Failure

[Stephaniee]

Hello,

I would like to seek your advice on my current situation. I feel like a failure in life. Most of my friends got engaged, married or promoted and I couldn't do any of these.
I feel like I missed something, I don't know what to do anymore or how to be happy. Ever since university, i tried to study hard to get a good job but i spend two years unemployed till i found one but my seniors don't want to teach me anything they just tell me to adjust ms- word documents or they explain something then i discover its wrong so they can act like heroes and intervene to save the day and put me aside.
I spent 4 years studying electrical engineering to fill out ms-word documents! 
I tried to find another job, but I couldn't get any. I reach the final stage then they refuse me. My colleagues keeps getting promoted and travel on the company expense and brag about getting extra money, all this leaves me bitter.
I get extremely jealous when I hear about my friends or work colleagues' accomplishments. At first, i used to be jealous then i was able to move forward but recently i can't, i cry everyday and i can't focus on anything anymore
I know that this is not productive but i can't help it. I feel very frustrated and sad 
I just don't know what to do!

[Jaunty]

I'm sorry you're' having a tough time.  

In a past thread you said you quit your job in August, where you'd been very unhappy.  

Seems like you ended up at a new one where you're not feeling any better about your duties or coworkers.  

It might help you to get some kind of career counseling or even life skills coaching to help you find work that you will enjoy and can excel in, as well as learn how to interact in more positive ways with your co-workers.  

Would you be open to that?

[Andrina]

In your shoes, I'd consider moving to another town, county, or state where jobs in your field are more numerous. Sounds like your life can use an overhaul. Is there any other location that really appeals to you as a place to live? If so, start job hunting in that location.

When it comes to interviews, totally refrain from badmouthing the previous employer. You can reframe things with more positive wording, such as wanting to expand your knowledge and gain advanced expertise in XYZ.

Think of your job now as looking good on your resume, that you got your foot in the door, and that you have some job history in your field.

As far as romance goes, think of it as "not one size fits all." Some who marry too young, such as myself in the early twenties, wind up divorced because we chose a partner before our brains were fully mature. But you can begin by finding a partner in different ways than you've tried in the past. Volunteer work. Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. Hobbies that men gravitate to and people meet up in groups to engage in the hobby, or a co-ed sports team.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Batya33]

It’s ok to take the long way around. I did. But please don’t take the cop out easy way out with the jaded/cynical stuff and comparing yourself.  Forge your own path. Life coach might help if the person comes highly recommended. Have you ever read the book What Color is my Parachute?  Heard really good things about it and much less expensive than a therapist or coach. 
I had to work extremely hard for all my accomplishments while for others it seemed to come so much easier. Cause - life isn’t fair sorry to say !

good luck !

[lostandhurt]

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily.  If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills.  As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success.  Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is.

 I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for.  Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. 

How long have you worked at your current job?

 Lost

[Starlight925]

It might help you to spend a few bucks on a career/resume coach.  An impartial, objective advisor who can pinpoint what's going on where you're reaching the final interview stage and not getting hired.

I can tell you a huge thing:  Employers, like dates, often know within the first 2 minutes.  The first minute.

[Stephaniee]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily.  If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills.  As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success.  Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is.

 I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for.  Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. 

How long have you worked at your current job?

 Lost

2 years now I tried to quit and switch jobs but it didn't work out.

What i realised that for women our boss likes women who speaks softly and in a spoiled way,putting makeup is also appreciated 

For the way of speaking its a bit difficult to copy them, I still don't know how to do it but for makeup I started putting but my boss didn't like it. He thought that my eye makeup was smudged. I started changing my clothing style as well 

I do try to finish my tasks, smile and act happy but I still don't know how to be like  other women who get so much benefits from our boss 

[Stephaniee]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily.  If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills.  As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success.  Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is.

 I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for.  Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. 

How long have you worked at your current job?

 Lost

Almost 2 years

[Stephaniee]

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

In your shoes, I'd consider moving to another town, county, or state where jobs in your field are more numerous. Sounds like your life can use an overhaul. Is there any other location that really appeals to you as a place to live? If so, start job hunting in that location.

When it comes to interviews, totally refrain from badmouthing the previous employer. You can reframe things with more positive wording, such as wanting to expand your knowledge and gain advanced expertise in XYZ.

Think of your job now as looking good on your resume, that you got your foot in the door, and that you have some job history in your field.

As far as romance goes, think of it as "not one size fits all." Some who marry too young, such as myself in the early twenties, wind up divorced because we chose a partner before our brains were fully mature. But you can begin by finding a partner in different ways than you've tried in the past. Volunteer work. Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. Hobbies that men gravitate to and people meet up in groups to engage in the hobby, or a co-ed sports team.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I am trying to apply everywhere honestly 

Its just that  i am feeling sad and frustrated everyday I feel like I am losing patience.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Stephaniee said:

2 years now I tried to quit and switch jobs but it didn't work out.

