He’s made zero effort to see me since last date, so I decided to take space

[ReadyForThe1]

I (28 F) met him (35 M) on an app last month. We’ve had 4 dates and really hit it off (so I thought). He’s texted me every day since we met in person, making wifey jokes / talking about how content he feels around me, etc. 3 weeks ago he said how things at work blew up and he was so stressed. On 1st date he told me he lied about his skills to get the job he has now. He also just started taking classes (to learn said skill he lied about) and has projects for a related club.

He made 0 effort to see me in 3 weeks since last date. I tried twice to see him since—1st time was spontaneous and he apparently didn’t look at his phone for 5 hours so didn’t see my message in time. And most recently being last Saturday. He didn’t answer for 24 hours so I followed up “Did you die?” He answered immediately and apologized, said he was busy with a project and that he couldn’t, but “definitely next weekend if that works for you”. 

Thursday night comes along and he still hadn’t asked me out for the weekend. So I messaged him saying I understand you have a lot going on, but I’m looking to see someone more consistently and it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to match that. I’m taking some space since I don’t want to get closer to someone who isn’t meeting me where I’m at. He immediately answered saying “Yep. I get it. I’m sorry too”.  

Now it’s been 3 days no contact. Not sure if he was just stringing me along or what. Pls advise! I really saw this going somewhere. I feel like if he wanted to, he could make time to see me. Or maybe wouldn’t have let me go so easily?

[Cherylyn]

Makes you wonder what else did he lie about?  Makes you ask yourself,  "Is he lying to me, too?"  Once a liar,  always a liar.  You can't trust him.  Never ever.  Run for the hills while you can.  Go no contact.  He doesn't sound like a winner to me.  ☹️  More like an automatic reject.  👎

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

 Now it’s been 3 days no contact. Not sure if he was just stringing me along or what. 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately after 4 dates and 1 mo. You're not exclusive and are both still talking to and meeting others.

No one is suddenly too busy for what they're interested in. Especially if they're on dating apps looking to date. Step back don't initiate anything and see if he steps up.

In the meantime keep talking to and meeting others. Unfortunately it seems he put you on the back burner.

[rainbowsandroses]

31 minutes ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

Thursday night comes along and he still hadn’t asked me out for the weekend. So I messaged him saying I understand you have a lot going on, but I’m looking to see someone more consistently and it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to match that. I’m taking some space since I don’t want to get closer to someone who isn’t meeting me where I’m at. He immediately answered saying “Yep. I get it. I’m sorry.

To what's bolded, I'm sorry but that was him breaking up with you.  That's what he's saying without actually 'saying' it. 

Just go NC and take steps to move on.  It's over and he doesn't care, that's how I would interpret his comment.

Block him if you need to.  

I'm sorry. :(

 

 

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Four dates and wifey talk

 

Time for NC 

[Lambert]

This scenario is a giant red flag.  Love bombing and then pulling back.  Now a month in your are taking space?  I think you need to raise your standards.  Anything less than a few months and there should basically be no problems.  You should be having fun, getting to know each other, feeling the situation out and determining if you want to move forward.

In your shoes, this would clearly say to me-- run!

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

We’ve had 4 dates and really hit it off (so I thought). He’s texted me every day since we met in person, making wifey jokes

You need to run from men like this. 

It's a red flag when someone you barely know starts love-bombing you. It's a sign they're either trying to get in your pants, or they are impulsive and trying to fill some other void by immaturely rushing things (or some combination of both)

You've dodged a bullet here. Maybe it felt good in the moment to have someone seem over-the-moon about you, but don't let flattery get in the way of common sense. 

4 hours ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

I feel like if he wanted to, he could make time to see me. Or maybe wouldn’t have let me go so easily?

Exactly. He lost interest and didn't have the stones to come out and tell you. 

4 hours ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

On 1st date he told me he lied about his skills to get the job he has now

And you didn't find this a concerning indicator of his character? 

[Kwothe28]

7 hours ago, ReadyForThe1 said:

I feel like if he wanted to, he could make time to see me.

Probably yes. He could make an effort. But he didnt. Weather its because job or dating somebody else, it ddoesnt really matter. 

You handled it very good, need to commend you on it. Anybody who wasrtes your time like this, doesnt deserve it. Just block and delete him and move on.

[Batya33]

Agree with the above.  Also many people focus on their skills to get a job while being honest -meaning they put a positive spin plus show that they are quick learners but outright lying especially in a technical position is a big no no and it's odd he told you except maybe to have an excuse as to why he is so "busy".  

[Dollface417]

What struck out to me the most was the fact that he lied to get the position he has and now has to take classes to cover up the lie? Run for the hills girl! So basically this man is what you would call a “shapeshifter”. Not literally, but I say this because he is the type of man that will shape himself into anything to fit the criteria that is required. 

Finding true love on a dating app is hard because 9/10 times these apps are made for quick hookups.

Until you are in an exclusive relationship with a man might I suggest circular dating and keeping your options open with multiple people not just one, sometimes we can put pressure on one man because we expect him to be someone he is not. 

You deserve someone who is ready to commit the same way you are. And can give you the consistency you seek. I would not call, text him anymore. Practice self love and cut him off completely he’s not ready to meet your expectations. 
 

[smackie9]

Yikes....when a guy admits to doing something shady, that's a big BUBB-BY! *poof!* red flags everywhere.