Should I tell him why I lost interest???

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, Username02 said:

I said I would stay in touch and wanted to let you know why I haven’t.  When we saw each other, I got scared when you were going to leave me in a crowded bar and let to walk to my car alone- that’s the main reason I offered to give you a ride to your car. 
I would have been fine on my own- but felt abandoned by you at the same time.
Still no hard feelings- it just became clear that we really are only friends.”

You are being way more polite then I would be if it was writing this. I would say something along the lines of how staring at other women while talking to one you supposedly want to see is disrespectful and rude. I would point out that leaving a women alone in a sketchy neighborhood is ungentlemanly, even if the women could handle it. Basically I'd want to send him a message that even if you have no hard feelings, he still needs to shape up.

I don't think anything you said is needy, unless it's in the sense of something you feel you need to say. But really, it's all up to you how you want to handle things.

[MissCanuck]

16 hours ago, Username02 said:

it could help him in the future to know- no woman will fall in love with someone who stares at other women, or abandons them in a crowded bar at night.

Do you honestly think he doesn't already know this? 

He wasn't trying to get you to fall in love with him, so he didn't care how he behaved in your presence. He's not a rookie at dating, OP. You would be telling him things that he already knows, and don't apply to your situation anyway. 

 

[Username02]

Thanks everyone for the input. I wanted closure for myself and sent a message.   I blocked him after I sent because he IS such an inconsiderate dirtbag.   Is blocking playing games, or protecting your peace? 

[jul-els]

Just let it go. Not worth your time. 

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Username02 said:

. I wanted closure for myself and sent a message.   .   Is blocking playing games, or protecting your peace? 

Sending the message is playing games. It sounds like you just wanted to tell him off and blocked him to have the last word. Sorry but you come across as spurned, not looking for closure. 

[Bene20]

On 4/19/2024 at 4:38 PM, Username02 said:

I (f50) dated someone (m50) for about 3 months.  We went out on 6/7 dates- kissing but no sex. He told me he isn’t in a place for a commitment, but still wanted to see me.  I took that as  way of  he wasn’t that interested in me.  So I let him know that I thought we had taken things as far as we could together and let’s be friends.

He requested to talk about things face to face. We met at a bar- he told me he still wanted to see me.  He proceeded to check out a female bartender during this conversation.

Eventually we decide to go up the street get something to eat. On the way he took a call and he told me he had to go to help his friend with something in about 45 min.

When we arrived at the restaurant it was super crowded and we just got a drink and sat at the bar where he checked out another bartender.

He finished his drink- I didn’t finish mine. He needed to get going and was going to leave me in the bar alone.  This is in the middle of a high crime major city by the way.  Didn’t offer to walk me to my car- nothing!  I l’m over him.
He has contacted me, but hasn’t asked me out. Do I tell him that I lost interest because of his inconsiderate behavior or just let it go?

He sounds like just another douchebag, like all the others. He's probably only after sex, but he doesn't even have the balls to admit it. He's probably just playing you for a fool, wasting your time for nothing. You know, if I were in your situation, I would definitely tell him that I lost interest. And you know what, I feel like you should actually go for guys like me instead. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Username02 said:

I wanted closure for myself and sent a message.   I blocked him after I sent because he IS such an inconsiderate dirtbag.  

What did your message say?  Did sending it give you the closure you needed? 

He may be an inconsiderate dirtbag, with you he certainly was, but I hope you don't adopt the mindset of trashing him, either on forums or in real OR even in your own mind.

Best to consider your role in how this played out, own it and learn from it.

Keep in mind NONE of this would have happened had YOU not allowed him back into your life after you initially ended it for wanting different things..  

No judgment I've been there too.  And learned from it.  That's the positive takeaway. 

Good luck moving forward! 😀

 

 

[Username02]

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What did your message say?  Did sending it give you the closure you needed? 

He may be an inconsiderate dirtbag, with you he certainly was, but I hope you don't adopt the mindset of trashing him, either on forums or in real OR even in your own mind.

Best to consider your role in how this played out, own it and learn from it.

Keep in mind NONE of this would have happened had YOU not allowed him back into your life after you initially ended it for wanting different things..  

No judgment I've been there too.  And learned from it.  That's the positive takeaway. 

Good luck moving forward! 😀

 

 

 

[yogacat]

Here's what I don't get.

You told him that you wanted to be friends, and then you met at a bar to talk. What was the point of that conversation? He asked to talk face-to-face to try to keep you open as an option, as back-up for when he didn't have anything better to do.

You could have known that, but kept driving past the point of no return. Next time, don't do that. Just let someone who doesn't want to commit, go...

[rainbowsandroses]

12 minutes ago, Username02 said:

 

@Username02did you mean to post a response?  You quoted my post but there was no response.

[lostandhurt]

You did what you felt was right and were extremely polite about it all so if you feel better for ending it this way then that is what you should do.

 As a guy I can tell you this:  He treated you really well at first but his comment about not being ready for a commitment meant he wanted at best a friends with benefits thing and at worst a hook up.

Next time if a guy tells you that and you want a commitment no mater how cute they are, how nice they are or how many flowers they bring you cut them loose right then and there.  Many women hear that and think "He just needs to get to know me and he will fall for me and want what I want"  My best advice is to believe what he says and don't try and twist it into what you want to happen.

 When your friends that fixed you up ask what happened, take the high road and just tell them you wanted different things and leave it at that.  After all it is the truth.

Lost

[Batya33]

I think sending that sort of message and immediately blocking sends the message that you're hiding behind a screen.  And lets him dismiss his role or any reflection on what might have happened because when the person sending the message goes to that length to block he's entitled to assume you have issues and not take the message with any seriousness (even if in reality you do not -but that's the impression)

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You did what you felt was right and were extremely polite about it all so if you feel better for ending it this way then that is what you should do.

I agree @Username02did what was right for herself, and honestly who gives a * what HE thinks about it.

However we don't know if she ended it 'politely' because she hasn't posted what her final message said.

I did ask but she hasn't responded as of yet.  Except for adding that he was an 'inconsiderate dirtbag" which leads me to think her message may not have been all that polite but I don't know.....  

In any event @Username02if sending it made YOU feel better and gave you the closure you needed, that's all that matters imo.

HE can think whatever the hell he wants about it; his thoughts/feelings are not your problem nor anything you should concern yourself about.

Take care of YOU.