we were both searching for a new place. I was thinking of giving it another year before we took the next step.

He hasn't asked at all yet, so maybe I'm jumping the shark. But if he were to ask soon idk what I'd say. I definitely don't want to say "no". More like "wait". There's also the idea that I could say yes, and just take a longer engagement. What could I, possibly say to him that wouldn't upset him? The last thing I want is to lose him.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, BeckyBB said:

There's also the idea that I could say yes, and just take a longer engagement.

This seems to be an option taken by a lot of people. He may have found what he believes is the perfect ring, so he took the opportunity to buy it, but this doesn't mean he plans to spring it on you prematurely. If he does, you can say yes, but that you wouldn't be comfortable sharing this with anyone until x date, and explain why.

[yogacat]

Agree ^^

He hasn't officially asked yet.  It was just a receipt. That means that he is probably thinking of proposing soon, but that might be 1 year from now.

What are you going to do now? Not tell him you know and spill the beans with him later on?

 

[Andrina]

If it were me, and he proposed this week, I'd say yes. But then I'd say, "We just took a major step by moving in together and I just want to chill and enjoy this stage for a good year. Getting a good vibe going while we learn the best way to share space. Having fun decorating the place. Then after a year of that, we can start planning the wedding, which is fun but also stressful."

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, BeckyBB said:

... we haven't even been together a year. We moved in last month, sure, but that just seemed logical to me as we were both searching for a new place. I was thinking of giving it another year before we took the next step.He hasn't asked at all yet, so maybe I'm jumping the shark. 

Please try to adjust to the relationship and living together. Try not to fast forward things this much. Is it his place you moved into. All you have is a receipt. Not a ring. You don't want to admit you're going through his things, right? Also you don't know if it's for you. If it is you're ruining the surprise. . So Yes you're getting way ahead of yourself after less than a year dating and just moving in together. 

[Kwothe28]

I need to ask: Are you sure the ring is for you? And not something he bought way before for some other woman he dated before?

Also, I dont think its that weird. Depending on age, you dont need too long dating. If you already live together and its going fine, he may think that its enough to tie the knot in the future. Especially when you both plan to settle down.

[Batya33]

Agree with Kwok.  I personally would not get engaged unless you're ready to set a wedding date. With rare exceptions like teenagers/still finishing college etc.  Also you live together so when you two start talking about the future simply share that you're not quite ready to get engaged given that it's not a year together yet and you personally find that too fast.

[poorlittlefish]

9 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I need to ask: Are you sure the ring is for you? And not something he bought way before for some other woman he dated before?

That was what I was thinking.  Did you check the date on the receipt, OP, and did it actually specify it was an engagement ring?  If he's hiding the receipt, you'd think he'd hide the ring with it?

[BeckyBB]

The receipt was from a few weeks before we moved in. So unless it was for a side chick it must be mine.

I'll say yes, no matter when he asks. I definitely want to marry him, I just need time. And I think he'll understand that. 

[Batya33]

41 minutes ago, BeckyBB said:

The receipt was from a few weeks before we moved in. So unless it was for a side chick it must be mine.

I'll say yes, no matter when he asks. I definitely want to marry him, I just need time. And I think he'll understand that. 

I would say yes you intend to marry him and have in mind how much time you think you need to get married -then you can set the date-the month -in advance -but if you don't know how much time I'd not get engaged until you know that time frame.  I think he'll understand and also you have no idea when he plans on proposing.  Had you looked at rings already -or he knows what you want -or that you don't care what it looks like? Does he have  your ring size?

[Starlight925]

As a good friend always says:  "Don't borrow trouble".

In other words, all this worry about a receipt you found, when nothing has happened with it.

Maybe he bought it for a year from now?  Maybe he hasn't proposed yet because he has the same feelings you do, that he wants to wait?  Maybe he wants to propose tonight?  

We know none of these answers, so it's best to pretend you didn't just "come across it" (honestly, were you looking???).

 

[Starlight925]

Years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after a trip back to his hometown because I told him he was never going to propose (I wanted him to), and we were DONE as far as I was concerned.

He convinced me to stay with him, and a week later, he put together a beach picnic for us, where he proposed.  I was like, oh no you don't buddy, not because I threatened to break up with you.

He then gave me his grandmother's ring, which he said had been digging into his sock the entire trip home to his family.  

I know this is a different story from yours, but turns out, I was borrowing trouble.  Don't borrow trouble.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, BeckyBB said:

The receipt was from a few weeks before we moved in., I just need time. And I think he'll understand that. 

He's is not proposing, so it's unclear why you're anxious about it. Try not to put the cart before the horse based on assumptions that an engagement ring was purchased for you. May it's not his receipt or he put it on his card for someone else. You have no concrete proposal happening. Try to focus on getting to know each other and adjusting to living together. 

[yogacat]

4 hours ago, BeckyBB said:

I'll say yes, no matter when he asks. I definitely want to marry him, I just need time. And I think he'll understand that. 

When I was proposed to by my ex, it was a complete surprise. I actually would have preferred to have been given a heads up, or at least a conversation beforehand. I don't want to say that, but I also don't want to say yes just because I want to get engaged.

I want to know that we're both 100% ready for this next step.

I said yes because I loved him and I wanted to believe that we could work on our issues together. But deep down, I knew I wasn't ready for marriage and I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Cross the bridge if and when ya'll come to it. Just because he bought a ring doesn't mean he's going to propose right away.

You might feel it out and find that the timing is right for you too in a year or so.