What i realised that for women our boss likes women who speaks softly and in a spoiled way,putting makeup is also appreciated 

For the way of speaking its a bit difficult to copy them, I still don't know how to do it but for makeup I started putting but my boss didn't like it. He thought that my eye makeup was smudged. I started changing my clothing style as well 

I do try to finish my tasks, smile and act happy but I still don't know how to be like  other women who get so much benefits from our boss 

Why is it appropriate for your boss to comment to this extent on your appearance ? Yes your makeup should not be running down your face and you should adhere to the dress code. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Please keep your CV and LinkedIn profile updated.

Hopefully you have a professional looking LinkedIn profile with your education, schools, degrees workplace experience etc.

Please upload your contact lists to LinkedIn to see who you know. Please also join some alumni groups from your alma mater and connect to people you know there. Join some professional groups for electrical engineering. 

Please stop wearing makeup and dressing a certain way at work. This is Not the way to get professional respect.  Do Not Date or flirt at work. Ever. 

As far as your social life, please join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. 

Additionally please get a good profile and pics on quality paid dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. Paid apps may offer more serious daters as well as better screening as far as needing a credit card and some apps required photo proof of ID to rule out scammers and catfish. 

Please try to polish up your professional image but not by trying to dress like a beauty queen at work, but like a businesswoman. Please also get a LinkedIn profile and updated CV and list things on popular job sites. 

[lostandhurt]

What country are you working in currently?

  Your boss should not be commenting on your personal appearance unless it deviates from office attire.

Lost

[Jaunty]

Do you have a degree in electrical engineering?   You've mentioned you were educated in that field but it does not sound like you are working in that profession at all.

My sister works in that field and does not wear makeup at all, ever, and works with a lot of men.  Nobody is trying to speak in a "spoiled" way to their boss at her place of employment.

I am having trouble putting all the things you are describing together.  

[Kwothe28]

On 11/18/2023 at 3:16 PM, Stephaniee said:

but my seniors don't want to teach me anything they just tell me to adjust ms- word documents or they explain something then i discover its wrong so they can act like heroes and intervene to save the day and put me aside.

My late Grandma was a tailor. She was an apprentice with another tailor before she went solo, got married and worked independently from home. She often said to me that nobody is going to teach me work in a sense that they would teach you everything they know. Because everybody would think you will replace them tomorrow. So you need to "steal the knowledge" with your eyes. In modern terms that would mean to see what they do, and try to mimic that. Even better, today you dont have to only relly on knowledge of your colleagues and superiors. You have a whole internet full of it. So you can always find how your work is suppose to look like and do it like that. For example for my job I needed some plans to be done. So I found them done to the detail online and just adjust it to my needs. At least today, stuff like that is a lot easier. 

Second thing is, you are really not the only one who struggles. Lots of people today struggles to find themselves professionally. They finish college, maybe find or dont find a job connected to that college, maybe dont even find themselves there etc. I have a friend that finished to be a teacher. Only to work as a forklift driver at one company. Its a struggle out there and not everybody find themselves. Same with your college peers. I have a college buddy who almost immediately after college has gone to replace a woman who was sick. She died in a few months and he just stayed at the school. While I and many others had to claw for our opportunity and still maybe dont get a job or just be replacements and such. My other friend from college finished amongst first in my class. She didnt have job here, gone to abroad to marry and still struggles for a job there. While one of our other friends finished last, but her mother put her in the same school she works. Sometimes its more who you know and luck then anything else.

My point is, you are an individual. You dont have to look at others and have to fight for yourself. Try to do your job better, if you dont like the job, try to adjust CV and send it on many places in hopes to get a better job. Heck, even if you dont find yourself in your career, you can always prequalify yourself for some other job and mabe work something you like and want. At the end of the day, its just job. For example my teacher friend has no regrets. Lots of teachers on work bureau here so he has to have very good personal connections to get that job or to relocate somewhere else. So he decided to work as a forklift driver. Learned that, even got a license after some time, and now he even has an opportunity to go abroad with that. Again, at the end of the day, if you cant find yourself in your job, you shoul look for a different opportunities.

[Batya33]

I have been a mentor many times and been mentored many times and worked hard to be a good mentee. I wouldn’t have attained what I did without my mentors. Had my first one at an internship I did as a teenager and my most recent one is still a mentor although I stopped working with him in 2008 - he was my mentor for 10 years and wouldn’t have ever been were it not for me attending his welcome lunch when he joined the company- hearing what he did which was something I was interested in learning - approaching him after to ask for an assignment then getting one that required a lot of weekend work - which is did. And after that he took me under his wing. 

I called on my past mentors when I returned to looking to working outside the home after 5.5 years  as a full time mom.  Invaluable help including job references. I was in my late 40s. 
I never worried about being a mentor as far as spreading what is learned and being a teacher and facilitator to colleagues. So rewarding. 
If you can find mentors at oe outside your company do what it takes to develop and foster those relationships.