*male perspective needed* Ghosted big time lol what should I do :/

[Pretty Princess G]

Hey everyone I have a realllly hard question to ask and I need a male perspective on this cos idk if my female friends are getting it. 

Back story.. 

I am dating/ dated this guy who I'll call Brian. Brian and I started off as friends about a year ago and it was obvi he was hella into me he'd drop hints a lot and made little jokes about us dating or getting married.  We started dating in 2023 around September .. so about 5 months.  We were inseparable , we talked a lot hung out, even messed around a bit. We'd cuddle a lot which led to us having a special night one time lol.. I don't regret it. 

Everything was going in the right direction. Like I had no problems with him and he had none with me everything felt too good to be true but I didn't let my self-doubt take over, I lived in the moment but ik it wasn't gonna last. 😕 He'd occasionally work loong hours and idk I'd miss him and want to spend more time with him but I understood he was a busy. So I never complained about his work. 

 

when the holidays came in he splurged on me and got me a lot of nice things and I returned the favor and got him a few gifts and made him his fav dinner and we ended up having another special night.. lol well it turned into a weekend thing. ❤️ and it was everything.. 

The issue

He was like the first guy to ever treat me right and was truly a gentlemen and that is what made me fall in ❤️ with him. the love making helped obvs lol 😜. 

Around the begging of the jan we had made plans before he was due back at work for the week but he totally flaked. I called him on it and stated how I wasn't okay with this since our schedules would be packed for the week. We made arrangements later that week. He didn't keep them.... 😞  we kinda didn't speak much for a few days which was usual since we both work 40 hrs+ a week . I work 2 jobs + wfh now 😕 and he was working like 18-20 hr shifts at times.. sometimes pulling doubles just so we could have weekends to ourselves. and I was truly appreciative of that.. like I gave him space when he got off work and didn't bug him    

 

well around the 12th of jan i had asked for clarity bc idk at this point it seems like I rarely get to see my guy or speak with him.. and I got a "Hi" with a cutesy face and a kissy face.. and that was it.  I just brushed it off cos again I didn't wanna come off as naggin since guys really hate that when you nagg them lol..  

 

but ima female and I had to have emotions and had to fall in love with this guy ...  A few days later he reaches out with Im just seeing this and how sorry he felt.. and we spoke about things but left it at that. 

 

We haven't spoken since that time and idk.. I know at this point I was ghosted by a guy I fell in ❤️ with and I don't regret what I did. he was a amazing man and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But I just gotta ask like why did he blow me off completely and not say anything ..  I mean it's almost a month since we spoke and idk it hurts like hell to see his handsome face on my fb or watching my stories but won't say ***  idk.  😞 

 

Like apart of me feels like he didn't want me like maybe he wanted to have sex and that's fine.. if he just wanted my body say that don't make me fall in ❤️ with you and you ghost me that's not okay..  then another part of me says he wasn't really interested in me in the first place but I don't buy that. like if you all saw how he spoke to me and took care of me idk I hate sounding naive here but idk it feels like it was more or maybe he had issues he needs to handle. 

 

idk i'm clearly overthinking this entire thing ( friggin girl brain lol ) but idk I love him , i realise that now and never got to tell him how I felt/feel. 

Quote

As a guy, what do you think? You think he just wanted to sleep with me lol and didn't have the guts to say so? Or was it more than that? Should I just let this go and move on 😞 

 .  (Please me brutally honest with me cos everyone I have asked says its something else he has a new gf - unlikely he never had time for anything except work  or he wasnt truly into me and i find that hard to believe considering how much he spent on me and the amount of time he invested in me. and since he made it clear that he was into me when i voiced i was considering moving overseas for a job offer he got idk don't wanna say scared lol but his words were " if you left i wouldn't have a chance to be with you  and I really want you" ) I

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Pretty Princess G said:

  i voiced i was considering moving overseas for a job offer 

Sorry this is happening. It seems like he's tiptoeing out of the relationship.

Could be anything. Someone else, the novelty wore off,  or saying you're exiting the relationship with your job consideration.

Are you moving or taking a job overseas? Was telling him that a sort of test? 

