She suddenly replies once/twice a day after being very interested

[Alokinga]

A girl I go to college with (I'm first year, she is fourth) seemed very interested in me from the moment we met and now all of a sudden she responds very rarely to my messages. This is confusing to me since she was the one to make a lot of moves. First she came sit next to me before a lecture and started a conversation back in October and we continued to sit next to each other since then because we enjoyed each other's company. Then she texted me about something completely unimportant we had talked about (which was obviously a way to get into my dms). Then we started texting regularly, having fun, she invited me to go to a club with her friends before the holidays and it was great. Went to a concert with her three days ago (we're musicians), hung out until midnight with her afterwards. I said that we should go grab a drink some day and she said "About time! Choose a time and a place and I'll be there" After that, she started to answer my text more and more rarely, sometimes with more than 10 hour intervals, and now I'm super confused as to why that is. We're always laughing when we're together and I'm 100% sure that there's chemistry between us. I plan on asking her out this week, but I don't know what to expect since she's not been giving a lot of feedback these last few days. Everything was going smoothly and little by little I realised that I liked her a lot. Don't know what to think...

[kim42]

I have 2 questions before giving any advice.

Did you actually choose a time and a place for drinks? Did you follow up on this by making concrete plans?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alokinga said:

 I said that we should go grab a drink some day and she said "About time! Choose a time and a place and I'll be there"  I plan on asking her out this week, 

Texting is not dating. Firm up your plans and enjoy the date. 

[Alokinga]

44 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I have 2 questions before giving any advice.

Did you actually choose a time and a place for drinks? Did you follow up on this by making concrete plans?

Not yet, that was two days ago and I didn't know exactly what my week was going to look like, so I just told her I'll do it shor. I really don't think she ran out if patience suddenly. I plan on doing it this evening when I see her at the concert.

[Batya33]

Just now, Alokinga said:

Not yet, that was two days ago and I didn't know exactly what my week was going to look like, so I just told her I'll do it shor. I really don't think she ran out if patience suddenly. I plan on doing it this evening when I see her at the concert.

If  you really want a date figure it out much faster than 2 days or change it to lunch or a walk or some other activity.

[kim42]

1 hour ago, Alokinga said:

Not yet, that was two days ago and I didn't know exactly what my week was going to look like, so I just told her I'll do it shor. I really don't think she ran out if patience suddenly. I plan on doing it this evening when I see her at the concert.

Ok, just don't wait too long to confirm plans, she might think you're losing interest in her.

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

If  you really want a date figure it out much faster than 2 days or change it to lunch or a walk or some other activity.

 

33 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Ok, just don't wait too long to confirm plans, she might think you're losing interest in her.

Indeed, don’t wait 5 days to set up a date 😅

If you have a busy week, suggest a coffee or something simple. But do it as soon as possible. Don’t let her wait and have doubts about your interest level. 

[Kwothe28]

You literally never asked her out in a means that you have a time and place. Even though she literally almost flashed the sign that says "I am interested". Just ask her out properly lol

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Alokinga said:

I said that we should go grab a drink some day and she said "About time! Choose a time and a place and I'll be there"

And now you have dropped the ball. 

My guy, you are doing this all wrong. She is waiting for you to nail down a time and place, not just to continue messaging randomly. She likely thinks you were not serious about setting up a date and is keeping her distance a bit.

Act now or you risk shooting yourself in the foot. 

[Alokinga]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

And now you have dropped the ball. 

My guy, you are doing this all wrong. She is waiting for you to nail down a time and place, not just to continue messaging randomly. She likely thinks you were not serious about setting up a date and is keeping her distance a bit.

Act now or you risk shooting yourself in the foot. 

Yup, sent her a message an hour ago... maybe it's not too late. Perhaps I was too slow and careful since my last relationship ended badly (and started too quickly, before I got to properly know the girl), even though I know for a fact she's completely different. 

[Alokinga]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You literally never asked her out in a means that you have a time and place. Even though she literally almost flashed the sign that says "I am interested". Just ask her out properly lol

Yeah, I did just now... I'm just not used to girls coming my way, even if I like it. I've always been the one to initiate, so maybe I don't have that instinct. Plus my last relationship was bad and when I discovered the girl was crazy it was almost too late to jump out. It was my fault because I had rushed things in the beginning...

[NighttimeNightmare]

15 hours ago, Alokinga said:

Not yet, that was two days ago and I didn't know exactly what my week was going to look like, so I just told her I'll do it shor. I really don't think she ran out if patience suddenly. I plan on doing it this evening when I see her at the concert.

My first inclination when reading your post was that you asked her to get drinks sometime, she said “ok! when??” and then you never said when but continued to send texts, presumably never mentioning this date she seemed so enthusiastic about.
 

She likely thought you were just BSing her in the moment about a potential date, but want to sit there sending stupid texts back and forth.  It’s probably she who was made to believe you weren’t interested. So she’s carrying on with her life.  

[Alokinga]

1 hour ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

My first inclination when reading your post was that you asked her to get drinks sometime, she said “ok! when??” and then you never said when but continued to send texts, presumably never mentioning this date she seemed so enthusiastic about.
 

She likely thought you were just BSing her in the moment about a potential date, but want to sit there sending stupid texts back and forth.  It’s probably she who was made to believe you weren’t interested. So she’s carrying on with her life.  

Asked her out now, we're going out next week because she has a lot of work to do. I think everything is fine now!

[MrMan1983]

18 hours ago, Alokinga said:

Choose a time and a place and I'll be there

Echo what everyone said above, if a girl says that, you give her a time and a place. You don't beat around the bush or continue to waffle about other stuff.

Been there, done that, got the failure t shirt and regret to go with it 😛 

Anyway hopefully you have salvaged it and she does meet you for that date, would try and avoid loads of needless texting in the interim though, it's a fast way to bore each other silly.

Have you set a definite day, time and idea next week or was it a loose 'I'm busy this week but should be able to do next week' from her? Would be good to show you're proactive in setting a good date idea and plan if you have not already.

[Alokinga]

On 1/24/2024 at 11:36 AM, MrMan1983 said:

Echo what everyone said above, if a girl says that, you give her a time and a place. You don't beat around the bush or continue to waffle about other stuff.

Been there, done that, got the failure t shirt and regret to go with it 😛 

Anyway hopefully you have salvaged it and she does meet you for that date, would try and avoid loads of needless texting in the interim though, it's a fast way to bore each other silly.

Have you set a definite day, time and idea next week or was it a loose 'I'm busy this week but should be able to do next week' from her? Would be good to show you're proactive in setting a good date idea and plan if you have not already.

Sorry to hear you also made this mistake...

Yes, she told me she'd love to go out after next Tuesday once our partials are over, so I suppose it's going well.

And I agree with you on the texting part, but although she responds rarely, her texts are always detailed and she even asked my opinion on something last time, which makes it seem like she does want to text... I don't know, at least I don't feel like I'm forcing things haha

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Alokinga said:

I agree with you on the texting part, but [...]... I don't know, at least I don't feel like I'm forcing things haha

There's a huge difference between not forcing things versus relegating yourself to nothing more than a pen pal. People lose interest in messaging versus 'real life'.

If you want to be part of someone's real life, GO THERE--sooner rather than later.

Head high, and I hope you'll let us know how things go!