Complicated situation

[Thatgirlie]

I’ve been talking to a guy (H) for a few weeks. We hung out a lot and texted each other consistently, he admitted he liked me and I did the same. We go out to the same club (society night) as we are uni students and me being single I was talking to some guy friends and dancing with them. H has pulled me aside twice at the club to explain this made him jealous, I suggested we avoided each other at the club to keep the peace but he said that wasn’t enough as he was worried about me being there full stop. Since then he stopped talking to me cause he liked me and because of the jealously issues which made no sense? In my eyes it seemed like he was scared of committing to anything with me as it appeared to be going that way and he has been cheated on in the past. I’m the first person he’s liked since his ex which he told me himself.
 

A week went by of no contact and he ended up messaging me again which resulted in us hanging out. During this he backtracked and said he didn’t like me that much and he never got jealous which I thought was odd. I left it at that and went out to the same club, he wasn’t there. During that night out I spoke to someone, got their socials and danced with them. He ended up kissing me and I pulled away and didn’t see him for the rest of the night as I didn’t want to be kissed by him. Ever since H has given me the silent treatment and opened my message about hanging out again but never responded. I knew something was up so I pushed for him to tell me which he eventually did. It turns out the guy who kissed me was the social secretary for the society that H was in to which I had no knowledge of. The guy had messaged me on social media asking how I was feeling the next day and I replied only to be polite. H had been told by the guy that I kissed him and I’m talking to him on social media, which isn’t the case as I’ve had one conversation with him and left it at that. H won’t talk to me and said I was playing games. I explained the situation saying he kissed me and that I didn’t know who he was and I’ve asked if I can make it up to him as H seems to be annoyed at me. This is the same guy who said he doesn’t like me that much and doesn’t get jealous of me and other guys. He has opened my messages explaining what actually happened but hasn’t responded, I’m not even sure if he has read them properly. 
 

How do I resolve this? It’s a simple case of miscommunication and exaggeration coming from the society guy and I really want H to be alright with me as I like him and enjoy spending time with him. I haven’t done anything wrong as I pulled away when the society guy kissed me and I haven’t spoken to him since. I just need advice on how to get things back to how they were 😕 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Thatgirlie said:

 H has pulled me aside twice at the club to explain this made him jealous, I suggested we avoided each other at the club to keep the peace 

Possessiveness and jealousy are huge red flags. Is this the same man?:

 

[Batya33]

I don't think it's complicated at all.  You're making it so.  People move towards pleasure and away from pain. He enjoyed speaking with you and flirting with you.  His ego was bruised since he saw you flirting with someone else. He is not interested in dating you -assume that and I'd stop the "o he must be scared of commitment" -just assume he likes the flirtation, he doesn't like you flirting with others but he doesn't see you as someone he'd like to date. 

To resolve it I'd stop the contact with H since you two are not on the same page.  You want him to want to date you. He doesn't want to or he would have asked you out.  If he wants to ask you out on a proper date he will and staying in touch will simply give you more excuses to tell yourself it's complicated and he's scared when there's a far simpler explanation.

Continue to have fun partying at clubs - that is fun for you right now. If it stops being fun you will stop doing it.  There are downsides to partying too much at clubs but right now it's mostly fun for you, right?

[ShySoul]

14 hours ago, Thatgirlie said:

H won’t talk to me and said I was playing games. I explained the situation saying he kissed me and that I didn’t know who he was and I’ve asked if I can make it up to him as H seems to be annoyed at me

He is accusing you of playing games and is annoyed when it's actually him that is playing the games. He is the one who got jealous at you for just talking to other guys. You aren't in a relationship with him and it doesn't seem like he's made a move to push things in that direction. So you can talk and dance with whoever you want. He seems to have issues with his jealousy which is on him. As for him taking it back, that's pride. Someone with a jealousy problem isn't likely to admit it's a problem, so he has to pretend he never said anything. Then he turns around and does it again, getting angry over a kiss you never even wanted. Also, if he was cheated on, this is probably a raw topic. Perhaps he is anticipating it would happen again, so any little thing acts as a trigger that he can't handle. He honestly doesn't seem ready for something and it's probably for the best things didn't go to far.

You don't owe an explanation or to make things right. You've said your piece. Rather he wants to believe it or continues to be upset over nothing, is entirely on him. Just continue to focus on school and your life. And stay away from jealous guys or guys that rush into an unwanted kiss. 😉

 

[MissCanuck]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Possessiveness and jealousy are huge red flags. Is this the same man?:

 

I also wonder if this is the same man. 

If so, you need to drop him. There's nothing here to work with and it's becoming too much of a hassle. 

[Tinydance]

Well I don't think that it's going to work unless you guys actually talk about what you want from each other. He likes you, seems you like him too. But for some reason you aren't dating? If you like each other it doesn't really make sense to just do nothing about it. If H likes you then he needs to really tell you that and ask you on a defined date. You like him as well so you can even be the one to make the first move. I mean yeah you're single and you're enjoying partying but if you want to date H why not just go for it? Like when he approached you at the club why be like: "Let's just avoid each other" and keep dancing with other guys in front of him when it's him you actually want? And if you want to play the field with different guys then there are some guys who won't like it and obviously H doesn't like it.

[rainbowsandroses]

I agree with @Tinydance.

You're both playing games imo.

YOU dancing with other men right in front of his face, knowing he likes you AND that you like him was a game, a test to elicit his reaction.

Well he reacted alright, not the way you wanted/needed him to apparently.

Stop playing testing/reacting games, talk to him, suggest a date, be honest with him. 

$.02.

 

[catfeeder]

On 2/18/2024 at 9:02 AM, Thatgirlie said:

H has pulled me aside twice at the club to explain this made him jealous, I suggested we avoided each other at the club to keep the peace but he said that wasn’t enough as he was worried about me being there full stop.

I'd have zero interest in someone who would expect to control me in any way, shape or form. I don't view it as a compliment, I view it as a mental problem that points to an abusive nature as well as an insult to my ability to handle myself as an adult.

So we'd have nothing left to talk about. I'd be civil whenever our paths cross socially--I don't need an enemy. But beyond that, I'd view myself as dodging a bullet, and I'd skip the drama.

Advice from Grandma: "The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you're too bored or lonely or egotistical to avoid picking up the snake to play with it."

[smackie9]

I just got through the first paragraph....this guy is a controlling jerk. Stop talking to him....lose his number.