Need advise from female - I have crush on a woman at work who has a boyfriend

[Armyguy368]

So, I have been working with a woman for the past month who came to work as a temp. I was attracted to her when she came into the interview.

Since she started working, we have had such a good vibe and connection.  You know that feeling when you have a great connection and it makes you happy inside.  Well, this woman makes me feel this way. She is attractive (natural beauty who doesnt wear much makeup - shes from Guam), has a great personality, loves to laugh, and the body that I am seeking in a woman. The main thing is the connection I feel we both have with one another. 

The catch, yes a catch, she has a long-distance boyfriend who is 3000 miles away.  So, I know to tread lightly with her. We connect so well, that I find out more about her everyday. I realize that I am getting caught up into more than what will come about. I am also not one to break up anyone's relationship, as I have had that happen to me.  I am just bonding as friend at the moment. I feel she puts out the body language in regards to always laughing at my jokes, asking me about my life, what I do on weekends, shows interests in what I like and saying to me, sounds great, I have never done that before (could this be a sign of interest to do something with me?). She lets me into her space when working on puzzle books together, looks straight into my eyes, moves her body toward me when I talk to her, etc.

I have a big crush on her, but its hard that I cannot be more than a friend at the moment. Id like to be the guy she leans on if she breaks up with her boyfriend who lives 3000 miles away. 

I guess I am having a hard time with her because she is not like anybody I have met in the past and I have been in multiple relationships and fell in love twice. Its like that girl or guy that you feel would be the one if given the chance. 

I am just lost on how to deal with her.  I have to work with her daily and keep my distance as much as I can as well. But when we get to talking, we could talk for hours I feel.  She is 46, divorced and I am single, 52.

Id like to ask her for coffee to have more time to chat, since we have not time at work. 

I need a females perspective and advice.

[Capricorn3]

21 minutes ago, Armyguy368 said:

 she has a long-distance boyfriend who is 3000 miles away. So, I know to tread lightly with her. 

I am also not one to break up anyone's relationship, as I have had that happen to me. 

^ There's your answer.  You don't get involved with anyone already in a relationship. You have no place there. Back off. Look to single people.  More importantly, you say you know what it feels like because it has happened to you. Think about that.  And no, claiming you will just be "bonding as a friend" is nonsense, and I think you know it, because you would really like it to be more.  So no, "friends" will not work.

That said, if she's flirting and her body language tells you that, what does that say about her?  For a start, shows disrespect to her boyfriend.  And always remember, if she messes around with you while in a relationship, she will mess around with another while with you. Not nice.

Self-respect. You have no place there.

[Cherylyn]

Pump the brakes and stop being so chummy with her.  Be kind,  gracious,  polite yet maintain a professional, cordial interaction with your colleague. 

She has a boyfriend and no matter how faraway he is,  respect him and her.  She is off limits even if she is very friendly with you.  You're the one who has to cool it and keep a safe distance.  She'll eventually get the message.  🙄 

Don't ask her out for coffee or any of that.  Do the right thing,  act like a gentleman and know your place. 

Splash cold water on your face and wake up.  Remain realistic and calm  Be mature and wise.

[Coily]

Male advice here:

She may be unaware of her flirty nature. There are some women (and men) out there that put off that sense, it's not that they are open to the possibility; it's just they are warm and caring people. It's how others react that matters, and you are infatuated. Nothing wrong with that, until you act.

 

 

[boltnrun]

You want her to be "flirty" with you so you're interpreting her very natural actions as "flirting". 

Don't be that guy who makes going to work awkward for her. Don't put her in the position of having to tell you to knock it off if you overstep boundaries.

I agree, be professional, helpful and polite. It's work, after all.

And no, don't ask her out under the guise of being "friends". Friends don't scope out each other's bodies. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Armyguy368 said:

, I have been working with a woman for the past month who came to work as a temp. I was attracted to her when she came into the interview.

It's ok to have crushes on pretty women. You'll have to park in there in this case. This is a recipe for disaster all the way around.

Possible sexual harassment. She informed you about a BF which clearly means back off. Please keep in mind she's there to get a paycheck.

The workplace is not a singles club or dating app for exotic women. Please be polite and professional date appropriately or outside of work.

 

 

 

[smackie9]

Workplace emotional affairs do happen but should be avoided. Emotions like that have no place in the work environment. It's just a crush which is more desirable because she's unobtainable. All I can say it, get your head out of your butt and distract yourself some way to turn off that dopamine. Reality is there is nothing else you can do about it. She's taken and you need to respect that. Don't end up being her side line chump. 

[MissCanuck]

18 hours ago, Armyguy368 said:

Id like to be the guy she leans on if she breaks up with her boyfriend

No, you wouldn't. 

Because then you would probably become the guy she uses as a crutch and then dumps when she's done rebounding. 

Unless and until she is single, you need to put space between you two, and don't bother asking her for a coffee. 

[Andrina]

Best to deal with a situation in a way you'd hope someone else would handle things in regards to you being affected. Such as if it were your girlfriend at work and her co-worker felt toward her exactly as you're feeling now. Would you find it okay if he looked forward to those precious moments he could be in her space and find out everything about her, while fantasizing about her and waiting in the wings to pounce the moment she's free?

Whenever one or both of you are taken, and there's a spark of chemistry whether it be one-sided with the other just liking attention, or where both are equally into each other, it's both unethical and unfair to yourself.

All that emotional energy you're pouring into a taken woman could be diverted to someone actually available. If you're having a dry spell, look to new ways of meeting eligible women. Time to start treating her as just another co-worker. You can train your brain any way you wish with practice. Acting with maturity will bring you more success in all areas of life, including romance. Good luck.