One-week stay together turned into disaster

[So-Broken]

13 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

First off all its "too much too soon" to do all that after 2 months together.

Second of all, I am sorry, but you sound entitled. You expected him to cook for you, and not just any food but whatever you want because "Me picky eater". And insisted he tends to your needs. All while he was having stresfull week at work. We are suppose to make things easier for our partner, not harder. You made it harder. So no wonder he is having second thoughts about relationship. Now you may say "OMG I was sick". But that isnt an excuse as you shouldnt have gone to him if you were sick in the first place. What is worst you are sick with the flu. You could transfer that to him or even his elderly dad. You went to him to try to live together. And all the while havent lift a finger around his home and expected to be treated like a Princess. Why did you think you deserved such treatment is beyond me. When you are only dating for 2 months. You are not his wife nore his kids. So that he would have to do all that stuff for you. So no wonder he flipped by the end. Any normal person would to somebody who was seemingly there to freeload for a week. Without even wanting to lift a finger.

I did do house cleaning, his kitchen, dishes, his fridge (his house is really super dirty and messy). I also cleared his coffee table in front of the TV because he likes to eat in front of the TV and not at the dinning table.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

I did do house cleaning, his kitchen, dishes, his fridge (his house is really super dirty and messy). I also cleared his coffee table in front of the TV because he likes to eat in front of the TV and not at the dinning table.

Did he ask you to? 

[So-Broken]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Did he ask you to? 

No, he says no need to do dishes but I have OCD and seeing dirty stuff everywhere I just did it anyway. Dishes were from the lunch I heat up and dinners his dad cooked for him/us. I Cleared up his fridge with really old left over food. I have a full time job but my job nature is work remotely since covid. I work from 9 to 6:30pm everyday

[So-Broken]

11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My sense is also his idea to "experiment" was either self-sabotaging (as was your agreement) or because he already had doubts about your attitude -your entitlement might have been showing so he figured -let's see and confirm how things are if we're actually together - a poor choice this early on but perhaps he was on the fence.  Also you say he is a great cook -but his dad does all the cooking? So he makes you dinner after an exhausting trip but.... then his dad is going to cook? Makes little sense.  

You should have cancelled if you were at all under the weather especially in any contagious way -he lives with his dad and you were around his dad right?  And it's not a way to test how it would be to live together.

Last November while on vacation with my husband and teenage son in a small hotel room I badly wanted to keep my morning exercise routine.  I also badly need my morning coffee and breakfast is my favorite meal really.  They sleep in.  So I - woke up early, went to the gym.  The hotel restaurant was $$$$ and my husband would have been fine with it - but I know better than to spend $20 on scrambled eggs and toast.  Or go out at that hour and search for something open in my gym clothes. 

I came in quiet as a mouse.  No coffee because it's too noisy to brew and/or it would have been cold if purchased. In the hotel bathroom I set up at the sink - the cereal boxes I bought, the boxed milk, the plastic cutlery and napkins I brought from home and I had breakfast standing at the sink, quietly with the door closed.  I'd have done the same if my son wasn't there and my husband was sleeping.  It wasn't fun having no coffee, eating standing up in a bathroom but I was hungry and the alternatives were too high maintenance. 

This is the mindset/attitude I suggest you take on.  I'm a total foodie/love my coffee/love my routine and one would think on vacation I should "get" better than eating in the bathroom.  But in a marriage when you care about each other's basic needs you make do with sacrificing the extras.  I didn't starve, I shopped and prepped and organized beforehand so I wouldn't make noise getting my breakfast, and I got myself fed although not in the way I would have liked. But this is what we do within reason.  Be more reasonable.

He is a great cook but his arrangement with his family is that weeknights he pays for groceries and dad cooks. Retired dad likes to stay active. weekend he cooks or he eats out (even when he was a single guy).

[So-Broken]

9 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

No in fact they are not small matters that can be resolved. These are your personality traits. You showed him who you are during these 6 days and he didn't like it. I'm sorry, but this sounds like END OF STORY. There is nothing more to do, Just move on. 

This..  you are a grown up, you could perfectly have gone out by yourself,  have a walk in the park or the neighborhood, or even go to the grocery store to get yourself something for diner?

Why in hell does he have to come home bring you dinner?? I just don't get it... Just prepare yourself another porridge or order something online... 

Did you know where he lives before going? Did you think about your stay in advance? Like what you would do during his working days, if there was some places to visit, or some great coffee shop, or did you just go there to wait for him at home during the whole day? Because if so, you could perfectly have prepared all diners... Gosh! 

I went to his house a few times during our courtship. I have a full time job but my job nature is work remotely since covid. I work from 9 to 6:30pm everyday. The stay was not a vacay stay. I work, he works, he told me to set up my laptop in his study. His job he has to go to office. I am not around his father, they live in 2 separate houses in one compound (one gate entrance, big front yard then 2 buildings with full kitchen in each)

[So-Broken]

15 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

I did do house cleaning, his kitchen, dishes, his fridge (his house is really super dirty and messy). I also cleared his coffee table in front of the TV because he likes to eat in front of the TV and not at the dinning table.

I was not around his father, they live in 2 separate houses in one compound (one gate entrance, big front yard then 2 buildings with full kitchen in each). I only saw his father when I went out to the front yard to do the trash into the bin, for my BF. I stood far away as I know I was sick.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

I went to his house a few times during our courtship.

