Today I was rejected because I don’t have Instagram followers.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/9/2024 at 7:09 PM, TacticalLinguine said:

 He sent me a long, kind of a whiny text that basically stated having no Instagram is weird and his exes always had a lot of followers. 

He needs a checkup from the neck up. It's absurd, like saying you don't eat enough junk food. Here's great info on detoxing from social media. 

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-you-need-to-take-a-break-from-social-media?utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin&utm_campaign=cc+li+posts&trk=feed_main-feed-card_feed-article-content

[TacticalLinguine]

On 3/10/2024 at 2:15 AM, Batya33 said:

I'm flabbergasted as to why your reaction is to list all the reasons why you're so awesome -this situation has nothing to do with your value or worth as a person, as a potential romantic partner.

I'm not going at it with the "Oh but I am so awesome and he should be sorry" mindset, but if we are going to be THIS superficial, I feel like I should be a decent catch. There's future with me, stability, safety. There are many deeper reasons that would make me a bad match for many, i.e. my emotional and behavioral quirks, but that's neither here nor there. 

On 3/10/2024 at 3:07 AM, Starlight925 said:

It’s not so different from the boys in school who want to date the popular Cheerleader, or the girls who want to date the cutest Quarterback. 
 

I'd get it if we were boys and girls, I myself had this dream of with finding a cute Bri'ish boy with cute curly hair and a cute accent when I was a teen. But that man is 27 hahah! Like @ShySoulsaid, you'd think people would grow out of it :')

On 3/10/2024 at 4:39 AM, greendots said:

I'm stumped!

Is he an influencer? If he were one or worked in that sort of field, then he may have wanted to pursue someone who's like-minded.

Still, just what the?!

Nope! I told my girlfriend about it, unlike me, she's constantly using socials and decided to go full investigator mode when we parted. This man has an average amount of followers himself, sometimes makes posts, but his exes were indeed with many-many followers. 

On 3/10/2024 at 4:44 AM, Wiseman2 said:

That's hilarious. No wonder they're exes!. It's ridiculous to assume that thirst traps are more "desirable" . This guy doesn't seem too bright. 

I have to agree with you. Like I said above, the exes sometimes had many (thousands) of followers, but I (personally) do not see the power in posting rather explicit, posed, often times edited images of yourself. All to receive likes and followers that tend to act like thirsty drooling Neanderthals. I don't judge, if it makes them happy, wonderful. Though I can't lie and say all of this doesn't make me insecure. But those are my issues.

On 3/10/2024 at 4:12 PM, Starlight925 said:

Mind you, I am someone whose 12 followers include all my nieces, lol.

Influencer!😎

On 3/11/2024 at 6:46 PM, catfeeder said:

Sounds like the perfect person to screen himself out, did so. @yogacat made a great point about his possible assumption being that you just didn't want to give him access. If you have 2 businesses, it might be inconceivable to an SM junkie that you wouldn't market those through an SM presence.

Could be the case as well. Though if it truly is a red flag, no matter what, I feel like he comes off extremely goofy regardless.

On 3/11/2024 at 6:53 PM, tattoobunnie said:

You dodge a bullet!  What a weirdo!  Anyone in your generation who doesn't rely on a vapid existence of Instagram is one in a million, and a true gem.  Go you!  IRL is the best.  Content for social media influencers is staged and highly produced - NOT REAL.  NOT GENUINE.

Your last statement is 100% true. Which is even more baffling that something like that holds such weight. If it were just this one guy, whatever, I actually respect him for being honest. But many other guys simply ghost or ignore you for someone they view as "higher value" based off of their IG page. It's all so disconnected.

---
Feels like I'm going crazy sometimes. I do not get it. When I don't "get" something, I still try to respect it. But I can't even do that. 

Not sure if I am being insecure or perhaps just wired a bit differently, don't know. It doesn't feel good, though. Still, onwards! 

[Lambert]

Any time we get rejected for any reason, it can makes us feel bad and question ourselves.  Even when the person is obviously a nut.

Anyone can reject another person for any reason, whether we think it's justified or not.  So I would look at this as "hey, we are simply not compatible" and be kind to yourself.  

You have a lot to offer and this guy doesn't get to define you.  Flip the script and be glad you dodged a bullet. You do not value the same things, so you would not mesh happily ever after. 

Chin up! 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Lambert said:

Anyone can reject another person for any reason, whether we think it's justified or not.  So I would look at this as "hey, we are simply not compatible" and be kind to yourself.  

Yes, this is important to grasp, because you're not marketing yourself to the masses when you're only seeking ONE GOOD match. So you don't need focus groups to tally majority opinions--those don't count whenever they value something you do not value. Otherwise, it's like saying is 'most' men like brunettes but I'm a blonde, so that must mean I won't find a good match unless I dye my hair.

The right person for you owns the capacity to view you through the right lens--exactly as you are. Most people will NOT own that vision. That's why you're not trying to match with every.body or even just anybody, you'll need to sort through the haystack to find that one needle. But the needle is the goal, not the pile of hay. The majority of people are those hay strands, and catering to them is not important.