[Pretty Princess G]

No im not taking a job overseas I was considering this back when we were still friends , prior to dating. He stated he didn't want me to leave since he was interested in being more than friends and I said it's mutual then we started dating back in September.  Idk I just he would fess up and say what he wants cos this is annoying 😞 i shouldn't have to wrack my brain to figure out if he's done with me or no. But thank you for responding I appreciate that 

 

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, Pretty Princess G said:

  A few days later he reaches out with Im just seeing this and how sorry he felt.. and we spoke about things but left it at that. We haven't spoken since that time 

What things did you speak about? When did you last hear from him? 

[Kwothe28]

I dont believe he would date you and splurge money around holidays for you if he just wanted sex. I mean, as far as we know sex was maybe around New Year as well, but even if it is so, dont believe he would wait that much just for sex and then leave. 

It could be variety of reasons. From his work, to just meeting somebody else or just wanting to break up with you but not knowing how(many people use "ghosting" for that reason). Many relationships just fall apart after the initial passion. Especially in the first few months. 

[MissCanuck]

It's not "girl brain," OP. 

It's normal to wonder what happened here, esepcially after things seemed to be going well. It's normal to feel hurt and disappointed, and to try to make sense of this. 

It seems something changed for him and he may have been using work as the excuse to slowly let it fade. Perhaps he met someone else or he noticed incompatibilities and lacked the courage to be honest that it wouldn't work for him. I am sorry this happened. 

I would get him off your socials. You don't need to stay connected to someone who didn't have the courtesy to have a conversation with you. 

[Pretty Princess G]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont believe he would date you and splurge money around holidays for you if he just wanted sex. I mean, as far as we know sex was maybe around New Year as well, but even if it is so, dont believe he would wait that much just for sex and then leave. 

It could be variety of reasons. From his work, to just meeting somebody else or just wanting to break up with you but not knowing how(many people use "ghosting" for that reason). Many relationships just fall apart after the initial passion. Especially in the first few months. 

Honestly I dunno.. I'm over it and tired of trying to figure it out.. whatever his reason was he's a fool. It sucks but I'll bounce back... thank you for your responses . 

 

[Pretty Princess G]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It's not "girl brain," OP. 

It's normal to wonder what happened here, esepcially after things seemed to be going well. It's normal to feel hurt and disappointed, and to try to make sense of this. 

It seems something changed for him and he may have been using work as the excuse to slowly let it fade. Perhaps he met someone else or he noticed incompatibilities and lacked the courage to be honest that it wouldn't work for him. I am sorry this happened. 

I would get him off your socials. You don't need to stay connected to someone who didn't have the courtesy to have a conversation with you. 

not sure hon........ i'm stuck 100% on he was and is into me but he's got other bs going on or he's not ready to commit. Whichever it is, I cannot wait around to find out. I've decided to move on.. If he has the balls to say something going forward, I'll address this,.. If not it's fine.. it happened was a great time but I won't make the same mistake twice . Thank you for your responses 

[boltnrun]

Perhaps he met someone at work.

At any rate, you shouldn't have to chase the right man for you. 

[Pretty Princess G]

yeah that's highly unlikely lol... he works with men at a warehouse construction center... idk the chances of him finding someone else are slim...but I appreciate your comms. whichever his issue was it's his loss now. I've decided to forget about it and move on to the next. 

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, Pretty Princess G said:

yeah that's highly unlikely lol... he works with men at a warehouse construction center... idk the chances of him finding someone else are slim...but I appreciate your comms. whichever his issue was it's his loss now. I've decided to forget about it and move on to the next. 

I'm glad you're moving on.  Please know if someone wants to meet someone or is open to it it can happen in many ways including if all the people at work are men (i.e. set ups or a vendor comes by who is female, he is introduced to someone's sister, etc)

[Pretty Princess G]

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm glad you're moving on.  Please know if someone wants to meet someone or is open to it it can happen in many ways including if all the people at work are men (i.e. set ups or a vendor comes by who is female, he is introduced to someone's sister, etc)

lol that's impossible... he can only " date" a specific type of woman due to our beliefs... so the chances of him running off with some random women he met through a buddy at work is 0.0.0 % so that's not an option 

[rainbowsandroses]

12 hours ago, Pretty Princess G said:

well around the 12th of jan i had asked for clarity bc idk at this point it seems like I rarely get to see my guy or speak with him.. and I got a "Hi" with a cutesy face and a kissy face.. and that was it.  I just brushed it off cos again I didn't wanna come off as naggin since guys really hate that when you nagg them lol..  

