Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Artist45]

I dated a girl much younger than me, 17 years younger... She was very nice and bubbly on the surface, but was very sad and withdrawn underneath the facade.... She used to cut herself, she must have had 50 cuts on her arms and legs combined and she used to suffer from an eating disorder, too.. She was also a sober alcoholic at the time, but did not go to AA. She never really opened up - she was visibly upset quite often, but never wanted to talk about why, so I never pushed it too hard.. She also had severe anxiety, so bad it would put her in tears... it was very strange and disconcerting to date her for 2.5 months... I felt like I never knew who she was... Then, she ended the relationship by ghosting me......

I called her on it a little while later and asked her why... During one of her crying spells, I asked her if she was pregnant ....... She was not. I also asked her on a couple different occasions if she took her birth control every day as we were having unprotected sex... She apologized for ghosting me... through a text message and said she felt very disrespected when I asked her of she might be pregnant and that she had a lot going on in her life and needed some space...... so I let it go..

Then I bumped into her at the grocery store about 5 months later. I had already moved on at that point (not in a relationship, but I had sort of forgot about her)... She came up to me with a big smile and a warm "hello"... As soon as I saw her, the sour taste in my mouth returned although I did not show it... I was polite and then walked away. She texted me a day later "it was really nice to see you, can we talk?". I called her and she wanted my advice on how to get back into AA as she had recently broken her sobriety... I suggested a particular AA meeting to her and she went... Then she wanted to see me... I was willing to see her and our texts got sexual... Then, she ghosted me again. When I asked why, she replied, "not sure how I feel about having a sexual relationship with you". I replied, "that's perfectly fine, I don't have a problem with that - I have a problem being ghosted - you have no respect for people's feelings - lose my number".....

I just can't figure out why all this happened?

Any thoughts?

[Wiseman2]

How did you meet? How old is she? You told her to "lose your number" when she refused to have "a sexual relationship" after a brief chance meeting? 

She seems to unstable to date and the 10 weeks you spent together seem filled with drama. 

Why not just delete it block her since you've "moved on" anyway? 

[Capricorn3]

10 minutes ago, Artist45 said:

Any thoughts?

My thoughts are that you should lose her number - permanently.  She sounds like a very disturbed/dysfunctional individual and you'll never have a happy or healthy relationship with someone who has so many issues (imo). Move on and find someone mentally healthy and stable.

[Artist45]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you meet? How old is she? You told her to "lose your number" when she refused to have "a sexual relationship" after a brief chance meeting? 

She seems to unstable to date and the 10 weeks you spent together seem filled with drama. 

Why not just delete it block her since you've "moved on" anyway? 

She was 26 and I was 43.  Initially, she said she was interested in a sexual relationship, right before she dropped off the map.. again.  Our texts did not get sexual right away.  I made it clear that I could do without the sex - that was not the point... I was upset that she ghosted me again...  maybe I didn't articulate that very well.

I realize now I should not have proposed that.....

[Artist45]

15 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

My thoughts are that you should lose her number - permanently.  She sounds like a very disturbed/dysfunctional individual and you'll never have a happy or healthy relationship with someone who has so many issues (imo). Move on and find someone mentally healthy and stable.

Okay, thank you for the input.  It was not my intent to bash her, I'm just trying to make sense of it all...

 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Artist45 said:

 we were having unprotected sex...Any thoughts?

Have you gotten tested for STDs yet? It doesn't sound like you were the only one in the picture. 

[Artist45]

Yes, I am clean.  We were monogamous.

[Artist45]

Not sure how these two sentences ended up together:

 we were having unprotected sex...Any thoughts?

[Capricorn3]

4 minutes ago, Artist45 said:

 we were having unprotected sex...Any thoughts?

Not very wise at all.

[Artist45]

I know...  Lesson learned

[Artist45]

I am really struggling to let it go… I can’t stop wondering if I could have made the relationship work if I had done something better…. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Trap

[Artist45]

How so?

[MissCanuck]

Unstable people behave in unpredictable and illogical ways. 

You won't be able to make sense of it. However, I would question why you are attracted to this. 

[Capricorn3]

56 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

 However, I would question why you are attracted to this. 

I was wondering the same thing.

[boltnrun]

8 hours ago, Artist45 said:

I am really struggling to let it go… I can’t stop wondering if I could have made the relationship work if I had done something better…. 

What about her erratic behavior and her "ghosting" you do you find so very alluring? Is it because she's so young? Is she supremely hot? Was the sex phenomenal?

[shouldhavelearned]

How?

 

Age difference

Addiction

Pregnant

Set for 18 years

[Artist45]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What about her erratic behavior and her "ghosting" you do you find so very alluring? Is it because she's so young? Is she supremely hot? Was the sex phenomenal?

That’s just it.. supremely hot?!…. Let’s say cute… I thought things would get better I guess

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Artist45 said:

That’s just it.. supremely hot?!…. Let’s say cute… I thought things would get better I guess

Based on what? She has been erratic all along. 

However, it apparently worked like a charm as you are still hoping to continue this whatever it was. 

Some people find drama thrilling. However, it doesn't make sense to then complain about drama if you deliberately choose someone who provides it. 

[Artist45]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Based on what? She has been erratic all along. 

However, it apparently worked like a charm as you are still hoping to continue this whatever it was. 

Some people find drama thrilling. However, it doesn't make sense to then complain about drama if you deliberately choose someone who provides it. 

I do not find the drama thrilling....  just trying to make sense of it all

 

[boltnrun]

16 minutes ago, Artist45 said:

I do not find the drama thrilling....  just trying to make sense of it all

 

You can't. Trying to analyze someone else's erratic behavior is an exercise in futility. 

I said that because you said you wish you could have made the relationship "work" by doing something "better". Which I interpreted as, you would like more of what she provided. 

[Artist45]

Thank you everybody for your honesty and for taking the time to respond.  My heart is really twisted right now.  Your help means a lot

[smackie9]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You can't. Trying to analyze someone else's erratic behavior is an exercise in futility. 

I said that because you said you wish you could have made the relationship "work" by doing something "better". Which I interpreted as, you would like more of what she provided. 

This 100%. People with mental illness don't perceive the world like we do. The don't have the ability to cope, so this erratic behaviour is a result of that. There is no way you could have made things better or figured out how to help.

[catfeeder]

22 hours ago, Artist45 said:

I just can't figure out why all this happened?

Oh, c'mon. Really?

[Artist45]

I have left her alone.....