If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it? The goal is to strike simpatico with one person who 'gets you.' That goal alone makes all the superficial stuff drop away, so when you meet another hay strand who's hung up on any aspect of that stuff, you'll simply know that you're not a match, and you can let him pass early.

Head high.

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

I'm not going at it with the "Oh but I am so awesome and he should be sorry" mindset, but if we are going to be THIS superficial, I feel like I should be a decent catch

The problem lies in the fact that you aren't just a decent catch, you are an awesome catch. So awesome that all of the people being superficial (and that number is far higher then most would like to admit), can't even see what a catch you are. Well, at least that's what I keep telling myself. 😁

10 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

But that man is 27 hahah! Like @ShySoulsaid, you'd think people would grow out of it :')

Only 27? That's nothing compared to some people I've seen. I learned long ago age doesn't guarantee maturity. I've known 13 year olds far wiser and more mature then some 40/50 year olds.

10 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

but I (personally) do not see the power in posting rather explicit, posed, often times edited images of yourself. All to receive likes and followers that tend to act like thirsty drooling Neanderthals

It also seems kind of easy to me. I mean, sure a low cut top or tight outfit is going to get attention. But what kind of attention is it getting? And what did you really do to deserve it? If they want to post stuff like that, they can have fun doing it. But other things matter so much more and I'd rather be focused on people who get that.

10 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

But many other guys simply ghost or ignore you for someone they view as "higher value" based off of their IG page. It's all so disconnected.

That might be the biggest issue I have with social media and why I'm not on it (well, other then being an extreme introvert) - the commodization of people. Had the same reaction to the rise of "reality" shows (aka the fakest most scripted shows created). Feels like people can no longer just be themselves. They are now a "brand" that has to constantly be selling themselves on this platform or that app. They go to a destination just to take a selfie and share it with the masses rather then being able to go because they want to go and just enjoy their time there. People get caught up in the rush of "influencing" others or wanting to be like these "influencers." Maybe I'm the crazy one, but a don't really see a person posting provactive images on instagram as a top person to be emulating.

You're not crazy. You're wired just fine. I think it's the world that has a few circuits loose. Though if we are the crazy ones, I think I prefer being crazy to being sane. 😉

[Brittany613]

On 3/10/2024 at 8:15 AM, Batya33 said:

This is one individual of many other fish in the sea.  This one person has weird perspectives and you dodged a bullet. He should have asked you right away if you have IG if it was that important to him.  I'm sorry you've encountered other individuals who apparently feel the same - it's very typical of dating and meeting people.  I was judged/criticized - over 20 years ago - for not being familiar with the Grand Tetons, for not being open to casual sex, etc.  Please don't let it affect you in any way other than you had a first meet with a guy who ended up acting like a jerk. Obviously don't take it personally.  

I'm flabbergasted as to why your reaction is to list all the reasons why you're so awesome -this situation has nothing to do with your value or worth as a person, as a potential romantic partner.

When people receive negative evaluations of themselves from others, they will unconsciously tend to elaborate on their excellent aspects. This is understandable and is a normal phenomenon.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 3/9/2024 at 4:09 PM, TacticalLinguine said:

He seemed to shut off, it got awkward, he made some strange comments about how weird it is to not have social media etc, and eventually I just got uncomfortable...

^^Yes his comment would have made me uncomfortable as well.  Albeit for different reasons and I would have immediately excused myself and left.

Not without responding "and I find it weird that you place so much value on social media."  Or at least thinking it, I may not have said it.

I definitely would not have taken his comment personally or as a negative evaluation or criticism, it wasnt!  He may have intended it to be but that doesn't mean you have to take it as such.

If anything, it was more a negative reflection on him for (1) placing such high value on something so superficial and (2) lacking the social awareness or grace to keep his superficial thoughts to himself!!

I think when you're solid with who you are and your self-esteem is where it should be, such comments won't affect you as much.

I recently had this happen as well, different comments and more subtle, but same attempt to undermine and devalue me just the same.

I simply stopped communicating with him and blocked. 

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Brittany613 said:

When people receive negative evaluations of themselves from others, they will unconsciously tend to elaborate on their excellent aspects. This is understandable and is a normal phenomenon.

Thanks for sharing and unrelated to what I tried to contribute to this post from a month ago.

[kim42]

I think it's okay if someone doesn't have social media. Most of my exes didn't have any. 

It's true though that it could be perceived as strange by some people, even in one of my threads here, some posters were concerned that the guy I was posting about didn't have social media.

[Batya33]

Just now, kim42 said:

I think it's okay if someone doesn't have social media. Most of my exes didn't have any. 

It's true though that it could be perceived as strange by some people, even in one of my threads here, some posters were concerned that the guy I was posting about didn't have social media.

My husband only has twitter -his FB account is dormant and was created many years ago only to add a few people he wanted to keep up with from other countries.  I perceive it as strange when certain people harangue me for why I don't post photos of our son or photos of our vacations.