But ima female and I had to have emotions and had to fall in love with this guy ...  A few days later he reaches out with Im just seeing this and how sorry he felt.. and we spoke about things but left it at that. 

Well, I'm not a guy but growing up with 5 brothers and witnessing how they behaved sometimes when a relationship started to get serious, do you think it's possible he started feeling anxious about where things were headed (serious) and he needed to take a step or two back to assess the situation and determine where he'd like things to go? 

Things (relationships) don't always run in a linear path, it would be nice and comforting if they did, but that's not always the case for some people. 

I've had boyfriends feel such anxiety and step back and I have felt it myself and needed to step back.  Anxiety can be a real b*tch sometimes lemmetellya.

I've learned to leave them alone and they return with more clarity about what they want and need.  And we have proceeded forward, our relationship lasting YEARS.

I am NOT saying this is what's happening, only that it does happen sometimes and it's as plausible a reason as any other.

I'm so sorry you're feeling hurt and confused, hang in.

 

 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Pretty Princess G said:

lol that's impossible... he can only " date" a specific type of woman due to our beliefs... so the chances of him running off with some random women he met through a buddy at work is 0.0.0 % so that's not an option 

Anything is possible especially when it comes to dating. My friend met her future husband walking along the street one afternoon. Another in her building’s laundry room.  I met my husband at work because I decided to say hi to him at a huge welcome breakfast for new employees.  He may simply have changed his mind. I’m sorry he didn’t let you know. He should have. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  It's better to move on instead of obsessing over people who don't matter because obviously they don't think highly enough of you to treat you with consideration,  respect and kindness.  It's not that complicated. 

I don't believe in mind games.  A person needs to consistently behave properly towards you or it won't work. 

Often times people want to get creative and hopeful with certain personality disorders and serious character defects for which there is no cure.  No one wants to hear about certain hopeless situations falling into that category but often times,  no hope is better than unrealistic hope.  This applies to anything and anybody in life.

I'll be brutally honest with you.  He's not so amazing after all,  is he?  I think you already know the answer. 😒

[ShySoul]

Here's a males perspective: A lot of guys don't understand their behavior any more then the female does. There's a good chance he's asking himself the same question right now.

It really could be anything. Offhand I would go with he felt things were too close so backed off but didn't have the courage/ability to say anything. So they easiest course of action was to do nothing. 

As for this male, I don't understand that behavior either. If someone means that much to you and you've been that close, you owe them an explanation. You put in the effort to continue talking to them. Even if you don't want to continue the relationship, you don't risk hurting them more by disappearing. That's just treating a person with respect.

 

[smackie9]

Why does he have to work so many hours? he had NP making time for you for, what you say, 5 months. What changed? 

[Coily]

I have to think the cutesy and kissy emojis were his ham fisted way of saying something. But since there was no further conversation he probably assumed you didn't want to talk more. This could possibly be accidental mutual ghosting.

And NO, men will not always pursue when they don't know what is going on. It does seem like things have run their course, but that just gives you the option to flat out ask him. Not like you aren't backing out now.

[Tinydance]

How old are you guys? You sound like you're young? I'm sorry but to me it kind of sounds like he is losing interest but he's not really sure how to say it. Maybe he did really want to see how it went and wasn't just using you for sex. To be honest the buying presents may have been because he just likes giving gifts and he had the money because he's working so much lol It doesn't sound like he's super mature or knows how to be in a relationship. You asked me what's going on with you guys and he was just like: "Hi 😊" which doesn't make sense because you wanted to discuss how you feel. Just sounds like he's probably isn't taking any of this that seriously. I'm sorry 😞