living together. disagreement about expenses

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Coily said:

Just running the raw numbers again. The mentioned expenses for the house hold $2550, so throw in 15% for other peripherals (phone, insurance, that sort of thing. So her on average expenses are $3000 (for simplicity of what we know). After taxes of say 20%, that leaves $5000 in her budget.

She was wanting you to pay for her living expenses so she can do what ever she wants with her money, while not having you on the mortgage, or any of the benefits and protections.  This to me is a bad deal no matter how you look at it. Unless you can pin her down with a legal agreement as land lord an tenant (which isn't some mercurial thing), I would run from this relationship.

 

To follow up -does she rent out part of her living space such that you living there means she cannot do that?

[Wiseman2]

On 9/10/2023 at 9:27 AM, JJJ4 said:

, I rented a house, but the owner raised the rent $500 per month suddenly

Just like you moved out of your prior place because the cost was unreasonable, you can move out of this place.

It's unclear why you are still haggling rather than packing and finding your own place.

[tattoobunnie]

If you move out, she gets zero.  $1300 is too much, and unless you are getting married, your finances are none of her business.

[JJJ4]

I will move. That is certain. Her terms are unreasonable and unfair.

She asked me if I can't afford 1300 because I'm having financial issues. I had to chuckle.

I dodged a bullet.

The crazy thing is that I have substantial resources. Little does she know and thankfully she doesn't. I spend wisely.

[JJJ4]

To follow up -does she rent out part of her living space such that you living there means she cannot do that?

 

No. The two kids share a room. Then there is a master. Kitchen. Open living room/dining room. two bathrooms. About 1300sq ft

[boltnrun]

My brother's ex wife pulled the same crap. Except he was so besotted with her he spent literally tens of thousands of dollars trying to get her to stay with him. She too spoke to him dismissively when he expressed concern about overspending. Implied he wasn't "a man" and accused him of charging her rent when he tried to talk to her about splitting expenses. He was lucky to not lose more money than he did.

I bet this girlfriend knows more about your finances than you think she does. That's why she's pushing you to give her more money. And why she's trying to embarrass you into giving her more. 

I'm glad you've decided to move out. I think you'll find yourself feeling relieved once you do.

Will you remain in the relationship, though?

[JJJ4]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My brother's ex wife pulled the same crap. Except he was so besotted with her he spent literally tens of thousands of dollars trying to get her to stay with him. She too spoke to him dismissively when he expressed concern about overspending. Implied he wasn't "a man" and accused him of charging her rent when he tried to talk to her about splitting expenses. He was lucky to not lose more money than he did.

I bet this girlfriend knows more about your finances than you think she does. That's why she's pushing you to give her more money. And why she's trying to embarrass you into giving her more. 

I'm glad you've decided to move out. I think you'll find yourself feeling relieved once you do.

Will you remain in the relationship, though?

Who knows. I really don't know. She has another property overseas that she collects rent from a well. She isn't struggling. Greed is the only answer.

[Cherylyn]

20 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

If you can agree regarding monetary household matters,  then don't be in a relationship with her.  Both of you are incompatible.  Co-habitating does not work for both of you.

That was a typo.  I meant if you cannot agree on household finances,  then don't be in a relationship with her.  Both of you are incompatible and co-habitating with her is a failure.

[JJJ4]

17 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

That was a typo.  I meant if you cannot agree on household finances,  then don't be in a relationship with her.  Both of you are incompatible and co-habitating with her is a failure.

Agreed

[Tinydance]

Well the other thing is, with bills I don't think you have to pay half the bills but more like one quarter. Her two kids are there too and they are not your kids. She receives child support and alimony from their father so covering their part of the bills should be paid for with that money. Also I know this probably sounds like a generalisation but usually tweens and teenagers use a lot of electricity. They like being on their computer/iPad, watching TV, playing video games and things like that.

[boltnrun]

6 hours ago, JJJ4 said:

Who knows. I really don't know. She has another property overseas that she collects rent from a well. She isn't struggling. Greed is the only answer.

My brother's ex wife believed the man should pay ALL the bills and expenses and the woman "pays" her share by being present and dressing nicely 🙄 and by providing sex. It's an "interesting" mindset. She too insisted he should pay for tuition and medical insurance for her kids (and she had several!) Yeah...no. 

I'm glad you chose to move out. 

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My brother's ex wife believed the man should pay ALL the bills and expenses and the woman "pays" her share by being present and dressing nicely 🙄 and by providing sex. It's an "interesting" mindset. She too insisted he should pay for tuition and medical insurance for her kids (and she had several!) Yeah...no. 