If you live close enough to visit weekends and date regularly it was very strange to camp out at his place for a week straight from the airport after your trip and especially while sick. You could have gone home. Where you work since Covid is irrelevant. 

Unfortunately your week together sounds stressful and perhaps after 8 weeks dating he realizes that you are not compatible and perhaps too high maintenance.  It's good you can both move forward. 

[Batya33]

26 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

I was not around his father, they live in 2 separate houses in one compound (one gate entrance, big front yard then 2 buildings with full kitchen in each). I only saw his father when I went out to the front yard to do the trash into the bin, for my BF. I stood far away as I know I was sick.

But yet you wanted him to cook for you too.  I don't think you two match as far as expectations when it comes to sharing space.

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

No, he says no need to do dishes but I have OCD and seeing dirty stuff everywhere I just did it anyway. Dishes were from the lunch I heat up and dinners his dad cooked for him/us. I Cleared up his fridge with really old left over food. I have a full time job but my job nature is work remotely since covid. I work from 9 to 6:30pm everyday

Right so you did this on your own, for yourself.  Just like you could have gotten your own food that was to your liking.

[Andrina]

20 hours ago, So-Broken said:

I see these as small matters, can be discussed and resolved with love. But why he had to consider about dumping me..

Because you've known each other a mere 60 days and it's not love. It's infatuation. So someone can dump you very easily at this point, even if it was something shallow like he was turned off by some lint in your belly button. 

When a person cares, solutions will be discussed, but assume the caring isn't enough on his part if he hasn't suggest what improvements he'd like made.

Normally, it's far too soon to try playing house when you weren't even out of the honeymoon period, but in this case, perhaps it worked out because you both had your rose-colored glasses ripped off.

[So-Broken]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you live close enough to visit weekends and date regularly it was very strange to camp out at his place for a week straight from the airport after your trip and especially while sick. You could have gone home. Where you work since Covid is irrelevant. 

Unfortunately your week together sounds stressful and perhaps after 8 weeks dating he realizes that you are not compatible and perhaps too high maintenance.  It's good you can both move forward. 

I am really crushed, and would like to know how can I reconcile. I value this relationship, I value him as a person. I just wish he could give me a chance and also see the goods I have

[So-Broken]

4 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Because you've known each other a mere 60 days and it's not love. It's infatuation. So someone can dump you very easily at this point, even if it was something shallow like he was turned off by some lint in your belly button. 

When a person cares, solutions will be discussed, but assume the caring isn't enough on his part if he hasn't suggest what improvements he'd like made.

Normally, it's far too soon to try playing house when you weren't even out of the honeymoon period, but in this case, perhaps it worked out because you both had your rose-colored glasses ripped off.

On Sunday before he sent me home, he says "he felt like he saw a movie preview and seems like a good movie so he bought tix to watch, then realized the movie kinda not to what he expects. So he needed to lower his expectation then re-watch the movie perhaps will feel differently.... I am really crushed, and would like to know how can I reconcile. I value this relationship, I value him as a person. I just wish he could give me a chance and also see the goods I have

[So-Broken]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you live close enough to visit weekends and date regularly it was very strange to camp out at his place for a week straight from the airport after your trip and especially while sick. You could have gone home. Where you work since Covid is irrelevant. 

Unfortunately your week together sounds stressful and perhaps after 8 weeks dating he realizes that you are not compatible and perhaps too high maintenance.  It's good you can both move forward. 

On Sunday before he sent me home, he says "he felt like he saw a movie preview and seems like a good movie so he bought tix to watch, then realized the movie kinda not to what he expects. So he needed to lower his expectation then re-watch the movie perhaps will feel differently..

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

 I just wish he could give me a chance and also see the goods I have

He gave you a chance to stay there and get to know each other better. However it didn't work out. Why not get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men? 

After 60 days dating there was simply too much trouble regarding your eating habits and too many demands. 

 

[Jaunty]

Assuming for the moment that  you and this man are now finished - did you learn anything from that experience?

[SherrySher]

10 hours ago, So-Broken said:

On Sunday before he sent me home, he says "he felt like he saw a movie preview and seems like a good movie so he bought tix to watch, then realized the movie kinda not to what he expects. So he needed to lower his expectation then re-watch the movie perhaps will feel differently..

There isn't a whole lot you can do to change things now.

He doesn't feel that you and he are compatible.

It's your personality, so how do you change that?

Understand too, please that I am not saying your personality is wrong, it's just not compatible with this man.

Your personality and way of life might be perfect for a different man, but unfortunately, it does not work with this man.

[MissCanuck]

You can’t reconcile if he doesn’t want to, OP. 

 

[boltnrun]

No one can tell you "how to reconcile". If he doesn't want to, you two won't. It's important to accept the relationship is over so you can start to move forward.

If he changes his mind he knows how to get ahold of you. 

[kehratha]

OP, if a guy says you feel like a bad movie, be gone.

How many movies you didn't like, have you seen more than one time?

Plus, for the life of me, too much food involved :)) (sorry, couldn't help it ) 

 

[Sindy_0311]

11 minutes ago, kehratha said:

if a guy says you feel like a bad movie, be gone.

Yeah, this is the worst-case scenario...(sorry couldn't help it either 😅)