Unsure with what I want yet again

[smackie9]

On 3/23/2024 at 2:29 PM, foreverblue said:

I ask you respond with consideration and understanding before judgement. I've always felt a sense of disconnect and loneliness in life. Last Nov. I met a man who is a lot older than me and even though he is paying the consequences of the actions in his life (armed robbery) ex prison, 2 baby mamas; he is very kindness, consistent and provides me with emotional support. 

Although I am the one initiating to hang out (he doesn't have a car) he does call and tell me he misses me. However, I am starting to feel like things are not going to last due to our cultural differences (I can't go to his mc club) he's already introduced me to his family though; when we do hang out we laugh and joke around and it feels comforting to be in his arms. 

However, I jokingly mentioned in the car "you wont find anyone like me" after having the conversation with him about how he needed to start taking responsibility for his life instead of living on ss. he turned and said "why, do you think you are the only one?" he clarified by saying other women had taken care of him when he had his mc accident that broke his femur etc etc.
 

I already knew going into this relationship that there was no possibility for a stable union (I dont want kids, he doesn't, financial ruin for both of us). but his comment made me feel like there our future together is short, the other thing that bothers me is that he says he loves me which I can feel the sincerity but I don't feel like he desires me for anything other than physical comfort. 

Please help. 

It is short, so you have the choice now to walk away.

[foreverblue]

Hi everyone, 

its been a month now since I posted. I will call him T, T introduced me lovingly to his friends and family and although that may be a step in the right direction. I've learned that he has no idea what healthy relationship dynamics are because even though he is very attentive in conversation he has not done anything to indicate he has genuine interest in making memories together-doesn't invite me out anywhere, has not taken me out to dinner, has not courted me in any way. It was very confusing as to why he would be introducing me to his family and friends and I realized its because he wants to look a certain way to them. He doesn't care about how he is coming across to me. Anyway I got a job in Texas which he knows about, he mentioned moving with me but I know he's just telling me things that he thinks I want to hear because if he cant drive an hour to see me now theres no way he will be making any moves to Texas. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, foreverblue said:

-doesn't invite me out anywhere, has not taken me out to dinner, has not courted me in any way. .got a job in Texas which he knows about, he mentioned moving with me but I know he's just telling me things that he thinks I want to hear because if he cant drive an hour to see me now theres no way he will be making any moves to Texas. 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately introducing you to friends and family doesn't mean much. Why does he refuse to go on dates? Do you both drive and come up with plans? 

Unfortunately he doesn't seem that invested and it's understandable if you're moving. Most people don't want to invest in someone just passing through. 

 

[ShySoul]

Sorry it didn't work out for you. Sometimes a person can be wonderful in some ways, but off in others. You deserve all those memories and to be courted the way you want. Somewhere out there is a guy who will be a better fit, who will want the same things you do.

For now, just focus on building a life for you and being happy with yourself. Enjoy the new job. See the move as a chance to start fresh, putting this guy behind you. Hope thngs go well and know where all still here if you need some more help or a little pick me up.

[catfeeder]

I'm not clear why you are wasting your time with this guy?

Don't you value your time--and your Self?

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, foreverblue said:

I've learned that he has no idea what healthy relationship dynamics are b

Why assume that - sounds like he does and chooses not to with you.  I had several men introduce me to family and friends and weren't that into me. 

I agree with Catfeeder and good luck with your move and new job!

[Andrina]

16 hours ago, foreverblue said:

He doesn't care about how he is coming across to me. Anyway I got a job in Texas which he knows about, he mentioned moving with me but I know he's just telling me things that he thinks I want to hear because if he cant drive an hour to see me now theres no way he will be making any moves to Texas. 

Why would you even allow this, if he decided to on a whim, after he's shown you you aren't a priority? As alluded to, why haven't you already blocked and deleted him?

[ShySoul]

Foreverblue, do what you have to do to heal and take care of yourself. Go at the pace that you are comfortable with. Know that it's a journey, not a lightswitch. Feelings don't just disappear and can't be turned off at a moments notice. Just don't lose sight of what's important, taking care of yourself. If need be, remind yourself of how he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted. Know that better guys are out there. Explore your new area. Find ways to have fun. I believe you won't be blue forever, that you'll find a way to be happy.

[foreverblue]

@Wiseman2because he doesn't have money, though he is working now-he's been working for two days. @catfeeder I do value myself but it does feel like he loved me at one point and thats what I really want. He said his place is my second home. @AndrinaI wish I could just block him, he hasn't done anything to hurt me; and given his situation I knew he wasn't in a position to give. Maybe I am wrong I don't think its only a man's responsibility to give in a relationship woman can too, but I am not sure why people seem to think that men should court and women should give her time and energy; men do that too. He is not going to be my bf but definitely still a friend.