I'm glad you chose to move out. 

Wow that actually sounds like sugar Daddy or prostitute situation lol In the past single women with children used to try to get a man to provide for her and her kids because women usually had no education or career. This was probably 50 - 100 + years ago lol

[boltnrun]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Wow that actually sounds like sugar Daddy or prostitute situation lol In the past single women with children used to try to get a man to provide for her and her kids because women usually had no education or career. This was probably 50 - 100 + years ago lol

It's more common than one might think. There are even people who post on this forum that have that kind of arrangement. Difference is, their children are also their husband's children. He's their dad. In my brother's case (and in the OP's) his wife's kids were not his. She has two ex husbands and those men were the kids' fathers but she figured, why not get my brother to kick in? More money for her!

My mother taught me that if I need money or want to buy myself something I should get a job. I guess the OP's lady wants to keep her income for herself. And if so, he should keep HIS income for himself too!

[Tinydance]

Just now, boltnrun said:

It's more common than one might think. There are even people who post on this forum that have that kind of arrangement. Difference is, their children are also their husband's children. He's their dad. In my brother's case (and in the OP's) his wife's kids were not his. She has two ex husbands and those men were the kids' fathers but she figured, why not get my brother to kick in? More money for her!

My mother taught me that if I need money or want to buy myself something I should get a job. I guess the OP's lady wants to keep her income for herself. And if so, he should keep HIS income for himself too!

Well the other thing as well is that this woman does have money for her kids given by their father but she wants MORE money? And OP has a child of his own as well. I know he said he doesn't pay child support due to his ex's large income. But still he would very likely buy things for his child like gifts, outings together, a meal? I mean that's what you do for your child unless they're an adult and they pay their own way. I think it's fair that he should be able to reserve his money for his own child and make sure they're comfortable and not having to financially support this woman's kids. In particular as they are already paid for by their own actual father.

[JJJ4]

3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well the other thing is, with bills I don't think you have to pay half the bills but more like one quarter. Her two kids are there too and they are not your kids. She receives child support and alimony from their father so covering their part of the bills should be paid for with that money. Also I know this probably sounds like a generalisation but usually tweens and teenagers use a lot of electricity. They like being on their computer/iPad, watching TV, playing video games and things like that.

I have a daughter in college and an 11th grader. They work and get straight As. Very independent.

Bought their own cars with their own money. I just pay for their insurance and med insurance, etc. My girlfriend wants to buy her daughter a car when she turns 16. I'm not subsidizing that. Nor her 15 year old daughter's Australian vacation and vacation to Japan next summer. Enough is enough.

[Tinydance]

10 minutes ago, JJJ4 said:

I have a daughter in college and an 11th grader. They work and get straight As. Very independent.

Bought their own cars with their own money. I just pay for their insurance and med insurance, etc. My girlfriend wants to buy her daughter a car when she turns 16. I'm not subsidizing that. Nor her 15 year old daughter's Australian vacation and vacation to Japan next summer. Enough is enough.

You're supposed to contribute to overseas vacations for her kids? This is ridiculous.

[boltnrun]

She and the kids' dad can finance the cars and vacations. That's not your responsibility.

This woman is sounding more and more like my brother's ex. Scary to think there's more than one of them!

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Scary to think there's more than one of them!

Not really that uncommon. We literally had a thread where some of the members admitted they are looking for equity and not equality. When you make it a normality that one side should get a special benefits, there would be cases where that one side demands stuff like this. Because they dont care about equality as long as it benefits them.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

You're supposed to contribute to overseas vacations for her kids? This is ridiculous.

I think he means she's overcharging for this purpose so in effect he is.

[JJJ4]

On 9/10/2023 at 9:00 AM, itsallgrand said:

I'm sorry. That really sucks! It would feel terrible being excluded and feeling taken advantage of by the person who is supposed to be your team, your soft pillow when things are hard, your person.

Unfortunately there are some people who are just materialistic and greedy who would step over their own to get something they want. Her mask slipped fast and she's not even able to hide it already. 

I'm really sorry you are hurting. I hope in the future you can meet that person who values you for the man you are. 

Thank you. That was kind of u to say.

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, JJJ4 said:

Thank you. That was kind of u to say.

My brother is a good man too. I hated to see him being taken advantage of by his ex wife.

There are plenty of women who would appreciate a good man like you. Don't waste your time on someone who views you as a bank account with legs.