My recent ex is in a relationship with a mutual married friend

[Jammydodger70]

Hi all

Im new here so bear with me.

My recent ex of 2 months is in a friends with benefits situation with a mutual married friend. My stepdaughter let it slip when we went out for dinner. I’m legitimately heartbroken by this news and have spoken to my ex regarding this. She said it’s none of my business what she does and with whom.

Of course that’s equally true as I’m sure it started after we broke up, although pretty quickly. I’ve been doing no contact to try and move forward but this weekend I have an Crossfit competition that I’m in with a fellow gym partner. My ex has now let me know that she and the married man will also be there to compete together as a team. This is causing me huge anxiety as I’m not ready to see their relationship in person yet.

How can I navigate this situation, try and mask with a brave face? Am I over reacting?

Thanks for reading.

[Kwothe28]

40 minutes ago, Jammydodger70 said:

She said it’s none of my business what she does and with whom.

While it is technically true, I think you have a crappy ex and a crappy friend. And that you have every right not to hang around both of them.

As for a crossfit competition, use it as a motivation to do better there. Dont mind them and just focus on doing good. Best "revenge" on any ex is them seeing you doing great without them, remember that.

[Coily]

It sounds like one of those good riddance to bad trash moments for you. I would also say you’re not over reacting to the fact that she’s basically rubbing this FWB affair in your face with the competition.In your shoes I would try my best to ignore them both and use less of a passive mask and more of a mask of distain

Know if you had a lot of female friends that she didn’t know, and they were game, having them fawn all over you during the CrossFit competition would be just desserts.

[smackie9]

If it were me I wouldn't bother. You are still healing/in shock/disgust. Why make yourself feel sick about it during a competition. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jammydodger70 said:

 this weekend I have an Crossfit competition that I’m in with a fellow gym partner. My ex has now let me know that she and the married man will also be there to compete together as a team. 

Sorry this is happening. How long were you together? What was the breakup about? What is the relationship between your ex and stepdaughter? Is that her mother? 

Unfortunately it stings to see an ex after a breakup, but are you all members of this same CrossFit facility?  It's best to stay no contact and avoid her and her people whenever possible.  As far as the stepdaughter telling you about your ex's alleged affair, what was her motive for that?

Take a deep breath, do your best at CrossFit and let your ex make her own bad decisions.

[NighttimeNightmare]

Disgusting, trash people. 

[SherrySher]

I live by the motto that "life is short", and that anything that might cause me anxiety, or upset, I do my best to avoid when possible.

Your ex is showing her true colors in being involved with a married man so quickly after she broke up with you.

You are lucky to have dodged that bullet.

Your married "friend", is a low life and doesn't deserve a wife.

I personally would skip going to the crossfit competition.

It's not worth the stress in my opinion.

[Silly Metal Latina]

Your ex sounds like a horrible person. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. The married guy’s wife definitely deserves to know what her husband is doing!

[SooSad33]

I agree with the last 2 replies... not worth the anxiety to have to go see that and I do feel for the guys wife! 😕 .

Can you just not attend that competition?  How about moving from that area & start new?  Is that possible?  😉 

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Can you just not attend that competition? 

That would be even worst for him. It would show he cares. I mean, he does care. But phony friend and ex dont need to know about that. 😁

[SooSad33]

5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

That would be even worst for him. It would show he cares. I mean, he does care. But phony friend and ex dont need to know about that.

I know I couldn't do it! lol

Do you think his anxiety will affect his performance?  *sigh* 😕 

[TacticalLinguine]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

That would be even worst for him. It would show he cares. I mean, he does care. But phony friend and ex dont need to know about that. 😁

But why does it matter what they think? The OP should be looking out for himself. 

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Do you think his anxiety will affect his performance?  *sigh* 😕 

I dunno, I always looked at it as a motivator. In OPs case, maybe or maybe not. Just dont think it would be good for him to show that it affects him. And that he removes himself from something where he really wants to compete.

25 minutes ago, TacticalLinguine said:

But why does it matter what they think? The OP should be looking out for himself. 

Well, look at it like this: What would make OP get over this better and feel better about himself?

Him moping about the whole situation at home? Or him showing that he is strong mentally as well as physically and doing the thing he wants to do and probably prepared for months?

Just dont think that he would do himself a favor if he didnt compete. And that he would just feel worse. 

[SherrySher]

On 9/21/2023 at 12:27 PM, TacticalLinguine said:

But why does it matter what they think? The OP should be looking out for himself. 

Absolutely.

Who cares what anyone else thinks or assumes.

Take care of yourself first. If it's going to stress you out, simply skip it.

 

[SherrySher]

On 9/21/2023 at 12:52 PM, Kwothe28 said:

I dunno, I always looked at it as a motivator. In OPs case, maybe or maybe not. Just dont think it would be good for him to show that it affects him. And that he removes himself from something where he really wants to compete.

Well, look at it like this: What would make OP get over this better and feel better about himself?

Him moping about the whole situation at home? Or him showing that he is strong mentally as well as physically and doing the thing he wants to do and probably prepared for months?

Just dont think that he would do himself a favor if he didnt compete. And that he would just feel worse. 

I just have a different view of it.

It needn't be moping to decide not to go.

No need to feel sorry for oneself in order to choose to no attend an event where two troublemakers are attending.

It really can be as simple as just deciding to not go on the premise that you'd prefer to not see these people.

No sadness about it, no worrying about what they think, no moping, just deciding that it's not for you. 

There are loads of competitions like this one, another one will come up not long.